No. 50 - Mr., Miss, and Mrs.

Over the last five to six months I've been working with youth from the inner city areas of Oakland. The projects I've been working on are both centered on using film to engage the minds and impressions of our youth, and to discover a way to “kick-start” within them a greater sense of self and community awareness. I have to tell you these “journeys” have been fraught with challenges and insights that forced me to evaluate my desire to work with these youth.

In a word: “Damn! We got problems!” (Okay, so that's more than one word).

I've been exposed to dialog and behaviors that made me do repetitive double takes; I've attempted to speak to our youth about how to create a greater sense of self and community only to be told – by our youth – that all adults can do is talk; I've sat watching one group of youth tease another until one of the youth ended up crying – all for the sake on “entertainment”.

And while these are the tangible experiences of our daily lives, we continue to be forced to live with constant reminders of crime, struggle, communities failing, increased homelessness, and so many other challenges. It's enough to make a grown man cry.

Yet there is always hope. There is always something next to do to find our way through the dis-ease and malice we are surrounded by.

Yesterday I sat with a colleague and the two of us pondered how adults can engage our youth to instill a greater sense of character, and community virtue. We watched the youth acting as though no one had every told them how to act in public, or how to engage those they meet in public without creating a sense of fear (yes, it seems our youth have now mastered the art of leveraging their mass and acting out in ways that many are intimidated by). We called some of the youth over and spoke to them in our attempt to understand how they perceived their behaviors and what an adult could do to better shape their regard for others.

While we gained some information, I was astounded by how quickly our youth are willing to act like they simply do not know what you are talking about, how I must have seen the situation a bit differently because nothing happened or was going on, or how innocent they are – even when I see and hear someone saying or doing something inappropriate with my very eyes.

At the end of the day my mind was plagued with thoughts of the ongoing continued demise of our communities. A demise brought about because so few understand their value, roles and place in the community, or the truth of how we are all interdependent upon one another to realize and sustain our greatest potential. My thoughts and emotions rode a coaster of highs and lows that took me to many different places. I entertained thoughts of yielding my fight to making a positive difference in my community, of creating a “boot camp” style environment to force our youth to see things – even if a bit more clearly.

We had a family discussion last night that helped me to better understand how we can start making a difference now. (It's always interesting to me that when I am in the throes of deep thought and searching for answers or guidance, the Universe always presents an answer that clears my path, allowing me to keep the fight going).

What's interesting is that the conversation had very little to do with the youth I've been working with in a direct sense. What came out of the conversation was a number of viewpoints that ultimately lead to the most salient observation, and that helped in firming up my final approach to addressing this matter. Specifically, I might add, addressing this matter with the youth who have not demonstrated a level of respect for or awareness of themselves and their environment.

We talked about the use of the the terms Mr., Miss, and Mrs. by children when talking to adults. One way of looking at the subject was that children have no preference at all regarding how they address adults. Another way of looking at the subject was that by using the titles youth show respect for adults because by doing so a partition between adult and child is acknowledged. Another way of looking at the subject is that it was not required because children already knew they must respect adults and the use of these titles could sometimes be used as a way to belittle the child.

...Yeah, we had a great conversation around this and were able to cover many areas that we may not have had we not been open to the discussion...

During the dialog the notion of the role of teachers, and how youth interact with them was introduced. Thoughts went from teachers, to doctors, to clergy, to others we traditionally regard as leaders. Here is where all the dots came together for me. Here is where I found the immediate answer to my question.

What came out of that discussion was a realization that in most cases our youth – those that are troubled, on the verge of heading down the wrong path,(and even that are known to be good and more into doing good) – are conditioned to refer to teachers and others in a position to teach/instruct/guide/help (you get the picture) them by title. In considering this dynamic I was able to deduce that perhaps one thing we can all start doing to begin to reinforce the notion of respect and awareness in our youth is to start requiring that they refer to adults in a more proper fashion. While this approach may not need to be applied to all, I do think it is worth while to try it just to see what kind of reaction it induces within our youth.

I reflect back on my childhood and early adulthood and am reminded of the fact I knew without question how I should act when in the presence of adults. I knew without question I could not behave in inappropriate manners when adults were around. Hell, I knew I couldn't do many things even when they weren't around, come to think of it.

But in the end, one of the things I knew more than anything else is whenever I referred to an adult as Mr., Miss, or Mrs., that adult was treated with the respect due them - without there having to be any reminders.