No. 34 - The Mind of a 10-year Old

I must admit to you that it takes a lot to pursue a dream many consider non-traditional. My years-long journey to discovering innovative ways to use film for higher purposes has been an adventure I shall never forget. It has shaped my thinking in ways I could never have imagined at the outset of my travel down this magnificently challenging road. It has provided me an intimate understanding of challenge, fear, and the unknown. And it has given me the greatest personal triumphs I have ever experienced.

Highs and lows, peaks and valleys, obstacles and innovations. At every step I’ve shared an equal measure of joy balanced with upsets.

When pursuing a dream we get caught up with the chase… we focus on the end result, hoping that is enough to overcome the obstacles. We believe we can do so much - our purpose is so clear, our effort so needed to benefit others, our goals so vital to helping to build a better world – and that all we need do is put the effort and sacrifice into the task at hand then, when the time has come, we will succeed.

Then comes the reality of the world we live in. Then comes the challenges and the frustrations that come with having to choose between that special little gadget we might want to buy, and the needs of the project at hand. Then comes the realization that our fiscal runway may not be as long as we had anticipated. Or we may come to understand that the “obvious” benefit we see and know the effort has to the community will not be embraced, and the community will not rally in support of the effort.

We get so close to realizing the dream – to finally holding that great treasure in hand – and then are awakened to the reality that we still have a way to go. We take a moment to assess the situation and to reflect upon our motives. We take time to evaluate the value of what we are doing against the tangible proof of whether others share in that value. We stop and think, sometimes holding the frustration at bay, sometimes holding our fist to the Gods demanding to know why we must travel yet further, our prize still un-won. Our minds are wearied by thought and the emotional toll unmet needs have upon us.

It was at such a moment that my daughter noticed me “going into myself” to reflect. She saw my frustration and she felt my need. I dare not share with her the level of anxiety and frustration I felt. Alas, she is my daughter… she knew by simply looking.

I stood on my balcony, as I always do when I need to think things through and I heard her walk up behind me. She stopped, and stood there. I turned and invited her to stand with me.

“Dad”, she said, “How are you?”

“I’m fine, Sweety… just spending a little time thinking.” I replied.

“I know you, Dad, what’s bothering you?”

Well, she does know me. Children do watch their parents. In moments like these it’s obvious she knows me better than I had imagined. I believe that’s a great thing because it means we truly have a connection and we truly can talk. I take these opportunities to guide her as she develops into a young adult.

So I spoke the truth about my feelings to her.

I told her how I was wondering when I would finally be able to give her the life I had always envisioned. I told her how I was beginning to think – as we all do when faced with delays and/or obstacles while undertaking a long journey – perhaps I should seriously consider taking a different course. I told her how badly I wanted to create a better life for us so she can continue the process of giving back to society when her time comes.

She stood there and listened, taking in what I had said. She processed my words and looked at me. When I had finished speaking her quick reply came: “Don’t give up.”

“Don’t give up”, she said… “People are hearing you, you speak to them… keep at it.”

All I could do was look at her and know she is my child. I knew all the things I had exposed her to had taken hold in her mind and were now part of how she perceived life.

Now, how can I respond to that kind of faith and belief in me? What response could I offer my child who, when I was contemplating the relevance of my goals for the community, would not even attempt to entertain the idea of my stopping?

So I looked at her and came towards her. I hugged her and told her I loved her. I smiled at her and said thank you.

“I suppose that settles that”, I told her.