No. 58 - A Christmas Gift To My Brothers

So I’m sitting here thinking of the season while I actively enjoy the wonderful feelings that permeate my body… And I’m wondering what could I say or do to inspire my Brothers out there who are facing the immense challenges that are now part of our daily lives… And I’m reflecting upon all I‘ve said and done this year so I can verify my heart and my mind are still in sync… I’m wanting to know if I’ve lived this year in a way I can be proud of, and if I’ve done all I could do to demonstrate that we are our hope, and that as long as we Brothers endeavor to do good for others – our community – we have done the greatest service any one man can do.

I can honestly say I have.

So what is the next thing I can do to keep our growth and unification steadily moving towards its completion? What message could I share with my Brothers that would inspire them to reach for something much higher than ever imagined? What words of wisdom could I espouse that would help and challenge those who have committed to the cause of self and/or community improvement to keep up the good work… do not quit… do not allow fear and the unknown to break your hope…

We are needed now more than ever and we must answer the call… our Ancestors require it.

So… A Christmas Gift To My Brothers:

I have learned that it is the role and responsibility of a Black Man to be there to always reassure his family that no matter what they go through, they will get through.

I have learned that we do have the power to influence our community for the good even in the midst of so much effort to destroy our community with negative and/or derogatory messages about who we are.

I have learned regardless of how much we ever think we know what it means to feel joy, there is nothing that can touch the joy I feel when I am doing good for those I love and care about… especially my community.

I have learned that our young men only need you to be there, active in their lives – not the cash and material possessions – to know that you do care and that they welcome your influence.

I have learned a young man may not say he loves you because he has never heard an old man say so.

And, I have learned there is no greater power any one individual can wield than that of a supporting community behind you.

So these are the gifts I present to you. These are the thoughts, observations, and facts around this issue that have made a tremendous difference in my life. I challenge you to take your view of things to a higher plateau so that you can glean the truth of what I’m saying.

I know the rewards for doing so will far exceed your wildest dreams, will inspire a greater closeness in your family, and will contribute to the National movement in our ranks to be regarded for who we really are.

So if you have also come to believe this to be true, what will you do next? Will you tell someone and then forget about it? Will you take it to heart and do nothing… something? Will you take a stand and take a greater role of helping to realize a greater community?

Will you…

No. 57 - What color is God?

This is the time of the year when we are supposedly filled with cheer and all our problems seem to fade away. A time when we are asked to stop and reflect upon the past, and find those memories that give us joy. It is a time when we are reminded of our need to care for one another, through media, family, and those we come into contact with. And all about us we are reminded of the sacrifice Christ made for Our salvation.

I thought about this after watching a program on TV One tonight where celebrities had come together in celebration of the season. I looked for what was common to all these different people – people of different ethnicities, cultures, and creeds.

And I saw the commonality.

It seems each of these people expressed a deep belief in God and how Jesus had sacrificed himself for us. Each one shared a common sense of what was pure, and just, and good. And each shared a deep connection to this deeply rooted and common belief.

As ever, I pondered this commonality and considered how each of these people may have come to this shared belief -- all from different perspectives. While they were all in this "faith-minded place” together, none of them came from the same neighborhood, cultural background, or even City -- in most cases.

…But they all believed in One Common God.

It is that shared belief that keeps them centered and reassured. It is a common desire to achieve a greater self, and a more fulfilling existence that brought them all to the same place. And it is that shared connectedness that insured they would successfully realize their goals… it gave them power.

In thinking about all the many other faiths and/or religious belief systems (however one might want to characterize it) I imagine the millions of others in this world who follow Islam, Catholicism, Buddha, etc. that share the same level of personal conviction and devotion. These many different belief systems are just as valid as Christianity and are just as important to those who follow them.

So why do we fight among ourselves? Why do we allow our fears and ignorance to dictate how we regard one another? Why do we maintain a mindset that one belief system, group, color, or shade of man is better than another? And why do we give these “beliefs” power to cloud the way we treat people that are different from us?

What a paradox…

Just how does this relate to God’s color, one might ask. What is the gem of knowledge that one can glean from this observation?

Well, the way I see it, if many different people can share a deep and profound belief that leads to inner peace, family, and connectedness, then what is the value of holding a belief or perspective that defeats our ability to become as one? How can it be that we rather choose divisive rhetoric, thinking and machinations over the need to achieve a greater sense of self and community?

So what color is God? Does God even have a color? I have to wonder if God even has skin, and if so, is He or She Black, White, Brown, Red, Yellow, Clear? And dare I ask how we have come to think of God in the form of Man?

It’s plain to see this is one of those issues that require a greater willingness to look within, more depth of thought, and that leads to more questions than most topics do… and well it should. After all, how much of ourselves, and how much of our time do we dedicate to what we believe in?

What would be the point of finding a simple answer to such an intimate and personal question? How much of a challenge would it be to our individual integrity to be truthful enough to get to an exact conclusion on this matter?

In some ways part of my thinking has to do with my desire to stimulate you to considering this notion in a deeper way. Being aware that this subject can be quite controversial for some, I must say it is not my intent to create duress or confusion, or to agitate some deeply felt emotion. I believe we can all benefit from greater understanding of one another and we can draw strength from the demonstrated proof of our connectedness. Also, what better way to chart a course to realizing common goals then to identify that which has been proven to sustain connectivity and community development…

Perhaps we should create a moment of peace some time within our daily rituals to seek the truth of our capacity to be united. If we are willing to acknowledge the truth found there, and if we are willing to do our individual part to work synergistically with others towards a given goal, then what would our community be like?

I envision a thriving, nurtured, and well connected group of diverse persons who share the tangible rewards of acting in harmony. I’m reminded of the many Biblical stories that clearly demonstrate what can be accomplished when we all come together. And I think if we are smart about things, we can use the commonality of our capacity to believe in something outside of ourselves to know we are indeed all connected.

What color is God?

It really doesn’t matter. And if God’s color doesn’t matter, shouldn’t we then reason that so many of the boundaries and opinions we have used to define “who we are” -- and thereby perpetuate our growing sense of division -- are not as important as we have allowed ourselves to believe…

What really matters is that we acknowledge the common belief we all share in such a Being, and that we use that commonality to build a better society.

No. 56 - Whose bullet would you take?

So I was watching this program I rented last night and one of the scenes led me to some interesting thinking. As in many stories, the two main characters were deeply in love with one another. The challenge they faced was great in that the lady was captured and then taken into slavery and the man, refusing to give up on his woman, gave chase.

Across many miles, and overcoming many dangers, the two finally reconnected and the man, now surrounded with hundreds of other “warriors”, took the fight to the aggressors. The climax of the film came on the day of battle – good against evil – when at last the good guys were winning. Lo and behold, when the prize was just within reach, one of the aggressors – whose position was that he’d rather no one got the woman prize – sent an arrow through the air. It found its mark and soon our great warrior was cradling his dying mate as she took her last breath.

So I sat there and thought about this for a while. And as is my habit, one thought lead to another and soon I found myself wondering what is must have been like for so many people throughout the history of mankind, to give their lives for the person they love. What sacrifice. What daring and audacity… what truer demonstration of love and giving can be made!?

I imagine these men and women must have fully understood what it means to commit ones life to that which they believe in. They must have completely appreciated the fact that in giving they receive. And they must have somehow found a way to decide – even if in that single moment of self-sacrifice – that the life of their loved one was far more important then their own.

When does the individual make that kind of choice? Does it happen before or during the moment of truth? Under what circumstances can such a perspective be realized? Is this notion a thing of the past, or does it still exist today?

It is hard to say.

There I had it… there was the dilemma of the millennium… there was the thing – the act – that would clearly define the strength of commitment one human being has towards another. There was the true measure of our lives and how we could all know a greater sense of being.

I had heard for many years a saying so many use at random. A saying we automatically take for granted and use as if it really means something. I suppose is does have a meaning however I think we ought to expand on that meaning. And I’m sure you have heard it at some point in time in your relationship – either in the present or in some distant past.

“I would die for you.”

My question is: Really…, would you really do that?

I mean, think about it, nowadays we are so caught up in thinking about ourselves we rarely think of others the way we once did. In today’s world many are professional at using words to express an ideal that once had grit, meaning, and meant something relevant. Many know all the cliché words and phrases that are “supposed” to demonstrate our love and affection for that special someone in our lives.

But how many of us KNOW who we would take a bullet for? It almost seems funny just writing this because, I must confess, there are parts of me that are still influenced by the society in which I live. To even consider this subject is surely radical thinking. And I’m sure there are those who would question why I would even have a thought like that… and that’s a good question, I might add.

In truth, it’s my humble opinion that part of a communities power and greatness lie in that communities capacity to sacrifice the individual for the whole. I think back on the many water cannons and dog attacks endured during the Civil Rights era and I can see where this ideal was understood and embraced by the community. It must have taken great strength to willingly step outside of a comfort zone in belief of something for the greater good of all, to risk bodily injury and harm – even death. Ultimately, as we all now know, this behavior caused a greater positive reaction for the overall community.

Now, please don’t get me wrong… I am not condoning any sort of violence or sacrifice, per se. I’m simply exploring this ideal to better understand how true love and strength is proven… I want to be able to qualify what the tangible proofs of an individual’s love and commitment are that can be seen in how one person acts towards another. It is from this place that I pose the questions of this dispatch.

So I allowed my thoughts to wander and soon I was putting together a list of people I would willingly die for. It was quite the exercise, I must say, because it caused me to look deep within. It caused me to question and consider all of the relationships I hold dear. And it triggered some very interesting questions and thoughts around how true I am to my word, as well as traits of my character such as integrity, truth, fearlessness, and commitment.

I thought about all the people I’ve come into contact with over the years, and all the things I’ve said around community, history, self, and love. I considered ways to quantify how important one person is to me, as compared to another. It was enough to make me sit and think for hours. It was interesting to perceive how my mind began to make assessments, to try to valuate each person I considered.

All in all the process and the exercise was quite insightful.

It would be unfair for me to provide any more of the details of specifics surrounding my choices as I think that’s the kind of conversation one would have in person. Suffice it to say, I now have a greater appreciation for those within my circle.

I can tell you that some of the thoughts that came out of my process was these: We have become softened to ideas of sacrifice for the betterment of our community because we are now more selfish than ever before. We have gotten to the point where we rather talk about things than be about things because talking requires little or no work at all. And we’ve gotten quite good at passing the buck to others with regard to how we need to own our life situations and realities because we make excuses for not making time to do the work that must be done.

Perhaps the previous summation is a bit off target for some, but I challenge you to take the time to consider what you’ve read. I ask that you allow your thoughts to flow freely, overcoming your fear of thinking outside the box, and honestly explore the points you end considering in your journey. This exercise will draw your attention to things many take for granted and it will allow you an opportunity to get to know YOU a bit better.

It may be a stretch for some but I’m counting on your intelligence and daring to take you outside of you comfort zone – outside of your box – and down the road to discovery as you consider one simple question:

Whose bullet would you take?

No. 53 - 2010 – American Wasteland

Barack Obama has won the election. Peoples across the United States have rallied, using their voice, their actions and their money to demonstrate to the “powers that be” our choice to move America in a different direction – in the right direction. Young and old, poor, middle class and rich have all come to the conclusion that we are doomed if we continue the course that has nearly brought America to ruin.

Less than six months after winning an election that was fraught with deception, falsehoods, miscounts, and every other abomination one could imagine, President Obama mysteriously falls ill and can no longer serve in his capacity of President. Vice President Biden is ensnarled in a fabricated plot around bribery and unethical actions. Citizens around the country – even around the world – sit stunned by these developments, unwilling to internalize the images and information the “media” espouses around this tremendous change. Once again Americans are beat into silence by the fear mongering and disingenuous deeds of those who wish to maintain power over the masses – by those who wish to perpetuate the cycles of cheap (dare I say slave) labor, perpetual struggle, and “crimes” that are spawned from an individuals need to eat, to sleep… to live.

And then a new leadership is placed in charge… a Republican “leadership” that is firmly rooted in continuing the work of mr. bush and those who share his vision of world dominance. mcCain, or even palin will “helm the ship”, oblivious to the plight and lives of the many millions of suffering Americans.

And many Americans just sit there… ravaged and immobilized by fear and their need to enjoy some semblance of a false “normal” life…

The world as we know it is no more. Big brother watches and dictates our every move. We are OWNED by the very system that was originally created to FREE us, however now the “WE” that is owned represents Blacks, Latinos, Whites, and every other ethnic group that is not part of the established ruling elite.

We go about our daily toil mechanically, trying not to think about the hardship that has befallen us… trying not to dwell on the fact our very livelihood is controlled by some pre-engineered software program that has already mapped out our futures… trying not to acknowledge the fact that the once mighty and vibrant voice of the American people has be quieted to nothing more then a “disgruntled” whisper as we go about our lives of cheap domestic servitude.

For sure there will be those who find a way to survive – even better their lives – but they are now the minority.

Slowly, ever so slowly our conscience is raised. From deep within there comes a KNOWING that something has gone terribly wrong… and our whispered frustrations begin to shift. No more will we allow the very foundation of our humanity to be bought and sold as chattel to the one who callously wields control over our destinies. Soon, so very soon, the whispers are echoes from hither and yon… soon and very soon our voices are heard as a chorus of empowerment to realize the collective desires of our masses.

And soon, very soon, we finally understand the true meaning of the words the founders of this great country wrote in OUR Declaration Of Independence:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security

And during this time of awareness, during this time of fear and wanting, we begin to understand that the thing that unites us, the thing that sparks our will and gives us the courage to overcome the dis-information that continually floods our senses, the commonality that we all share – regardless of ethnicity or status – is our heavy hearts.

Hearts made heavy by the fact our spirits will not tolerate any more societal dysfunction and human suffering. Hearts made heavy to move us to action to safeguard our society, and to make certain a better way is delivered. Hearts that have been made heavy by all the fear, shook, machinations, hypocrisy and corruption we KNOW exist – hearts made heavy enough to move us to act.

…

Yes, you might come to realize that MY heart is heavy. My fears are real and are shared by many different peoples across this great country that is America. And you might begin to see the truth of how this could become a reality for us…

But I have to ask you something… Isn’t this all the truth of this very day?

While Senator Obama has not fallen ill, and with Senator Biden is not caught up in some political set-up… EVERYTHING else I’ve said IS true.

Everything, that is, except the part that we are willing to stand up to this tragic system to maintain our collective freedoms. On that… I am sad to say, we have fallen short, for so many are caught in the cycles of control that give power to those who benefit from our efforts.

We talk, and talk, and talk. We think about it and then we come back to talk some more.

What has been gained?

If we are to think in terms of what is right and good and beneficial to ALL Americans – regardless of ethnicity – then we ought to also be reminded of the power we all have as individuals and as community to affect the changes we all so dearly need.

One final word… The opening sentence of this dispatch is absolutely true and it is absolutely true in this very moment…

Barack Obama has won the election.

No. 52 - Awakened

No greater moment in the recent history of the Black American will be witnessed and shared by so many then that which we have looked upon and listened to this past evening. No truer witness to the strength, character and integrity of the Black family can be visualized for those who have been stalled by the doubt and fear many have tried to align with the name Obama. And no conscience human being who took the time to put aside their bias and really hear Mrs. Obama speak of her love and commitment to husband, family, and country can walk away from this evening unchanged.

Pride.
Joy.
Inspiration.

Hope.

These are all the things I feel – even now – as I consider the events of this day in our modern history of Black America.

All the great humanitarians and leaders that have stood steadfast against the tidal waves of bigotry and ethnic disharmony are vindicated. Every single person who was ever wronged – or worse – must now understand that the change, and the telling of a new history that has been sought after for so long is now a simple vote away.

It occurs to me that we stand at a juncture of change and cultural identity that is a stark contradiction to the stereotypical derogatory perspective so many have tried to force us to believe. And it occurs to me that if those of us who have questioned the need for Senator Obama to become our next President could release their programmed fear and reluctance they would see a representation of the very foundation of a strong Black community – the Husband and the Wife working synergistically for the greater good of the family. Imagine that.

So what is this thing that has come over me and that, I believe, I share with so many others?

It is that common thread. That undying belief in my culture and my community to come together and do something good for all. That “knowing” deep in my gut that no matter what anyone may say about this Obama family, they do – indeed – represent the best opportunity to give so many Black Americans what has been missing - and sorely needed - for so long. And that is a demonstrated sense of love, caring, and commitment that gives everyone who has ever believed we could be and do more tangible proof that we have been right all along. It is our example to present to the world audience.

Smile, Black People, Smile.

But we should not allow ourselves to be fooled into thinking when Senator Obama is elected that will be enough... oh, no... that is only the starting point. The work that needs to be done will require each one of us to do our part to make certain the work does get done... President Obama cannot – and should not – do it all. The places where we live are OUR communities and we have an obligation to do our part to improve upon them. We have to be smart, steadfast, and committed to realizing a better life for this generation and for generations to come.

In looking at the production of the DNC this evening I saw a mother so overjoyed with pride I'm sure her soul was already experiencing Heavenly glory. I saw a brother and a sister that understood how important it was that they make it clear that while they were quite different, they were even more so, quite the same. I saw people in the crowd shedding tears of happiness in response to the authenticity and conviction that exuded from the speakers. And most importantly, I saw our Blackness standing upright in the midst of a throng of diversity and not only holding its own, but actively leading the charge toward a better tomorrow for all of us.

Am I excited? Most definitely. Am I being a bit premature? Who the hell cares. What's important is that something profound is happening to all of us who have held on to hope for so long.

I feel it in the deepest parts of me – those parts that refuse to be told how I should perceive my culture and my community. My heart pounds with energy that longs to find an escape. My senses are peaked, and every word I hear resonates. My willingness to hang in there and keep the faith is no longer in constant battle with my fear of loss or political betrayal. Indeed, I have chosen to believe in this Senator. And I know in my heart he is the right President of these United States of America.

Truth of the matter is my community has only ever benefited when a democrat was in office.

But there's another dynamic going on here that cannot be denied. I've said it before and I delightfully repeat myself: People now look at Us differently.

When a Black person speaks of doing something worthwhile and good for the community I'm seeing where people who may not have taken us seriously in the past are perking their ears and are far more warm towards us.

I want to urge every Black person who can vote to vote for Senator Obama. He is the only clear choice for uniting the country. His message of respecting and encouraging diversity while optimizing the strengths of each individual is the key. Divided WE fall, divided WE fail, and divided WE are finished. The proof is in the pudding that president bush has perpetrated against us all over the past eight years and we can ill afford anymore of it.

This notion of the first Black President will become our reality when we galvanize our communities and all vote him into office come November. We can no longer believe the media hype about division, Clinton, or any of the other nonsense arguments (and by the way, the only way to have experience as President is to have been the President... I don't recall there ever being a President McClain).

We have to start believing in ourselves enough to know that together we can create the reality we so badly need in all our communities. We can begin to address the issues that have torn our homes, families, churches, communities... our relationships asunder. And we can begin to realize a greater, better reality for ourselves as individuals.

We are Awakened.

No. 51 - Benevolent Foolery

Ah yes, the sweet beauty of doing good for others... the wonderful fulfillment one experiences when giving of self for the benefit of family, community, or culture. How great, indeed, the experience of putting self aside in our quest(s) to realize a better community for all. So many have committed so much to do the work that needs doing. So many have researched the issues, studied the communities, reflected upon myriad perspectives from the many scholars and community organizers that have documented their notions on how to create a better future for us all.

But, one must ask: Are things better for us, or worse?

Perhaps we should consider an interesting scenario that plays out in so many meetings, homes, and communities. Let's consider...

Here comes “Mr. Johnny Do-Right”. He has done tremendous research; conducted interview after interview; spoken to his “inner circle” to get their blessings, and read and wrote a number of papers speaking to the needs of the community. After all his effort he's come up with what he believes is the best approach to engaging the community and to overcoming the particular problem he has an expressed interest in. He goes about conducting the work needed to make the difference he envisions.

He works night and day, forsaking social life, family, and even his own personal needs. With every passing week his belief in his effort increases, knowing full well this is the answer to the problem. He preaches and teaches, instructs and takes a daring leadership role. After months, and sometimes even years, of work... after giving so much of himself to what he believes is in the best interest of the community... after putting so much emphasis on implementing the solution he has lived and sworn by, he stops long enough to look at where things are.

And he is forced to ask himself one significant question: Are things better for us, or worse?

And when he is able to be honest in answering this question, he is forced to reconsider his every intent, his every belief, and the very effort he has put into making things better.

At his emotional core, within his deepest place of personal Spiritual sacredness, the truth shouts loudly for his acknowledgment and dares him to seeing it for what it is. It is a stark contradiction to everything he has given his life to achieve, this noble and needed cause, and it causes a renewed sense of despair to blossom within him.

He is at odds with himself. He fights a battle of competing realities hoping that somehow faith, hope, and belief in his ideals will overcome the feelings of doom, sadness, and hurt that permeates his environs. His thoughts are interwoven within the emotional battle he fights and yet his conscience is disconnected as it regards his inner battle.

In the end he is forced to decide if his actions on behalf of what he knows to be right and relevant for the betterment of his community were “good enough” to make a difference. And the difference that was made... was it the difference he had intended? Or did it end up being too little, too late, and too out of touch with the needs of the community in the present day?

In reading this you might think Mr. Do-Right might throw in the towel and find something else to do if his work and efforts were in vein. Or you might think he was ill-suited to do the work needed to realize success. Still, there are those who might take his current situation as reason to point the finger at him (and/or US) and say: “See, I told you, nobody cares about anything except themselves... better to lookout for number one...”

But as it is, Mr. Do-Right chose to take this moment of inner turmoil as an opportunity for personal growth.

There he sat, alone in his place of sanctuary, seeing for the first time that he was not as successful as he had initially believed possible. His plan, while good, was not good enough. He began to understand his actions were made in a vacuum, a silo, if you will. And he began to question this notion of doing something good for all without the benefit of including others in the formation, development, and implementation of goodwill for the community throughout the process.

Let's call this, Benevolent Foolery.

And so, lesson learned, and now more prepared to do work for the good of our community, Mr. Do-Right begins the process of recreation. He no longer wants to keep his solutions to himself. He no longer thinks only he can do the job, but has come to understand the great and profound gift of community uplifting can only be achieved when the gift is given by community to community.

And some time in his not-too-distant future he, along with other like minded individuals, delivered on the goals and dreams of creating a better community for all.

What a wonderful thing to consider! What a great and glorious picture this paints in our minds...

But wait...

Truth be told we all already know this. In fact, if we would but take a moment and consider ALL the great things our community has ever accomplished, we would begin to see they were all done by like minded individuals who understood the gravity of the situations we face, and who came together in the name of our survival, our community, and our greatness. They were able to put aside their need to have their individual ideas take center stage because they came to understand our true power rests in including EVERY good idea in the solution. And they were able to rally behind the cause of reclaiming our community because the needs of the community will ever be greater than the needs of the individual. We all know the names so I'll not begin naming them...

So today's challenge is quite simple. The decision we must make is quite clear. And the future we will experience is directly related to what we do today. (Fact is, the future of the individual and the collective community will always be linked to decisions made in the present).

We can continue to embrace the theory of Benevolent Foolery, or we can decide its time to work collaboratively to rebuild, reclaim, reaffirm, and – most importantly – redeem our community.

No. 50 - Mr., Miss, and Mrs.

Over the last five to six months I've been working with youth from the inner city areas of Oakland. The projects I've been working on are both centered on using film to engage the minds and impressions of our youth, and to discover a way to “kick-start” within them a greater sense of self and community awareness. I have to tell you these “journeys” have been fraught with challenges and insights that forced me to evaluate my desire to work with these youth.

In a word: “Damn! We got problems!” (Okay, so that's more than one word).

I've been exposed to dialog and behaviors that made me do repetitive double takes; I've attempted to speak to our youth about how to create a greater sense of self and community only to be told – by our youth – that all adults can do is talk; I've sat watching one group of youth tease another until one of the youth ended up crying – all for the sake on “entertainment”.

And while these are the tangible experiences of our daily lives, we continue to be forced to live with constant reminders of crime, struggle, communities failing, increased homelessness, and so many other challenges. It's enough to make a grown man cry.

Yet there is always hope. There is always something next to do to find our way through the dis-ease and malice we are surrounded by.

Yesterday I sat with a colleague and the two of us pondered how adults can engage our youth to instill a greater sense of character, and community virtue. We watched the youth acting as though no one had every told them how to act in public, or how to engage those they meet in public without creating a sense of fear (yes, it seems our youth have now mastered the art of leveraging their mass and acting out in ways that many are intimidated by). We called some of the youth over and spoke to them in our attempt to understand how they perceived their behaviors and what an adult could do to better shape their regard for others.

While we gained some information, I was astounded by how quickly our youth are willing to act like they simply do not know what you are talking about, how I must have seen the situation a bit differently because nothing happened or was going on, or how innocent they are – even when I see and hear someone saying or doing something inappropriate with my very eyes.

At the end of the day my mind was plagued with thoughts of the ongoing continued demise of our communities. A demise brought about because so few understand their value, roles and place in the community, or the truth of how we are all interdependent upon one another to realize and sustain our greatest potential. My thoughts and emotions rode a coaster of highs and lows that took me to many different places. I entertained thoughts of yielding my fight to making a positive difference in my community, of creating a “boot camp” style environment to force our youth to see things – even if a bit more clearly.

We had a family discussion last night that helped me to better understand how we can start making a difference now. (It's always interesting to me that when I am in the throes of deep thought and searching for answers or guidance, the Universe always presents an answer that clears my path, allowing me to keep the fight going).

What's interesting is that the conversation had very little to do with the youth I've been working with in a direct sense. What came out of the conversation was a number of viewpoints that ultimately lead to the most salient observation, and that helped in firming up my final approach to addressing this matter. Specifically, I might add, addressing this matter with the youth who have not demonstrated a level of respect for or awareness of themselves and their environment.

We talked about the use of the the terms Mr., Miss, and Mrs. by children when talking to adults. One way of looking at the subject was that children have no preference at all regarding how they address adults. Another way of looking at the subject was that by using the titles youth show respect for adults because by doing so a partition between adult and child is acknowledged. Another way of looking at the subject is that it was not required because children already knew they must respect adults and the use of these titles could sometimes be used as a way to belittle the child.

...Yeah, we had a great conversation around this and were able to cover many areas that we may not have had we not been open to the discussion...

During the dialog the notion of the role of teachers, and how youth interact with them was introduced. Thoughts went from teachers, to doctors, to clergy, to others we traditionally regard as leaders. Here is where all the dots came together for me. Here is where I found the immediate answer to my question.

What came out of that discussion was a realization that in most cases our youth – those that are troubled, on the verge of heading down the wrong path,(and even that are known to be good and more into doing good) – are conditioned to refer to teachers and others in a position to teach/instruct/guide/help (you get the picture) them by title. In considering this dynamic I was able to deduce that perhaps one thing we can all start doing to begin to reinforce the notion of respect and awareness in our youth is to start requiring that they refer to adults in a more proper fashion. While this approach may not need to be applied to all, I do think it is worth while to try it just to see what kind of reaction it induces within our youth.

I reflect back on my childhood and early adulthood and am reminded of the fact I knew without question how I should act when in the presence of adults. I knew without question I could not behave in inappropriate manners when adults were around. Hell, I knew I couldn't do many things even when they weren't around, come to think of it.

But in the end, one of the things I knew more than anything else is whenever I referred to an adult as Mr., Miss, or Mrs., that adult was treated with the respect due them - without there having to be any reminders.

No. 49 - Opposite Sides... Yet Still the Same

Today I sat in silence at one of my regular “time-for-me” spots because I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. As is the cause oftentimes, when one is in hot pursuit of something worthwhile, one gets to the point where one simply needs to be quiet. My time today was such and I'm now at peace. I'll share with you how this came to be...

It was while in this mode that I received a call from a dear Cousin of mine who lives on the Northern East Coast of the US. He lives in a large city and throughout our lives – regardless of the space and distance that has separated us – his life experiences and mine have always paralleled one another. We spoke for a while and then he confided in me what he was feeling.

“I'm just angry,” he said. “For no apparent reason and I can't seem to shake it. I'm feeling very frustrated at how I've been struggling and, no matter what, I can't seem to break even.” This was profound in that I had heard these very words from others here on the West Coast – and I've even said them myself, at times. I listened, trying to help him discover where these feelings were coming from. Unbeknown to him this conversation was helping me as well.

“How are things with you and the Misses?” I asked.

“Things are going well.” He said. “We both are growing... I'm beginning to understand that I too need to change if I am to have the kind of relationship I've said I wanted. So I will.”

Well, that said, I knew that wasn't the thing behind his feelings of frustration. I considered his response a bit more. I considered how I was feeling and how at the very moment I was feeling the same as he was that he would call. (Funny how life always finds a way to demonstrate to us we are never alone in what we feel or what we experience in life).

“Man, this gas is killing me. I put in seventy-three dollars worth of gas every three days just to get back and forth to work and still end up having to find creative ways to keep things going.” He said.

“Yeah, it's crazy over here as well. I drive only when I have to and sometimes that can be a challenge... I'm doing the same thing...” I replied.

That got me to thinking and, as the conversation went forward, I came to more clearly understand what was bothering him... and me.

The news we hear and watch on television these days indicate things continue to be “not-so-well” for our communities, our economy, and our country. Our leaders continue to paint a pretty picture of things while more and more of us struggle to survive the week... and for some, the day. The war is draining our society of its youth and its funds, and it continues to challenge the very ideals of what America is about. Almost everyone knows someone who has suffered a loss in the housing meltdown. Families are pushed farther and farther away from realizing their American Dream on a daily basis.

Employers are expecting more from us while we receive less from them. Those that do continue to thrive do so with the blind belief that everyone can still make it. Jobs have evaporated while the cost for rentals and homes continue to escalate. Whoa, mama! What in the world is going on here?

And while we have decided to keep our nose to the grindstone and do our all to safeguard that which we do have, we also have lost our sense of community. Neighbors are no longer neighbors... but instead people we see as we go about our daily chores. Churches continue to lose their hold and value in our communities and fewer families attend.

So sorry to sound like my cup is half-empty but I am compelled to think that in order for us to overcome the challenges we all face in the modern world, the first thing we must be able to do is see the truth of what is really going on. I should add it is not my intent to dissuade anyone from reading this dispatch, but on the contrary, my intent is to use these words to remind us where we are and what, in my opinion, we must do to weather the storm that is yet to come.

There is a growing sense of enlightenment that continues to develop momentum in just about every community. Many people are now beginning to understand how important it is that we remember there is so much more to life then that which constitutes the accumulated efforts of a single individual.

In a world... COMMUNITY. Community is now being regarded as the only true safe haven with the capacity to withstand the broken ethical, economic, spiritual, and political infrastructure that has (sadly) defined who we are as an American culture.

But let me bring this back to my cousin. Let me bring this back to me... and let me bring this back to you. For what does all this talk of community mean to the individual who knows he/she must continue his/her course in the hope of realizing the dream? And how can these observations be made more personal – to the point where we are all compelled and move to act?

As I see things, now is the time for us to remember and to know that we must put aside any selfish pursuits and decide to place greater value on doing our part to better our community. It starts with your personal relationship with that someone special in your life. Value him/her and know that your commitment to surviving to the end is the very cornerstone of every surviving community. The individual relationship must be given the highest regard because we can no longer hope, wait for, or expect things to get better.

In reflecting upon the various challenges we now face I am both frightened and saddened by how things are getting. I am bothered by how troubled our communities have become and by how many of our youth are all but forgotten. It is a problem for me that we have wholesale opted not to provide tangible proof of a strong and lasting mother/father relationship to our children.

As I consider what we face it is as though we are now facing the highest challenge to the stability of all communities – so high that its peak is somewhere lost in the clouds. Yet the very challenge we face provides the most gratifying prospects as well...

I saw as I spoke to my cousin on the opposite side of the Country that no matter the concern; no matter the challenge; no matter the sacrifices; we are different individuals yet still the same people.

The most gratifying prospect of our current life situation is that in the end -- when we are seventy years old and looking back at all we've endured -- if we choose to commit to the one that we love come hell or high water, we would have experienced a life of fulfillment and both personal and communal victory that will make us all proud to be who we are.

No. 47 - Deeper Self

We go about our day ever looking towards our tomorrows. We long to interact with that special someone in the spirit of sharing and caring. We consider the myriad topics we want to discuss… to gain perspective… to seek a better shared understanding… to somehow build a closer relationship with our special somebody.

And many times we never quite get to that point. We get home tired and stressed, unwilling or unable to recall the many great thoughts that helped us through the day… that gave us reason to look towards tomorrow. We get home and all we want to do is relax… maybe tomorrow there’ll be time… maybe tomorrow that conversation will be had.

And then the time comes when we actually get there. The moment of truth arrives and we are able to share with that special person in our lives. But something seems to be missing. For sure we can talk about the weather, our day, the calls and emails from family and loved ones. For sure we can talk about paying that bill or the success we had in running some errand.

But still, something is missing.

Then we rationalize that we’re both just tired or there wasn’t enough time to really get to the heart of the matter… so we take what we can from the moment and hang on to the feelings of longing that have been compelling our need to communicate. We carry these feelings into our tomorrow and tomorrows tomorrow, hoping that somehow we’ll finally get there… we’ll finally have that meaningful and intimate discourse that – to that moment, at least – has eluded us.

It is at this time that we face a crossroad. For some it’s quite obvious and a very tangible thing, for others it comes and goes without any realization. We stand on the brink of deciding what it is that we really want… whether we will engage in intimate and meaningful discourse with our loved one… whether we will make the time to do what our spirits are pushing us to do, or whether we will continue to pay lip service to our need. For others, the choice is whether they will let their need fade into oblivion… only to look at themselves sometime in the future and ask the question: “What has happened to me?”

Looking forward can sometimes help to clear ones perspective. Looking back can do the same. But alas, what about looking at the present moment…?

As I consider what it means to me to hold a meaningful, intimate conversation, I’m drawn to the fact a key component of such a dialog is tied to the individual. How well we know ourselves is predicated by how honest we can be with ourselves, and how willing we are to acknowledge these truths individually, and share in these truths with our partner. Trust, mutual respect for one another, a kind ear, and the elimination of judgment all factor in to creating a moment in time where two people can genuinely share of themselves.

We are all so busy pursuing our goals or struggling to stay in the game we now have less time to engage in real conversation. Our jobs occupy our minds every waking hour, in some cases. We put forth so much effort to provide for our families and conduct ourselves as responsible adults that it – in many cases, sadly – gets in the way of maintaining our most valued asset… our relationship with our significant other.

So these are some of the realities we face in the modern relationship. These are some of the challenges to our success that we should recognize and learn how to overcome. But which of these is critical to starting on the journey to reclaiming a level of verbal intimacy that will sustain our relationships?

A good question, indeed... One with a response that might be different from one person to the next… One that warrants thought and consideration, and requires that we each take time to reflect upon.

For me, the answer to this question is centered on the individual and his/her willingness to have a more intimate relationship. For me, the only way to begin the journey to reclaiming a greater level of sustainable intimacy in our relationships is to start with taking the time to gain a greater understanding of ones Deeper Self. Therein lies the richness and excitement of the individual. Within each of us, should we choose to explore our Deeper Selves, we would find the intrigue and dynamic characteristics that, when shared with our loved one, will lead to vibrant discourse and ultimately, greater intimacy.

We are each in and of ourselves unique. Our journeys in life are characterized by daring challenges, excellent adventures, specific moments of personal growth, perspectives and ideal that could spark a lifetime of conversation, and the innate ability to and capacity to reinvent our individual selves. It is my belief that each of us retains the ability to choose to become our best selves at any time… and that by making the choice to be a better person, we demonstrate our capacity to grow when we choose to.

Imagine the many gems of insight and understanding we would be blessed with if we would but only open ourselves to seeing, sharing, and shaping the relationship – and the self we bring into the relationship – we now have into the relationship we have each dreamed about.

Imagine how much better we would all know ourselves if we but take time to look within and touch our Deeper Selves.

And imagine how interesting our interactions will be when we have the confidence, daring, and desire to share this Deeper Self with our loved one…

Imagine…

No. 46 - Conditional love and failure

“Black women are angry! We’re angry and afraid because we don’t know if we can trust men these days. All this messing around, the down low brothers, just no respect at all…, no honesty, no integrity. We’re guarded all the time, just waiting for our men to come up with some nonsense, just waiting to find out he’s been unfaithful. I know I don’t give my man my all… I don’t want to get hurt again, not like I got hurt the last time… I just don’t know if I could tolerate that”! My colleague said, a mix of frustration, sadness and bewilderment inflected in her every word. The conversation went on longer and we shared questions and observations in our quest to understanding this very important issue.

As I listened to my colleague express her views and feelings regarding the realities of the modern male/female relationship -- and how so many women are impacted by the dysfunctions of today’s male perspective -- I gained a clearer understanding of why so many women are hard to reach at a deep emotional level, and unwilling to believe (and KNOW) the man they have is indeed a good man. (Please understand: This is not an attack but an acknowledgment). My colleague and I happened upon this conversation while breaking on a film shoot this week. I was impressed by her willingness to discuss this matter and her many questions on why things are so bad for so many.

I acknowledge the fact so many in the community have reduced their senses of loyalty, commitment, integrity, and regard for a strong, loving relationship to nothing more than self-serving rhetoric with no real understanding of what and how to commit. I have discussed this subject with a variety of different people, both men and women, and have come to see we have simply lost our focus on what is really important to maintaining a sustainable and vibrant relationship. I think back on the many senior couples that have survived together for decade after decade, and how (without either one of the pair saying a word) any observer would know these two love, respect, and care greatly for one another. I wonder if they had to deal with the same challenges we have in today’s world… alas, I think not.

While times have changed, while challenges have changed, while cultures have changed, I think the core of the individual has not changed. I would even venture to say it can not change. I say this because we are beings who react to our surroundings and the way in which we regard them. We have an ingrained sense of self-preservation that kicks in each time we feel threatened. Our minds go into analytical overdrive when we are faced with a situation or circumstance we perceive as counter to our desired reality. We surround ourselves with an impenetrable emotional barrier each and every time we feel a challenge is made to how we have come to express our individuality. We rationalize there’s only one way to regard the situation – my way – and anyone who challenges me is wrong. They are then cut off and placed in the “do not touch” bucket.

If an individual is not emotionally/spiritually/intelligently free of their past hardships, if the individual carries the mantle of past misdeeds and experiences into present day, then they will continue to live in the past. This is a past that holds greater power over the present – even more so than the present moment itself. How many continue to allow past bad experiences to cloud their judgment, causing them to react in ways that are counterproductive to building a strong and lasting relationship?

For sure there is that group of men that women run into from time-to-time who are clueless and not worthy of the effort required to have a loving, thriving relationship. When a woman begins to get to know them she soon to discovers they are not quite ready to live without adult supervision, much less develop a relationship with. These are the men mature women steer away from.

But that’s only one side of the coin. What about all the men out there who long for a lasting and committed relationship, who come into a new relationship ready for something far more than what they have come from, but who end up having to deal with the ghosts of past events in their present relationship, that are not their doing? What is the impact on these men? And what can be done to prevent the – sometimes subtle but most times loud and surprising – impact these negative harmonics have in the relationship?

I’m reminded of something I read in the book: In the Meantime written by Iyanla Vanzant. The very preface of this book encapsulates part of this discussion. It talks about perceptions, expectations, self-love and conditional love. It helps the reader (male and female, I should stress) better understand how important it is to recognize real love when it appears. It challenges and guides the reader to acknowledge their role in giving and receive a truer, more fulfilling love. Unconditional love. The kind of love that gives fully for the purpose of giving, and accepts the individual for whom he/she is – without a detailed line item inventory of what they ought to have or should be like. It is the kind of love that says we are here and in this together and regardless of what we might ever face, we will face it together.

Men need to know their women believe in them. They need to know they are respected, appreciated, admired, and supported by their partner. They need to feel they are not alone in their efforts to build a life and future for themselves and their loved ones. They need to know they will not be “penalized” when things don’t go well or because they happen to say or do something that reminds their partner of something from the past. And they need to be acknowledged for who they are and what they have/will accomplish in life without having to defend themselves or their life situation to their partner. And it would be good if this acknowledgment would come before the prize is won, not after, because men need to know their women are right there with them from the beginning.

My colleague has shed light on some of the real concerns held by many of her sisters and I respect that. She did well in opening my mind to this dialog and I appreciate her for that. Our community continues to grapple with overcoming years of hurt, betrayal, fear, manipulation, etc., and we are all forced to deal with the consequences of these acts. Women and Men alike stand scratching their heads in an attempt to discover how we can develop and maintain a healthy, happy and harmonious relationship. Many come to the table with a smile on their face and a pocket full of past hurts just waiting to explode, and that are guaranteed to corrupt the delicate relationship that could be. Instead of putting aside our pre-thought-out, pre-judged, pre-happiness notions of what it means to have a lasting relationship many rather puff their chests out and brag on how the relationship didn’t work because that other party didn’t meet their needs/expectations.

And Love… what of that?

Well, it’s my belief that anytime our love for a person is directly linked to whether that person can meet our needs, or some present expectation, then we’re not serious about doing the work to get the very thing we want. We’re only giving the notion of happiness and love a little thought and a lot of rhetoric.

You see, the only way to GET the love you want is to GIVE that love to your partner. Life and love is not a game of bargains because we hurt ourselves when we fail to give what is required to get what we desire. There is no game-master to dole out happiness to all who say they want it. The Universe gives that which we ask for when we do our parts in securing it.

Conditional love and failure are joined at the hip.

No. 45 - A Son Cries Silently

He goes about his day pumped with bravado and hormones. He is first to acknowledge his coming of age… to represent his coming into manhood. He is first to brush his fingers proudly across his newly appeared mustache… first to let you know he can’t wait ‘til he gets his first car because that’s gonna be it for him. And you look at him, standing there -- all of 14 years old, and you try to figure out how his views of self and the world has shifted so quickly.

You’ve put so much of your time into helping him to grow to this point yet for some reason unknown to you there’s a palpable wall of resistance between you. You tell him that you’re only doing what’s best for him and you want him to become the best person he can. He looks at you… “I got this, all that can wait, I know what I’m doing”, he says, “Just let me handle this”. And then he goes into a discussion around why he thinks it’s okay to play video games all day, or why there’s always a good reason to be late for class.

You look at him wondering whom in the world this young human male is. For sure, this isn’t the same child you gave birth to. Your mind races as you ponder when was it that he fell and bumped his head… and how many more bumps on his head will it take for him to come to his senses.

This scene plays out everywhere as Mothers and Sons are coming to terms with their changing relationship during the Sons journey through puberty. For him everyday is a day of newfound discovery. It is a time of competing inner needs – the need to be comforted and nurtured by the Mother that has always been there for him, and the need to break away from the nest to boldly stare into the face of manhood. The Mother, immersed in her historic approach to caring for this beloved child, surveys the situation with a profound perplexity that challenges her very memories of “the way things used to be”.

Who is this child? What is going on within him that causes such a hysterical shift in the stable interaction that once was?

It is a question well worth asking because is smacks at the very core of the issue. It requires a detailed examination of all the variables that make up the world and realities of our youth. Most importantly, if cause us to wonder what role a Father might have played in helping this boy child become a Man.

Sometimes, as I talk to youth to better understand how they view and experience the world they (we all) live in, I can see in their eyes a certain disconnect. I can pick up in their voices a certain longing – a certain neediness – for something they themselves cannot comprehend. And well they should not. After all, how can one expect a young child to understand what he is missing when he has had very little – or no – real expose to that which he is in need of.

It is interesting to me to hear so many of our male youth talk about their need for real leadership. Many have been brave enough to openly acknowledge they want to feel hope in their lives. Many have lived most of their lives without the benefit of a loving and caring Father and have come to perceive the role of the Father as being absent in the lives of his children. And so, years of thinking these divisive thought pass and, with each passing year, the divide increases. Sooner or later he can no longer see the other side of the chasm, the young boy only feels a faint itching of awareness that somewhere out there is a Father who should be, but isn’t in his life.

So he becomes, in his mind, the Man he has come to understand he needs to be. He takes on the mantle of manliness and steps up to the plate. He puts all of his boyish wishes aside. He buries his every hope and longing to have that Father – his Father – in his life. He cuts his hurt, anger, frustration, fear, and sadness around the matter away from his emotional core. And he stands there, now embracing this new self, a front of confidence, wisdom, and determination, as he battles the hurt that darkens his inner being.

In the loneliness of his room, in the darkness of night, during times of physical hurt, A Son Cries Silently.

We try to understand what happens in the minds of our young men as they struggle to cope with the losses in their lives for, yes, – ‘tis true – the absence of a Father in the lives of our young men is indeed a loss. We try to make sense of their understanding of the changes that occur as they reach yearningly towards adulthood – the pitfalls of life subtly, maliciously licking at their feet. We try to rationalize an understanding of their experience but are stymied by our forgotten memories of our own youth.

Mothers, a heart filled with care and nurturing, do their all to meet the needs of our young men. They struggle to cope with the burgeoning male figure that rages within our young men, wanting to find the path to manhood.

Fathers are needed.

Fathers are vital at this juncture in growth and development because they must lead our young men into manhood. They must help our youth understand the challenges, temptations, pitfalls, values and responsibilities that come with being a Man.

It would be so easy to allow our communities to continue along the path we have embarked upon… so easy to sit by in idle observation as our young men run hither and yon in their quest to find their way. And it would be so easy for Men to scratch our heads in wonderment or point the finger at the Mothers of our future men…

But one must look at the scales that measure what we now have and what we can have. One must take the time to look at our Sons in a new light... a light that inspires us to know that when A Son Cries Silently… he will not cry alone.

No. 44 - Where is the Little Girl Now?

Forty years ago she was born to a loving mother and father. Her birth signaled a celebration of life. It represented the manifestation of love and togetherness when two consenting adults join together in intimacy, and agree to live and love forever… “until death do us part”, as it is said. The room was filled with relief, great joy, and a chorus of well-wishers from times long gone… the ancestors rejoiced.

As she developed she was inspired to believe in all that is good and gentle and kind and giving in the world. Her innocence was complete, and she stared in wonderment at the butterflies as they softly floated upon the warm air. With a cheerful giggle she would skip happily after each beautiful insect in hopes of capturing it… if only for a moment to peer at its magnificent beauty. Her heart was filled to bursting, always willing to see the goodness in those she encountered.

But then things changed. Somehow those who were given to guide her to adulthood strayed the course and lost sight of their agreement. They got caught up in their own desire and self-interests. They reasoned things would be fine, even if/when they parted, for their love for this little girl was unmatched. And so, as the story has gone countless times in our recent history, the two parted ways. And while their goal was to share equally in the upbringing and nurturing of their innocent Little Girl, life made this impossible.

Years went by and the Little Girl had grown into a young lady. Her views of the world had become colored with feelings of hurt, pain, sacrifice, hardship, and feelings of betrayal that she was not quite aware of. The giggles that had once floated upon the air and made even the birds sing in joyous response could be heard no more. The once inviting Little Girl was hardening to a life of realities she could never have imagined. And while her parents tried to consistently give her that which she needed they were unable to do so, life having caught them in its torrents.

Now she’s a young adult, anxious to be free of the constraints and hardships that have characterized her life for as long as she could remember. The memories of her innocence are lost to her as she is now hardened against the threats of the day. The connection that was once so dear to her is long gone, a distant echo in the halls of time, and - oh so - far out of reach.

She goes about creating a life for herself with the intellectual tools she’s developed, only to meet with frustration, betrayal, and more hardship. The men she allows into her sacred trust are but physical replicas of a grown man’s build, but possess the emotional development and caring of a nine year old. So few… the good men, so rare the caring, nurturing type. So difficult to find the key that will unlock her closed heart and help her to recall the abundant joy of the Little Girl she once was.

Later in life she gets married, hoping to build a sustainable life with the one man who has come “close enough” to what she thinks she needs. Things go well … for a time … and then they don’t. Questions arise regarding behaviors and tendencies that seem unusual or irrational. Words of confusion, disdain, anger, even contempt past between the two. Faith, trust, the spirit of working together (while meager and uninformed in the beginning) are now ghosts. There is nothing left to hold onto.

She stands in the door one evening, tears running down her face as she watches his back. The few belongings he could grab are hastily thrust into the car, and he is off. She stands there, not knowing what to do next, not knowing where to turn next, not knowing how to empower herself to move beyond this moment. Yet she does.

She is forty now. Her mind is set regarding men, life, relationships. She lives alone. Never had any children – she had decided long ago she never wanted any. She has lost all connection to her family and is content with that. The muscles that formed the smile that once shown brighter than the sunlight are weakened, tending only to frown.

Many a night she lies in bed struggling to keep the tears at bay.

She has occupied her mind with her job, the local news, the few friends she still maintains. Her place is well kept, neat and orderly. Her bills are paid and she lives with all the trappings of success. She looks from her balcony at the lives that past beneath her, oblivious to their stories, only wondering where they are going.

One night she has a dream. A dream so profound and impactful she jerks awake, tears running down her cheek. She sits there, knees clutched against her breasts, shaking herself for comfort, trying to sort things out. Minutes past by yet the tears do not stop. “What is going on?” she wonders… and the tears keep falling.

She gets up and goes to her balcony in these, the wee hours of the morning. The tears have finally ended even as her Spirit is now stirring into awareness.

And then the dream comes clear into her mind.

She saw an innocent Little Girl, a life filled with happiness and wonderment, standing in the midst of a beautiful butterfly field. Skipping and humming as they do, the Little Girl enjoyed a completeness so many have forgotten. But then the Little Girl stops and looks ahead, her eyes widening, as she can no longer move. Two hands grab her and shake her furiously, scattering the butterflies and flowers. She tries to scream but finds she cannot… no words escape her lips. And when the shaking stops she finds herself lost in a barren and unforgiving land, nothing as it once was. Every step she takes is fraught with danger and unknowing, and soon she wanders about in utter dismay, clothes tattered, head bent, a tremendous longing for the security and comforts of the past. The Little Girl stops and looks up.

And the lady who was dreaming sees her reflection mirrored back.

And she begins to cry again.

Post Script:
I am writing this one because I believe we are hurting our children in ways that can impact them for the rest of their lives, and we all need to think about that, talk about that, and then do something about that.

Also, the next time a man gets upset at a woman for acting in ways that seem strange to him, he should ask himself a question: Where is the Little Girl Now?

The answer will be: Right in front of you.

No. 43 - Willie Lynches Intimacy

There is a story many have heard about a slave-breaker of old named Willie Lynch. According to the story (and his writings) around 1712 he was an expert at breaking the will and strength of Blacks that resisted the slave-mentality-orientation. His work and understanding of the process was so keen he prophesied that, using his tactics, there would be no need to worry about the strength of Blacks in future generations because they would fall victim to his techniques, and soon instigate the techniques on one another – keeping their very sense of strength, community, and individual growth at bay.

Almost three hundred years later, here in 2008, the question has to be asked: Was he right?

Each of us has had experiences within our community and with our fellow men (or women) that have been added to our catalog of thoughts and cultural memories. Each of us has been taught how to “be” within the context of relationships. And each of us has had experiences that have shaped the way we regard one another. I imagine these experiences/events/observations have added to our sense of perception around fellow Blacks, and have caused us to behave one way or another.

In considering the Willie Lynch writings I am compelled to believe he did indeed have a technique for effectively developing fear, mistrust, and even hatred within the Black slave community – not against the slave owner but, sadly, against the fellow slave. Even to the point where we are still – in the present day – attempting to grapple with some the residual adverse harmonics of a ruined sense of intimacy. Alas, the intimacy that made the African a great and thriving powerhouse was corrupted. The sanctity of the love and respect we held dear, and that was central to the success of our communities in years gone by, has eroded, and we are forced to struggle in our quest for a common and consistent level of intimacy between man and woman.

As I go about my business of engaging this world I live in I have taken a great interest in watching people as they go about their daily lives. I enjoy sitting at parks or elsewhere, a mere spectator, and taking in the interactions of others. While there is a lot of goodness and positive energy in our community, I fear we are facing an onslaught of greater sadness and negative energy. And I believe we must all start overcoming our individual biases, fears, and/or ideologies that have played into the goals to the Willie Lynch doctrine. Given the challenges and temperament of today’s world we have so much more to gain by addressing this then we do by staying the present course.

But what, specifically, am I talking about? It’s a very good question that deserves a clear and concise answer.

Intimacy is based upon an unwavering trust and faith in one’s partner. It requires a willingness to be understanding, to grow in ways we may not have ever imagined – or have previously determined we would not (in some cases), to be a friend without judgment or debasement, and to possess a genuine desire to open oneself to giving and receiving.

Wow..! That says a lot and, in truth, it requires a lot. All too often we go about the business of having a relationship without the benefit of true intimacy because we have allowed our circumstances to stifle the closeness that waits impatiently within us. Too many couples are grappling with their own desires to be right over an issue that only serves to divide the two, thereby weakening an otherwise stable foundation. And, in some cases, too many individuals would rather hold fast to their past experiences, applying those “lessons” in the present relationship, when there is no need to do so.

Many suffer from a kind of disassociated “shadow intimacy” without the real benefit of caring and sharing that comes from giving and receiving with openness. Some have forgotten how good it feels to give that part of self in a relationship. And still others have decided, out of a desire to “protect” themselves, to lock their ability to share in intimacy within the confines of their emotional fortress.

And what, can we imagine, is the outcome of such acts?

It would be easy to go into the various side-effects of these choices however I choose not to because I believe there is a greater perspective we should consider… one that overshadows the negative on every front, and one that leaves us with a greater willingness to move forward… and not remain stagnant.

We are a culture that requires interaction with those we allow in our lives. Our DNA is complete only when such is the case, and we have that special someone in our lives that we can share ourselves with. It is my belief that every good person deserves to share the abundant joys (and challenges) that await him or her while journeying upon the road of life, with their special someone.

The legacy of Willie Lynches Intimacy is a real thing in the Black community. We struggle to find common ground and shared joy on a daily bases at times, and we have a common longing for greater closeness in our relationships.

Yet we are not ever defeated. Within us remains the strength and wisdom to overcome the historic “programming” of how we should regard one another. And within us rests a power equal to all the great things we have overcome throughout history both individually and collectively. This power awaits our call to act on behalf of what is righteous and needed for our community…

Greater Intimacy.

No. 41 - We Think in Memories

One has to admit there is a mystery we all must acknowledge when it comes to our thoughts and how they impact us. Scientists, psychologists, psychiatrist and myriad others have done so much work in an attempt to understand how the mind works, and how we are influenced our minds. Yet still many are confounded by how our thoughts control – even dictate - so much of who we are.

So I wanted to spend a bit of time thinking of thinking… yes, I said that right… thinking of thinking… just to “see” where my thoughts would lead me. It was a marvelous treat, indeed, to have this experience as I sat upon my balcony in contemplation.

Here’s something to consider: Take just a moment and go back to your fondest memory. Go back to that special memory that always brings a smile to your face and that has consistently delivered you from sadness, worry or despair… the one that might be shared by you alone or by you and someone near and dear to you. As you bring this memory to the forefront of your conscientiousness allow yourself to recall the emotions that are associated with the memory. Remember the laughter, the joy, the bliss, the erotic intimacy, the excitement, or whatever it is about this memory that makes it meaningful and relevant in your life.

In conducting this exercise you have just confirmed the very title of this dispatch. You have demonstrated in a very real way how thinking is based upon our memories and these memories are recollections of our past experiences that continue to resonate within us. And with these memories come the recollection of the great emotions that were experienced when these memories originated. One other thing has occurred in this exercise that we should pay more attention to because it is of the greatest value to us as individuals experiencing life: by recalling this great memory we are each able to influence our mood in a very direct and tangible way.

It is amazing to me to know how one can so easily bring about a strong emotional change simply by calling to mind a past memory. It is of monumental consequence that we have that level of control over our very experiences in life at any given time. It is so very comforting to know I have direct control over my emotional well-being.

Now let’s take this theme a bit further… into the future, if you please…

Imagine what would happen if we could each control the frequency of creation of our more happy and inviting memories. Imagine how we could shape a greater sense of self-harmony if we would but choose to find reason to smile at every challenge we face. And imagine how good we would feel at all times if we could harness the power of good memories and make it our daily goal to find reason to smile. We all can… we all just did.

It is my opinion that we are each responsible for creating meaningful and lasting positive memories from which to draw comfort and inspiration in our times of need. I have long felt it the duty and responsibility of parents to create lasting good memories for our children. And my experiences have taught me the only thing no one can ever take away from an individual is his/her memories. It is based upon these perspectives that I’ve been able to laugh when there was reason to cry… to stay my course when everyone has said to change paths… and to stay focused on my goals when so many distractions have been thrown in my path.

So as I continue to gain ground on achieving my most immediate goals I am compelled by the many great memories I hold dear to always find reason to smile and to always know there is reason to give thanks. It is a way of thinking that has proven to be a key contributor to how I go about approaching everyone I meet. And knowing that I have the capacity to create great memories every step of the way encourages me to investigate every challenge I face for the hidden jewels I know are hidden therein.

One other thing we can consider is the role our memories play in shaping how we regard and experience one another. From the perspective of the community we are collectively enjoying fewer opportunities to create and appreciate great memories. Therefore, we have fewer reasons to associate great memories with coming together to experience one another. We have come to accept our broken sense of connectedness and community as the norm. And as we tackle the challenges of life we have less time with each passing year to come together as we did many years ago.

But what would happen if we were to actively choose to come together in celebration of our families, communities, and cultures? What kind of impact would this have on our society?

Well, we would restore a greater sense of community Spirit and individual recognition. We would begin to connect on a deeper level to our Brothers and Sisters who are our neighbors. We would start the process of creating more enriching, meaningful, and valued memories with everyone we share ourselves with.

And when we are facing the many challenges that continue to plague our communities we would have a greater number of wonderfully delightful thoughts to keep us company because we will know there is always reason to smile.

No. 40 - Why he did what he did…

I was sharing in conversation with my special lady, and as we talked the conversation took us down an intriguing path. We went from talking about jobs, to asking about co-workers, to the happenings at the office. It was there that the subject of this article was seeded in my mind. When we got to the point where we talked about the happenings at work, I learned that a group of lady friends had gotten together to chat, and they ended up talking about men - imagine that.

What’s more, I was told, during the conversation it was held as a prevailing feeling with many women that most (if not all) men cheat.

Oh, do we, I thought. That would include all the Men I know who understand what it means to commit and who have been faithful to their mates from day one. In truth, most guys would take offense to learning that - at least - some women regard men as such. But I like to think about things in a more comprehensive way… so I asked myself, why do the men I am aware of that cheat on their women do so?

So let’s examine that question… let’s pursue it and see what gems of possibility will be uncovered as we take the journey to greater insight.

It has been my observation that most men that cheat have a common theme of holding little, no, or a distorted regard for women. They have a certain “smugness” about how they demand to be treated and, when their demands go unmet, they find reason to go out and cheat.

How easy it would be if the answer to the question were so simple. Alas, I must admit… it is not the case – there’s something more, something deeper to consider.

The act of cheating can be broken down to an act of deliberate betrayal by one person on another, and it is a violation of a sacred trust and commitment to remain true to the person one has committed to. If we look at it from that angle then the question becomes what causes a Man – a Man in his fullness, I should stress – to betray the one he has avowed himself to? … And how is it that a Man can get to the point where he can so readily compromise his integrity and virtue, risking the loss of the very things he “loves” – his wife, family, home, peace?

I believe a Man in his fullness understands and values his commitments and knows how to overcome the temptations that so frequently tease at us. I believe a Man is the embodiment of every word that is expressed out of his mouth, and the action (or actions) he takes to represent or manifest his word. In other words, our reputation is established by how well we say what we mean, mean what we say, and do what we say we will do. It is that reputation - and our actions - that cause people in our lives to believe what we say and to form their opinion around men and fidelity.

If this interpretation of what it means to be a Man rings true for you, then the obvious conclusion we must draw is that men who cheat do not meet the criteria for what we understand it means to be a Man.

This is good news, in truth, because now we can approach the question in a way that can help in easily determining how to resolve it. You see, we are an ever-changing, ever-growing people, constantly in a state of flux. We are quite capable of accomplishing any and every goal we set. And we have the innate potential to grow towards something greater.

Keep in mind I us the word “we” because I am a Man and when considering this subject I must acknowledge I am part of the whole.

My thinking is that while there are so many adult males in our community, nowadays we are inundated with messages and stories that cause us to believe there are only a few good Men out there. Many are challenged to believe they (good Men) exist in greater numbers than what we might have been led to think.

And for the men who have fallen victim to temptation again and again, the challenge is to find a way to look within and value the prospect of personal development. Many have become complacent in their regard for the values that have sustained us throughout all of our social challenges. Many have allowed the many diverse distractions that challenge us all on a daily basis to undermine our sense of growth and development.

In considering how a woman might feel if she believes that all men cheat, I can imagine that living day-to-day with the haunting thought of the Man she loves cheating on her would wreak havoc on an otherwise peaceful experience. It could create an overwhelming sense of fear and distrust when engaging in relations, which could become a major challenge to maintaining her relationship. It could cause arguments and other frustrations in a relationship when there is only a perceived notion that there is infidelity in relationship. It is no wonder there is such distrust, mistrust, disharmony, and loneliness in the world.

I think the key to overcoming the notion held by some women that all men cheat is for men and women to engage in meaningful dialog around individual observations and perceptions to gain better understanding. I think Mothers and Fathers ought to become more cognizant of the mental perceptions held by their children and do their part in guiding these valued youth toward a healthier regard for one another. And I think it would be quite nice to see couples that might be grappling with such fears gain a better understanding of - and the ability to - work through the issues together.

I think the community as a whole would benefit from such a combined effort in gaining insight into why he did what he did…

No. 39 - On Making Miracles

She sits there on the corner of Jackson and 14th in Oakland, offering to sell her wares to all who pass, and anyone who would glance her way. “Flea Market, flea market!” she calls out. “I got something you need.” You’ve heard the story before… some senior citizen who happens to live in your neighborhood and refuses to give up on the struggle to survive. Whether male or female, this valued neighbor exists as a reminder to all of how hard times can force even the most worthy of us to go out in faith, hoping their needs will be met – somehow, someway.

I call her Grandma – affectionately and respectfully. My natural Grandmother is no longer with me yet her Spirit exists nonetheless, its semblance made clear in the Grandmother to which I’m speaking. I am reminded to respect this kind Old Lady who walks the streets of my neighborhood.

We greet one another with a sense of familiarity and caring. I see her inventory of goods has increased since we last crossed paths. I approach her and respectfully slip her a bill. She looks at it and beams. “How’s business?” I ask. “Things been slow today… been real slow.” was her reply. “Well you take that and put it in a safe place…” I told her. She takes the bill from my hand and looks around cautiously, and then quickly stashes the money in a safe place.

“You have a nice day, Grandma… I’ll see you again soon.” I said as I walked away. “Okay… Grandma be right here.” she replied.

Heading down the street I reflect on the exchange and allow my thoughts to wander. What was it that drew me to this dear Old Lady who takes life head-on each day to make a living for herself? What stories could she share that could lead to a better life for others? And what of her family… where were they, where was she from, how come there seems to be no one close to care for her?

These thoughts lead me to thinking of how it must be to get up each day and face so many unknowns. They remind me of the daring, courage, will power, and faith it takes to have no one but the community one lives in to support oneself. I thought on this, as I frequently do, because I wanted to allow the thoughts to flow into some gem of revelation that might help me in my journey.

And so the gem of knowledge was made manifest…

Faith. The firm belief in something for which there is no proof… The intangible motivator for every great deed ever accomplished… The knowledge that a given need will be met when there is no logical reason to believe it will. Faith.

I imagine Grandma has a level of faith many can never imagine. There she goes, day-to-day, ever confident in her knowledge that her needs will be met and her goals will be attained. It is a testament to the value and lessons we can all learn from those who have gone before us, and who continue to demonstrate in very tangible ways the value and strength of ones beliefs.

Going back to the many lessons I’ve learned and the Biblical stories that still mesmerize so most of us, I’m reminded of the many miracles that so many experienced… and continue to experience to this day. I recall stories of the numerous prayers and how when one person - or another - was experiencing their greatest need some unexpected thing occurred and, lo and behold, their greatest need was met, or they were delivered to safety.

I can only imagine how Grandma prays fervently on a daily bases that her needs are met. I’m sure she prays for some act of kindness and relief from her daily challenges, and the strength to make it through another day.

For whatever reason I am drawn to this kind Old Lady. I have made it my point and goal to remember her in my prayers and to demonstrate my interest in her well being by putting my money where my mouth is. I have yielded to the Spirit as it moves within me and have answered its call to do what I can for this respected Senior Citizen.

I do not consider myself special or called to do anything more then that which I am called to do. I care about my community and the many wonderful people that live around me. I try to live my life according to the words I speak, and as a demonstration to all who observe.

So where does this lead and what conclusion may be drawn?

Quite simply I have come to understand that all too often we fail to see and appreciate the very answers to our prayers, or the miracles that come our way. All too often we are so concerned with what we don’t have or what we wish we had that we cannot recognize and appreciate that which we do have.

On Making Miracles, well, that’s the easy one…

You see, I believe that if we would but open our hearts a little, if we are willing to take time to respond to our calling - just enough to give something to someone with an obvious and genuine need - we open ourselves to be the deliverer of the Miracle that answers someone’s fervent prayer for help.

No. 38 - The Politician and the Preacher (Part 2)

I took the time to watch Senator Obama as he addressed the Country today regarding matters of ethnic disparity in America. For the last couple weeks there has been a raging storm around statements made on all sides around ethnicity. These statements have driven home the reality that there is a line that is still present in our society that separates one ethnicity from the other. The speech lasted 30 minutes and I was most impressed with him statements. He gets it.

I stopped to consider his words in my attempt to gauge his awareness of the issues that impact the Black community. Not only did he make clear his profound understanding of how we in America have reached the tipping point around addressing ethnic inequality in the Black community, he also did a splendid job in pointing out the impact ethnic preference and inequality has had on all Americans. He has remained consistent in his desire, will, and goal of helping us all to realize a greater America by overcoming our individual and collective biases.

My senses are sizzling. My emotions are peaked. My Spirit is working feverishly to escape the confines of my body in celebration of his clarification of the facts.

I must take some time to further internalize his message as I compare it to that of my own.

He gave Rev. Wright the respect he – and his Church – deserved. He spoke of the many good things the Reverend and the Church has done for our community. He spoke of his strong kinship to the Reverend and of how he cannot – and will not – disassociate himself from the Good Reverend. And he spoke of how we, as Black Americans, have been dealing with the anger, pain, and hurt of ethnic disharmony and biases since the inception of America.

Go Obama, go!

I must say it is a most humbling experience to know that Senator Obama does, indeed, understand the depths of our struggles and the tragic role racism (and I’ll use that word this one last time) has had on the American psychology.

We are living in an age where everything is possible and we have the power, via our vote, to finally take the next step towards realizing a greater existence for all American. To be alive during this time in American history, to see more and more of us rise up against the barriers to equality that ethnic divisiveness has imposed, to feel the power of the truth resonating throughout the community – it is all magnificent.

This will be a short one - I think I’ll spend some time enjoying this ecstasy that has overcome me - but I would like to encourage you to take 30 minutes of your time to hear and see for yourself. It will be time well spent and it will remind you of a greater calling that we can embrace and take a leadership role in defining a greater America. The link to the YouTube broadcast is here: http://my.barackobama.com/hisownwords

We are now called to make this history OUR history. We now have every reason to believe there is hope and we do have a true voice in American politics. We are called to demonstrate to the world that we are a people who can – and DO – support our Country, our Churches, our Communities, and our Right leaders.

It is my fervent prayer and hope that we all get the word out and rally our Brothers and Sisters around Senator Obama. We must become the shield that protects him from those who have tried everything short of murder to ruin his image and keep us divided.

And we must believe that, indeed, Yes We Can.

No. 37 - The Politician and the Preacher

You may have guessed by now that I am a staunch supporter of Senator Barack Obama for President of the United States. You may have sensed I’m committed to doing my part to help him get into the White House. While these perceptions are true I am compelled to say while I do support the Good Senator, I am not blind in my support. After all, my allegiance is to my community and I call it like I see it. I respect you and I respect myself far too much to operate in any other way.

Recently the Good Senator has gotten caught up in a political move that, in my humble opinion, he should rethink. I listened to some of the verbiage spoken from the pulpit of his home church, and by his Pastor – the Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr. - and I have to tell you the Reverend spoke the truth. I did not hear anything inflammatory – other than the truth – that would require Senator Obama to step away from his long-time Pastor. I did not perceive any attack on Hillary.

I share in the sentiment that the United States is indeed headed down the wrong path because of the bush politics of pompous ideology and division. I know first hand that ethnic discrimination is alive and well in America, and that many people who have been blessed with a more fortunate life do not – and can not – fully appreciate the life and times of the common Black Man.

So what if the Good Reverend spoke truth to power. So what if some folk who would otherwise feel good about all the “great things” they’ve done for Black Americans are made to feel uncomfortable. So what if statements were made to illuminate a part of American reality that STILL exists. The fact this Reverend was willing to speak on the differences between the white experience and the Black in an effort to make clear Senator Obama’s reality ought to be embraced and applauded.

Stepping away from the Good Reverend simply for speaking the truth does not bode well for Senator Obama. It demonstrates his unwillingness to fully embrace a reality that is common to many, yet genuinely cared for by only a few “politicians”. It is a sad testament to how quickly one can become immersed in then political engine. Of course there are many well meaning and committed politicians… but we must be able to address the realities of a situation before we can effectively overcome said situation.

The absolute good news is we now have an opportunity to make Barack see this reality – or lose our complete support. If the Good Senator chooses to sidestep our concerns for the sake of political gain he is NO better than any other politician and we ought to fear him. Our very livelihood is at stake and if he is unwilling to acknowledge the stark contrast between how we are regarded as compared to how others are regarded then we are wasting our time voting for him, or believing in him. Hope is always delivered in the company of Truth.

America is divided along many different lines. Ethnicity is one that has been prominent since its inception. It was here when we were stolen from our ancestral homes; it was here when our families were torn asunder and we were forced to share our plates with swine during slavery; it was here when they hosed down our youth and threw our leaders into jail during the civil rights movement; and it is still here today in the vast number of Blacks who live in poverty, who are put into prison at rates far exceeding every other ethnicity, and who are finding it harder every passing day to do something as simple as getting food to eat.

This action between the Politician and the Preacher must be used to galvanize the Black faith community across the Country to reach into the every community and bring us all together in a United front, causing Senator Obama to reconsider his action… or step to the side while we chose another candidate. I, for one, do not want anyone in office that does not recognize our truth or acknowledge the systematic oppression of our communities.

I will fully support a movement with faith communities across the country and around the world to give Senator Obama an opportunity to reassess and CORRECT his decision to distance himself from the Church. If this movement becomes real, and Senator Obama refuses to change his commitment to our reality, then we need to figure out if Clinton or McCain will serve our interests, and put our effort into making them President.

This is not the time for a long-winded political response from Senator Obama… it is time for Barack to step up to our table and decide HIS political future because WE are the reason he has gotten so far… no one else. We can no longer afford to be afraid to step to the plate because there is no more food on the table… we are starving for leadership. We can no longer afford to believe we must accept ANY candidate for any other reason than they are going to work for us to make our lives better, and to neutralize the injustices made against us.

We are facing a future fraught with peril and uncertainty. We are facing an economy that is falling to the way side and no one knows what is to happen next. We are made to create lemonade from lemons daily while others are making money hand over fist or rationing out our water. The government has not demonstrated a genuine interest in serving the needs of Blacks at a scale necessary to rebuild our lost communities.

And therein lies the heart of the matter. Therein we have the reason why we must respond to this attack on our faith community with all due speed. Therein we see the impetus to act, and the abundant value of one simple truth:

No one will step to the plate to represent our will to have our needs met if WE are unwilling to do so ourselves.