No. 8 - Please Pardon Me For Forgiving

It’s true, I must admit it. I can say it in a confident and knowing voice. I no longer have to act as though I have to conquer the world every time someone slights me, whether intended or not. I finally figured out how to move beyond the frustration and anger that has caused so much duress and problems in my life. Oh, the strength of Forgiveness. How powerful, indeed.

And while I ask that you pardon my new-found understanding, it is only as a courtesy that I do so. In truth, I understand that I don’t need your authorization to develop into a better and more complete me. Fact is, I don’t need you to ask, request, demand or coerce me into forgiving you. You see, I have to power to control this gift and I am the sole recipient of it’s usage.

I have come to understand that when I practice forgiveness I no longer carry the weight of hurt, anger, frustration, malicious intent, or any such emotion that had once kept me ever on my guard – and ready to hurt somebody.

Funny thing that has happened to me since I came to this understanding and started exercising my will to forgive… I’ll share it with you because I really would like you to benefit from this as well. You see, the very first time I really forgave someone I soon discovered that by doing so I was able to see past my emotional blockages. I was able to look at the experience with a true eye, an eye undefiled by my anger, and then learn the lessons life has been trying to teach me.

How interesting that experience was to observe. I had finally gotten to the point where I could honestly see myself, and the role I played in every interaction I’ve ever had in my life. I was able to genuinely appreciate those parts of me that were both mature and complete in their development as well as those parts of me that were in need of attention.

Yes, I admit it. I was mad as hell and carrying around all sorts of animosity. Things I had expected from others, plans I had worked so hard to develop and implement, event the little things I had done for others all seems to be of little value to and in this world. As is the case for many of my Brothers and Sisters out there, when I was in that state I was ready to blow a gasket if the wind even blew in the wrong direction.

Well, I’m human; part of the race of man; a living, breathing organism with an evolutionary trajectory that I can affect if I so desire. Amazing how simply having the daring to let go of that part of me, that had learned to “protect” me, returned my sense of inner peace and restored my true power. How exciting to know that when we are no longer subservient to the worse part of ourselves the Universe opens the door to a greater sense of existence.

I remember how deeply committed I once had been to holding on to that grudge. To making sure he – or she – got what was coming. There’s no telling how much time I lost dwelling on what I perceived were misdeeds or injustices made against me. Weeks? Months? Years? I had spent years holding on to things that had absolutely no positive emotional or intellectual relevance to my life. I was stuck in the mud of my own making.

I’m not talking about the kind of forgiveness we learned about in Church all those years: the kind that requires a strong religious or spiritual connection. That works for a lot of people but for me, as is the case for many others like myself, I needed something different. Something that allowed me to come to terms with myself and my own inner struggles in my own space.

I needed to find a way to get to the heart of the matter within my own self to understand what it was that required me to hold on to such feelings (that had so consistently kept me away from true peace). I had to find a way to look anyone – and everyone – in the eye and be able to fearlessly speak the truth. No shame, no hesitation, no embarrassment… just the truth.

Alas, one night I began to understand.

You see, part of being able to forgive lies in the willingness to own ones role in whatever happens in ones life. This is not to say if by chance you are the unfortunate victim of an accident it is equally your fault. It is to say that (at least in my experience) most of the time when we hold something against someone it is of a personal nature and around some event or expectation that went unmet – or worse. With that understanding I was able to look in my mirror and clearly see that I had a part to play in my own emotional demise.

Well it’s been a great journey, filled with the excitement of personal discovery. And the horizon looks fantastic as I draw closer to my goal of helping to build a strong and vibrant Black community.

I can honestly say I much rather choose “forgive and learn”, over “forgive and forget”.