No. 47 - Deeper Self

We go about our day ever looking towards our tomorrows. We long to interact with that special someone in the spirit of sharing and caring. We consider the myriad topics we want to discuss… to gain perspective… to seek a better shared understanding… to somehow build a closer relationship with our special somebody.

And many times we never quite get to that point. We get home tired and stressed, unwilling or unable to recall the many great thoughts that helped us through the day… that gave us reason to look towards tomorrow. We get home and all we want to do is relax… maybe tomorrow there’ll be time… maybe tomorrow that conversation will be had.

And then the time comes when we actually get there. The moment of truth arrives and we are able to share with that special person in our lives. But something seems to be missing. For sure we can talk about the weather, our day, the calls and emails from family and loved ones. For sure we can talk about paying that bill or the success we had in running some errand.

But still, something is missing.

Then we rationalize that we’re both just tired or there wasn’t enough time to really get to the heart of the matter… so we take what we can from the moment and hang on to the feelings of longing that have been compelling our need to communicate. We carry these feelings into our tomorrow and tomorrows tomorrow, hoping that somehow we’ll finally get there… we’ll finally have that meaningful and intimate discourse that – to that moment, at least – has eluded us.

It is at this time that we face a crossroad. For some it’s quite obvious and a very tangible thing, for others it comes and goes without any realization. We stand on the brink of deciding what it is that we really want… whether we will engage in intimate and meaningful discourse with our loved one… whether we will make the time to do what our spirits are pushing us to do, or whether we will continue to pay lip service to our need. For others, the choice is whether they will let their need fade into oblivion… only to look at themselves sometime in the future and ask the question: “What has happened to me?”

Looking forward can sometimes help to clear ones perspective. Looking back can do the same. But alas, what about looking at the present moment…?

As I consider what it means to me to hold a meaningful, intimate conversation, I’m drawn to the fact a key component of such a dialog is tied to the individual. How well we know ourselves is predicated by how honest we can be with ourselves, and how willing we are to acknowledge these truths individually, and share in these truths with our partner. Trust, mutual respect for one another, a kind ear, and the elimination of judgment all factor in to creating a moment in time where two people can genuinely share of themselves.

We are all so busy pursuing our goals or struggling to stay in the game we now have less time to engage in real conversation. Our jobs occupy our minds every waking hour, in some cases. We put forth so much effort to provide for our families and conduct ourselves as responsible adults that it – in many cases, sadly – gets in the way of maintaining our most valued asset… our relationship with our significant other.

So these are some of the realities we face in the modern relationship. These are some of the challenges to our success that we should recognize and learn how to overcome. But which of these is critical to starting on the journey to reclaiming a level of verbal intimacy that will sustain our relationships?

A good question, indeed... One with a response that might be different from one person to the next… One that warrants thought and consideration, and requires that we each take time to reflect upon.

For me, the answer to this question is centered on the individual and his/her willingness to have a more intimate relationship. For me, the only way to begin the journey to reclaiming a greater level of sustainable intimacy in our relationships is to start with taking the time to gain a greater understanding of ones Deeper Self. Therein lies the richness and excitement of the individual. Within each of us, should we choose to explore our Deeper Selves, we would find the intrigue and dynamic characteristics that, when shared with our loved one, will lead to vibrant discourse and ultimately, greater intimacy.

We are each in and of ourselves unique. Our journeys in life are characterized by daring challenges, excellent adventures, specific moments of personal growth, perspectives and ideal that could spark a lifetime of conversation, and the innate ability to and capacity to reinvent our individual selves. It is my belief that each of us retains the ability to choose to become our best selves at any time… and that by making the choice to be a better person, we demonstrate our capacity to grow when we choose to.

Imagine the many gems of insight and understanding we would be blessed with if we would but only open ourselves to seeing, sharing, and shaping the relationship – and the self we bring into the relationship – we now have into the relationship we have each dreamed about.

Imagine how much better we would all know ourselves if we but take time to look within and touch our Deeper Selves.

And imagine how interesting our interactions will be when we have the confidence, daring, and desire to share this Deeper Self with our loved one…

Imagine…