No. 3 - Men and Women

I’ve been observing relationships for many years now and I’ve come to some realizations regarding the truth of our interactions that I am compelled to share. All too often we conduct ourselves in relationships thinking where we are as individuals is good enough to share a lifetime with someone we love. While there is truth in that belief, that’s only where the journey begins.

How many times have we entered into relationships thinking love is all we need to sustain it, only to find some time down the road, the relationship has floundered? How many times have we ended up arguing insignificant matters over and over again only to end up thinking “this person is certainly not who I thought he/she is?” And upon reflecting on our past relationships, how many times have we been forced to see that our own selfish determination was the very thing that ruined the relationship that we had always dreamed of?

It is a fact of life that more is required to find, nurture, and maintain that which we seek. Love is never enough. The feelings of chemical ecstasy that propel us to become intimate only last long enough to help us determine if we are compatible on an intimate level, with that “special” someone. More is required for relationships to survive a lifetime.

In our day and age it seems so many would rather not put forth the effort to investigate themselves when confronted with issues in the relationship. We find it easier to point the finger and act out in ways that have habitually prevented us from happiness. We push away from the observations, ideas and perspectives of those we interact with because we have been “trained” – via our past experiences – to think badly of perspectives that seem foreign to us... a sad testament to the modern relationship indeed.

Both men and women are guilty of these behaviors and both men and women suffer a life of discontentment and longing due to their unwillingness to be and to become more. Yes, it should be expected that in any relationship the parties will grow. Natural and worldly challenges require it. We cannot realize our fullest potential as human beings and our Spirits cannot interconnect without a willingness to see clearly, and an understanding that we must always work together to become better at being ourselves.

Part of the reason our communities are so fragmented and weakened lies in the fact that it reflects the state of the male/female relationship. The community mirrors our strengths, and our weaknesses. The two cannot be separated.

A man has to understand the impact his actions has on the woman in his life. He has to value integrity and communication. He has to be willing to own up to his mistakes and to admit any wrongdoing. Most importantly, he has to learn to apologize for things he might have said or done to hurt his woman.

A woman has to understand how important it is to her man that he knows she “has his back”. She has to be willing to learn what is important to him and provide for his needs. She has to be sympathetic to the challenges he faces daily and be willing to nurture him when needed.

It would be easy to pick and choose different aspects of what’s just been written and use it to further an opinion that supports a desire to argue the points. Truth be told, there is a little of both in either case so what’s really important is that we come together in the spirit of cooperation and understanding to learn how to love, to learn how to heal, and to learn how to sustain our relationships.

Our future depends upon this.