No. 54 - Within This Heart of Mine

A thousand thought join together – each competing for my conscience attention
Each whipping about on the emotional currents that challenge my peace of mind, my calmness
Astride their surging impulse to force my hand in panic, haste, or ignorance, they beg my response
And deep and wide are my efforts to maintain my dignity, my pride, my integrity, all that I am
All that I could ever be
All that I will ever be
All that I am to become

Those questions which have flitted about, so close to my awareness, yet so far from my grasp
They dance about in frantic rhythm, responding to some unrealized unrest, some unknown fear
I sense them, there in the shadowy recesses of my mind, and I work my way towards them
Ever wanting to push the knowledge of who I am from fearful reticence to mature acceptance
Sometimes, as one would grasp for smoke, rising silently from the ash, I find my mark has vanished
I’m left to wonder at this mental play
I’m left to question what I’m about
I’m left to want to try once more

And then there are the moments – so sweet and delicate indeed – when my quest to know of self
Is rewarded with a knowledge, an insight, a juicy morsel of delight – a long moment of seeing
And I connect those illusive thoughts that have frustrated my awareness, and I get to a deeper me
I know I seek my inner truth, that I am strong enough to bear it, to embrace it, even to Love it
For it is me that I seek, the true self I am called to be
For it is me that I seek, to be more truer in this moment
For it is me that I seek, to be…stronger

I lay in thought, immersed in the rhythmic pounding of my heart, lost to the darkness that holds me
Attempting to understand where it is that my source originates – some say from God, others…
But who am I to know..? One Soul driven to achieve its fullness, driven to follow a path unknown
…Louder, the pounding, as I fall deeper into the well, thoughts deepen and my distortion clears
My rhythm is mine alone, it has caused my life to be
My rhythm is mine alone, it holds my form and stature
My rhythm is mine alone, after all, it too – is me

So there I have it, a total reckoning of that which makes me whole… my heart, and my mind…
But so foolish to think that is the end of it, that these are all I am, for as I reflect upon this truth
Yet another one forms – yes, from the very emotional current that drives this daring product of Man
I am made to sense a greater third, a greater thing within, a question, and another, and answers
What gives my heart and mind their notion to DO and BE?
What is this awareness that allows me to perceive?
What is my Spirit?

Within This Heart of Mine resides the machinery of my existence, the Power, the Power, the Power
Spirit, Heart, and Mind coalesce and form the man that stands before you, that stands in my mirror
These three dare to birth my passion into being, and push me to walk boldly in the impressive dark
They synergistically calm the fears, adversity, and unified disharmony that seek to block my way…
But this journey is mine
But this Heart, Mind and Spirit is mine…
All Mine…