No. 43 - Willie Lynches Intimacy

There is a story many have heard about a slave-breaker of old named Willie Lynch. According to the story (and his writings) around 1712 he was an expert at breaking the will and strength of Blacks that resisted the slave-mentality-orientation. His work and understanding of the process was so keen he prophesied that, using his tactics, there would be no need to worry about the strength of Blacks in future generations because they would fall victim to his techniques, and soon instigate the techniques on one another – keeping their very sense of strength, community, and individual growth at bay.

Almost three hundred years later, here in 2008, the question has to be asked: Was he right?

Each of us has had experiences within our community and with our fellow men (or women) that have been added to our catalog of thoughts and cultural memories. Each of us has been taught how to “be” within the context of relationships. And each of us has had experiences that have shaped the way we regard one another. I imagine these experiences/events/observations have added to our sense of perception around fellow Blacks, and have caused us to behave one way or another.

In considering the Willie Lynch writings I am compelled to believe he did indeed have a technique for effectively developing fear, mistrust, and even hatred within the Black slave community – not against the slave owner but, sadly, against the fellow slave. Even to the point where we are still – in the present day – attempting to grapple with some the residual adverse harmonics of a ruined sense of intimacy. Alas, the intimacy that made the African a great and thriving powerhouse was corrupted. The sanctity of the love and respect we held dear, and that was central to the success of our communities in years gone by, has eroded, and we are forced to struggle in our quest for a common and consistent level of intimacy between man and woman.

As I go about my business of engaging this world I live in I have taken a great interest in watching people as they go about their daily lives. I enjoy sitting at parks or elsewhere, a mere spectator, and taking in the interactions of others. While there is a lot of goodness and positive energy in our community, I fear we are facing an onslaught of greater sadness and negative energy. And I believe we must all start overcoming our individual biases, fears, and/or ideologies that have played into the goals to the Willie Lynch doctrine. Given the challenges and temperament of today’s world we have so much more to gain by addressing this then we do by staying the present course.

But what, specifically, am I talking about? It’s a very good question that deserves a clear and concise answer.

Intimacy is based upon an unwavering trust and faith in one’s partner. It requires a willingness to be understanding, to grow in ways we may not have ever imagined – or have previously determined we would not (in some cases), to be a friend without judgment or debasement, and to possess a genuine desire to open oneself to giving and receiving.

Wow..! That says a lot and, in truth, it requires a lot. All too often we go about the business of having a relationship without the benefit of true intimacy because we have allowed our circumstances to stifle the closeness that waits impatiently within us. Too many couples are grappling with their own desires to be right over an issue that only serves to divide the two, thereby weakening an otherwise stable foundation. And, in some cases, too many individuals would rather hold fast to their past experiences, applying those “lessons” in the present relationship, when there is no need to do so.

Many suffer from a kind of disassociated “shadow intimacy” without the real benefit of caring and sharing that comes from giving and receiving with openness. Some have forgotten how good it feels to give that part of self in a relationship. And still others have decided, out of a desire to “protect” themselves, to lock their ability to share in intimacy within the confines of their emotional fortress.

And what, can we imagine, is the outcome of such acts?

It would be easy to go into the various side-effects of these choices however I choose not to because I believe there is a greater perspective we should consider… one that overshadows the negative on every front, and one that leaves us with a greater willingness to move forward… and not remain stagnant.

We are a culture that requires interaction with those we allow in our lives. Our DNA is complete only when such is the case, and we have that special someone in our lives that we can share ourselves with. It is my belief that every good person deserves to share the abundant joys (and challenges) that await him or her while journeying upon the road of life, with their special someone.

The legacy of Willie Lynches Intimacy is a real thing in the Black community. We struggle to find common ground and shared joy on a daily bases at times, and we have a common longing for greater closeness in our relationships.

Yet we are not ever defeated. Within us remains the strength and wisdom to overcome the historic “programming” of how we should regard one another. And within us rests a power equal to all the great things we have overcome throughout history both individually and collectively. This power awaits our call to act on behalf of what is righteous and needed for our community…

Greater Intimacy.