fear in U.S.

i challenged my fear to understand
its power over me
and somehow through my processes
i began to see

my fear had put me in a box
if surrounded me with strife
it prevented me from many paths
to a better life

and when i chose to challenge it
i saw my world so clear
i saw some truths about us all,
i simply have to share

we all have fears that we all bear
and sometimes, we’re not aware
yet it is this commonality
that has brought us all to here

some folk thrive in yesterday
embracing their echoes of fear
maintaining uniformed disharmony
and perpetuating collective despair

but then there are those who understand
the measure of what is great
who understand this simple truth:
Our future is a shared fate

so we can take this side, or that
and our fears can be pushed out
but rest assured, when we can be honest
Our fear is Our prison, no doubt.

Blood and Oil

The Poetry Series #11

The flow of the tide
Brings with it the cry of anguish
Brings with it the end of legacy
Brings with it the awareness of a people

Nature herself yearns
To cleanse her wounded heart
To cleanse the shadows of greed and callousness
To cleanse her integrated Spirit of this nightmare

Each passing day
We find plight and ruin loom closer
We find the truth of capitals corrupted influence
We find the people grow restless in despair

Yet, the questions abound
What stops u.s. from taking the initiative
What stops u.s. from turning our backs to propaganda
What stops u.s. from realizing our true strength

The Earth cries at her hurt
We drove a stake into her heart
We drove a spear into the depth of her sacredness
We drove an excuse for greed to our doom

And her blood flows
Her oily blood that lashes out to remind u.s.
Her oily blood that flows so steadily towards u.s.
Her oily blood that so many link to salacious prosperity

Blood and Oil
The tears of a crying Earth
The tears of a wounded Mother that requires our viewing
The tears of a giver of life urging us to stop, to think, to better ways

Blood and Oil

FRIENDSHIP

(The Poetry Series #10)


Free to explore and share our most sacred inner thoughts without shame or fear

Ready to stand beside one another in the midst of any storm, every step of the way

Interested in nurturing the common bond which makes the relationship special

Excited to experience the individual and common growth of the union

Non-judgmental, ever appreciating the value of unconditional love

Deeply rooted in the knowledge that we are stronger together, then alone

Shares with a willingness that elevates the closeness and enhances our lives

Happy to give of self without the expectation of something in return

Intuitively in tuned to the rhythm and flow of the many moments spent together

Perfectly balanced in harmony, truth, commitment, sharing, loving, and accepting


FRIENDSHIP

If...

(The Poetry Series #8)


If I allowed all the things you think of me to become my truth,
Putting aside the realizations and self knowledge I have honestly earned
If I allowed those things to be internalized, then to become my truth
Would I not be sacrificing my reality, my years of perspective and being?

If I chose to cut myself off from shared dialog because of my fears,
Rather valuing the easy comfort of my established sense of self
Frolicking in the quagmire of my mind, created from that which battles within
Would I not be the very tool that determines to undermine my happiness?

If I gave all of me to part of you hoping some day you will give all of you,
Choosing to hope in what could be rather then dwell on what is
Believing in the capacity for life and growth over settling for stagnation
Would I be compromising my self worth for the sake of something greater?

If you took away that part of you that once drew my heart in
Deciding to hide in fear and insecurity, allowing your past to haunt you
Making irrational excuses in justification for not giving that which I need
Would you be responsible for how I feel about and react to you?

If you forgot to love me with the same passion and endearing, always
Not making the act a job or task, but ever embracing the sacredness of love
Not finding reason to shorten or delay the experience
Would the temptations that cross my mind have greater value to me?

If your time with me is limited to only when you chose to be
Rather placing more value on all the other parts of your life
Rather expending your time, energy and efforts in them
Would it seem unfair of me to find comfort in the company of another?

But

If we would decide to give our hearts and minds and loves without fear
If we would decide to make us more important than all else
If we would decide to share in the journey of love and life as one
Then, We would have truly lived in love, and loved in life.

The Devils Gift

(The Poetry Series #4)

She sits on the bench, a mess of pain, her tears ever present
Uncaring of the eyes that watch her demise, unmoved by their presence
Her world has crumbled, no longer so pristine, prestige abounds no more
And she holds her hands to the heavens, cursing every God
For her pain and loss is deep.
“Why God do you not love me, why forsake your child?”
“Why am I here, a mass of nothing, with no one to love?”
“I’ve done my part, I’ve kept my word, I’ve been consistently yours.”
“But look at me, Lord look at me, is this to be my reward?”

The stranger walks by and hears her cry, his heart touched to action
She takes a seat beside this woman, gingerly, caringly, lovingly
Her mind races, attempts to fathom the depth of this Souls anguish
Yet only from afar does she comprehend the realness of the despair
Only from afar, indeed.
“Sister I don’t know you, never saw you before, but I’m here, I care, what is it?”
“What can I do to comfort you, what words or deeds are you in need of.”
“I heard your cry from across the way, and I’m responding to you now.”
“So please do tell where I can help, and I will if I can, my word.”

With tear stained cheeks her head uplifts at the sound of the voice near by
The loss of interest in life now battling against a sliver of hope
For her awareness registers the kindred soul that made the time to hear
The wailing of a Soul once whole, now lost in a world gone careless
For in truth, who really cares?
“I’ve tried my all to be the way my God wants me to be.”
“Yet now it seems there’s no reward, and my life has been for naught.”
“I’ve come to know a truth, I think, to know this truth as true.”
“That God has lost the fight for man, because man readily accepts the Devils Gifts.”

A shock of pain runs through her body, her mindset stunned by the words heard
She tries to understand this woman, then asks God why place her there
What to say, and what to do, these thoughts ring loudly inside her
Was there truth for sure in what she said... No, how could that be
For the Devil has no gifts.
“Sister don’t say things like that, God don’t like those words.”
“Things will be all right, just pray, and soon you’ll see a change.”
“I have to ask how you could say such terrible things aloud?”
“And how can you say we accept anything from the Devil?”

The crying lady looks at her, she wants to pull her hair out
Her empty stomach rumbles anew, reminding her of the many missed meals
She readies herself for the fight to come, at least she thinks it will
And lifts a hand to the heavens above, not caring, not wanting, not willing
Not willing to believe.
“The Devil has the gifts you see! For those who sin get rewarded!”
“I’ve seen this time and time again, and I’ve lost everything because of it.”
“Yes, try to do good and you get stepped on, do bad and prosper, but still lose.”
“Try to hold on to integrity, and the world will laugh at you forever.”

Perplexed and bothered by these words the visitor begins to wonder
Why God have you sent me here, this woman has lost her faith
What am I to do with this, what words can be said to help
What kind of God would place me here to hear these tragic words
Why God, place me here?
“Sister why do you talk like that, you know those words aren’t true.”
“You know God loves us one and all, why curse God in such a way?”
“It seems you’ve lost your faith somehow, and now you seem to suffer.”
“Let’s take a moment and say a prayer because God has a plan for you.”

The lady looks at her unabashed, knowing she speaks from lack of knowledge
A tear falls down her already stained cheek to be lost somewhere is space
For deep within she hears the cry, “You’ll be hungry today, again”
And she shakes her head at no one, her fist she presents to God
She’ll be hungry today, again.
“Why did you even come to me if all you do is pray?”
“What can your prayer do for my empty stomach, or the house I no longer have?”
“Go away from here, leave me alone, you’ve wasted yet more of my time.”
“Tell your God the battle is lost, and the Devils got the gifts.”

A closer look at the other one and some things begin to clear
Commonality in how she looks, her mannerism, and her features
This woman now begins to see there’s much more here then thought
She questions now what’s going on, how this anguish feels so familiar
Her sister and she -- one in the same
“How dare you question God at all, how dare you attack his name?”
“How dare you give so much away, when you know that God is near!”
“And how dare you say the Devil’s won, when the fight is yet underway.”
“I’ll prayer for you, that you can see, the blessing that you really do have.”

And then the other turns to her, and looks her in the eye
She looks through her and all her walls and then she starts to cry
For in that moment the truth is known and soon no words are said
They sit there side by side in silence, soon both are brought to tears
Soon they are brought to tears
“You see, my sister -- I think you do -- that what I say is true.”
“And we will fight until we decide what truth we choose to believe.”
“I am you and you are me, and our hearts know what is there.”
“Now think a moment at what you know, and tell me why we spar.”

Along comes grief with the given truth because the battle is within
This sister sees not someone else, but the part of her she hates
She unfolds her cloak of hidden pain, that’s separated her from inner peace
She now knows she cannot not return to the falsehoods she once held
The two are one, they are the same
“I now see I am you, indeed, this dialog occurs within me.”
“I battle my thoughts and break me down, and lose that which I value”
“I play the role of being alone yet ever wanting for so much more”
“And somehow thrive in dire straights trying hard to mask my pain”

Now the two see eye to eye in this, yet questions are still unanswered
They sit together unwilling to bend, and so remain in emotional squalor
The seasons come and go with time, the two frozen side by side
Long icicles of tears now lay before them, tears from indecision and pride
And together they wail a cacophony of hurt
Together they act to defeat their very happiness
Louder and louder, and more sinister each time
‘Til early one morning the two that are one
Is wakened from this misery...

...

“Honey, wake up.” He says... “Wake up, you’re having a bad dream”

She awakens and looks at him, the morning light falling gently on his face.

“The nightmare,” she says, “It was the Devils Gift.”

He looks at her not understanding, not comprehending, bewildered.

She falls into his arms, crying.

Words To Help Pt. 3

I am reminded of the value of meditation and belief in oneself. The ideas written in the below chapters all have a common theme of taking time to meditate (pray), and belief in the power of ones Spiritual energy to draw those things that one seeks to self. The book provides many examples of how this way of thinking has proven successful to many people throughout time, and how we all possess similar power today.

I find myself reflecting upon the myriad thoughts and notions I’ve long held near and dear, and how the way in which I thought about some things was the very thing that kept me from attaining a particular goal.

In applying what I’ve read and internalized thus far in my life today, I can tell you it really does work...

Within the span of a few days of refocusing my thoughts and applying the approaches in this book to my life, there have been some miraculous changes in certain areas in my life. True story.

As I contemplate how I’ve viewed this world in which we live, and the many different ideals that impact our minds (or thinking), I begin to more clearly see how we have all been conditioned to think our way into the very kind of life we experience.

It has been my experience that when I focus on the less positive aspects of society, as accept those “perceptions/views” as the way it is, they indeed become my reality.

My wife has been the catalyst for this new journey I now undertake. It is through her quest, many years before, that she happened upon the book I now read. She had the foresight and courage to purchase it, and kept it in her personal library.

Funny, how we can look at a book for so long yet never see it. That was my experience. It has always been here, I’ve looked at the many book titles a hundred times over but it wasn’t until now that it was brought to my attention. Truth be told, I suppose it was an answered prayer and a wanting to evolved into a fuller being that lead my hands to these precious pages.

All too often we say we are about personal growth and that we have the capacity to look at ourselves truthfully... but can we ... and do we?

I am thankful I have been able to do so. I am thankful I have been able to see Dedoceo Habi for who and what he is. I am thankful I am able to identify where I need to grow if I truly am a Man of my word and genuinely want to succeed in those things I am called to do.

I share this part of my journey with others because I believe (and I’ve experienced this truth so often I have no doubt it is real) there are many others asking themselves the very same questions I have asked myself. The Universal connectedness of our Spiritual existence requires that we all find ourselves at similar points in our individual journeys, and that we share our experiences to help others, to learn from others, and to keep growing.

It is my hope that someone out there finds these words and is somehow helped to move closer to their dream. That they can acknowledge the truth of what I’m capturing from this book, and apply it to their lives. Most importantly, I am prayerfully confident they will understand the requirement that they share this truth with those they care about.

Excerpts from “The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind” - Dr. Joseph Murphy ~ Chapters 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, & 12 - ISBN: 0-13-685925-9 ~

As Your subconscious mind is in touch with infinite life and boundless wisdom, and its impulses and ideas are always lifeward. The great aspirations, inspirations, and visions for a grander and nobler life spring from the subconscious. Your profoundest convictions are those you cannot argue about rationally because they do not come from your conscious mind; they come from your subconscious mind.

To think correctly, scientifically, we must know the “Truth." To know the truth is to be in harmony with the infinite intelligence and power of your subconscious mind which is always moving lifeward. Every thought or action which is not harmonious, whether through ignorance or design, will result in discord and limitation of all kinds.

Many say there is an intelligence which will take care of your body if you let it alone. That is true, but the difficulty is that the conscious mind always interferes with its five-sense evidence based on outer appearances, leading to the sway of false beliefs, fears, and mere opinion. When fear, false beliefs, and negative patterns are made to register in your subconscious mind through psychological, emotional conditioning, there is no other course open to the subconscious mind except to act on the blueprint specifications offered it.

The principle reasons for failure are: Lack of confidence and too much effort. Many people block answers to their prayers by failing to fully comprehend the workings of their subconscious mind. When you know how your mind functions, you gain a measure of confidence. You must remember whenever your subconscious mind accepts an idea, it immediately begins to execute it. It uses all its mighty resources to that end and mobilizes all the mental and spiritual laws of your deeper mind. This law is true for good or bad ideas. Consequently, if you use It negatively, it brings trouble, failure, and confusion. When you use it constructively, it brings guidance, freedom, and peace of mind.

Trying to accumulate wealth by the sweat of your brow and hard labor is one way to become the richest man in the graveyard. You do not have to strive or slave hard.

Your conscious and subconscious mind must agree. Your subconscious accepts what you really feel to be true. The dominant idea is always accepted by your subconscious mind. The dominant idea should be wealth, not poverty.

What you consciously affirm, you must not mentally deny a few moments later. This will neutralize the good you have affirmed. The block to wealth is in your own mind. Destroy that block now by getting on good mental terms with everyone.

It is your right to be rich. You are here to lead the abundant life and be happy, radiant, and free. You should, therefore, have all the money you need to lead a full, happy, and prosperous life.

One reason many people simply make ends meet and never have enough money is that they condemn money. What you condemn takes wings and flies away.

Don't make money your sole aim. Claim wealth, happiness, peace, true expression, and love, and personally radiate love and good will to all. Then your subconscious mind will give you compound interest in all these fields of expression.

Never use the terms "filthy lucre" or "I despise money." You lose what you criticize. There is nothing good or bad, but thinking of it in either light makes it so.

Let us discuss three steps to success: The first step to success is to find out the thing you love to do, then do it. The second step to success is to specialize in some particular branch of work and know more about it than anyone else. The third step is the most important one. You must be sure that the thing you want to do does not contribute greatly to your success only. Your desire must not be selfish; it must benefit humanity.

Any mental picture, backed by faith and perseverance, will come to pass through the miracle-working power of your subconscious. Trust it, believe in its power, and wonders will happen as you pray.

Guidance comes as a feeling, an inner awareness, an overpowering hunch whereby you know that you know. It is an inner sense of touch. Follow it.

... Stay tuned for excerpts from the next chapters ...

Words To Help Pt. 2

After reading the below chapters I’m reminded of the value of prayer, of having concrete knowledge that prayers do get answered, and of my own belief in my capacity to realize all the goals I have set for myself. I also find myself reminiscing on my past -- the little boy who believed without question all the goodness this world has to offer, the boy who sang royally in the youth choir, the young man who always found a way to laugh at every situation, and the young adult who fearlessly embraced a new life in the Marine Corps, knowing it was his path to take.

Here I am many years later and I’m finding my need for a full Spiritual existence continues to grow. The information contained in the book is both illuminating and vindicating. I am caused to feel I’ve been on the right path of belief and faith for a long time now... and now I can embrace an even greater amount of faith.

As I read these pages I am forced (gladly) to consider my deepest beliefs and the actions I have taken to represent them in my life. Furthermore, I found this book as an answer to a prayer I sent out for guidance. My reading it is helping me to assess where my faith really is, and whether I truly believe (at my deepest core) in all the things I’ve espoused for so many years. A tremendous book, indeed...

Excerpts from “The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind” - Dr. Joseph Murphy ~ Chapters 3, 4, 5 & 6 - ISBN: 0-13-685925-9 ~

Marvelous are thy works; and that my soul [subconscious mind] knoweth right well.

As previously outlined, your subconscious cannot argue. It acts only from what you write on it. It accepts your verdict or the conclusions of your conscious mind as final. This is why you are always writing on the book of life, because your thoughts become your experiences. The American essayist, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Man is what he thinks all day long."

The reason there is so much chaos and misery in the world is because people do not understand the interaction of their conscious and subconscious minds. When these two principles work in accord, in concord, in peace, and synchronously together, you will have health, happiness, peace and joy. There is no sickness or discord when the conscious and subconscious work together harmoniously and peacefully.

You will find throughout all nature the law of action and reaction, of rest and motion. These two must balance, then there will be harmony and equilibrium. You are here to let the life principle flow through you rhythmically and harmoniously. The intake and the outgo must be equal. The impression and the expression must be equal. All your frustration is due to unfulfilled desire.

We injure ourselves by the negative ideas which we entertain. How often have you wounded yourself by getting angry, fearful, jealous, or vengeful? These are the poisons that enter your subconscious mind. You were not born with these negative attitudes. Feed your subconscious mind life-giving thoughts, and you will wipe out all the negative patterns lodged therein. As you continue to do this, all the past will be wiped out and remembered no more.

Oftentimes your conscious mind interferes with the normal rhythm of the heart, lungs, and functioning of the stomach and intestines by worry, anxiety, fear, and depression. These patterns of thought interfere with the harmonious functioning of your subconscious mind. When mentally disturbed, the best procedure is to let go, relax, and still the wheels of your thought processes. Speak to your subconscious mind, telling it to take over in peace, harmony, and divine order. You will find that all the functions of your body will become normal again. Be sure to speak to your subconscious mind with authority and conviction, and it will conform to your command.

Begin now to take care of your conscious mind, knowing in your heart and soul that your subconscious mind is always expressing, reproducing, and manifesting according to your habitual thinking.

Claim that the healing presence in your subconscious is flowing through you as harmony, health, peace, joy, and abundance. Think of it as a living intelligence, a lovely companion on the way. Firmly believe it is continually flowing through you vivifying, inspiring, and prospering you.

Belief is a thought in the subconscious mind. It means to accept something as true.

All frustration is due to unfulfilled desires. If you dwell on obstacles, delays, and difficulties, your subconscious mind responds accordingly, and you are blocking your own good.

Keep your conscious mind busy with the expectation of the best, and your subconscious will faithfully reproduce your habitual thinking.
Your thought, idea, plan, or purpose is as real on its own plane as your hand or your heart.

Faith as mentioned in the Bible is a way of thinking, an attitude of mind, an inner certitude, knowing that the idea you fully accept in your conscious mind will be embodied in your subconscious mind and made manifest. Faith is, in a sense, accepting as true what your reason and senses deny, i.e., a shutting out of the little, rational, analytical, conscious mind and embracing an attitude of complete reliance on the inner power of your subconscious mind. This is the time-honored technique of healing, utilized alike by all healing groups throughout the world regardless of religious affiliation.

If a man says he is allergic to Onion grass, you can place a synthetic onion or an empty glass in front of his nose, when he is in a hypnotic state, and tell him it is onion, he will portray the usual allergic symptoms. This indicates that the cause of the disease is in the mind. The healing of the disease can also take place mentally.

Healing is due to a confident expectancy which acts as a powerful suggestion to the subconscious mind releasing its healing potency.

Belief is a thought in your mind which causes the power of your subconscious to be distributed into all phases of your life according to your thinking habits.

All your experiences, all your actions, and all the circumstances of your life are but the reflections and reactions to your own thought.

I strongly suggest that you cease talking about your ailments or giving them a name. The only sap from which they draw life is your attention and fear of them. Furthermore, by the law of your own mind, these imaginings tend to take shape, As the thing I greatly feared. Fill your mind with the great truths of life and walk forward in peaceful contentment.

Great and noble thoughts upon which you habitually dwell become great acts.

The most fundamental and the most far-reaching activity in life is that which you build into your mentality every waking hour. Your word is silent and invisible; nevertheless, it is real.

You must ask believing, if you are to receive. Your mind moves from the thought to the thing. Unless there is first an image in the mind, it cannot move, for there would be nothing for it to move toward. You must reach a point of acceptance in your mind, an unqualified and undisputed state of agreement.

The conscious mind is submerged to a great extent when in a sleepy state. The reason for this is that the highest degree of outcropping of the subconscious occurs prior to sleep and just after we awaken. In this state the negative thoughts, which tend to neutralize your desire and so prevent acceptance by your subconscious mind, are no longer present.

Power goes into our word according to the feeling and faith behind it. When we realize the power that moves the world is moving on our behalf and is backing up our word, our confidence and assurance grow.

Remember that the thankful heart is always close to the riches of the universe.

... Stay tuned for excerpts from the next two chapters ...

Words To Help

2009 is almost over and we have much to look forward to in 2010. I am in the process on making a significant change within my own self. I’ve begun reading a dynamic and interesting book that is acting as the catalyst for my change and I am honored to share the highlights with you. This book was first published in 1963 and the truths, lessons and insights contained within it still apply today.

I hope, as you read the below bullets, that you find something to hold on to that can be applied to your life today, and make 2010 your year of victory and new life as well.

As a result of my reading so far, I’ve created a short prayerly meditation I will make three times a day (each day), knowing this is the way to realizing all of my goals.

Excerpts from “The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind” - Dr. Joseph Murphy
~ Chapters 1 & 2 - ISBN: 0-13-685925-9 ~


Be sure that you think on whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Your subconscious mind is the builder of your body and can heal you. Lull yourself to sleep every night with the idea of perfect health, and your subconscious, being your faithful servant, will obey you.

Never use the terms, "I can't afford it" or "I can't do this." Your subconscious mind takes you at your word and sees to it that you do not have the money or the ability to do what you want to do. Affirm, "I can do all things through the power of my subconscious mind.”

The law of life is the law of belief. A belief is a thought in your mind. Do not believe in things to harm or hurt you. Believe in the power of your subconscious to heal, inspire, strengthen, and prosper you. According to your belief is it done unto you.

Whatever you claim mentally and feel as true, your subconscious mind will accept and bring forth into your experience.

Your subconscious mind is like the soil which accepts any kind of seed, good or bad. Your thoughts are active and might be likened unto seeds. Negative, destructive thoughts continue to work negatively in your subconscious mind, and in due time will come forth into outer experience which corresponds with them.

Remember, your subconscious mind does not engage in proving whether your thoughts are good or bad, true or false, but it responds according to the nature of your thoughts or suggestions. For example, if you consciously assume something as true, even though it may be false, your subconscious mind will accept it as true and proceed to bring about results which must necessarily follow, because you consciously assumed it to be true.

All things that have happened to you are based on thoughts impressed on your subconscious mind through belief. If you have conveyed erroneous concepts to your subconscious mind, the sure method of overcoming them is by the repetition of constructive, harmonious thoughts frequently repeated which your subconscious mind accepts, thus forming new and healthy habits of thought and life, for your subconscious mind is the seat of habit.

If you have indulged in fear, worry, and other destructive forms of thinking, the remedy is to recognize the omnipotence of your subconscious mind and decree freedom, happiness, and perfect health. Your subconscious mind, being creative and one with your divine source, will proceed to create the freedom and happiness which you have earnestly decreed.

It is true that different people will react in different ways to the same suggestion because of their subconscious conditioning or belief. For example, if you go to a sailor on the ship and say to him sympathetically, "My dear fellow, you're looking very ill. Aren't you feeling sick? You look to me as if you were going to be seasick." According to his temperament he either laughs at your "joke," or expresses a mild irritation. Your suggestion fell on deaf ears in this instance because your suggestion of seasickness was associated in his mind with his own immunity from it. Therefore, it called up not fear or worry, but self-confidence.

CASE STUDY
Autosuggestion may be used to banish various fears and other negative conditions. A young singer was invited to give an audition. She had been looking forward to the interview, but on three previous occasions she had failed miserably due to fear of failure. This young lady had a very good voice, but she had been saying to herself, "When the time comes for me to sing, maybe they won't like me. I will try, but I'm full of fear and anxiety."

Her subconscious mind accepted these negative autosuggestions as a request and proceeded to manifest them and bring them into her experience. The cause was an involuntary autosuggestion, ie., silent fear thoughts emotionalized and subjectified.

She overcame it by the following technique: Three times a day she isolated herself in a room. She sat down comfortably in an armchair, relaxed her body, and closed her eyes. She stilled her mind and body as best she could. Physical inertia favors mental passivity and renders the mind more receptive to suggestion. She counteracted the fear suggestion by saying to herself, "I sing beautifully. I am poised, serene, confident, and calm." She repeated this statement slowly, quietly, and with feeling from five to ten times at each sitting. She had three such "sittings" every day and one immediately prior to sleep. At the end of a week she was completely poised and confident. When the invitation to audition came, she gave a remarkable, wonderful audition.

RELEVANCE
From infancy on the majority of us have been given many negative suggestions. Not knowing how to thwart them, we unconsciously accepted them. Here are some of the negative suggestions: "You can't." "You'll never amount to anything." "You mustn't.” "You'll fail." "You haven't got a chance." "You're all wrong.” "It’s no use." "It's not what you know, but who you know.” "The world is going to the dogs." "What's the use, nobody cares." "It’s no use trying so hard." "You're too old now." "Things are getting worse and worse." "Life is an endless grind." "Love is for the birds." "You just can't win." "Pretty soon you'll be bankrupt" "Watch out, you'll get the virus." "You can't trust a soul.", etc.

Unless, as an adult, you use constructive autosuggestion, which is a reconditioning therapy, the impressions made on you in the past can cause behavior patterns that cause failure in your personal and social life. Autosuggestion is a means releasing you
from the mass of negative verbal conditioning that might otherwise distort your life pattern, making the development of good habits difficult.

Check regularly on the negative suggestions that people make to you. You do not have to be influenced by destructive heterosuggestion (heterosuggestion defined as suggestions from another person). All of us have suffered from it in our childhood and in our teens. If you look back, you can easily recall how parents, friends, relatives, teachers, and associates contributed in a campaign of negative suggestions. Study the things said to you, and you will discover much of it was in the form of propaganda. The purpose of much of what was said was to control you or instill fear into you.

... Stay tuned for excerpts from the next two chapters ...

About Our Passion

Today I came to a conclusion able what it means to be a Man and how there are so many different ways we all think about Male Sexuality. We each have our own way of thinking about where a Man’s sexuality originates. All too often opinions are formed based solely upon what is comfortable to us. More interestingly, we wonder how Men would like our intimate passion expressed in our relationships. Of particular interest to me is that we all embrace thoughts we are comfortable with and then go about unable to acknowledge the value of how others think.

I was considering this while at one of my “places of thought” and decided to step outside my box. I tuned in to the local R&B radio station and decided to find out what I like about much of the music we now listen to.

Keep in mind, I use the words us, we, and our because I regard this, and all other matters I write about, as all part of One Black Nation. Our various views and ideals represent all of the different “parts” of our community that make us who we are. This is a truth we cannot escape. What is in the Mind and Spirit of one of us, is in the Mind and Spirit of all of us.

Back to this matter of passion...

There are two songs I have linked below in this dispatch, please take some time and challenge yourself to listen to them, and allow yourself to imagine the Artists are representing the truth of their perceptions, and doing so with all the passion they can muster. It is the only way they know how to do so.

Once you check them out I’d like you to consider somethings:

What if there was a part of that in all men? What if one of the reasons Men do not share their deepest desires with their Woman is that so many have decided to devalue perspectives they may be uncomfortable with? And, what if we came to a place in how we think that would allow us to enjoy this kind of passionate intimate diversity?

My conclusion: There is a part of everything in all of us; We are all Men and We love our Women.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKOT6teSarY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obLqb_-sars

No. 71 - Him, exposed

My last dispatch got a lot of attention and so I feel compelled to delve a little deeper into the idea of how a man thinks about the woman in his life. Now, let me preface this by saying I do not know and have not spoken with every man out there so what I share comes from conversations I’ve had with the men in my circle. Let me also say this: I believe each of these men have spoken the truth around how they view this issue because we have shared in honest dialog for many years and, through that process, have gained great respect for the common threads in our views.

At it’s deepest, most intimate level, the love, faith and trust from a good woman a man loves affects him at a biological level. It’s true.

I think about how I feel towards my Queen and I know it’s far more than just a passing feeling, or a temporary desire to be in her company. I have learned and accepted the fact that not only do my thoughts project towards our common goals, but my feeling are becoming intimately intermingled with hers. In essence, as we merge into one entity with a common goal we are brought more closely into the realm of a profound Spiritual connectedness, and this connectedness becomes an integral companion during our journey towards our goals.

What so many of my friends (and colleagues) have said they needed from their significant other boils down to her belief in him and her faith in his word. For sure there are other characteristics that are important to men but, in my opinion, these two are the greatest.

There seems to be something powerful about the belief a women has in her man. Something almost spiritual in how it drives a man forward when sometimes there appears to be no where else to go. When a women acts out in faith for her man, knowing full well the goal will be met, it adds a calming peace to the relationship - It defines their capacity for greatness.

Some, who think of the man and woman as two independent forces where each co-habitat their own space may think little of this or ask: Why is this important?

For me, it gets down to quality of life.

When we are in committed relationships we have to believe in the other person, and we have to have faith in them. Regardless of how long the journey, how many upsets, how many challenges, this has to be our mode of operation. Even when we are inclined to yield to the temptation to disbelieve and remove our faith we have to find a way to overcome that temptation.

Many men think of themselves (yes, even me) as warriors. We are in the throes of a great battle to achieve some goal. We are caught up in the ebb and flow of the myriad challenges of life, ever weary of what “might happen” or “what did happen”, and ever diligent in our efforts to find a way to enjoy a better life with those we love and care for. We seek to find the way out of the storm when many others have given up or have decided to accept the “nothingness” of the moment as their true fate in life.

In order for us to keep moving forward we take each step with the faith and belief that it is one step closer to realizing our goal. We embrace faith in self, in God, in our significant other, knowing full well it is their wish that we succeed. For us, without faith and belief in self, we have no reason to keep moving forward -- having no will to do any more than take our next breath as we vacantly watch life pass us by.

How does this all relate?

As I said earlier, when experiencing this kind of love, a Man develops a Spiritual connection to and with his Woman. For some strange reason his sense of destiny becomes intimately and dynamically linked to hers. While his faith and belief in self continues to exist, somehow the Universe has found a way to integrate her faith and belief into his. Where there was once two, now there is one.

So when there is little or no parity; when one person has no faith or belief in the other, a stated goal will never be reached where there will be two happy people, assured in their love, and solid in the knowledge “they did it together.” There will be no happy memories that prove their connectedness and confidence yo look back at and share in the glory of it all.

All too often we have heard of Men and Women who were with someone for some amount of time and then finally achieve some great goal, then the first thing they do is leave the one they were with. People all around them wonder why this has happened and some even point the finger at the notion that one person was using the other.

I tend to think that people are generally good. I tend to believe we genuinely do want what’s good for ourselves and those we care about. I believe it is more a matter of not having the nurturing and care one needs when staring down the challenges of the journey - when this happens we become hardened individuals, not caring partners.

For many men, the conversation is centered on her lack of faith and/or trust and/or belief in him. He talks about his need for her to understand him and to value him... his need for her to participate in his journey toward success as a partner with equal (and sometimes more) belief in success than he. He needs to know she has the understanding that their journey can lead to a greater appreciation for one another, or possible doom when there is no or little belief in one another.

Women have a Power. This Power men do not understand... we simply accept it and do our best to not get caught up in figuring it out. Call it Spiritual will or the ability to drive a man to great heights, or simply the power to collaboratively help their men to realizing a stated goal that will benefit all.

Whichever one prefers, it makes sense to understand this truth as being relevant in creating a happy and sustainable relationship. It makes sense that men should acknowledge this real and important fact about their lives, and it makes sense that women should wield their Power in ways that support a lasting relationship.

The words Men need to hear from their women are: “I believe in you”, “It will be alright”, “I know you can and will handle things”, and “We are in this together.” These words, along with the supportive actions that prove them, will overcome any problem, insure great memories and wonderful excitement, and will lead to a life of multiple successes.

I should acknowledge I am attempting to represent what a Man considers as a great relationship - from a more intimate and honest perspective. It is done from a positive point of view with the hopes it will stimulate dialog.

Him, exposed.

No. 70 - Her, defined

After months of silence I finally heard from a dear cousin of mine... I’ll call him Marvin. Last I heard his Mother had died and the process of preparing for her burial had devastated him.

One of the first things he told me was he had lost his job only three days after the funeral... he hasn’t worked since, and is now forced to live with relatives.

Although he had experienced such sadness in these last months his demeanor was calm and assured. He confided in me he had been off all stimulants (drugs and alcohol) and was finally beginning to feel real emotions. We even laughed when I joked about how surprised he must have felt when he first understood the feeling that was so unusually delightful to him was that of feeling happy. Feeling happiness for the first time in many years without the numbing affects of drugs and alcohol... it was the first time I could remember seeing him genuinely happy in many years. I felt blessed to experience it.

As we walked and talked we happened to talk about women. Since his situation was so fragile and he had little to offer in the way of material things or income he was getting a lot of resistance and hesitance from his estranged wife. She had made it clear she was quite uncomfortable supporting him and leery of making any commitment that would bring them any closer. We talked on this more and I gained greater insight into how he viewed the world, how life circumstance and decisions had adversely impacted his life. I came to appreciate a view of women that -- I’m hearing more and more these days -- seems to be a challenge to the status quo.

It was a little uncomfortable digesting all he said because as we spoke, standing outside of the place of worship where he now attends routinely for weekly prayer, this woman came up to us, Bible in hand, ready to share in the praising of the Lord with him.

I thought about that deeply as I headed back home, wondering at the oddity of that situation. Now, there are many who believe a man is the provider of the home and, no matter what, it is his job to do, and he is remiss if he doesn’t meet that need. I’ve overheard many women talking of how they would drop their man in a hot second if he didn’t have any money. As a man I believe it is a mans nature to want to provide for his family and it gives him great pleasure knowing that he does.

But something wrong has happened in our society... something that is the culprit for many breakups and much hardship in relationships all across the land. This thing has ruined not only the lives of husbands and wives, but also innocent children. What am I referring to, you may ask... very good question.

I shall answer it like so:

...

Her, defined
She knows her Man, and longs to be
The holder of his care,
She seeks to give him all he needs, when no one
Else is there,
She lifts him up, not heeding those
Who laugh behind her back,
She understands with clarity, and gladly gives
That which he lacks,
She smartly knows that while they struggle
This time lasts but a spell,
She sees the future in the hope she breathes
With every truth she tells.

And sometimes in his darkest hour, when he needs
To feel her love,
Her gentle words of belief in him let’s him
Know there is a God above.

Her, defined.

...

You see, what my dear cousin was saying to me was that he hadn’t given up on life. No matter what he had faced or what he would ever face he would not stop trying. He wanted to do more, be more, have more, give more, love more -- even when he may not always know how to or have the answer to how to achieve his goal. He refused to allow himself to believe he was nothing even though everyone and everywhere around him there were messages and indicators that many men have allowed to break them.

He was telling the universe that he is a Man and that he does deserve better and that he will not give up on self or life until he realized his dreams.

And he was saying he needed a Good woman to share not just the fruits of his hard-fought labor, but also the journey to making it so.

Who can say, in the modern day, what challenges we will all face as so much around us falls into ruin? Who can predict what more bad news or suffering will have to be absorbed and shared by us all? And who can expect to accomplish anything worthwhile, meaningful, and necessary without the help and support of others... namely the very one who professes to love them?

I have said and continue to say things will worsen before they get better. There are many people who are doing everything possible to realize a better life, who will not yield to the temptation to give up. Even in the face of all these challenges it is my fervent belief the only success to be had will be had when two people find the strength of character and commitment to one another to put aside antiquated thinking about how things ought to be and understand they live in the here and now. When this happens we can rest assured that families will be strengthened after having victory over the trials of the modern day. When this happens we will have tangible proof of the true strength of the pillars of our community - husbands and wives.

And we will be able to look back at the excitement of the journey, reflecting upon every step, every lesson learned, and every courageous victory, knowing full well that we did it...

Together.

No. 69 - Give and Take Within

What is it about the human condition that causes a person to hold steadfast to a viewpoint, belief or position even when it prevents him from that which he desires to possess? How closely aligned to the problems we perceive in our relationships are our words and actions? And, why do we hold so tenaciously to those parts of our psyche that seem to keep our happiness at bay?

These are some of the questions that rested on my mind this morning as I awakened. I lay there I wondered about the series of connected “dots” that compose our identity, and that set into motion the experiences we have in life.

As I consider these thoughts I begin to see a connection from one stage of the matter to the next. It occurs to me our identities have somehow become closely associated with our habits. These habits are nothing more than a series of repeated actions that we have become comfortable with. These actions are based upon the perspectives and realities we experience as we flow through the world as we evolve toward our individual (and collective) greatness. At various points in our evolution (in fact, the points of evolution) we decide what viewpoint we will embrace (and the accompanying attitude) or what viewpoint we will drop. Once these decisions are made our natural processes come into play and we soon find these new viewpoints tightly integrated into our view of the world.

In either case, we tend to adopt mannerisms, attitudes, and perspectives that are in line with how we regard the world, and the people in the world that we come across. It is these mannerisms that, when repeatedly exercised, become the recognizable traits of our character. Lo and behold, when we think of a person we have become acquainted with we hold a mental image of this person that is based on the actions of this person and the experiences we have had with this person, whether good or bad.

I tend to think about this with what I would consider an honest yet critical eye. I tend to use my thoughts to better understand the world around me, and apply these understandings to situations I find myself exposed to. I have found this approach to be helpful in my work with community and in helping to remove my own mental barriers.

Still, how is it that we have come to hold that part of us that opposes our true desire with such fervent passion?

I recently returned from a convention in Tampa and at one of the keynote events an older gentleman gave a presentation that really resonated regarding this subject. He sited an experiment done many years ago by Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman in which the term “Learned Helplessness” was coined.

The idea developed was based on a person who is exposed conditions that fostered adverse, fearful, or uncomfortable emotions. When this happens that person develops behaviors that remain present and impactful even when removed from the situation -- even applying them to similar situations later on in life. This is to say, we learn to behave in ways that perpetuate our thoughts of fear and helplessness even when removed from the circumstances that caused us adopt these viewpoints. Even when we have no clear reason to do so.

As I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. It explains why it is so hard for people to overcome past hurts or feelings of fear, rather choosing to continue protective and/or controlling behaviors. It explains why so many in our community have allowed their feelings of helplessness to dictate their views of and experiences in life, and it accounts for the many problems that grab us unexpectedly as we go about the business of maintaining lifelong relationships.

I see this every time I speak to a young man who proclaims he wants a job yet explains there are no jobs to be had. He, therefore, does not try to find work. He has learned to feel helpless -- it is his normal way now -- and so now he acts hopeless. In the end, the very thing he says he wants he has “learned” he cannot have and because of his thinking, he acts in ways that makes his belief his reality.

While some may call this a self fulfilling prophesy, I like to think this is nothing more than learned behavior. I take this position because I believe we can each control what we learn far more effectively then what we prophesy.

So we are now looking more carefully and honestly at how we have come to act in certain ways and under certain conditions. We are considering how it is that our emotional “training” has come to control our logical implementation of will. And we are seeing how our happiness or sadness, our success or failure -- all these things the constitute the human animal -- is based simply on our learned behavior. It is something we all have and something that is intimately held within us all.

I think this is a great thing. I think so because I believe we are all smart enough to see the value in taking a decidedly proactive approach to re-learning how we give and take within.

No. 68 - $4.00 worth of gas

Funny how it seems, at times, that we so easily forget who we are, where we are, and what we claim we are about. And it’s peculiar how we are tested when we least expect it. For sure, there must be a book somewhere that records our every word and then quickly goes about setting things into play to let us prove our character.

Such was my experience today.

I had just completed work at a local place of worship. As I walked toward my car I heard a commotion. I looked over and across the street, through the fence, and watched as an older man, late 50’s I would say, hurriedly went from one person to the next. As I took in the scene it looked as if he was being shadowed by a woman.

I watched and vaguely heard his rushed words as one person after the next turned him down. He did not become upset... he would simply move on to the next person. Funny though, it seemed the street was abuzz with activity. Cars went by, mothers and children walked by, pairs of friends strolled along... yet no one seemed to be willing or able to help this gentleman.

I watched a moment longer... then I turned away to get into my car. After all, he had it covered. And then I heard him calling toward me.

I turned to look and there he was, boldly approaching me... saying something... words which became clearer to me as he finally stopped, standing less than five feet away.

“That’s my wife over there... she’s four months pregnant. I pray to God that you can help us. I had to come to my meeting today... just made it, then I ran out of gas. Can you help?” he said.

I looked at the woman again and sure enough I could see the tell-tale sign of a young life growing in the small rounded pouch that protruded before her.

It was hot... almost 90 degrees and there was no wind. I sweat just standing there. I looked at him a bit closer and could see his sweat as well.
“We just need a little gas to get to the house. I come here every week. If you leave your information I’ll pay you back. My back is out... I can’t walk in this heat,” he said.

I had put $4.00 in my pocket this morning. Not sure why... just did. I suppose, in retrospect, I had put it in my pocket for this moment.

“I will help,” I told him, and then he was heading towards his parked truck. I heard him say thank you more than once. I told him I’d pull over so we could go and get the gas.

When I pulled up to his truck his wife came over with a gas can. I was a little surprised but said nothing. He looked at me and said: “This truck has all we got in it... I’ll stay here and rest my back while you two go get the gas.”

I looked at the truck... it was filled with wood... pieces of board from some broken old building or some dilapidated old floor... to the point of overflowing. She wasted no time coming over and getting in.

I introduced myself, she introduced herself. I have to say it was awkward and I wasn’t sure about this at all. Did I miss something? Was I about to be hustled? Why would a man allow his wife to go with a stranger? What “rules of engagement” had been broken?

Then I remembered how my mother had helped others as we grew up. I remembered the good Samaritan story of old, and all the stories of good people helping those in need. I released my fear and doubt long enough to put myself in their shoes to try and understand... and long enough to consider these two strangers could be two angels.

Some may think my view is “pie-in-the-sky”. It may have been foolish of me to be trusting. Somehow I felt I was being tested. Here I was coming out of a church, there to help others, and just as I exit I’m faced with the choice of whether of not to help someone in real immediate need.

We got to the gas station and I gave her the $4.00. She graciously thanked me, went inside and paid for the gas. She came out and got $4.00 worth of gas, returning to the car with a sense of relief and joy.

“We really thank you,” she said. I said it was no problem and we headed back to her waiting husband.

When we arrived he was sitting with the door half open... I thought he was in a daze or about to pass out. He looked as though he was not feeling well. When asked, he said his back was killing him, having pulled it while getting the wood.

She got out of the car and thanked me again. They both did. I told them it was no problem... because it wasn’t. I then drove off.

As I drove towards my next stop I wondered about this unusual couple. I wondered how they had come to be together... how could they be together. It seemed so unlikely - him so old and her looking half his age... and pregnant to boot. I then recalled watching how she tenderly shared holding the gas can with her husband after I had dropped her off, their empty tank waiting for the needed gas.

I try to place some value on the $4.00 worth of gas as I allow the memory of the experience to settle in my mind. It occurs to me the value of that little bit of money was as such - at least to this couple:

Got them home after a long day of trials and tribulation in the hot Oakland Sun
Gave them an opportunity to keep trying to make a living for themselves
Created an opportunity for them to work together, to find a way to demonstrate their care and commitment even during this challenge

...And most importantly,

Showed them that prayers are answered.

No. 67 - Anger and the Prostitute

So I’ve been thinking about anger, and the affects it has on our valued relationships, and wondered just what is it about anger that gives it so much power over relationships? Naturally, I had to first look within to gain a better understanding of whatever anger there might be that resides – or that once resided – there. I’ve taken the opinion that we must first consider ourselves, and then information we gain from others, and then share it with those we love and care about before internalizing that information as truth or fiction.

Here’s the situation and process I’ve witnessed in many occasions, and that, I noticed is presently considered commonplace for so many in our community (sadly):

The two are in a relationship, both proclaiming their love for one another. They have grown to feel they have finally found someone they can be themselves with; someone that values their individuality for what it is; someone that shares common views and interests on many fronts. Off they go, along the thrilling avenues of life, hand-in-had with confidence in their ability to live the lives they had both dreamed of, they bask in the glow of love.

There is no question the two are fully engaged in the relationship and benefiting from accepting one another in their fullness. Both are growing in ways and places they could never have imagined. Together the two possess the ability to overcome each and every obstacle they may face… and do so without skipping a beat. The Love they share is so complete there is nary a single thought given to the notion that this bliss could some day change.

But one day it does.

One day, something happens that begins the dulling process of this once radiant love. This event, while small at first, is the very thing that puts the couple on high alert, and soon becomes the threat to the very thing they both want and value so highly. I like to say it is the first stage in the Prostitution of their Happiness. I say so because it is during these events that the happiness the couple so highly values is relegated to the corruption brought on by the unworthy – and undignified – purposes of anger.

The Scenario:
The two are in conversation, as they have done so a thousand times prior to this moment in time. One of them says something that seems normal and appropriate based upon his/her perspective, and with a desire to further enjoy the discourse. The other person for some reason that might seem unclear, and that certainly comes from a place and awareness not relevant to the present situation, takes offense to what is said. He/she is struck by what he/she just heard and reacts in a way that demonstrates this. To the surprise and bewilderment of the other person, this behavior is off-putting, to say the least. Words are said that could compromise the stability of the once stable platform on which the relationship stands. Emotions spill forth that cast a dark light on one or both of them, neither wanting to take ownership of their role played in the scenario.

Two very critical things happen now: first, the one to which the anger was aimed decides he/she will no longer “talk about that”, second, the one who became angry initially decides he/she was justified in their position, even though the adverse emotional outburst has become the initiating catalyst that may someday defeat the very thing they both want – lasting happiness together.

This is the moment in time when the Prostitute is at the apex of destructive power. This is where the Prostitute engages in the spread of disease, discord, and dishonor into the relationship. This is where the seeds of defamation, contempt, and diminished support enter into the lives of these two. If the two aren’t careful and willing to raise their level of awareness and respect for the relationship, the path to happiness will be slowly, subtly derailed. They will some day find themselves quite unhappy.

So the couple somehow gets beyond the event and is finally getting back on track. Things are now flowing and the smiles and joy find their way back into the daily routines. They talk about dreams, plans, ideas, and events of the day.

But never any more talks about that thing that was their flash point.

And then one day it happens again. Once again they are in the pit of despair, having to grapple with that inner demon called Anger that seeks to Prostitute their happiness. Once again they struggle to believe in one another and find reason to hold steadfast to what they want for their lives.

And once again two very critical things happen. Yes, it happens once again. So now there are two things they will no longer talk about. Now there are two episodes where they went from two people enjoying the love they each share, to two warriors so determined to get their way they would gladly destroy the very prize they had so proudly proclaimed they were ready to enjoy.

And soon we see the pattern evolve. Soon we see with each episode the same thing happening. The two get caught up in their own positions and neither is willing to step up to remind the other of what they are about.

Sadly, after months, years, and sometime decades of this… After deciding there is so few “safe” things to talk about and there are so many episodic explosions, the two one day realize they do not even like the person sleeping soundly beside them.

That Prostitute… she is very good at what she does.

And then one day the two are no more… having a hundred reasons to part ways, and none to remain, repair, and rebuild.

It is a most unfortunate thing that anger has so much power over us. It is sad to see the terrible impact it has in so many lives and how so many so readily give their happiness away to anger. Many storm into a room with a defiant stride and an abundance of “powerful” anger thinking to make a point or get their way only to see, at the end of the road, that it was worthless.

Anger, you see, is the enabler that allows our happiness to be corrupted.

That damn Prostitute…

No. 66 - Flashback to the Present

Wednesday Night:
I stood there beside my car, alone in the dark as cars passed by and city-sounds echoed off the many building that surrounded me. There I was, needing a minute to clear my mind, to breathe easy, to relax the energy that had developed within me as I prepared to meet with a colleague. The wind was chill and I made sure to zip my coat to the neck.

In the distant, I saw him walking toward me.

I wondered many things as I watched this lone man slowly saunter into my space. Was he under the influence? Was he up to no good? Was I ready to take on and deal with any untoward actions he might attempt against me? These were the thoughts that came and went in my mind as I watched this person come my way.

He approaches, just a few feet away now, and stops. I look at him. He looks at me.

And this is how the conversation went:

Him: Hey man, can you help me… I got just a dollar in my pocket.
Me: Sorry to hear that…
Him: I lost my place six days ago, been living in the streets since.
Me: Wow…
Him: I lost my car because I had some tickets… now I gotta do community service.
Me: Do you have family?
Him: No… no one here… I’m all alone.

I see tears begin to well up in the corners of his eyes. I see his stature dwindle with each word that comes from his mouth.

Him: Haven’t eaten all day… all I got is my health… I just want some milk… can you help me?

I reached into my pocket. I felt his sincerity. Here before me was a man grappling with his own pride and dignity, hoping to find some way to nourish his body, to sooth his mind, to comfort his soul.

Him: I’m strong, I have skills, I am somebody… why is all this happening to me?
Me: I don’t know. I have seven dollars here, you can have five.
Him: Oh, thank you… thank you… things will get better, I know they will.

I gave him the money, he cries openly now. The tears fall boldly from his eyes and I struggle with how to respond. Where is the line that should not be crossed? What “rules” apply to this situation, where one man pleads with another – a stranger, at that – for some reason to remain steadfast in his manhood and know there will be a better day.

Me: Look man, things will get better. Is there anywhere you can go?
Him: I have a friend. He said I can come over anytime. But he wants me to sleep with him.

I stood there perplexed… what is happening to us? How can there be so much dysfunctional thinking and regard for one another in our society. I was at a loss for words. Anger, frustration, embarrassment, sadness and fury all battled within me to become the dominant emotion. What was I to say?

Him: I’ve been up for two days. I’m tired… I guess I’ll have to keep walking.
Me: Hold your head up, Brother. Hold your head up and know that things will get better.
Him: They will, thanks.

He walks away, the five dollars tightly clenched in his hand, his hand secure in his pocket. I can hear his sniffles carry in the wind as his pace hastens. He is now twenty feet away. I pray that this Brother reconnects with his hope, with his sense of greatness, with his deeper inner strength. I see him turn around and come back towards me. He stops, looks at me, the tears no longer present, his back a bit straighter, a look of growing determination upon his face.

Him: Thank you, man… you see, sometimes I just want to talk. Sometimes I just have to get it out… sorry for having to come back.
Me: It’s cool, man…. You just take care. I know how it is, trust me. Just take care and know that things will work out.
Him: They will.

He walks away and this time I can sense he is reconnecting with that part of him that will allow him to keep going.

I watched his walk into the distant night. Cars pass by now and then. The wind carries a chill that is hard to shake but I am somehow distantly removed for it. Soon I can no longer see this Brother but the experience still repeats in my mind. Why had the Universe, the Gods, Our God, and fate brought this experience into my presence? What am I to learn from this meeting? Was it chance?

I realize it’s colder and I need to be on my way… after all, duty was calling. I looked in his direction once again, still pondering our interchange…

It’s been a couple days since that meeting and I continue to reflect upon it. In my work to help build a better community I have come across many different people and many different situations, each of which has helped in shaping how I view the world we live in today. I do not believe my focus in on the negative or “bad” side of society, as some have told me. I am a realist, a pragmatic witness to the realities of the world in which I live. My calling is to absorb the myriad experiences I’ve encountered and find a way to make sense of what is happening to our community. Then I am compelled to share my observations.

I’ve shared this experience with you because it is part of the world we all live in, and if we are truly about wanting a better life for ourselves and those we care about, or even for our community, then we have to find some way to make things better.

I wanted to bring this experience to you so that, in real time, you could flashback to the present – to YOUR present – and look for some small thing you can do, and will do, to make things better for someone else.

No. 65 - 20 to Life

We sat across from one another, confident in our abilities to discuss and explore an issue that so many others find repulsive. We were both anxious to share our viewpoints while at the same time hoping to discover some insight that might help in understanding what goes on in the mind of those most folk would rather ignore. Our hope was that we could somehow gain a better understanding of the mindset and actions of that group in our society we classify as “criminal”.

I can never know if he had an ulterior motive, wanting to gain some upper hand or favor. In truth, the thought never entered my mind. As I look back at the dialog, I can see that I was genuinely intrigued by the opportunity to learn from this Brother. Indeed, for me, as is ever my way, I simply wanted to understand.

He is six months out of prison, having served twenty years for robbery. He had been caught up in his drug addiction and lost all connection to our “logical” world. His crimes were many, having committed one form of crime or another since a very young age. He did not waver in the telling of his story, having chosen a life of crime and recklessness early in life.

The conversation started with me asking questions around the youth of our day and their untoward acts and behaviors that have so routinely lead them to jail or the penitentiary. I had been wondering what it is within our once innocent children that causes them to break away from what they know is good or right to do that which hurts not just themselves, but also their community. I’m compelled to ask these questions because of the many stories I’ve been privy to, and the observations I’ve made about what I suspect are the root causes. And, I must say, I wanted to determine if my overall assessment of the situation was accurate.

As his story goes, he had made up his mind at a very early age to commit to a life of crime. One thing lead to another and then drugs came into his life… first one kind, and then the next, and so on. Soon he was an addict and did what many addicts do to support their habit…

Ultimately, he landed in prison. He boldly proclaimed that it was there, at that low point in his life, that he committed to fixing what was broken within him.

I wanted to know what had caused his behavior at such a young age, and when did he really begin to come to grips with it.

He reiterated, “It’s what I wanted to do.”

In my mind that was not the core issue. In my mind there had to be some other reason or event that had caused this intelligent man to make those choices at such a young age. I am forced to believe we are all intelligent even at a young age, and we all do know right from wrong.

Here he sat, in his late fifties, a testament to the power of a Man to choose differently even at the lowest point in his life. A Man whose life fully demonstrates that our inner strength will ever be far deeper, much stronger, and more entrenched within us than many would have us believe.

So I pressed the issue.

Being careful to maintain the conversation without focusing on him I said, “Surely, we all know the difference between right and wrong. You said you have siblings that are all considered successes by anyone’s measure… what was it about you that caused you to chose a different path?”

His phone rang and he excused himself. I sat there quietly, considering all he had shared while at the same time wanting to take the dialog further. I hoped he would return so the conversation could progress. I hoped I had not scared him off or offended him in any way.

Shortly, he re-entered the room, a broad smile upon his face. He came straightway to his seat and took it.

“That was a friend of mine. I’ve been talking to her for three months now about staying off drugs and coping with her inner demons. I told her she needs to love herself more than ever before because she is facing major challenges in her life right now”, he said.

“Yeah, I know what you mean… so many women are dealing with so many issues these days”, was my response.

“For sure” he said, “and no matter how bad it gets they have to find the strength. For me, it was God. I don’t preach it or anything like that, but that’s how I got over mine”.

There was a brief pause.

“Her Son is in Juvie Hall and he says he doesn’t want to be there. I told her to tell him he has no choice – because he doesn’t – and she needs to be his Mother now more than ever. Then she went on to tell me because of this and her ongoing mistrust, hurt and the pain still present from a past rape she is tempted to go back to the drugs again”, he said.

“Man, she’s got to find that strength… keep encouraging her...”, I started but then he said something that stopped me.

“When I was in prison I decided I couldn’t keep it in anymore. That’s when I started to heal. I stood up and spoke up about when I was raped. It happened when I was five, then six, then seven… all the way to when I was seventeen. My mother didn’t believe me. Said I was making it up. Do you know how that made me feel!?”

We were there… in the thick of it, and so the conversation flowed… “So you needed something to deal with your hurt?”, I asked.

He was quiet.

“When a child is violated and loses his/her sense of trust, and the very people who are supposed to protect and nurture them do not, they find ways to cope”, I said.

He looked at me a moment and then said, “That’s when I gave up. That’s when I found my way of keeping my pain and hurt in check – the drugs, the alcohol, the crime.”



This is a theme I’ve heard from many of the women whose presence and stories I’ve been honored to share in. It is a theme many in our community hold that, in my opinion, continues to wreak havoc even to this day. We have gotten so far away from a true nurturing community in many cases that our very foundation is shaking loose even as we go about our lives acting as if all is well.

I thought about that conversation the rest of the evening… it’s why I’m compelled to write this… and I’ve come to realize that his prison sentence was far longer than the 20 to life he was given by some judge.

His prison sentence began the day his trust was violated and the lack of support for that young innocent child drove him to seeking and embracing his false sense of security, his “forget-about-the-hurt” remedies.

The final thing he told me was his behavior had changed all those many years ago because he did, so early on in his life, what he thought was necessary to protect his sanity and get through the hurt.

Oh, the sad irony of it all. Oh, the unfortunate truth of that reality. Oh, the painful burden he had been forced to carry all those years.

The bad news is that this was his reality and similar realities exist throughout our community in the lives of so many others.

The good news is we can all learn from this brave Brother. He has been clean and sober for more than fifteen years now and has put his haunts to rest. He has found a way to experience self-love while at the same time forgive those whose actions corrupted his Spirit and became the catalyst that nearly ruined his life. He is a testament to our individual strength to rise above any “assigned” station in life where others think to dictate our destiny. His is a journey that spans decades and is filled with victories over the very things that only perpetuate hurt, but that so many find false solace in.

Would we but listen, would we but learn.

No. 64 - How She Cries

I’m writing this after considering some things I had recently heard while working with a group of Women on a project centered around, well, Woman’s issues. I must say I was absolutely floored upon hearing some of the stories these beautiful Sisters shared. These stories will stay with me for a long time to come and I respect the daring, strength and determination of the many Women who felt comfortable enough to share their most personal stories with me in their midst.

In the end, I am saddened by all the hurt, deception, violation of trust, and abandonment that goes on in our community. I feel we have to find a way to overcome these issues in order to have a better experience in this life.

And I am encouraged because the process of healing and recovery has begun. It began the moment these great Women decided it was time to talk about what had happened to them so long ago… and what still happens in our community today. They are on the road to healing.

Try to find a way to take encouragement from this and know that we all have to start talking about the good and bad truths of our lives. This is so because, in order to take back the power and authority to create a stronger community we must first understand we are all either one of two things:

… Part of the problem, or part of the solution.


How She Cries

Upon a time, but not so long ago
I was afraid to see that which is ever before me
My thoughts and machinations were of petty things
Endeavoring to realize some distant goal
Endeavoring to attain some material delight
Yet, never a thought to what is most precious…

Her strength beguiles me, lulls me to a place of solace
And I fail to consider those hidden things that darken Her Soul
I am caused to think that all is well by her joy in the moment
Oblivious to the loud echoes of past hurts that consume Her
Oblivious to the haunting fears that burst into Her reality
Even to this day, only more profound, more pervasive, more contrived

In Her mirror She boldly faces down the monster that seeks Her ruin
She holds Her head high, finding reason to smile, reason to laugh
Reason to move beyond the betrayal that threatens to break Her
She will not allow Her Spirit to be broken
She will not yield to the doom that comes with temptation
Her daily challenge is to find reason to smile, to care, to be

Many look upon Her actions with disdain, contempt, without care
Others laugh at the “pitiful wreak” that fights to forget the pain
Not knowing the inner ordeal, not knowing the flashes of disgust
But She holds fast to Her humanity, even while hidden
But She finds the path to Her own strength, even in the dark
For how can an outsider see the trauma that besets Her

Long ago, in a place that was once safe, secure, called home
She was made to do that which disgusted Her
Over and over, Her trust was betrayed
By the one that was said to be trustworthy
By the one that was supposed to protect Her
Or by the two who had come together to create this beautiful Child

And Her heart ached then as She did Her best to cope
How could they even look at Her, how could She look at them
What was once precious was taken without thought
Taken to never be returned
Taken with no regard to the price She – and we – would ever pay
And the price has been dear to all: tears, hurt, shame, guilt, ignorance

From that moment forward She is changed
Forced to deal with something Her young mind has no preparation for
Made to act as if everything is all right
When in fact Her world has become a nightmare
When in fact She can no longer dream Her innocent dreams
Flashes of fear and hurt become a familiar fixture in Her world

So how does She cry
What has become of this radiant young child that has been so violated
Ten, twenty, thirty, even fifty year later – in this present day
She still sees those sights
She still feels that violation
Only, now the burden is part of Her perception and, it is as it is

We wonder where Her anger draws its power
We think She is crazy, not in touch with reality
Yet She truly is… even more in touch than we are
Because She has not yet found a way to forget
Because the very ones that violated her are still about
And She has held Her pain, Her truth away from all, save a few

She will question you when She cares
She will discard you when She fears
She will love you from Her Soul
She will do so not by being shy, but by being bold
The good in it, the bad in it, the fullness of it
And in the end, if you are enough for Her, She is enough for you

… How She Cries …
Loudly, softly, confidently, fearfully, deeply
Yes, so very deeply
She cries to be free of the haunts, the past hurtful memories
She cries to prevent the lose of Her Soul this tragic violation demands
She cries because She will find a way to breathe

What is the role I must play in all this
Am I the cause for continued duress
Or is mine the hand that will accompany Her in the journey
The choice is ours to make – Hers and mine
Yet, I’ve long known:
A challenging journey shared is always a better journey survived.

No. 63 - Heaven at Our Doors

Sometimes, when we are open to the gifts of light and life that await us, when we have stopped our daily toil long enough to breathe, when we allow ourselves to put our guard down long enough to feel the warm Sunlight… it is then that we are exposed to the Heaven at Our Doors.

For so long I’ve been sharing my vision of a better community, of Men and Women treating one another with love, respect, and kindness. So long I’ve found reason to maintain my faith in Our Human Spirit and need to experience a higher sense of community, not because it was always the reality of my life, but because somewhere in my past I had once eaten of that luscious fruit and my Soul would not rest until I ate of it again. Ultimately, I have believed this kind of lifestyle is possible regardless of the challenges and pains anyone of us might have faced – or might ever face.

On Saturday I was invited to a colleagues home to take it easy and spend time with friends. I didn’t know any of the people there, save the one individual that invited me. Naturally, I went. It wasn’t long before I was chatting with Men and Women about things both professional and personal. I wandered amidst this small crowd of friends and family (I was the foreigner) and at no time did I feel I was an outsider. Everyone approached me and we shared laughs, stories, and kindness.

And the story gets even better...

There was a time when I passed through the aromatic dining room where couples were sharing meals and chatting it up, as I went to sit in the living room. It wasn’t until after I had sat down to really take in the experience that I noticed all the smiling faces of the ten to fifteen beautiful little children that sat and ran about, or stopped to look at me. It was the most powerful experience I have had in many years. It was the manifestation of tangible evidence that Love abounds at every level. I did not see arguing, disdain, or contempt for or in anyone. The fact the children were playing freely together was precious. And the fact everyone made it his or her goal to at least shake my hand and say hello simply blew my mind.

It dawned on me this was the first time in a very long time that I was exposed to such support and giving without even the slightest hint of negative energy.

As I walked home I wondered why so many of us have stopped doing this. Why have we forsaken our time-honored tradition of coming together to reinforce our sense of community and familial bond? How is it that we have allowed our gains, pain, suffering, loss, or hardships to replace our necessary need for come together to appreciate one another in happiness? And how can we so willingly allow the simple Heavenly action of coming together in the spirit of sharing, giving, nurturing, and healing to fade from our family traditions?

We have work to do.

On Sunday, as I so often do, I visited another Church. I heard talks of love and compassion, of healing and of coming together. As I listened I smiled openly because it came to me that – here again – our Churches are doing their level best to help us remember that we are all in this together, that we can all share in a greater joy, sense of personal fulfillment, and community pride if (and when) we decide to come together.

What is important to note is that many Churches continue to fight for our livelihood and happiness even in the midst of all the storms our hard-hit communities endure. They are steadfast and dedicated to helping even ONE person live a healthier, happier life. There are many faith leaders that espouse the words and ideals that can create for us, a Heaven in our midst. And we all ought to commend them.

All too often we have bought into the divisive ideals or opinions that keep us out of Church or away from our community. All too often we rather find reason to minimize or even excuse the role Church plays in our lives for the sake of some convenient habit we have come to cherish.

But look at the where we are today. We are now killing one another more so than ever before – and for the simplest of irrational reasons. Our kids raise themselves and have no respect for themselves, their elders, their community… Each passing month more of us are losing interest in our dreams, and even greater numbers are giving up in fear of what they have thought themselves into believing. This is our justification for giving up?

Someone once asked me what Church do I belong to. My answer is simple. I belong to all Churches and I belong to all communities that seek to do good for themselves and create a more enriching, enlightened, or successful society.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that you start going to church…especially those who have completely written off the value our Churches have in our communities. I am suggesting that it is long past time for us to stop the perpetual rhetoric, the cyclical complaining, and the convenient finger pointing, and that we start looking for reasons to come together now in support of one another.

Potlucks, family support groups, getting all the kids together at the park, taking time to visit a loved one that has been quietly suffering in lonesomeness and/or illness – these are the things we CAN do that cost little in comparison to what we all will gain. We have a ton of good experiences right on the other side of the door…

So, Heaven is at Our Doors… we simple have to take action to open them.

No. 62 - The African Teacher

Last night I watched a show on HG TV and was quite intrigued by the content they chose to show. There is this Tribe in Africa called the Himba and they have maintained their family bonds since the beginning of time. (And by the way, they are Black, like you -- and that’s a good thing). I watched intently and was drawn to the stunning difference between their world and mine. I soon came to the conclusion that their world IS mine, and my world IS theirs.

To put it another way, I think we no longer need to say “how great we were”… Africa has been crying out to us, telling us in real time how great we are.

So why have we gotten to the place and time in this, our American “history” that is so dark, hurtful, dysfunctional and broken? What reasons do we have that justify collectively turning our backs to the powerful lessons of community that our Ancestors still demonstrate today?

The memories of the young African man will all be examples of learning and wisdom… of thoughts of the African father taking his small child to the field and TEACHING him how to sustain his life, and that of the community he so desperately needs… teaching him the value of familial integrity, wisdom, respect, and honor. He teaches his young child how to avoid the peril and pitfalls of life’s odyssey so the young man, once released into the community, is ready to be a Man. The Africa Teacher will work along side his beloved Son in the heat of the day knowing full-well it is his duty and honor to teach his child to survive. No matter what challenge he and his family will face, they will face it together. It is the difference between life and death.

The memories of too many American Black Youth are not the same. They are dark, filled with thoughts of anger, hurt, shame, fear, and distrust. While there is always that faint glimmer of brightness and hope, it is slow in coming, and quick at visiting. Their music is telling them to have no regard for, or commitment to, their community. Their video games are teaching them to hurt one another… to steal away in the darkness and do some ruinous act to another person, simply for the rush of it. It is the difference between life and death.

They are handed-off from grade to grade with little reason to try because they have more bad memories than good, and We haven’t made it our mission to give them better.

…And they are not yet ready to live as Men because WE have not taught them. Our actions as men have been less about uniting and sustaining, and more about dividing, defeating, diminishing.

It all makes sense, now.

We Black Men in America need to step up to the plate and stop the non-sense, and then recommit to being better Men. If there is any truth or rationale to what I propose then you must do something about this. If you feel this is simply rhetoric, then thanks for reading… please do continue.

Now, I’m not saying we can flip a switch and start to make a difference… the better question is how can we flip the switch?

We are a brilliant people, designed to survive anything, and I think we simply need to re-align that brilliance. I think we need to make a decision to stop destroying our communities, our families, our selves. When one hurts we all hurt. So, to me, it doesn’t really matter what side a person may take, if it isn’t OUR side then EVERYONE will be hurting. If you would just stop and think about who is hurting it is clear everyone is.

I think as Men we need to learn how to teach our young Men to become old Men. We need to learn how to come together as a community of brothers ALL working towards a better life for our families. We need to find that wise old Grandfather – or Grandfather-Person – who has been married for thirty proud years, ask His advise, and start listening to what he says. And we need to start forgiving others and ourselves.

Here is a test: Take a penny and put it on a table. Wait one second. Then two. Now, try to pick the penny up. GREAT YOU DID IT! So here’s the question: Did you try to pick the penny up, or did you pick the penny up?

An observation: A person will choose to do something or they won’t. No in-betweens. Trying does not exist when it comes to our will power. We either will or we won’t.

Most importantly, WE have the will to DO what we want.

So, I guess I was saying we can flip the switch – but, alas, I had figured that out (I’m just enjoying the sharing of these thoughts)…

In any event, I know this is a touchy subject so I tried to take a lighter approach (believe it or not). I hope it in some way causes you to think about the (African and American) worlds you (Black Men) live in, and understand that we do have it within us to come together as a community of great people committed to the survival and betterment of ALL of us.

I hope it causes you to talk to someone you love and/or care about and ask them what they think. A passing stranger would work well also.

As I contrast the two approaches and consider which might be in the true best interest of our community’s survival, in all honesty and fairness, I would much rather the African Approach to building Men. I think the results are there for all to see.



All praises to The African Teacher.

No. 61 - Dream==World

A few minutes ago I awakened abruptly from what I had hoped would be a pleasant night of sleep that, in truth, was a night of dream-filled torment. I recall my breath coming in sharply, a sense of urgency, feelings of sadness, despair, anger. I looked around to see where I was… had I just experienced something real? The images, sensations, conversations and perspectives I had while in deep slumber seemed to be so real to me… so real and so genuine that now, even as I sit here awake, part of my minds eye is still considering the messages and lesson to be learned that can be gleaned from that dream==world.

There was a place, a different world, inhabited by many different peoples, all who had found a way to live together peacefully. Each sect was different – looked different, had different cultures, and acted in ways that suited them. Theirs was a prosperous land, having no need for war, no need for anger, no need for jails, and no interest in exploiting their own language. They dealt with their issues with rules and laws that insured one group could not benefit from the other.

Then there was another group… the group that felt envy, fear, hatred, malice, and every other kind of fear based negative emotion one could have. This group was collectively guided by their unyielding need to offset their overwhelming sense of fear with their even great need for power. They had watched the peaceful people for some time and concluded that even while these people “appeared” to be calm, they were only acting this way as a way to fool their enemy. “Sure”, they thought, “a group as mighty as this would some day be a threat…”. “Surely”, they reasoned, “these people were up to no good.”

And so, the one group attacked the other.

When the attacks began the peaceful people came together to understand their options and decide what to do in their best interests. Surely, these actions against them had not been provoked… It was decided that they should leave their land to find another place where they could create a home, and so every one of these people gathered what was necessary and left.

The attacks continued. Everywhere they went they where attacked… their numbers began to shrink. Fathers would go into the field to find sustenance for the wandering family only to never be seen again… or worse…

After a time a stirring began within the peaceful group. Many of the people that had lost someone close decided they would run no more. They would take up arms and defend their people. Many of the elders resisted this notion because it was not the way of their culture and they feared this kind of change would not help -- but only introduce the very behaviors that had killed so many of the peaceful people -- into their very presence. The defender group would not hear these warnings.

And so a new fight began, now with the thinking that this is the only way to send a message to the evil group that their attacks would no longer be tolerated. Initially this response had the impact of stunning the other side… but only temporarily.

As the fighting wore on the landscape became barren and would not support the people. Food became scare and the peaceful people were forced to stay in their resting places longer because they had to cover more ground with each move. Their people were scared, tired, hurting, hungry.

As things continued to worsen, the elders came together and all agreed that this was the beginning of an end for their cultures. They had seen that now even members of their own community had become as heartless and brutal as the very group from which they were protecting their people. “Evil begets Evil”, became the mantra that resonated from lip to ear throughout group.

Finally, on the day of the end, the last battle was fought. It is here that this dream and my reality blended in the way that ultimately caused me to awaken in a panic. I saw many terrible acts of brutality happen to these people… to ALL of the people.

At times I was an observer, a fly on the wall, an element of wind that happened to breeze by the torrential flood of hurt, pain and devastation.

And at other times I found myself wielding some sinister form of weaponry in defense of someone I loved and/or cared about, ready to die (or bring death to the attacker) for what I believed was the right thing to do. My mind saw the ravages of war, and what one fearful man could do to another. My perspective was shockingly draw to the intimate detail of mothers and children wailing in agony as they saw the one they loved lost in battle.

This visage disturbed me to the point I needed to yell for it all to end. No more could I bear the with-ness of these images, the with-ness of the screams of agony, the with-ness of the mental hardship so many where forced to bear.

It took me half a second to wake up. It took me ten minutes to calm myself down and realize it was only a dream – a nightmare. It took me twenty minutes to decide I needed to write about this.

It’s taken me six years of work in the streets and witnessing the traumatic affects and impact of fighting, hurting, emotional dysfunction, and minimal (or non-existent) respect for others to come to more fully appreciate one key question I think we should all consider more carefully:

How closely do our dreams and our realities align?