No. 70 - Her, defined

After months of silence I finally heard from a dear cousin of mine... I’ll call him Marvin. Last I heard his Mother had died and the process of preparing for her burial had devastated him.

One of the first things he told me was he had lost his job only three days after the funeral... he hasn’t worked since, and is now forced to live with relatives.

Although he had experienced such sadness in these last months his demeanor was calm and assured. He confided in me he had been off all stimulants (drugs and alcohol) and was finally beginning to feel real emotions. We even laughed when I joked about how surprised he must have felt when he first understood the feeling that was so unusually delightful to him was that of feeling happy. Feeling happiness for the first time in many years without the numbing affects of drugs and alcohol... it was the first time I could remember seeing him genuinely happy in many years. I felt blessed to experience it.

As we walked and talked we happened to talk about women. Since his situation was so fragile and he had little to offer in the way of material things or income he was getting a lot of resistance and hesitance from his estranged wife. She had made it clear she was quite uncomfortable supporting him and leery of making any commitment that would bring them any closer. We talked on this more and I gained greater insight into how he viewed the world, how life circumstance and decisions had adversely impacted his life. I came to appreciate a view of women that -- I’m hearing more and more these days -- seems to be a challenge to the status quo.

It was a little uncomfortable digesting all he said because as we spoke, standing outside of the place of worship where he now attends routinely for weekly prayer, this woman came up to us, Bible in hand, ready to share in the praising of the Lord with him.

I thought about that deeply as I headed back home, wondering at the oddity of that situation. Now, there are many who believe a man is the provider of the home and, no matter what, it is his job to do, and he is remiss if he doesn’t meet that need. I’ve overheard many women talking of how they would drop their man in a hot second if he didn’t have any money. As a man I believe it is a mans nature to want to provide for his family and it gives him great pleasure knowing that he does.

But something wrong has happened in our society... something that is the culprit for many breakups and much hardship in relationships all across the land. This thing has ruined not only the lives of husbands and wives, but also innocent children. What am I referring to, you may ask... very good question.

I shall answer it like so:

...

Her, defined
She knows her Man, and longs to be
The holder of his care,
She seeks to give him all he needs, when no one
Else is there,
She lifts him up, not heeding those
Who laugh behind her back,
She understands with clarity, and gladly gives
That which he lacks,
She smartly knows that while they struggle
This time lasts but a spell,
She sees the future in the hope she breathes
With every truth she tells.

And sometimes in his darkest hour, when he needs
To feel her love,
Her gentle words of belief in him let’s him
Know there is a God above.

Her, defined.

...

You see, what my dear cousin was saying to me was that he hadn’t given up on life. No matter what he had faced or what he would ever face he would not stop trying. He wanted to do more, be more, have more, give more, love more -- even when he may not always know how to or have the answer to how to achieve his goal. He refused to allow himself to believe he was nothing even though everyone and everywhere around him there were messages and indicators that many men have allowed to break them.

He was telling the universe that he is a Man and that he does deserve better and that he will not give up on self or life until he realized his dreams.

And he was saying he needed a Good woman to share not just the fruits of his hard-fought labor, but also the journey to making it so.

Who can say, in the modern day, what challenges we will all face as so much around us falls into ruin? Who can predict what more bad news or suffering will have to be absorbed and shared by us all? And who can expect to accomplish anything worthwhile, meaningful, and necessary without the help and support of others... namely the very one who professes to love them?

I have said and continue to say things will worsen before they get better. There are many people who are doing everything possible to realize a better life, who will not yield to the temptation to give up. Even in the face of all these challenges it is my fervent belief the only success to be had will be had when two people find the strength of character and commitment to one another to put aside antiquated thinking about how things ought to be and understand they live in the here and now. When this happens we can rest assured that families will be strengthened after having victory over the trials of the modern day. When this happens we will have tangible proof of the true strength of the pillars of our community - husbands and wives.

And we will be able to look back at the excitement of the journey, reflecting upon every step, every lesson learned, and every courageous victory, knowing full well that we did it...

Together.