No. 71 - Him, exposed

My last dispatch got a lot of attention and so I feel compelled to delve a little deeper into the idea of how a man thinks about the woman in his life. Now, let me preface this by saying I do not know and have not spoken with every man out there so what I share comes from conversations I’ve had with the men in my circle. Let me also say this: I believe each of these men have spoken the truth around how they view this issue because we have shared in honest dialog for many years and, through that process, have gained great respect for the common threads in our views.

At it’s deepest, most intimate level, the love, faith and trust from a good woman a man loves affects him at a biological level. It’s true.

I think about how I feel towards my Queen and I know it’s far more than just a passing feeling, or a temporary desire to be in her company. I have learned and accepted the fact that not only do my thoughts project towards our common goals, but my feeling are becoming intimately intermingled with hers. In essence, as we merge into one entity with a common goal we are brought more closely into the realm of a profound Spiritual connectedness, and this connectedness becomes an integral companion during our journey towards our goals.

What so many of my friends (and colleagues) have said they needed from their significant other boils down to her belief in him and her faith in his word. For sure there are other characteristics that are important to men but, in my opinion, these two are the greatest.

There seems to be something powerful about the belief a women has in her man. Something almost spiritual in how it drives a man forward when sometimes there appears to be no where else to go. When a women acts out in faith for her man, knowing full well the goal will be met, it adds a calming peace to the relationship - It defines their capacity for greatness.

Some, who think of the man and woman as two independent forces where each co-habitat their own space may think little of this or ask: Why is this important?

For me, it gets down to quality of life.

When we are in committed relationships we have to believe in the other person, and we have to have faith in them. Regardless of how long the journey, how many upsets, how many challenges, this has to be our mode of operation. Even when we are inclined to yield to the temptation to disbelieve and remove our faith we have to find a way to overcome that temptation.

Many men think of themselves (yes, even me) as warriors. We are in the throes of a great battle to achieve some goal. We are caught up in the ebb and flow of the myriad challenges of life, ever weary of what “might happen” or “what did happen”, and ever diligent in our efforts to find a way to enjoy a better life with those we love and care for. We seek to find the way out of the storm when many others have given up or have decided to accept the “nothingness” of the moment as their true fate in life.

In order for us to keep moving forward we take each step with the faith and belief that it is one step closer to realizing our goal. We embrace faith in self, in God, in our significant other, knowing full well it is their wish that we succeed. For us, without faith and belief in self, we have no reason to keep moving forward -- having no will to do any more than take our next breath as we vacantly watch life pass us by.

How does this all relate?

As I said earlier, when experiencing this kind of love, a Man develops a Spiritual connection to and with his Woman. For some strange reason his sense of destiny becomes intimately and dynamically linked to hers. While his faith and belief in self continues to exist, somehow the Universe has found a way to integrate her faith and belief into his. Where there was once two, now there is one.

So when there is little or no parity; when one person has no faith or belief in the other, a stated goal will never be reached where there will be two happy people, assured in their love, and solid in the knowledge “they did it together.” There will be no happy memories that prove their connectedness and confidence yo look back at and share in the glory of it all.

All too often we have heard of Men and Women who were with someone for some amount of time and then finally achieve some great goal, then the first thing they do is leave the one they were with. People all around them wonder why this has happened and some even point the finger at the notion that one person was using the other.

I tend to think that people are generally good. I tend to believe we genuinely do want what’s good for ourselves and those we care about. I believe it is more a matter of not having the nurturing and care one needs when staring down the challenges of the journey - when this happens we become hardened individuals, not caring partners.

For many men, the conversation is centered on her lack of faith and/or trust and/or belief in him. He talks about his need for her to understand him and to value him... his need for her to participate in his journey toward success as a partner with equal (and sometimes more) belief in success than he. He needs to know she has the understanding that their journey can lead to a greater appreciation for one another, or possible doom when there is no or little belief in one another.

Women have a Power. This Power men do not understand... we simply accept it and do our best to not get caught up in figuring it out. Call it Spiritual will or the ability to drive a man to great heights, or simply the power to collaboratively help their men to realizing a stated goal that will benefit all.

Whichever one prefers, it makes sense to understand this truth as being relevant in creating a happy and sustainable relationship. It makes sense that men should acknowledge this real and important fact about their lives, and it makes sense that women should wield their Power in ways that support a lasting relationship.

The words Men need to hear from their women are: “I believe in you”, “It will be alright”, “I know you can and will handle things”, and “We are in this together.” These words, along with the supportive actions that prove them, will overcome any problem, insure great memories and wonderful excitement, and will lead to a life of multiple successes.

I should acknowledge I am attempting to represent what a Man considers as a great relationship - from a more intimate and honest perspective. It is done from a positive point of view with the hopes it will stimulate dialog.

Him, exposed.