No. 66 - Flashback to the Present

Wednesday Night:
I stood there beside my car, alone in the dark as cars passed by and city-sounds echoed off the many building that surrounded me. There I was, needing a minute to clear my mind, to breathe easy, to relax the energy that had developed within me as I prepared to meet with a colleague. The wind was chill and I made sure to zip my coat to the neck.

In the distant, I saw him walking toward me.

I wondered many things as I watched this lone man slowly saunter into my space. Was he under the influence? Was he up to no good? Was I ready to take on and deal with any untoward actions he might attempt against me? These were the thoughts that came and went in my mind as I watched this person come my way.

He approaches, just a few feet away now, and stops. I look at him. He looks at me.

And this is how the conversation went:

Him: Hey man, can you help me… I got just a dollar in my pocket.
Me: Sorry to hear that…
Him: I lost my place six days ago, been living in the streets since.
Me: Wow…
Him: I lost my car because I had some tickets… now I gotta do community service.
Me: Do you have family?
Him: No… no one here… I’m all alone.

I see tears begin to well up in the corners of his eyes. I see his stature dwindle with each word that comes from his mouth.

Him: Haven’t eaten all day… all I got is my health… I just want some milk… can you help me?

I reached into my pocket. I felt his sincerity. Here before me was a man grappling with his own pride and dignity, hoping to find some way to nourish his body, to sooth his mind, to comfort his soul.

Him: I’m strong, I have skills, I am somebody… why is all this happening to me?
Me: I don’t know. I have seven dollars here, you can have five.
Him: Oh, thank you… thank you… things will get better, I know they will.

I gave him the money, he cries openly now. The tears fall boldly from his eyes and I struggle with how to respond. Where is the line that should not be crossed? What “rules” apply to this situation, where one man pleads with another – a stranger, at that – for some reason to remain steadfast in his manhood and know there will be a better day.

Me: Look man, things will get better. Is there anywhere you can go?
Him: I have a friend. He said I can come over anytime. But he wants me to sleep with him.

I stood there perplexed… what is happening to us? How can there be so much dysfunctional thinking and regard for one another in our society. I was at a loss for words. Anger, frustration, embarrassment, sadness and fury all battled within me to become the dominant emotion. What was I to say?

Him: I’ve been up for two days. I’m tired… I guess I’ll have to keep walking.
Me: Hold your head up, Brother. Hold your head up and know that things will get better.
Him: They will, thanks.

He walks away, the five dollars tightly clenched in his hand, his hand secure in his pocket. I can hear his sniffles carry in the wind as his pace hastens. He is now twenty feet away. I pray that this Brother reconnects with his hope, with his sense of greatness, with his deeper inner strength. I see him turn around and come back towards me. He stops, looks at me, the tears no longer present, his back a bit straighter, a look of growing determination upon his face.

Him: Thank you, man… you see, sometimes I just want to talk. Sometimes I just have to get it out… sorry for having to come back.
Me: It’s cool, man…. You just take care. I know how it is, trust me. Just take care and know that things will work out.
Him: They will.

He walks away and this time I can sense he is reconnecting with that part of him that will allow him to keep going.

I watched his walk into the distant night. Cars pass by now and then. The wind carries a chill that is hard to shake but I am somehow distantly removed for it. Soon I can no longer see this Brother but the experience still repeats in my mind. Why had the Universe, the Gods, Our God, and fate brought this experience into my presence? What am I to learn from this meeting? Was it chance?

I realize it’s colder and I need to be on my way… after all, duty was calling. I looked in his direction once again, still pondering our interchange…

It’s been a couple days since that meeting and I continue to reflect upon it. In my work to help build a better community I have come across many different people and many different situations, each of which has helped in shaping how I view the world we live in today. I do not believe my focus in on the negative or “bad” side of society, as some have told me. I am a realist, a pragmatic witness to the realities of the world in which I live. My calling is to absorb the myriad experiences I’ve encountered and find a way to make sense of what is happening to our community. Then I am compelled to share my observations.

I’ve shared this experience with you because it is part of the world we all live in, and if we are truly about wanting a better life for ourselves and those we care about, or even for our community, then we have to find some way to make things better.

I wanted to bring this experience to you so that, in real time, you could flashback to the present – to YOUR present – and look for some small thing you can do, and will do, to make things better for someone else.