No. 67 - Anger and the Prostitute

So I’ve been thinking about anger, and the affects it has on our valued relationships, and wondered just what is it about anger that gives it so much power over relationships? Naturally, I had to first look within to gain a better understanding of whatever anger there might be that resides – or that once resided – there. I’ve taken the opinion that we must first consider ourselves, and then information we gain from others, and then share it with those we love and care about before internalizing that information as truth or fiction.

Here’s the situation and process I’ve witnessed in many occasions, and that, I noticed is presently considered commonplace for so many in our community (sadly):

The two are in a relationship, both proclaiming their love for one another. They have grown to feel they have finally found someone they can be themselves with; someone that values their individuality for what it is; someone that shares common views and interests on many fronts. Off they go, along the thrilling avenues of life, hand-in-had with confidence in their ability to live the lives they had both dreamed of, they bask in the glow of love.

There is no question the two are fully engaged in the relationship and benefiting from accepting one another in their fullness. Both are growing in ways and places they could never have imagined. Together the two possess the ability to overcome each and every obstacle they may face… and do so without skipping a beat. The Love they share is so complete there is nary a single thought given to the notion that this bliss could some day change.

But one day it does.

One day, something happens that begins the dulling process of this once radiant love. This event, while small at first, is the very thing that puts the couple on high alert, and soon becomes the threat to the very thing they both want and value so highly. I like to say it is the first stage in the Prostitution of their Happiness. I say so because it is during these events that the happiness the couple so highly values is relegated to the corruption brought on by the unworthy – and undignified – purposes of anger.

The Scenario:
The two are in conversation, as they have done so a thousand times prior to this moment in time. One of them says something that seems normal and appropriate based upon his/her perspective, and with a desire to further enjoy the discourse. The other person for some reason that might seem unclear, and that certainly comes from a place and awareness not relevant to the present situation, takes offense to what is said. He/she is struck by what he/she just heard and reacts in a way that demonstrates this. To the surprise and bewilderment of the other person, this behavior is off-putting, to say the least. Words are said that could compromise the stability of the once stable platform on which the relationship stands. Emotions spill forth that cast a dark light on one or both of them, neither wanting to take ownership of their role played in the scenario.

Two very critical things happen now: first, the one to which the anger was aimed decides he/she will no longer “talk about that”, second, the one who became angry initially decides he/she was justified in their position, even though the adverse emotional outburst has become the initiating catalyst that may someday defeat the very thing they both want – lasting happiness together.

This is the moment in time when the Prostitute is at the apex of destructive power. This is where the Prostitute engages in the spread of disease, discord, and dishonor into the relationship. This is where the seeds of defamation, contempt, and diminished support enter into the lives of these two. If the two aren’t careful and willing to raise their level of awareness and respect for the relationship, the path to happiness will be slowly, subtly derailed. They will some day find themselves quite unhappy.

So the couple somehow gets beyond the event and is finally getting back on track. Things are now flowing and the smiles and joy find their way back into the daily routines. They talk about dreams, plans, ideas, and events of the day.

But never any more talks about that thing that was their flash point.

And then one day it happens again. Once again they are in the pit of despair, having to grapple with that inner demon called Anger that seeks to Prostitute their happiness. Once again they struggle to believe in one another and find reason to hold steadfast to what they want for their lives.

And once again two very critical things happen. Yes, it happens once again. So now there are two things they will no longer talk about. Now there are two episodes where they went from two people enjoying the love they each share, to two warriors so determined to get their way they would gladly destroy the very prize they had so proudly proclaimed they were ready to enjoy.

And soon we see the pattern evolve. Soon we see with each episode the same thing happening. The two get caught up in their own positions and neither is willing to step up to remind the other of what they are about.

Sadly, after months, years, and sometime decades of this… After deciding there is so few “safe” things to talk about and there are so many episodic explosions, the two one day realize they do not even like the person sleeping soundly beside them.

That Prostitute… she is very good at what she does.

And then one day the two are no more… having a hundred reasons to part ways, and none to remain, repair, and rebuild.

It is a most unfortunate thing that anger has so much power over us. It is sad to see the terrible impact it has in so many lives and how so many so readily give their happiness away to anger. Many storm into a room with a defiant stride and an abundance of “powerful” anger thinking to make a point or get their way only to see, at the end of the road, that it was worthless.

Anger, you see, is the enabler that allows our happiness to be corrupted.

That damn Prostitute…