No. 60 - On Feeling Good

Over the years I’ve gone through a process of self and communal introspection. I have always wanted to make a better person of myself, and along the way became compelled into a similar interest in my Community. I was unsure what I was doing and where my path would lead yet I gratefully accepted the challenge and wonderment of the journey. All along the way I was faced with myriad emotions, from sad, to frustrated, frustrated to Joy, and Joy to a sense of contentment. The journey didn’t lead me to a place where I could enjoy consistently good feeling until I came to a truth that had eluded me. Once I say it, I had to change the way in which I had viewed things, and then the journey became even sweeter.

But let me go back to something… What is it about my journey that has caused me to stay the course, and to keep going even when there appeared to be nowhere to go at all?

And of your journey, what keeps you on course?

All around us we hear of the recession, the housing markets, blatant actions of greed or disrespect for the Community. So many have lost jobs, or will lose their jobs, the market has gone mad, and all of the “leaders” are asking what needs to be done?

I think we can safely say the rest of our Country is now facing the very realities that have shaped our experiences in this Country. I have heard from strangers and colleagues alike that change is indeed here, and they are ready to start rebuilding.
Perhaps I digressed… my apologies.

I’ve come to understand there is so much truth in the ideal of Organizing and Working to build our Community. President Obama is completely right. In fact, it is how he came to his current occupation (that’s something to think about). There is no question in my mind that we will succeed in rebuilding this Country, and it will be what we envision it will be. As I go about meeting with various Leaders of our community, I can see all the answers and programs are lined up to begin the process readily. In the words of a great Politician, “We are shovel ready!”
How is this all connected, one might ask. A grand question, indeed. And here’s the truth of the matter:

Nothing makes YOU feel better then when you find an answer to a question. When you have scratched your head, looked all over and still can’t find what you are looking for, you become stressed, bothered, agitated, even angry at times. But in the moment that you find what you had looked so tenaciously, your entire being breathes a shy of relief that opened you up to feeling so very good. True or false, I ask?

This reality applies to everything we do. No wonder our Community has been at such odds with the World. No wonder we are killing ourselves in desperation and fear. So many of us have never *even* had the opportunity to find what they seek. They have never – or rarely – been able to appreciate that wealth of good feelings that comes from finding what they seek.

But how can we “magically” create a situation that will give our Community the experiences that are required to wake their good feelings up? There is no magic involved and the experience can be provided quite easily.

If just one person can feel such goodness, imagine what would happen when we multiply it. Imagine what would happen if we could magnify it and apply it to every aspect of our lives. (For those who might be a bit less “idealistic”, thanks for reading, please continue). This is not an ideal but a practical experience (thereby a practical reality) that we can, should, and MUST provide in our Community rebuilding process.

The process is simple. Encourage all people to work for their community.

Regardless of where or how or what that work might be, it will cause us to come together and to find the answers to our problems. I can assure you there are many Leaders that want to help and that want input on how to move forward, and these Leaders are men and women of action.

I should be clear about something: Working for the Community is more than just doing a job from 9-5. It is more than just watching the day pass by while hoping for a better tomorrow.

It is the most gratifying and uplifting experience we should all enjoy. And we CAN all enjoy it. There is nothing like being respected and heard, and then actively engaging the process to make things happen. Once you get hooked, you won’t want to turn it loose.

Ultimately, we have all been after gaining the power to make things better… it is why we live and work.

The value of working for the Community is that it gives you the reason and the power to move your agenda forward and reap the many benefits that come with having tangible proof that you are doing good.

On Feeling Good: No matter how good you might feel when you are alone, you will always share in a greater goodness when it is done with, for, and on behalf of others.

No. 59 - Behavior * Habit

Our behavior is so much a part of who we are that in many cases it precedes us. We are characterized by the way in which we conduct ourselves and this, to most people, represents who we are and what is important to us. We may demonstrate a profound patience in the midst of some major storm in life. We might demonstrate some deep anger as we act out against those we perceive are "out to get us". Or we might be known for our humble regard for humanity and our soft approach to engaging with others. These behaviors, and many others, all help to shape how others think of us, and they help to create expectations.

But what of our habits? Is there a difference between the two? We may wake up and jump out of the bed, filled with energy every day while others might want to roll over and sleep for another hour. We might want to say hello to people we pass in the streets while others would rather hold their head down, lost in their own world. These habits do the very thing our behavior does... they help others establish the way in which they regard us.

Behavior * habits. How is it that so much of what we do as inter-connected humans can come from such an integral part of individual life? Was the human being created with the full knowledge that our behavior * habits would be so central to our individual identity? And how does this relate to (or impact) the many challenges we face as a society on the verge of major strife and sacrifice?

I say this intimately integrated part of human existence has far more to do with the world around us than we would normally want to consider. Far more indeed, yet not in the way we might imagine. All too often we externalize the world, the problems we all face - after all, we are community - and the way in which these social challenges must be overcome. We rather point the finger and reason that this person, group, mentality, or cause is the source of the crippling challenges which plaque all communities. We take an off-hand approach to solutions because we spend so much time talking and considering, plotting and staging, reviewing and assessing that we rarely are able to respond to the needs of the community in a timely fashion.

Worse, we give away our power to impact our community for the good when we sit back and accept some unfortunate "produced reality" instead of wielding our individual and collective power to affect some needed change.

So what of the internal (individual) aspects of behavior * habits?

I think we all have the capacity to become the initiators of the change our community so needs. I think genius, persistence, integrity, vision, and heroes abound in our community and we have but to acknowledge these things for them to be raised to a greater level of respect and appreciation by all.

Yet, the question persists: What of behavior * habits?

Well, I think there is an obvious truth, and a real solution to how to move forward towards building the kind of community and family that we all want and need. I think, all too often, we cannot see the forest for the trees... we are so close to the destiny that we cannot see we are there.

What am I saying? I'm saying all of the things that must be done, that are crying to be done, to build strong community by overcoming the "systems and obstacles" that we have been so anchored to, will only be overcome when we make a conscious decision to roll our sleeves up and do what is needed to build up, safeguard, re-create, and sustain our communities. We have to make the choice to do so, we have to be willing to do the work of engaging our communities, and then we have to make a way to bring our people together around doing good for all.

Ultimately, we have a supreme responsibility. I have to behave my and you have to behave your habits.

No. 58 - A Christmas Gift To My Brothers

So I’m sitting here thinking of the season while I actively enjoy the wonderful feelings that permeate my body… And I’m wondering what could I say or do to inspire my Brothers out there who are facing the immense challenges that are now part of our daily lives… And I’m reflecting upon all I‘ve said and done this year so I can verify my heart and my mind are still in sync… I’m wanting to know if I’ve lived this year in a way I can be proud of, and if I’ve done all I could do to demonstrate that we are our hope, and that as long as we Brothers endeavor to do good for others – our community – we have done the greatest service any one man can do.

I can honestly say I have.

So what is the next thing I can do to keep our growth and unification steadily moving towards its completion? What message could I share with my Brothers that would inspire them to reach for something much higher than ever imagined? What words of wisdom could I espouse that would help and challenge those who have committed to the cause of self and/or community improvement to keep up the good work… do not quit… do not allow fear and the unknown to break your hope…

We are needed now more than ever and we must answer the call… our Ancestors require it.

So… A Christmas Gift To My Brothers:

I have learned that it is the role and responsibility of a Black Man to be there to always reassure his family that no matter what they go through, they will get through.

I have learned that we do have the power to influence our community for the good even in the midst of so much effort to destroy our community with negative and/or derogatory messages about who we are.

I have learned regardless of how much we ever think we know what it means to feel joy, there is nothing that can touch the joy I feel when I am doing good for those I love and care about… especially my community.

I have learned that our young men only need you to be there, active in their lives – not the cash and material possessions – to know that you do care and that they welcome your influence.

I have learned a young man may not say he loves you because he has never heard an old man say so.

And, I have learned there is no greater power any one individual can wield than that of a supporting community behind you.

So these are the gifts I present to you. These are the thoughts, observations, and facts around this issue that have made a tremendous difference in my life. I challenge you to take your view of things to a higher plateau so that you can glean the truth of what I’m saying.

I know the rewards for doing so will far exceed your wildest dreams, will inspire a greater closeness in your family, and will contribute to the National movement in our ranks to be regarded for who we really are.

So if you have also come to believe this to be true, what will you do next? Will you tell someone and then forget about it? Will you take it to heart and do nothing… something? Will you take a stand and take a greater role of helping to realize a greater community?

Will you…

No. 57 - What color is God?

This is the time of the year when we are supposedly filled with cheer and all our problems seem to fade away. A time when we are asked to stop and reflect upon the past, and find those memories that give us joy. It is a time when we are reminded of our need to care for one another, through media, family, and those we come into contact with. And all about us we are reminded of the sacrifice Christ made for Our salvation.

I thought about this after watching a program on TV One tonight where celebrities had come together in celebration of the season. I looked for what was common to all these different people – people of different ethnicities, cultures, and creeds.

And I saw the commonality.

It seems each of these people expressed a deep belief in God and how Jesus had sacrificed himself for us. Each one shared a common sense of what was pure, and just, and good. And each shared a deep connection to this deeply rooted and common belief.

As ever, I pondered this commonality and considered how each of these people may have come to this shared belief -- all from different perspectives. While they were all in this "faith-minded place” together, none of them came from the same neighborhood, cultural background, or even City -- in most cases.

…But they all believed in One Common God.

It is that shared belief that keeps them centered and reassured. It is a common desire to achieve a greater self, and a more fulfilling existence that brought them all to the same place. And it is that shared connectedness that insured they would successfully realize their goals… it gave them power.

In thinking about all the many other faiths and/or religious belief systems (however one might want to characterize it) I imagine the millions of others in this world who follow Islam, Catholicism, Buddha, etc. that share the same level of personal conviction and devotion. These many different belief systems are just as valid as Christianity and are just as important to those who follow them.

So why do we fight among ourselves? Why do we allow our fears and ignorance to dictate how we regard one another? Why do we maintain a mindset that one belief system, group, color, or shade of man is better than another? And why do we give these “beliefs” power to cloud the way we treat people that are different from us?

What a paradox…

Just how does this relate to God’s color, one might ask. What is the gem of knowledge that one can glean from this observation?

Well, the way I see it, if many different people can share a deep and profound belief that leads to inner peace, family, and connectedness, then what is the value of holding a belief or perspective that defeats our ability to become as one? How can it be that we rather choose divisive rhetoric, thinking and machinations over the need to achieve a greater sense of self and community?

So what color is God? Does God even have a color? I have to wonder if God even has skin, and if so, is He or She Black, White, Brown, Red, Yellow, Clear? And dare I ask how we have come to think of God in the form of Man?

It’s plain to see this is one of those issues that require a greater willingness to look within, more depth of thought, and that leads to more questions than most topics do… and well it should. After all, how much of ourselves, and how much of our time do we dedicate to what we believe in?

What would be the point of finding a simple answer to such an intimate and personal question? How much of a challenge would it be to our individual integrity to be truthful enough to get to an exact conclusion on this matter?

In some ways part of my thinking has to do with my desire to stimulate you to considering this notion in a deeper way. Being aware that this subject can be quite controversial for some, I must say it is not my intent to create duress or confusion, or to agitate some deeply felt emotion. I believe we can all benefit from greater understanding of one another and we can draw strength from the demonstrated proof of our connectedness. Also, what better way to chart a course to realizing common goals then to identify that which has been proven to sustain connectivity and community development…

Perhaps we should create a moment of peace some time within our daily rituals to seek the truth of our capacity to be united. If we are willing to acknowledge the truth found there, and if we are willing to do our individual part to work synergistically with others towards a given goal, then what would our community be like?

I envision a thriving, nurtured, and well connected group of diverse persons who share the tangible rewards of acting in harmony. I’m reminded of the many Biblical stories that clearly demonstrate what can be accomplished when we all come together. And I think if we are smart about things, we can use the commonality of our capacity to believe in something outside of ourselves to know we are indeed all connected.

What color is God?

It really doesn’t matter. And if God’s color doesn’t matter, shouldn’t we then reason that so many of the boundaries and opinions we have used to define “who we are” -- and thereby perpetuate our growing sense of division -- are not as important as we have allowed ourselves to believe…

What really matters is that we acknowledge the common belief we all share in such a Being, and that we use that commonality to build a better society.

No. 56 - Whose bullet would you take?

So I was watching this program I rented last night and one of the scenes led me to some interesting thinking. As in many stories, the two main characters were deeply in love with one another. The challenge they faced was great in that the lady was captured and then taken into slavery and the man, refusing to give up on his woman, gave chase.

Across many miles, and overcoming many dangers, the two finally reconnected and the man, now surrounded with hundreds of other “warriors”, took the fight to the aggressors. The climax of the film came on the day of battle – good against evil – when at last the good guys were winning. Lo and behold, when the prize was just within reach, one of the aggressors – whose position was that he’d rather no one got the woman prize – sent an arrow through the air. It found its mark and soon our great warrior was cradling his dying mate as she took her last breath.

So I sat there and thought about this for a while. And as is my habit, one thought lead to another and soon I found myself wondering what is must have been like for so many people throughout the history of mankind, to give their lives for the person they love. What sacrifice. What daring and audacity… what truer demonstration of love and giving can be made!?

I imagine these men and women must have fully understood what it means to commit ones life to that which they believe in. They must have completely appreciated the fact that in giving they receive. And they must have somehow found a way to decide – even if in that single moment of self-sacrifice – that the life of their loved one was far more important then their own.

When does the individual make that kind of choice? Does it happen before or during the moment of truth? Under what circumstances can such a perspective be realized? Is this notion a thing of the past, or does it still exist today?

It is hard to say.

There I had it… there was the dilemma of the millennium… there was the thing – the act – that would clearly define the strength of commitment one human being has towards another. There was the true measure of our lives and how we could all know a greater sense of being.

I had heard for many years a saying so many use at random. A saying we automatically take for granted and use as if it really means something. I suppose is does have a meaning however I think we ought to expand on that meaning. And I’m sure you have heard it at some point in time in your relationship – either in the present or in some distant past.

“I would die for you.”

My question is: Really…, would you really do that?

I mean, think about it, nowadays we are so caught up in thinking about ourselves we rarely think of others the way we once did. In today’s world many are professional at using words to express an ideal that once had grit, meaning, and meant something relevant. Many know all the cliché words and phrases that are “supposed” to demonstrate our love and affection for that special someone in our lives.

But how many of us KNOW who we would take a bullet for? It almost seems funny just writing this because, I must confess, there are parts of me that are still influenced by the society in which I live. To even consider this subject is surely radical thinking. And I’m sure there are those who would question why I would even have a thought like that… and that’s a good question, I might add.

In truth, it’s my humble opinion that part of a communities power and greatness lie in that communities capacity to sacrifice the individual for the whole. I think back on the many water cannons and dog attacks endured during the Civil Rights era and I can see where this ideal was understood and embraced by the community. It must have taken great strength to willingly step outside of a comfort zone in belief of something for the greater good of all, to risk bodily injury and harm – even death. Ultimately, as we all now know, this behavior caused a greater positive reaction for the overall community.

Now, please don’t get me wrong… I am not condoning any sort of violence or sacrifice, per se. I’m simply exploring this ideal to better understand how true love and strength is proven… I want to be able to qualify what the tangible proofs of an individual’s love and commitment are that can be seen in how one person acts towards another. It is from this place that I pose the questions of this dispatch.

So I allowed my thoughts to wander and soon I was putting together a list of people I would willingly die for. It was quite the exercise, I must say, because it caused me to look deep within. It caused me to question and consider all of the relationships I hold dear. And it triggered some very interesting questions and thoughts around how true I am to my word, as well as traits of my character such as integrity, truth, fearlessness, and commitment.

I thought about all the people I’ve come into contact with over the years, and all the things I’ve said around community, history, self, and love. I considered ways to quantify how important one person is to me, as compared to another. It was enough to make me sit and think for hours. It was interesting to perceive how my mind began to make assessments, to try to valuate each person I considered.

All in all the process and the exercise was quite insightful.

It would be unfair for me to provide any more of the details of specifics surrounding my choices as I think that’s the kind of conversation one would have in person. Suffice it to say, I now have a greater appreciation for those within my circle.

I can tell you that some of the thoughts that came out of my process was these: We have become softened to ideas of sacrifice for the betterment of our community because we are now more selfish than ever before. We have gotten to the point where we rather talk about things than be about things because talking requires little or no work at all. And we’ve gotten quite good at passing the buck to others with regard to how we need to own our life situations and realities because we make excuses for not making time to do the work that must be done.

Perhaps the previous summation is a bit off target for some, but I challenge you to take the time to consider what you’ve read. I ask that you allow your thoughts to flow freely, overcoming your fear of thinking outside the box, and honestly explore the points you end considering in your journey. This exercise will draw your attention to things many take for granted and it will allow you an opportunity to get to know YOU a bit better.

It may be a stretch for some but I’m counting on your intelligence and daring to take you outside of you comfort zone – outside of your box – and down the road to discovery as you consider one simple question:

Whose bullet would you take?

No. 53 - 2010 – American Wasteland

Barack Obama has won the election. Peoples across the United States have rallied, using their voice, their actions and their money to demonstrate to the “powers that be” our choice to move America in a different direction – in the right direction. Young and old, poor, middle class and rich have all come to the conclusion that we are doomed if we continue the course that has nearly brought America to ruin.

Less than six months after winning an election that was fraught with deception, falsehoods, miscounts, and every other abomination one could imagine, President Obama mysteriously falls ill and can no longer serve in his capacity of President. Vice President Biden is ensnarled in a fabricated plot around bribery and unethical actions. Citizens around the country – even around the world – sit stunned by these developments, unwilling to internalize the images and information the “media” espouses around this tremendous change. Once again Americans are beat into silence by the fear mongering and disingenuous deeds of those who wish to maintain power over the masses – by those who wish to perpetuate the cycles of cheap (dare I say slave) labor, perpetual struggle, and “crimes” that are spawned from an individuals need to eat, to sleep… to live.

And then a new leadership is placed in charge… a Republican “leadership” that is firmly rooted in continuing the work of mr. bush and those who share his vision of world dominance. mcCain, or even palin will “helm the ship”, oblivious to the plight and lives of the many millions of suffering Americans.

And many Americans just sit there… ravaged and immobilized by fear and their need to enjoy some semblance of a false “normal” life…

The world as we know it is no more. Big brother watches and dictates our every move. We are OWNED by the very system that was originally created to FREE us, however now the “WE” that is owned represents Blacks, Latinos, Whites, and every other ethnic group that is not part of the established ruling elite.

We go about our daily toil mechanically, trying not to think about the hardship that has befallen us… trying not to dwell on the fact our very livelihood is controlled by some pre-engineered software program that has already mapped out our futures… trying not to acknowledge the fact that the once mighty and vibrant voice of the American people has be quieted to nothing more then a “disgruntled” whisper as we go about our lives of cheap domestic servitude.

For sure there will be those who find a way to survive – even better their lives – but they are now the minority.

Slowly, ever so slowly our conscience is raised. From deep within there comes a KNOWING that something has gone terribly wrong… and our whispered frustrations begin to shift. No more will we allow the very foundation of our humanity to be bought and sold as chattel to the one who callously wields control over our destinies. Soon, so very soon, the whispers are echoes from hither and yon… soon and very soon our voices are heard as a chorus of empowerment to realize the collective desires of our masses.

And soon, very soon, we finally understand the true meaning of the words the founders of this great country wrote in OUR Declaration Of Independence:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security

And during this time of awareness, during this time of fear and wanting, we begin to understand that the thing that unites us, the thing that sparks our will and gives us the courage to overcome the dis-information that continually floods our senses, the commonality that we all share – regardless of ethnicity or status – is our heavy hearts.

Hearts made heavy by the fact our spirits will not tolerate any more societal dysfunction and human suffering. Hearts made heavy to move us to action to safeguard our society, and to make certain a better way is delivered. Hearts that have been made heavy by all the fear, shook, machinations, hypocrisy and corruption we KNOW exist – hearts made heavy enough to move us to act.

…

Yes, you might come to realize that MY heart is heavy. My fears are real and are shared by many different peoples across this great country that is America. And you might begin to see the truth of how this could become a reality for us…

But I have to ask you something… Isn’t this all the truth of this very day?

While Senator Obama has not fallen ill, and with Senator Biden is not caught up in some political set-up… EVERYTHING else I’ve said IS true.

Everything, that is, except the part that we are willing to stand up to this tragic system to maintain our collective freedoms. On that… I am sad to say, we have fallen short, for so many are caught in the cycles of control that give power to those who benefit from our efforts.

We talk, and talk, and talk. We think about it and then we come back to talk some more.

What has been gained?

If we are to think in terms of what is right and good and beneficial to ALL Americans – regardless of ethnicity – then we ought to also be reminded of the power we all have as individuals and as community to affect the changes we all so dearly need.

One final word… The opening sentence of this dispatch is absolutely true and it is absolutely true in this very moment…

Barack Obama has won the election.

No. 52 - Awakened

No greater moment in the recent history of the Black American will be witnessed and shared by so many then that which we have looked upon and listened to this past evening. No truer witness to the strength, character and integrity of the Black family can be visualized for those who have been stalled by the doubt and fear many have tried to align with the name Obama. And no conscience human being who took the time to put aside their bias and really hear Mrs. Obama speak of her love and commitment to husband, family, and country can walk away from this evening unchanged.

Pride.
Joy.
Inspiration.

Hope.

These are all the things I feel – even now – as I consider the events of this day in our modern history of Black America.

All the great humanitarians and leaders that have stood steadfast against the tidal waves of bigotry and ethnic disharmony are vindicated. Every single person who was ever wronged – or worse – must now understand that the change, and the telling of a new history that has been sought after for so long is now a simple vote away.

It occurs to me that we stand at a juncture of change and cultural identity that is a stark contradiction to the stereotypical derogatory perspective so many have tried to force us to believe. And it occurs to me that if those of us who have questioned the need for Senator Obama to become our next President could release their programmed fear and reluctance they would see a representation of the very foundation of a strong Black community – the Husband and the Wife working synergistically for the greater good of the family. Imagine that.

So what is this thing that has come over me and that, I believe, I share with so many others?

It is that common thread. That undying belief in my culture and my community to come together and do something good for all. That “knowing” deep in my gut that no matter what anyone may say about this Obama family, they do – indeed – represent the best opportunity to give so many Black Americans what has been missing - and sorely needed - for so long. And that is a demonstrated sense of love, caring, and commitment that gives everyone who has ever believed we could be and do more tangible proof that we have been right all along. It is our example to present to the world audience.

Smile, Black People, Smile.

But we should not allow ourselves to be fooled into thinking when Senator Obama is elected that will be enough... oh, no... that is only the starting point. The work that needs to be done will require each one of us to do our part to make certain the work does get done... President Obama cannot – and should not – do it all. The places where we live are OUR communities and we have an obligation to do our part to improve upon them. We have to be smart, steadfast, and committed to realizing a better life for this generation and for generations to come.

In looking at the production of the DNC this evening I saw a mother so overjoyed with pride I'm sure her soul was already experiencing Heavenly glory. I saw a brother and a sister that understood how important it was that they make it clear that while they were quite different, they were even more so, quite the same. I saw people in the crowd shedding tears of happiness in response to the authenticity and conviction that exuded from the speakers. And most importantly, I saw our Blackness standing upright in the midst of a throng of diversity and not only holding its own, but actively leading the charge toward a better tomorrow for all of us.

Am I excited? Most definitely. Am I being a bit premature? Who the hell cares. What's important is that something profound is happening to all of us who have held on to hope for so long.

I feel it in the deepest parts of me – those parts that refuse to be told how I should perceive my culture and my community. My heart pounds with energy that longs to find an escape. My senses are peaked, and every word I hear resonates. My willingness to hang in there and keep the faith is no longer in constant battle with my fear of loss or political betrayal. Indeed, I have chosen to believe in this Senator. And I know in my heart he is the right President of these United States of America.

Truth of the matter is my community has only ever benefited when a democrat was in office.

But there's another dynamic going on here that cannot be denied. I've said it before and I delightfully repeat myself: People now look at Us differently.

When a Black person speaks of doing something worthwhile and good for the community I'm seeing where people who may not have taken us seriously in the past are perking their ears and are far more warm towards us.

I want to urge every Black person who can vote to vote for Senator Obama. He is the only clear choice for uniting the country. His message of respecting and encouraging diversity while optimizing the strengths of each individual is the key. Divided WE fall, divided WE fail, and divided WE are finished. The proof is in the pudding that president bush has perpetrated against us all over the past eight years and we can ill afford anymore of it.

This notion of the first Black President will become our reality when we galvanize our communities and all vote him into office come November. We can no longer believe the media hype about division, Clinton, or any of the other nonsense arguments (and by the way, the only way to have experience as President is to have been the President... I don't recall there ever being a President McClain).

We have to start believing in ourselves enough to know that together we can create the reality we so badly need in all our communities. We can begin to address the issues that have torn our homes, families, churches, communities... our relationships asunder. And we can begin to realize a greater, better reality for ourselves as individuals.

We are Awakened.

No. 51 - Benevolent Foolery

Ah yes, the sweet beauty of doing good for others... the wonderful fulfillment one experiences when giving of self for the benefit of family, community, or culture. How great, indeed, the experience of putting self aside in our quest(s) to realize a better community for all. So many have committed so much to do the work that needs doing. So many have researched the issues, studied the communities, reflected upon myriad perspectives from the many scholars and community organizers that have documented their notions on how to create a better future for us all.

But, one must ask: Are things better for us, or worse?

Perhaps we should consider an interesting scenario that plays out in so many meetings, homes, and communities. Let's consider...

Here comes “Mr. Johnny Do-Right”. He has done tremendous research; conducted interview after interview; spoken to his “inner circle” to get their blessings, and read and wrote a number of papers speaking to the needs of the community. After all his effort he's come up with what he believes is the best approach to engaging the community and to overcoming the particular problem he has an expressed interest in. He goes about conducting the work needed to make the difference he envisions.

He works night and day, forsaking social life, family, and even his own personal needs. With every passing week his belief in his effort increases, knowing full well this is the answer to the problem. He preaches and teaches, instructs and takes a daring leadership role. After months, and sometimes even years, of work... after giving so much of himself to what he believes is in the best interest of the community... after putting so much emphasis on implementing the solution he has lived and sworn by, he stops long enough to look at where things are.

And he is forced to ask himself one significant question: Are things better for us, or worse?

And when he is able to be honest in answering this question, he is forced to reconsider his every intent, his every belief, and the very effort he has put into making things better.

At his emotional core, within his deepest place of personal Spiritual sacredness, the truth shouts loudly for his acknowledgment and dares him to seeing it for what it is. It is a stark contradiction to everything he has given his life to achieve, this noble and needed cause, and it causes a renewed sense of despair to blossom within him.

He is at odds with himself. He fights a battle of competing realities hoping that somehow faith, hope, and belief in his ideals will overcome the feelings of doom, sadness, and hurt that permeates his environs. His thoughts are interwoven within the emotional battle he fights and yet his conscience is disconnected as it regards his inner battle.

In the end he is forced to decide if his actions on behalf of what he knows to be right and relevant for the betterment of his community were “good enough” to make a difference. And the difference that was made... was it the difference he had intended? Or did it end up being too little, too late, and too out of touch with the needs of the community in the present day?

In reading this you might think Mr. Do-Right might throw in the towel and find something else to do if his work and efforts were in vein. Or you might think he was ill-suited to do the work needed to realize success. Still, there are those who might take his current situation as reason to point the finger at him (and/or US) and say: “See, I told you, nobody cares about anything except themselves... better to lookout for number one...”

But as it is, Mr. Do-Right chose to take this moment of inner turmoil as an opportunity for personal growth.

There he sat, alone in his place of sanctuary, seeing for the first time that he was not as successful as he had initially believed possible. His plan, while good, was not good enough. He began to understand his actions were made in a vacuum, a silo, if you will. And he began to question this notion of doing something good for all without the benefit of including others in the formation, development, and implementation of goodwill for the community throughout the process.

Let's call this, Benevolent Foolery.

And so, lesson learned, and now more prepared to do work for the good of our community, Mr. Do-Right begins the process of recreation. He no longer wants to keep his solutions to himself. He no longer thinks only he can do the job, but has come to understand the great and profound gift of community uplifting can only be achieved when the gift is given by community to community.

And some time in his not-too-distant future he, along with other like minded individuals, delivered on the goals and dreams of creating a better community for all.

What a wonderful thing to consider! What a great and glorious picture this paints in our minds...

But wait...

Truth be told we all already know this. In fact, if we would but take a moment and consider ALL the great things our community has ever accomplished, we would begin to see they were all done by like minded individuals who understood the gravity of the situations we face, and who came together in the name of our survival, our community, and our greatness. They were able to put aside their need to have their individual ideas take center stage because they came to understand our true power rests in including EVERY good idea in the solution. And they were able to rally behind the cause of reclaiming our community because the needs of the community will ever be greater than the needs of the individual. We all know the names so I'll not begin naming them...

So today's challenge is quite simple. The decision we must make is quite clear. And the future we will experience is directly related to what we do today. (Fact is, the future of the individual and the collective community will always be linked to decisions made in the present).

We can continue to embrace the theory of Benevolent Foolery, or we can decide its time to work collaboratively to rebuild, reclaim, reaffirm, and – most importantly – redeem our community.

No. 50 - Mr., Miss, and Mrs.

Over the last five to six months I've been working with youth from the inner city areas of Oakland. The projects I've been working on are both centered on using film to engage the minds and impressions of our youth, and to discover a way to “kick-start” within them a greater sense of self and community awareness. I have to tell you these “journeys” have been fraught with challenges and insights that forced me to evaluate my desire to work with these youth.

In a word: “Damn! We got problems!” (Okay, so that's more than one word).

I've been exposed to dialog and behaviors that made me do repetitive double takes; I've attempted to speak to our youth about how to create a greater sense of self and community only to be told – by our youth – that all adults can do is talk; I've sat watching one group of youth tease another until one of the youth ended up crying – all for the sake on “entertainment”.

And while these are the tangible experiences of our daily lives, we continue to be forced to live with constant reminders of crime, struggle, communities failing, increased homelessness, and so many other challenges. It's enough to make a grown man cry.

Yet there is always hope. There is always something next to do to find our way through the dis-ease and malice we are surrounded by.

Yesterday I sat with a colleague and the two of us pondered how adults can engage our youth to instill a greater sense of character, and community virtue. We watched the youth acting as though no one had every told them how to act in public, or how to engage those they meet in public without creating a sense of fear (yes, it seems our youth have now mastered the art of leveraging their mass and acting out in ways that many are intimidated by). We called some of the youth over and spoke to them in our attempt to understand how they perceived their behaviors and what an adult could do to better shape their regard for others.

While we gained some information, I was astounded by how quickly our youth are willing to act like they simply do not know what you are talking about, how I must have seen the situation a bit differently because nothing happened or was going on, or how innocent they are – even when I see and hear someone saying or doing something inappropriate with my very eyes.

At the end of the day my mind was plagued with thoughts of the ongoing continued demise of our communities. A demise brought about because so few understand their value, roles and place in the community, or the truth of how we are all interdependent upon one another to realize and sustain our greatest potential. My thoughts and emotions rode a coaster of highs and lows that took me to many different places. I entertained thoughts of yielding my fight to making a positive difference in my community, of creating a “boot camp” style environment to force our youth to see things – even if a bit more clearly.

We had a family discussion last night that helped me to better understand how we can start making a difference now. (It's always interesting to me that when I am in the throes of deep thought and searching for answers or guidance, the Universe always presents an answer that clears my path, allowing me to keep the fight going).

What's interesting is that the conversation had very little to do with the youth I've been working with in a direct sense. What came out of the conversation was a number of viewpoints that ultimately lead to the most salient observation, and that helped in firming up my final approach to addressing this matter. Specifically, I might add, addressing this matter with the youth who have not demonstrated a level of respect for or awareness of themselves and their environment.

We talked about the use of the the terms Mr., Miss, and Mrs. by children when talking to adults. One way of looking at the subject was that children have no preference at all regarding how they address adults. Another way of looking at the subject was that by using the titles youth show respect for adults because by doing so a partition between adult and child is acknowledged. Another way of looking at the subject is that it was not required because children already knew they must respect adults and the use of these titles could sometimes be used as a way to belittle the child.

...Yeah, we had a great conversation around this and were able to cover many areas that we may not have had we not been open to the discussion...

During the dialog the notion of the role of teachers, and how youth interact with them was introduced. Thoughts went from teachers, to doctors, to clergy, to others we traditionally regard as leaders. Here is where all the dots came together for me. Here is where I found the immediate answer to my question.

What came out of that discussion was a realization that in most cases our youth – those that are troubled, on the verge of heading down the wrong path,(and even that are known to be good and more into doing good) – are conditioned to refer to teachers and others in a position to teach/instruct/guide/help (you get the picture) them by title. In considering this dynamic I was able to deduce that perhaps one thing we can all start doing to begin to reinforce the notion of respect and awareness in our youth is to start requiring that they refer to adults in a more proper fashion. While this approach may not need to be applied to all, I do think it is worth while to try it just to see what kind of reaction it induces within our youth.

I reflect back on my childhood and early adulthood and am reminded of the fact I knew without question how I should act when in the presence of adults. I knew without question I could not behave in inappropriate manners when adults were around. Hell, I knew I couldn't do many things even when they weren't around, come to think of it.

But in the end, one of the things I knew more than anything else is whenever I referred to an adult as Mr., Miss, or Mrs., that adult was treated with the respect due them - without there having to be any reminders.

No. 49 - Opposite Sides... Yet Still the Same

Today I sat in silence at one of my regular “time-for-me” spots because I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. As is the cause oftentimes, when one is in hot pursuit of something worthwhile, one gets to the point where one simply needs to be quiet. My time today was such and I'm now at peace. I'll share with you how this came to be...

It was while in this mode that I received a call from a dear Cousin of mine who lives on the Northern East Coast of the US. He lives in a large city and throughout our lives – regardless of the space and distance that has separated us – his life experiences and mine have always paralleled one another. We spoke for a while and then he confided in me what he was feeling.

“I'm just angry,” he said. “For no apparent reason and I can't seem to shake it. I'm feeling very frustrated at how I've been struggling and, no matter what, I can't seem to break even.” This was profound in that I had heard these very words from others here on the West Coast – and I've even said them myself, at times. I listened, trying to help him discover where these feelings were coming from. Unbeknown to him this conversation was helping me as well.

“How are things with you and the Misses?” I asked.

“Things are going well.” He said. “We both are growing... I'm beginning to understand that I too need to change if I am to have the kind of relationship I've said I wanted. So I will.”

Well, that said, I knew that wasn't the thing behind his feelings of frustration. I considered his response a bit more. I considered how I was feeling and how at the very moment I was feeling the same as he was that he would call. (Funny how life always finds a way to demonstrate to us we are never alone in what we feel or what we experience in life).

“Man, this gas is killing me. I put in seventy-three dollars worth of gas every three days just to get back and forth to work and still end up having to find creative ways to keep things going.” He said.

“Yeah, it's crazy over here as well. I drive only when I have to and sometimes that can be a challenge... I'm doing the same thing...” I replied.

That got me to thinking and, as the conversation went forward, I came to more clearly understand what was bothering him... and me.

The news we hear and watch on television these days indicate things continue to be “not-so-well” for our communities, our economy, and our country. Our leaders continue to paint a pretty picture of things while more and more of us struggle to survive the week... and for some, the day. The war is draining our society of its youth and its funds, and it continues to challenge the very ideals of what America is about. Almost everyone knows someone who has suffered a loss in the housing meltdown. Families are pushed farther and farther away from realizing their American Dream on a daily basis.

Employers are expecting more from us while we receive less from them. Those that do continue to thrive do so with the blind belief that everyone can still make it. Jobs have evaporated while the cost for rentals and homes continue to escalate. Whoa, mama! What in the world is going on here?

And while we have decided to keep our nose to the grindstone and do our all to safeguard that which we do have, we also have lost our sense of community. Neighbors are no longer neighbors... but instead people we see as we go about our daily chores. Churches continue to lose their hold and value in our communities and fewer families attend.

So sorry to sound like my cup is half-empty but I am compelled to think that in order for us to overcome the challenges we all face in the modern world, the first thing we must be able to do is see the truth of what is really going on. I should add it is not my intent to dissuade anyone from reading this dispatch, but on the contrary, my intent is to use these words to remind us where we are and what, in my opinion, we must do to weather the storm that is yet to come.

There is a growing sense of enlightenment that continues to develop momentum in just about every community. Many people are now beginning to understand how important it is that we remember there is so much more to life then that which constitutes the accumulated efforts of a single individual.

In a world... COMMUNITY. Community is now being regarded as the only true safe haven with the capacity to withstand the broken ethical, economic, spiritual, and political infrastructure that has (sadly) defined who we are as an American culture.

But let me bring this back to my cousin. Let me bring this back to me... and let me bring this back to you. For what does all this talk of community mean to the individual who knows he/she must continue his/her course in the hope of realizing the dream? And how can these observations be made more personal – to the point where we are all compelled and move to act?

As I see things, now is the time for us to remember and to know that we must put aside any selfish pursuits and decide to place greater value on doing our part to better our community. It starts with your personal relationship with that someone special in your life. Value him/her and know that your commitment to surviving to the end is the very cornerstone of every surviving community. The individual relationship must be given the highest regard because we can no longer hope, wait for, or expect things to get better.

In reflecting upon the various challenges we now face I am both frightened and saddened by how things are getting. I am bothered by how troubled our communities have become and by how many of our youth are all but forgotten. It is a problem for me that we have wholesale opted not to provide tangible proof of a strong and lasting mother/father relationship to our children.

As I consider what we face it is as though we are now facing the highest challenge to the stability of all communities – so high that its peak is somewhere lost in the clouds. Yet the very challenge we face provides the most gratifying prospects as well...

I saw as I spoke to my cousin on the opposite side of the Country that no matter the concern; no matter the challenge; no matter the sacrifices; we are different individuals yet still the same people.

The most gratifying prospect of our current life situation is that in the end -- when we are seventy years old and looking back at all we've endured -- if we choose to commit to the one that we love come hell or high water, we would have experienced a life of fulfillment and both personal and communal victory that will make us all proud to be who we are.

No. 47 - Deeper Self

We go about our day ever looking towards our tomorrows. We long to interact with that special someone in the spirit of sharing and caring. We consider the myriad topics we want to discuss… to gain perspective… to seek a better shared understanding… to somehow build a closer relationship with our special somebody.

And many times we never quite get to that point. We get home tired and stressed, unwilling or unable to recall the many great thoughts that helped us through the day… that gave us reason to look towards tomorrow. We get home and all we want to do is relax… maybe tomorrow there’ll be time… maybe tomorrow that conversation will be had.

And then the time comes when we actually get there. The moment of truth arrives and we are able to share with that special person in our lives. But something seems to be missing. For sure we can talk about the weather, our day, the calls and emails from family and loved ones. For sure we can talk about paying that bill or the success we had in running some errand.

But still, something is missing.

Then we rationalize that we’re both just tired or there wasn’t enough time to really get to the heart of the matter… so we take what we can from the moment and hang on to the feelings of longing that have been compelling our need to communicate. We carry these feelings into our tomorrow and tomorrows tomorrow, hoping that somehow we’ll finally get there… we’ll finally have that meaningful and intimate discourse that – to that moment, at least – has eluded us.

It is at this time that we face a crossroad. For some it’s quite obvious and a very tangible thing, for others it comes and goes without any realization. We stand on the brink of deciding what it is that we really want… whether we will engage in intimate and meaningful discourse with our loved one… whether we will make the time to do what our spirits are pushing us to do, or whether we will continue to pay lip service to our need. For others, the choice is whether they will let their need fade into oblivion… only to look at themselves sometime in the future and ask the question: “What has happened to me?”

Looking forward can sometimes help to clear ones perspective. Looking back can do the same. But alas, what about looking at the present moment…?

As I consider what it means to me to hold a meaningful, intimate conversation, I’m drawn to the fact a key component of such a dialog is tied to the individual. How well we know ourselves is predicated by how honest we can be with ourselves, and how willing we are to acknowledge these truths individually, and share in these truths with our partner. Trust, mutual respect for one another, a kind ear, and the elimination of judgment all factor in to creating a moment in time where two people can genuinely share of themselves.

We are all so busy pursuing our goals or struggling to stay in the game we now have less time to engage in real conversation. Our jobs occupy our minds every waking hour, in some cases. We put forth so much effort to provide for our families and conduct ourselves as responsible adults that it – in many cases, sadly – gets in the way of maintaining our most valued asset… our relationship with our significant other.

So these are some of the realities we face in the modern relationship. These are some of the challenges to our success that we should recognize and learn how to overcome. But which of these is critical to starting on the journey to reclaiming a level of verbal intimacy that will sustain our relationships?

A good question, indeed... One with a response that might be different from one person to the next… One that warrants thought and consideration, and requires that we each take time to reflect upon.

For me, the answer to this question is centered on the individual and his/her willingness to have a more intimate relationship. For me, the only way to begin the journey to reclaiming a greater level of sustainable intimacy in our relationships is to start with taking the time to gain a greater understanding of ones Deeper Self. Therein lies the richness and excitement of the individual. Within each of us, should we choose to explore our Deeper Selves, we would find the intrigue and dynamic characteristics that, when shared with our loved one, will lead to vibrant discourse and ultimately, greater intimacy.

We are each in and of ourselves unique. Our journeys in life are characterized by daring challenges, excellent adventures, specific moments of personal growth, perspectives and ideal that could spark a lifetime of conversation, and the innate ability to and capacity to reinvent our individual selves. It is my belief that each of us retains the ability to choose to become our best selves at any time… and that by making the choice to be a better person, we demonstrate our capacity to grow when we choose to.

Imagine the many gems of insight and understanding we would be blessed with if we would but only open ourselves to seeing, sharing, and shaping the relationship – and the self we bring into the relationship – we now have into the relationship we have each dreamed about.

Imagine how much better we would all know ourselves if we but take time to look within and touch our Deeper Selves.

And imagine how interesting our interactions will be when we have the confidence, daring, and desire to share this Deeper Self with our loved one…

Imagine…

No. 46 - Conditional love and failure

“Black women are angry! We’re angry and afraid because we don’t know if we can trust men these days. All this messing around, the down low brothers, just no respect at all…, no honesty, no integrity. We’re guarded all the time, just waiting for our men to come up with some nonsense, just waiting to find out he’s been unfaithful. I know I don’t give my man my all… I don’t want to get hurt again, not like I got hurt the last time… I just don’t know if I could tolerate that”! My colleague said, a mix of frustration, sadness and bewilderment inflected in her every word. The conversation went on longer and we shared questions and observations in our quest to understanding this very important issue.

As I listened to my colleague express her views and feelings regarding the realities of the modern male/female relationship -- and how so many women are impacted by the dysfunctions of today’s male perspective -- I gained a clearer understanding of why so many women are hard to reach at a deep emotional level, and unwilling to believe (and KNOW) the man they have is indeed a good man. (Please understand: This is not an attack but an acknowledgment). My colleague and I happened upon this conversation while breaking on a film shoot this week. I was impressed by her willingness to discuss this matter and her many questions on why things are so bad for so many.

I acknowledge the fact so many in the community have reduced their senses of loyalty, commitment, integrity, and regard for a strong, loving relationship to nothing more than self-serving rhetoric with no real understanding of what and how to commit. I have discussed this subject with a variety of different people, both men and women, and have come to see we have simply lost our focus on what is really important to maintaining a sustainable and vibrant relationship. I think back on the many senior couples that have survived together for decade after decade, and how (without either one of the pair saying a word) any observer would know these two love, respect, and care greatly for one another. I wonder if they had to deal with the same challenges we have in today’s world… alas, I think not.

While times have changed, while challenges have changed, while cultures have changed, I think the core of the individual has not changed. I would even venture to say it can not change. I say this because we are beings who react to our surroundings and the way in which we regard them. We have an ingrained sense of self-preservation that kicks in each time we feel threatened. Our minds go into analytical overdrive when we are faced with a situation or circumstance we perceive as counter to our desired reality. We surround ourselves with an impenetrable emotional barrier each and every time we feel a challenge is made to how we have come to express our individuality. We rationalize there’s only one way to regard the situation – my way – and anyone who challenges me is wrong. They are then cut off and placed in the “do not touch” bucket.

If an individual is not emotionally/spiritually/intelligently free of their past hardships, if the individual carries the mantle of past misdeeds and experiences into present day, then they will continue to live in the past. This is a past that holds greater power over the present – even more so than the present moment itself. How many continue to allow past bad experiences to cloud their judgment, causing them to react in ways that are counterproductive to building a strong and lasting relationship?

For sure there is that group of men that women run into from time-to-time who are clueless and not worthy of the effort required to have a loving, thriving relationship. When a woman begins to get to know them she soon to discovers they are not quite ready to live without adult supervision, much less develop a relationship with. These are the men mature women steer away from.

But that’s only one side of the coin. What about all the men out there who long for a lasting and committed relationship, who come into a new relationship ready for something far more than what they have come from, but who end up having to deal with the ghosts of past events in their present relationship, that are not their doing? What is the impact on these men? And what can be done to prevent the – sometimes subtle but most times loud and surprising – impact these negative harmonics have in the relationship?

I’m reminded of something I read in the book: In the Meantime written by Iyanla Vanzant. The very preface of this book encapsulates part of this discussion. It talks about perceptions, expectations, self-love and conditional love. It helps the reader (male and female, I should stress) better understand how important it is to recognize real love when it appears. It challenges and guides the reader to acknowledge their role in giving and receive a truer, more fulfilling love. Unconditional love. The kind of love that gives fully for the purpose of giving, and accepts the individual for whom he/she is – without a detailed line item inventory of what they ought to have or should be like. It is the kind of love that says we are here and in this together and regardless of what we might ever face, we will face it together.

Men need to know their women believe in them. They need to know they are respected, appreciated, admired, and supported by their partner. They need to feel they are not alone in their efforts to build a life and future for themselves and their loved ones. They need to know they will not be “penalized” when things don’t go well or because they happen to say or do something that reminds their partner of something from the past. And they need to be acknowledged for who they are and what they have/will accomplish in life without having to defend themselves or their life situation to their partner. And it would be good if this acknowledgment would come before the prize is won, not after, because men need to know their women are right there with them from the beginning.

My colleague has shed light on some of the real concerns held by many of her sisters and I respect that. She did well in opening my mind to this dialog and I appreciate her for that. Our community continues to grapple with overcoming years of hurt, betrayal, fear, manipulation, etc., and we are all forced to deal with the consequences of these acts. Women and Men alike stand scratching their heads in an attempt to discover how we can develop and maintain a healthy, happy and harmonious relationship. Many come to the table with a smile on their face and a pocket full of past hurts just waiting to explode, and that are guaranteed to corrupt the delicate relationship that could be. Instead of putting aside our pre-thought-out, pre-judged, pre-happiness notions of what it means to have a lasting relationship many rather puff their chests out and brag on how the relationship didn’t work because that other party didn’t meet their needs/expectations.

And Love… what of that?

Well, it’s my belief that anytime our love for a person is directly linked to whether that person can meet our needs, or some present expectation, then we’re not serious about doing the work to get the very thing we want. We’re only giving the notion of happiness and love a little thought and a lot of rhetoric.

You see, the only way to GET the love you want is to GIVE that love to your partner. Life and love is not a game of bargains because we hurt ourselves when we fail to give what is required to get what we desire. There is no game-master to dole out happiness to all who say they want it. The Universe gives that which we ask for when we do our parts in securing it.

Conditional love and failure are joined at the hip.