No. 76 - Who is she?

For the last couple nights I’ve been having this recurring dream that has me perplexed. I’ve awakened wondering at its meaning as I try to sort out the details. I find myself contemplating it throughout the day because, in my opinion, my subconscious mind it grappling with something that obviously needs to be sorted out.

The dream goes like this:
I’m looking at a woman who I’m deeply in love with. She has no name and she has no features other than a natural aura, form and charisma that sends me to Glory. My love for her is completely consuming and there is no question I am the one to love this woman. I know without question I have the love, commitment and passion she needs in her life, and I know mine is genuine and lasting.

But, she has a man. He takes her for granted, caring very little for her heart and even less for her mind. He has no awareness whatsoever of her Spirituality. Yet, she continues to give herself over to this person.

I see him as a grey man, featureless and ghostly with an aura of distrust and selfishness. I am aware of his presence yet he is not aware of mine. I watch as she toils through the frustration of giving herself to him even as he does not welcome her attempts. In frustration and sadness I wait in agitated silence for her to somehow see him for who he really is, and to then see me for who I am.

When she is in my company, she tempts me with her beauty and sensuality. She holds my attention even before she enters my mind. She teases my senses with her elegant charm and radiance. We talk, we laugh, we share time together doing a variety of things yet never do we “cross the line.” I see her smile and I sense her inner glow, all warming and inviting. She is such a draw to me.

I awaken from these dreams slowly, wanting the feelings I experience to linger, wanting the moments to survive. And I wonder why is it that this dream has decided to invade my peaceful slumber? Why have these thoughts and images decided to visit me in my most vulnerable state?

And, Who is she?
I’ve read a lot about our minds, dreams, and how we consider the world we live in. I’ve come to understand that when we sleep, and attain a state of rest, our conscious and subconscious minds go about the task of solving problems that we think about in our waking state. That said, I have to believe this dream represents my own attempt to resolve some issue that is obviously quite important to me.

Wanting to finally have this itch scratched, I looked online to one of the many dream interpretation web sites (www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/) and here is what I’ve gleaned from my investigation:

The Woman: Represents nurturance, passivity, caring nature, and love.
The Other Man (Adultery): Represents insecurity or fear of being abandoned (by this Woman).
Waiting (Patience): Represents going through a healing process.
Temptation: Represents a conflict between my Self and my desires and between instant gratification and long term goals.

Alas, I see the truth.

I am at the point in my life where I will be transitioning to do a different kind of work, less community focused, more self focused. As I interpret the areas I’ve listed above, it appears to me that I am dealing with an inner conflict because I have decided to shift my course in life.

I’m a little fearful of (The Other Man) losing my connection to my community (The Woman) because I have chosen a new pursuit (The Temptation). But, even as I carry this fear, I have already begun the healing process (The waiting) that will ultimately help me come to terms with my decision and lead to my becoming a better person.

Well, that’s refreshing to know. I’m only human and I am somewhat torn between that which I love and care about on the one hand, and that which I love and care about on the other hand. Ironic.

As I think about this I’m pleased to know there is a legitimate basis for the symbology in my dreams. One could easily choose to take a more “tangible” approach to understanding my dream, thinking my desires are less than honest. I believe this would lead to suspicions of my having a desire to become unfaithful, or thinking I might have a “feeling” that my wife is unfaithful to me. How far from the truth this would have been.

So, in asking and answering the question this dispatch poses one final time:

Who is she?

She is the community that I love and think so highly of. She is the young, the old, the good and the bad in all of us. She is the challenges and the victories we all experience daily. She is us.