Silence

They are there
within me
looking outward for an
opportunity to be heard

They break against the
shores of my
heart
longingly silent
as they fade into mist

They bounce within
the confines of my logic
unfettered, unwavering,
...
unheard

They search for cracks in the
fabric of my challenge
for that sweet
knowledge
of
acknowledgement

They long to spill out
into the loving
arms of
...
her.

They are there
within me
...
They are.

Feel

How do I feel:

With my hands, with my heart, with my thought

She doesn’t see me...

My feelings

Not all of me - only the parts that fortify her world

But not all of me...

My feelings...

Not really.

And why?

... Because I am different?

... Because I am truthful?

... Because ...

I Am.

Perhaps

And so it is

Together,

Our hands do not hold,

Our hearts do not beat,

Our mind do not soar,

And why?

Well,

How does she feel?

A Miracle

I stood a the river bank giving honor to God. I am thankful for all the many blessings in my life, and for all the wonderful people I have come to know over the years. I feel the Spirit coalesce within as I am reminded of the God in me, and together we celebrate those blessings I have received... and those to come.

As I stand there I notice a small figure coming towards me. I notice this figure is stopping by each trash can and looking in. A can here, a bottle there, perhaps something to eat. In the back of my mind I recall seeing this image a number of times before...

I go back to my feelings of praise and appreciation, again thanking God for my victories and for the blessings to come.

Soon I hear a sound. That small figure is now only six feet away from me. I hear God’s soft whisper: “Look at him!”

I look...

Before me, reaching into the trash can, is a young brown boy no older than twelve. He is steadfast in his search, and quite efficient. I’ve seen it before... the sign that he’s been doing this for some time... he was seasoned.

I am immediately thinking about this young man; how it is that he is out here among folk at play or sitting in the park chatting - or meditating as I was. What brought him here today? Hunger, despair, hope, faith?

I found myself reaching for my pocket. I pull out my billfold. I see I have ten dollars cash. I hear that familiar whisper again: “That is not yours to keep.”

I stand there at the intersection of my will, and the will of the Most High -- it is my moment of truth. That part of me that thinks only of me reacted as always, questioning how giving what I had would impact me. In a flash I am caused to realize something that puts everything into perspective: I have food at home, I am not looking for sustenance in the bottom of a trash can.

As ever, You are right God. I have to give this to its rightful owner. The choice took less than a second.
I call him over. Reluctantly he comes, overriding his fear of strangers for his wanting something more. I give him his money.

There is a moment when he looks at it, then at me. He is stunned that a stranger would do this. He wonders what’s the catch. So he stands there, holding the bill, waiting. He looks up. I smile. He smiles.

“Thank you, Sir.”

And then off he goes to the next trash can. I notice his head is held a little higher.

I go back to meditation and prayer.

A short while later I hear an engine start. I look up and see the young man get into a car. In the car I see a mother, and a sibling. It appears he is the oldest child. There is a brief exchange with his mother, and then he points to me.

The car begins to drive away. As it does he looks out the window and gives me the biggest smile. His mother waves. I smile back, nodding my head.

I feel completely immersed in such a feeling of goodness.

The car is gone and I come to realize some things.

I realized that things continue to worsen for many in our society... there are many hurting people we rather not think about because “their situation is too tough and we can do only a little to help.” Besides (we think), we all have our own issues to tackle.

What is peculiar to me about this is when we are facing our own adversity or great challenge, many start praying to have their needs met. They choose to believe that a way out of no way will become their reality. They choose to believe that somehow everything will be all right. And, they understand it will take a miracle for this to become their truth.

God responds with a miracle.

For this family, I believe I was part of the delivery of their miracle. I believe the little cash I had been holding for them was an answer to the prayers of this young man and his family. I simply had to be willing to do my part.

So the next time you are out and about and you see a person looking for sustenance from the trash can I hope you can remember they are being brought into your path so that you can somehow be the answer to their prayers.

You can be part of a Miracle.

fear in U.S.

i challenged my fear to understand
its power over me
and somehow through my processes
i began to see

my fear had put me in a box
if surrounded me with strife
it prevented me from many paths
to a better life

and when i chose to challenge it
i saw my world so clear
i saw some truths about us all,
i simply have to share

we all have fears that we all bear
and sometimes, we’re not aware
yet it is this commonality
that has brought us all to here

some folk thrive in yesterday
embracing their echoes of fear
maintaining uniformed disharmony
and perpetuating collective despair

but then there are those who understand
the measure of what is great
who understand this simple truth:
Our future is a shared fate

so we can take this side, or that
and our fears can be pushed out
but rest assured, when we can be honest
Our fear is Our prison, no doubt.

Blood and Oil

The Poetry Series #11

The flow of the tide
Brings with it the cry of anguish
Brings with it the end of legacy
Brings with it the awareness of a people

Nature herself yearns
To cleanse her wounded heart
To cleanse the shadows of greed and callousness
To cleanse her integrated Spirit of this nightmare

Each passing day
We find plight and ruin loom closer
We find the truth of capitals corrupted influence
We find the people grow restless in despair

Yet, the questions abound
What stops u.s. from taking the initiative
What stops u.s. from turning our backs to propaganda
What stops u.s. from realizing our true strength

The Earth cries at her hurt
We drove a stake into her heart
We drove a spear into the depth of her sacredness
We drove an excuse for greed to our doom

And her blood flows
Her oily blood that lashes out to remind u.s.
Her oily blood that flows so steadily towards u.s.
Her oily blood that so many link to salacious prosperity

Blood and Oil
The tears of a crying Earth
The tears of a wounded Mother that requires our viewing
The tears of a giver of life urging us to stop, to think, to better ways

Blood and Oil

FRIENDSHIP

(The Poetry Series #10)


Free to explore and share our most sacred inner thoughts without shame or fear

Ready to stand beside one another in the midst of any storm, every step of the way

Interested in nurturing the common bond which makes the relationship special

Excited to experience the individual and common growth of the union

Non-judgmental, ever appreciating the value of unconditional love

Deeply rooted in the knowledge that we are stronger together, then alone

Shares with a willingness that elevates the closeness and enhances our lives

Happy to give of self without the expectation of something in return

Intuitively in tuned to the rhythm and flow of the many moments spent together

Perfectly balanced in harmony, truth, commitment, sharing, loving, and accepting


FRIENDSHIP

If...

(The Poetry Series #8)


If I allowed all the things you think of me to become my truth,
Putting aside the realizations and self knowledge I have honestly earned
If I allowed those things to be internalized, then to become my truth
Would I not be sacrificing my reality, my years of perspective and being?

If I chose to cut myself off from shared dialog because of my fears,
Rather valuing the easy comfort of my established sense of self
Frolicking in the quagmire of my mind, created from that which battles within
Would I not be the very tool that determines to undermine my happiness?

If I gave all of me to part of you hoping some day you will give all of you,
Choosing to hope in what could be rather then dwell on what is
Believing in the capacity for life and growth over settling for stagnation
Would I be compromising my self worth for the sake of something greater?

If you took away that part of you that once drew my heart in
Deciding to hide in fear and insecurity, allowing your past to haunt you
Making irrational excuses in justification for not giving that which I need
Would you be responsible for how I feel about and react to you?

If you forgot to love me with the same passion and endearing, always
Not making the act a job or task, but ever embracing the sacredness of love
Not finding reason to shorten or delay the experience
Would the temptations that cross my mind have greater value to me?

If your time with me is limited to only when you chose to be
Rather placing more value on all the other parts of your life
Rather expending your time, energy and efforts in them
Would it seem unfair of me to find comfort in the company of another?

But

If we would decide to give our hearts and minds and loves without fear
If we would decide to make us more important than all else
If we would decide to share in the journey of love and life as one
Then, We would have truly lived in love, and loved in life.

do you know?

(The Poetry Series #8)


psst... Hey!
can you feel it?
do you perceive that
dark space somewhere
near your heart
that barrier placed
between you
and the one
you love?

do you know
what it is?

well, I’ll tell you
it is the result
of unresolved issues
of things you haven’t
discussed
of things you need
to discuss
to move forward
to come alive

will you?

despair disappear

(The Poetry Series #7)


i
step a thousand times
in one direction
and then
a thousand times
in another

wondering
where will i get
thinking
the destination will
be met
on the next step

she
wonders what i feel
within the throes
of my unknown journey
ever wanting
to succeed

she
holds my hand softly
knowing how i feel
but not really
knowing what i feel
because she cannot

sometimes
i want to tell her everything
and others nothing
but mostly
i tell her
what i can

God
must be close to me
we are friends
the two of us
at least i would like
to believe we are

someone
told me God doesn’t
care anymore
they said he could not
because so many
now suffer

but
i look to the joy
i find in the loving of self
in the loving of others
in the knowledge that
this will soon end

i
reflect upon my journey
and see its origins
knowing this man
is a far better man
then the man that began

and
i begin to elevate
my mindset to a better place
where i can remember
to smile in my contentment
even as i sigh

because
this is just a moment
in my life
and not its entirety
and while it is an unknown place
it is mine

i
once believed i was on top of all
unable to fail
unable to fall
unable to bend
and now
I have been bent

it
is interesting
this life i have been living
fraught with triumph
and heartache
with anger
with love

yet
in all this
i keep coming to one
simple
undeniable truth
i am alive

so
each day i begin
by thanking God
for another beautiful
moment of life
regardless of challenge

and
each night
I praise the day
because at the
very least
i have survived it

after
all we are part of
a whole that cannot
be broken by us
it can only be
acknowledged

there
is so much beauty
yet alive
for us to enjoy
if we
but look

if
we but believe
if we but hope
and
if we but accept
it becomes ours

so
i take this moment
of frustration
and i understand
it is but a small part
in the big plan

i
determine to find
my joy my faith
and i know my time
is near at hand
just wait

in
Gods time
i shall BE that
which i am to be
though in this moment
i do not see
that i already am

my
life is but a spec
of glamor in a
sea of light
it is of value to me
as are my desires

despair
is at my door
chomping at the bit
to ruin my temperament
to cause my failure
to give me pause

yet
i pray
it will soon disappear
i pray
this too shall pass
i pray in quiet faith

when
i send my prayers
into the mist
i will do so knowing
they will be
answered

when
i send my prayers
into the mist
i will do so knowing
they will be
answered.

when
i send my prayers
into the mist
i will do so knowing
they WILL be
answered!

allow me

(The Poetry Series #7)

allow me to accompany you into your bath
to remove your clothing
to help you into the water
to reach into the warmth and lather your back
to assist your path to relaxation
to gently massage you body
to enjoy the gift of loving you

allow me to help you into the room
to prepare the bed that awaits
to make sure you are dry
to make sure you are comfortable
to steal a peek at all your naked beauty
to come close to those places that give you joy
to sooth your worries with soft sounds

allow me to lay you down
to tell you that I love you
to find where it hurts or where you are weary
to kiss you there, gently, lovingly, longingly
to nurture your Spirit with tenderness
to enjoy the look of your horizontal profile
to know and feel my caring for your needs

allow me to find the path to your eroticism
to delight in the journey
to glory in the experience of anticipation
to think of all you offer, all you are
to give my all to you
to desire your pleasure, giving to you
to desire your pleasure, receiving from you

allow me to slowly explore your body
to savor its feel beneath my touch
to search out those areas that take you there
to discover even those that you resist
to relish your victory over those
to smile as I watch your release of the tensions of the day
to feel the waves of passion begin to envelop you

allow me to take away thought of your stressful day
to do what pleases you because it pleases me
to hear your intense delight
to experience your letting go
to thrill at the experiential essence of -- you
to know this gift is for you
to know its yours - whenever

allow me to know this is our sacred sharing
to feel your touch
to close the gap of space, time and connectedness in our embrace
to recognize our sweet union
to explore the harmonic reverberations of your released passion
to hold you close in surrender
to quietly know we are one

allow me to kiss you upon the neck, the cheek
to feel the warmth of your now relaxed body
to listen to your deepening breathing
to enjoy the aroma of our mingling
to thank the Gods for you
to whisper I love you
to peacefully surrender to slumber

allow me

One has to decide

(The Poetry Series #5)


I have held strong for a long time, weathering every wave that broke against my shore, steadfast in my resolve to make this journey without fuss. I’ve suffered through loss, humiliation, degradation, and ruin, only to rise yet another day for more. I’ve found the strength to look into the darkest that surrounds me and find the glimmer of light that I know exists. I’ve tried to be the man I’ve always known existed within me, even though others have attempted to deny me this.

And I am tired.

Today I found the damn that shielded my tears had sprung a leak, and this leak could not be stopped. In the quiet corner of my last refuge I allowed those tears to fall. A sniffle here and there, the warmth of this wetness flowing down my cheek. The sweet saltiness reminding me that even in this moment my senses are alive and alert, ever aware of my existence.

I write about so many things to release the tension and hurt that is within me. My journey has taken me to the streets along side the homeless, foodless, hopeless, and into the corridors of the decision makers we call political leaders. I did not invite this life... I imagine I prayed for it. Yet I could have never known the hurt that would dog my every step. I could never have imagined the truths and experiences I would witness. And then the moment comes when I finally stop and am forced to ask myself:

Where do I find time to comfort my Soul? When do I get to breathe my sigh of relief?

A man is said to be without emotion, without feeling or need to be held. This lie is the very thing that perpetuates the hurt we all share. And so many choose to believe it... Easier to stand by the wayside and watch the man struggle then to be by his side to triumph over the challenge, together.

We have come to be a society with callus regard for that which once built us up, choosing to satisfy our misplaced sense of need over valuing love, affection, respect, growth. So many are lost to this thinking we now regard ourselves as the collective desensitized dysfunction of humanity.

And I cry.

I am not better then another man, no more then another woman. I am no braver then so many of my Brothers and Sisters out here -- out there -- who battle their storms each day. We all share the same concerns, the same worries, the same fears... we all traverse a road that seems to end each step, lifting our feet forward in faith and belief day in and day out. Prayerfully we ask the Gods to guide us to the mark, knowing these prayers will be answered, feeling the surge of empowerment, yet wrestling with the fear that the unknown will consume us.

Many share tales of bewilderment and loss, of subjugation to the wills of others, of betrayal and stunned disbelief at the words that so fluidly flow from the mouths of those who -- “love us”. Men wonder if women are bipolar, not understanding the impact of their hardened words, their erratic behaviors, their perpetual denial of the role they play in our disharmonized unions. Women clamor at the detached and feelingless men who have “made it” and then become as nothing, care for no one, rise only to the communal level of maturity even lower then a young boy.

And together we struggle in misery.

This world is filled with beauty, yet so much of it is hidden from the eye. For sure we can see many wonderful statures, buildings, scenery yet the beauty that is most direly needed is that which comes from within. Compassion, giving, caring, feeling, nurturing, dare I say: truly loving.

We spawn the world we live within, our words and actions mate. It is from that mating -- that union -- that we experience this world for the good, bad, positive, negative... but WE spawn our experiences.

So I’ll not be angry at the challenges I face, or allow my challenges to become the excuse I need to stop trying, believing, hoping, dreaming, doing. I’ll dry these tears and take comfort in knowing my continued trust in God and the prayers I’ve offered are enough to keep me going. I’ll continue to know my needs will be met and desires will be filled, and that no man upon this planet can prevent it. And I’ll weather the storms that blow, the waves that beat, the chill air that freezes, ever with a stiff back, a loud voice, and pleasant regard for all.

I believe I can say without question, in speaking for the many of us who fight the tiger each day:

We may shed a tear or two today
And maybe tomorrow too
We may fall upon the road of life
But WE get up, I assure you

We understand this thing called Faith
And belief and hopefulness too
We seem to always find the path
Regardless of what others do

So don’t think that WE have lost the fight
Because of tears we shed
Just recognize that from deep inside
Comes our victories, just like WE said.

The Devils Gift

(The Poetry Series #4)

She sits on the bench, a mess of pain, her tears ever present
Uncaring of the eyes that watch her demise, unmoved by their presence
Her world has crumbled, no longer so pristine, prestige abounds no more
And she holds her hands to the heavens, cursing every God
For her pain and loss is deep.
“Why God do you not love me, why forsake your child?”
“Why am I here, a mass of nothing, with no one to love?”
“I’ve done my part, I’ve kept my word, I’ve been consistently yours.”
“But look at me, Lord look at me, is this to be my reward?”

The stranger walks by and hears her cry, his heart touched to action
She takes a seat beside this woman, gingerly, caringly, lovingly
Her mind races, attempts to fathom the depth of this Souls anguish
Yet only from afar does she comprehend the realness of the despair
Only from afar, indeed.
“Sister I don’t know you, never saw you before, but I’m here, I care, what is it?”
“What can I do to comfort you, what words or deeds are you in need of.”
“I heard your cry from across the way, and I’m responding to you now.”
“So please do tell where I can help, and I will if I can, my word.”

With tear stained cheeks her head uplifts at the sound of the voice near by
The loss of interest in life now battling against a sliver of hope
For her awareness registers the kindred soul that made the time to hear
The wailing of a Soul once whole, now lost in a world gone careless
For in truth, who really cares?
“I’ve tried my all to be the way my God wants me to be.”
“Yet now it seems there’s no reward, and my life has been for naught.”
“I’ve come to know a truth, I think, to know this truth as true.”
“That God has lost the fight for man, because man readily accepts the Devils Gifts.”

A shock of pain runs through her body, her mindset stunned by the words heard
She tries to understand this woman, then asks God why place her there
What to say, and what to do, these thoughts ring loudly inside her
Was there truth for sure in what she said... No, how could that be
For the Devil has no gifts.
“Sister don’t say things like that, God don’t like those words.”
“Things will be all right, just pray, and soon you’ll see a change.”
“I have to ask how you could say such terrible things aloud?”
“And how can you say we accept anything from the Devil?”

The crying lady looks at her, she wants to pull her hair out
Her empty stomach rumbles anew, reminding her of the many missed meals
She readies herself for the fight to come, at least she thinks it will
And lifts a hand to the heavens above, not caring, not wanting, not willing
Not willing to believe.
“The Devil has the gifts you see! For those who sin get rewarded!”
“I’ve seen this time and time again, and I’ve lost everything because of it.”
“Yes, try to do good and you get stepped on, do bad and prosper, but still lose.”
“Try to hold on to integrity, and the world will laugh at you forever.”

Perplexed and bothered by these words the visitor begins to wonder
Why God have you sent me here, this woman has lost her faith
What am I to do with this, what words can be said to help
What kind of God would place me here to hear these tragic words
Why God, place me here?
“Sister why do you talk like that, you know those words aren’t true.”
“You know God loves us one and all, why curse God in such a way?”
“It seems you’ve lost your faith somehow, and now you seem to suffer.”
“Let’s take a moment and say a prayer because God has a plan for you.”

The lady looks at her unabashed, knowing she speaks from lack of knowledge
A tear falls down her already stained cheek to be lost somewhere is space
For deep within she hears the cry, “You’ll be hungry today, again”
And she shakes her head at no one, her fist she presents to God
She’ll be hungry today, again.
“Why did you even come to me if all you do is pray?”
“What can your prayer do for my empty stomach, or the house I no longer have?”
“Go away from here, leave me alone, you’ve wasted yet more of my time.”
“Tell your God the battle is lost, and the Devils got the gifts.”

A closer look at the other one and some things begin to clear
Commonality in how she looks, her mannerism, and her features
This woman now begins to see there’s much more here then thought
She questions now what’s going on, how this anguish feels so familiar
Her sister and she -- one in the same
“How dare you question God at all, how dare you attack his name?”
“How dare you give so much away, when you know that God is near!”
“And how dare you say the Devil’s won, when the fight is yet underway.”
“I’ll prayer for you, that you can see, the blessing that you really do have.”

And then the other turns to her, and looks her in the eye
She looks through her and all her walls and then she starts to cry
For in that moment the truth is known and soon no words are said
They sit there side by side in silence, soon both are brought to tears
Soon they are brought to tears
“You see, my sister -- I think you do -- that what I say is true.”
“And we will fight until we decide what truth we choose to believe.”
“I am you and you are me, and our hearts know what is there.”
“Now think a moment at what you know, and tell me why we spar.”

Along comes grief with the given truth because the battle is within
This sister sees not someone else, but the part of her she hates
She unfolds her cloak of hidden pain, that’s separated her from inner peace
She now knows she cannot not return to the falsehoods she once held
The two are one, they are the same
“I now see I am you, indeed, this dialog occurs within me.”
“I battle my thoughts and break me down, and lose that which I value”
“I play the role of being alone yet ever wanting for so much more”
“And somehow thrive in dire straights trying hard to mask my pain”

Now the two see eye to eye in this, yet questions are still unanswered
They sit together unwilling to bend, and so remain in emotional squalor
The seasons come and go with time, the two frozen side by side
Long icicles of tears now lay before them, tears from indecision and pride
And together they wail a cacophony of hurt
Together they act to defeat their very happiness
Louder and louder, and more sinister each time
‘Til early one morning the two that are one
Is wakened from this misery...

...

“Honey, wake up.” He says... “Wake up, you’re having a bad dream”

She awakens and looks at him, the morning light falling gently on his face.

“The nightmare,” she says, “It was the Devils Gift.”

He looks at her not understanding, not comprehending, bewildered.

She falls into his arms, crying.