Maya and I have been together for almost three years now and I’d have to say we’ve faced some challenges and shared some great times together. She is not one to play around too much, nor is she one to mess up things around the house -- getting into things she knows she should not -- because she’s a fairly neat Girl. In all the time we’ve been together I like to think she and I have a special relationship. We have a way of communicating that some might consider unreal or unusual yet, in my humble opinion, it’s real and relevant.
As in all things, we are given opportunities to learn at every corner... we simply have to be willing to look. This is such a story.
This morning at 3:15 a.m. I was awakened by what sounded like Maya attempting to come into our room -- did I mention Maya is my Cat? Maya knows this is not allowed... she and I have had a number of highly impassioned interactions around her ability to open doors that weren’t closed properly to gain access to some of her favorite spots -- particularly the door that leads into my bedroom. Needless to say, I’ve made it clear our room is off limits and she cannot sleep in there without pre-approval from both me and my Queen.
However, there are times when nature calls and Maya knows how to claw and meow her way into our early morning slumber, attempting to get me up so I can let her out to do her business. In her defense, this is not something that happens routinely so I have to acknowledge she is a good Cat. But those times when she has these unexpected needs can ruin a great night of sleep. They can even cause a Man to stay up long afterwards writing about some gem of an insight that was introduced to him because of some interaction or insight gained... hence, this dispatch.
Back to the story...
So at 3:15 a.m. I was awakened by what I thought was Maya at the door needing to go out to relieve herself. As I have historically done when awakened as such, I lay there in groggy consciousness waiting for the confirmatory sign that Maya was at it again. I felt a pang of anger stab at me because that sleep I had enjoyed was quite good and I so needed it. Yet here we are again, after training Maya to go do her business before she comes home from her nightly jaunt, I wake up to her request for my attention. And while I felt a pang of anger, I could only imagine how my Queen might have felt if she had heard the sounds and was awakened.
And there at last came the rattle of the door. There was the confirmatory experience that justified my pang of anger -- that was now a growing sense of agitation. In my mind I was arguing with Maya that she knew better than this... she had been doing so well, WHY! would she falter now? One can only imagine the pictures that popped into my mind of how Maya was gonna get it for waking me out of my much needed and thoroughly enjoyable slumber.
I got up and staggered to the door, unwilling to release the comforting call of the sleep that was still within my grasp. I stumbled over a pillow that lay discarded on the floor, unable to recall that I was responsible for putting it there. I paused before I opened the door, knowing full well that Maya would make a mad dash to some hidden place in response to her violation of our agreement. I imagined having to coax her out of this hiding place and taking her to the back door, all the while with her attempting to explain her position (yeah, even though it’s not scientific or even proven, I believe Maya and I do have a form of communication). In truth, this was not something I looked forward to... after all, Maya is more then a pet to me, she is part of my fond memories and my family so scolding her in the wee hours of the morning has a certain distaste to it.
I opened the door and expected to see her silhouette dashing off to some secret place, the moonlight glimmering off her fur. No Maya. I saw not even a fleeting glimpse of her secreting herself away. Had she gotten that fast?
So I decided I should take advantage of the moment and well, go relieve myself. My head still foggy from the sleep, I entered into the bathroom and lo and behold Maya was “chilaxing” by the tub. She gave me a short unexcited meow that I interpreted to mean:”Why you waking me from my sleep?” The nerve of that Cat...
It was then that I understood I was wrong in my initial assessment of the situation and that Maya had not broken protocol by waking me up in the dead of night. Maya had not reverted back to her days of adolescent ignorance where she would selfishly get in my face and lay a sharply clawed paw on my slumbering chin. She had not back slid to the times in her life -- our lives -- when she expected me to spend time keeping her company simply because she was afraid or wanted to explore some undiscovered place that seemed of interest to her.
I looked down at her and she was looking up at me. I got the impression she was saying: “Dude, hurry up, you messing with my beauty sleep!” Her second meow verified this... it had a bit of an impatient tone to it. I reached down to scratch her head as I fondly do so often and she was not having it...
My finger met a raised paw. I had the impression if she had a knife it would be in her hand -- er, paw. (Okay, so I have a seriously creative imagination)!
So I wobbled out of the bathroom and back into bed. No sooner had I rested my head on my pillow did I hear the sound again. Now I’m thinking “What the..?... Maya had better not be playing with me!” Again I felt that pang of anger... I needed my sleep... I wanted my sleep...
I got up, this time determined to catch the culprit. I would stand by the door for as long as it took to determine where the ruckus was coming from and put an end to it. It took no more than 20 seconds for the perpetrator to make itself known. The next time the door creaked I noticed the curtain had moved just prior to the sound. Yup, that was it... the wind was blowing through our open windows and because of the vacuum was causing the door to sound like Maya was attempting to get our attention. I had gotten mad at Maya thinking she was behind this when in fact she had absolutely nothing to do with the Wind or the door.
This realization was both comforting and revealing. It was very good to know Maya was doing well and sticking to her end of our bargain, and that was a great comfort to me. It was revealing because the experience caused me to see how my assumptions (thoughts) lead to emotions that I should not have allowed to determine how I thought about the situation. I have come to appreciate the fact we should not assume anything when other lives are concerned but should go forward in faith, seeking knowledge, and knowing they are innocent -- or there is a good reason for their behavior, at the very least.
It quickly became apparent to me that my anger was at the Wind, not my beloved Cat. And what is the value in, or what can ever be gained from, being angry something as natural and uncontrollable as the Wind? What about other things we get upset about? I wonder how many of the things we become angry with have their origins in the Wind, are controlled by the Wind, or should be regarded as the Wind...
Is our view of life frustrated because of attempts to mix Anger and the Wind?
So here I am over an hour later, compelled to create this dispatch and the irony of the moment -- the proof that I have learned -- is that Maya came into the kitchen and jumped into my lap where she is now fast asleep.
Once again she and I have created a memory that will not be soon forgotten, and once again I thank God for her existence in my life. Little did I know so many years back this dedicated Cat, my furry family member, would help me to see so much of (and so clearly, at that) how I view the world in which I live.
As Maya would put it: “Meow”.
27 October 2009
No. 79 - Truth or Consequences
What the demise of the dollar means for you.
October 13, 12:34 PMColumbia Conservative ExaminerAnthony G. Martin. http://www.examiner.com/x-3704-Colum...l-this-article
For several months you have read the warnings issued by economists and columnists, including this writer, concerning the devaluing of the dollar and its ultimate demise. But what, exactly, does this mean for you, the citizen?
It would be too easy for readers to dismiss such talk as the musings of those who get their jollies from engaging in economic lingo, while missing the enormous consequences that the demise of the dollar will have on our everyday lives.
We are speaking here of a cataclysmic, seismological blow to our way of life as Americans.
One of the primary reasons Americans enjoy an affluent way of life when compared to much of the rest of the world is the primacy of the dollar as a world currency. Oil, for example, is bought and sold using the dollar. Thus, dollars are being pumped into various economies around the world for one reason alone--it is in great demand. This helps the American consumer by keeping the value of our currency up, keeping inflation down, and keeping our goods and services affordable to the masses.
But what happens when the dollar is devalued? Or worse still, what happens when global entities, such as the oil barons, stop using the dollar as their currency?
Here is where you and I come into the picture.
We are going to see a major change in our way of life. What does this mean for you? Here it is in as simple of terms as I can possibly make it:
1. Inflation will skyrocket. If you are in the market for new clothing, expect the price for common, ordinary garments to quadruple overnight. Food, even the basic staples, will become so expensive that the largest percentage of what we spend out of our paychecks will be used just to stay alive. The poorest among us will have trouble merely surviving.
2. Paper money will be basically worthless. That means those dollars we use to purchase goods and services will have absolutely no real value any longer. The dollar, at that point, will have been so thoroughly devalued that it will be worth only the paper its printed on. Unless you have invested heavily in gold and other precious medals, you will be in big trouble.
3. Gold and precious medals, which have intrinsic value of their own, will become vastly important. At present, the price of gold has skyrocketed to over $1000 per ounce. This means that a gold coin that at one time carried a value of $20 will now be worth over $1000. Those who have bought these gold coins and bricks as a hedge against inflation will be in a good position to weather the coming storm. Those who have not will be at the mercy of the coming economic storm where goods and services will quadruple in costs and where their paper money will be basically worthless.
4. Starvation will become common. Homelessness will overwhelm American society. Businesses will go under. Joblessness will sweep over the nation, setting us on a course to either match or outmatch the unemployment numbers of the Great Depression.
Barack Obama has hastened the demise of the dollar with his economic policy. The course he has charted through the Federal Reserve and the U.S. Treasury has sent the value of the dollar plummeting faster than a millstone dropped into a pond. The oil barons overseas, sensing that the dollar is quickly becoming irrelevant, are talking seriously about dropping the dollar as the standard currency on the world market.
And what is Obama's response? Fine and dandy. His underlings at Treasury have been known to quietly support this shift away from the primacy of the dollar. What this means, my friends, is that Obama and company are supporting measures that will break you financially when the economic consequences of the demise of the dollar finally hit home.
But lest anyone think that I am so naive as to blame this entirely on Obama, let's remember that these policies were also followed by George W. Bush. The only difference is that Obama has accelerated the process, thus hastening the day when it all hits the fan.
The bottom line? There is no one in Washington minding the store and looking out for our interests. Instead what we have in Washington is an elected group of self-described 'ruling elites' who are looking out for interests other than that of the American people. George Soros, the world banks, the International Monetary Fund, and forces at the U.N. are to be appeased above that of the good of the citizens.
Unless concerned Americans unite--Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Libertarians, etc., to demand that the present government immediately cease and desist from its assault on American exceptionalism, then not only do we face the loss of this free Republic but the descent into economic chaos that will make the 1930s pale in comparison.
We absolutely MUST change the makeup of Congress in 2010, from top to bottom. But in the meantime, unless we take to the streets screaming bloody murder, the charlatans in Washington may well destroy the country before we get a chance to vote in November of 2010.
For an excellent explanation of these concepts, including background and history, consult economist Walter E. Williams' article entitled, Inflation and Deficits below.
NOTE TO MINORITY VIEW EDITORS: THE FOLLOWING COLUMN IS BEING FILED EARLY DUE TO THE LABOR DAY HOLIDAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION. -- CREATORS.COM
A MINORITY VIEW
BY WALTER WILLIAMS
RELEASE: WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2009
Inflation and Deficits
With the massive increases in federal spending, inflation is one of the risks that awaits us. To protect us from the political demagoguery that will accompany that inflation, let's now decide what is and what is not inflation. One price or several prices rising is not inflation. Increases in money supply are what constitute inflation, and a general rise in prices is the symptom. As the late Nobel Laureate Professor Milton Friedman said, "(I)nflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon, in the sense that it cannot occur without a more rapid increase in the quantity of money than in output."
Thinking of inflation as rising prices permits politicians to deceive us and escape culpability. They shift the blame saying that inflation is caused by greedy businessmen, rapacious unions or Arab sheiks. Instead, it is increases in the money supply that cause inflation, and who is in charge of the money supply? It's the government operating through the Federal Reserve Bank and the U.S. Treasury.
Our nation has avoided the devastating hyperinflations that have plagued other nations. The world's highest inflation rate was in Hungary after World War II, where prices doubled every 15 hours. The world's second highest inflation rate is today's Zimbabwe, where last year prices doubled every 25 hours, a rate of 89 sextillion percent. That's 89 followed by 23 zeros. Our highest rate of inflation occurred during the Revolutionary War, when the Continental Congress churned out paper Continentals to pay bills. The monthly inflation rate reached a peak of 47 percent in November 1779. This painful experience with inflation, and collapse of the Continental dollar, is what prompted the delegates to the Constitutional Convention to include the gold and silver clause into the United States Constitution so that the individual states could not issue bills of credit. The U.S. Constitution's Article I, Section 8 permits Congress: "To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures."
The founders of our nation feared paper currency because it gave government the means to steal from its citizens. When inflation is unanticipated, as it so often is, there's a redistribution of wealth from creditors to debtors. If you lend me $100, and over the term of the loan prices double, I pay you back with dollars worth only half of the purchasing power they had when I borrowed the money. Since inflation redistributes (steals) wealth from creditors to debtors, we can identify inflation's primary beneficiary by asking: Who is the nation's largest debtor? If you said, "It's the U.S. government," go to the head of the class.
Inflation is just one effect of massive increases in spending. Some might argue that future generations of Americans will pay for today's massive budget deficits. But is there really a federal budget deficit? The short answer is yes, but only in an accounting sense -- but not in any meaningful economic sense. Let's look at it. Our GDP this year will be about $14 trillion. If 2009 federal expenditures are $3.9 trillion and tax receipts are $2.1 trillion, that means there is an accounting deficit of $1.8 trillion. Is it the Tooth Fairy, Santa or the Easter Bunny who makes up the difference between expenditures and revenue? Is it a youngster who is born in 2020 or 2030 who makes up the difference? No. If government spends $3.9 trillion of our $14 trillion GDP this year, of necessity it has to force us to spend privately $3.9 trillion less this year. One method to force us to spend less privately is through taxation. Another way is to enter the bond market and drive up the interest rates, which put a squeeze on private investment in homes and businesses. Then there is inflation, which is a sneaky form of taxation.
Profligate spending burdens future generations by making them recipients of a smaller amount of capital and hence less wealth.
Walter E. Williams is a professor of economics at George Mason University. To find out more about Walter E. Williams and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
October 13, 12:34 PMColumbia Conservative ExaminerAnthony G. Martin. http://www.examiner.com/x-3704-Colum...l-this-article
For several months you have read the warnings issued by economists and columnists, including this writer, concerning the devaluing of the dollar and its ultimate demise. But what, exactly, does this mean for you, the citizen?
It would be too easy for readers to dismiss such talk as the musings of those who get their jollies from engaging in economic lingo, while missing the enormous consequences that the demise of the dollar will have on our everyday lives.
We are speaking here of a cataclysmic, seismological blow to our way of life as Americans.
One of the primary reasons Americans enjoy an affluent way of life when compared to much of the rest of the world is the primacy of the dollar as a world currency. Oil, for example, is bought and sold using the dollar. Thus, dollars are being pumped into various economies around the world for one reason alone--it is in great demand. This helps the American consumer by keeping the value of our currency up, keeping inflation down, and keeping our goods and services affordable to the masses.
But what happens when the dollar is devalued? Or worse still, what happens when global entities, such as the oil barons, stop using the dollar as their currency?
Here is where you and I come into the picture.
We are going to see a major change in our way of life. What does this mean for you? Here it is in as simple of terms as I can possibly make it:
1. Inflation will skyrocket. If you are in the market for new clothing, expect the price for common, ordinary garments to quadruple overnight. Food, even the basic staples, will become so expensive that the largest percentage of what we spend out of our paychecks will be used just to stay alive. The poorest among us will have trouble merely surviving.
2. Paper money will be basically worthless. That means those dollars we use to purchase goods and services will have absolutely no real value any longer. The dollar, at that point, will have been so thoroughly devalued that it will be worth only the paper its printed on. Unless you have invested heavily in gold and other precious medals, you will be in big trouble.
3. Gold and precious medals, which have intrinsic value of their own, will become vastly important. At present, the price of gold has skyrocketed to over $1000 per ounce. This means that a gold coin that at one time carried a value of $20 will now be worth over $1000. Those who have bought these gold coins and bricks as a hedge against inflation will be in a good position to weather the coming storm. Those who have not will be at the mercy of the coming economic storm where goods and services will quadruple in costs and where their paper money will be basically worthless.
4. Starvation will become common. Homelessness will overwhelm American society. Businesses will go under. Joblessness will sweep over the nation, setting us on a course to either match or outmatch the unemployment numbers of the Great Depression.
Barack Obama has hastened the demise of the dollar with his economic policy. The course he has charted through the Federal Reserve and the U.S. Treasury has sent the value of the dollar plummeting faster than a millstone dropped into a pond. The oil barons overseas, sensing that the dollar is quickly becoming irrelevant, are talking seriously about dropping the dollar as the standard currency on the world market.
And what is Obama's response? Fine and dandy. His underlings at Treasury have been known to quietly support this shift away from the primacy of the dollar. What this means, my friends, is that Obama and company are supporting measures that will break you financially when the economic consequences of the demise of the dollar finally hit home.
But lest anyone think that I am so naive as to blame this entirely on Obama, let's remember that these policies were also followed by George W. Bush. The only difference is that Obama has accelerated the process, thus hastening the day when it all hits the fan.
The bottom line? There is no one in Washington minding the store and looking out for our interests. Instead what we have in Washington is an elected group of self-described 'ruling elites' who are looking out for interests other than that of the American people. George Soros, the world banks, the International Monetary Fund, and forces at the U.N. are to be appeased above that of the good of the citizens.
Unless concerned Americans unite--Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Libertarians, etc., to demand that the present government immediately cease and desist from its assault on American exceptionalism, then not only do we face the loss of this free Republic but the descent into economic chaos that will make the 1930s pale in comparison.
We absolutely MUST change the makeup of Congress in 2010, from top to bottom. But in the meantime, unless we take to the streets screaming bloody murder, the charlatans in Washington may well destroy the country before we get a chance to vote in November of 2010.
For an excellent explanation of these concepts, including background and history, consult economist Walter E. Williams' article entitled, Inflation and Deficits below.
NOTE TO MINORITY VIEW EDITORS: THE FOLLOWING COLUMN IS BEING FILED EARLY DUE TO THE LABOR DAY HOLIDAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION. -- CREATORS.COM
A MINORITY VIEW
BY WALTER WILLIAMS
RELEASE: WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2009
Inflation and Deficits
With the massive increases in federal spending, inflation is one of the risks that awaits us. To protect us from the political demagoguery that will accompany that inflation, let's now decide what is and what is not inflation. One price or several prices rising is not inflation. Increases in money supply are what constitute inflation, and a general rise in prices is the symptom. As the late Nobel Laureate Professor Milton Friedman said, "(I)nflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon, in the sense that it cannot occur without a more rapid increase in the quantity of money than in output."
Thinking of inflation as rising prices permits politicians to deceive us and escape culpability. They shift the blame saying that inflation is caused by greedy businessmen, rapacious unions or Arab sheiks. Instead, it is increases in the money supply that cause inflation, and who is in charge of the money supply? It's the government operating through the Federal Reserve Bank and the U.S. Treasury.
Our nation has avoided the devastating hyperinflations that have plagued other nations. The world's highest inflation rate was in Hungary after World War II, where prices doubled every 15 hours. The world's second highest inflation rate is today's Zimbabwe, where last year prices doubled every 25 hours, a rate of 89 sextillion percent. That's 89 followed by 23 zeros. Our highest rate of inflation occurred during the Revolutionary War, when the Continental Congress churned out paper Continentals to pay bills. The monthly inflation rate reached a peak of 47 percent in November 1779. This painful experience with inflation, and collapse of the Continental dollar, is what prompted the delegates to the Constitutional Convention to include the gold and silver clause into the United States Constitution so that the individual states could not issue bills of credit. The U.S. Constitution's Article I, Section 8 permits Congress: "To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures."
The founders of our nation feared paper currency because it gave government the means to steal from its citizens. When inflation is unanticipated, as it so often is, there's a redistribution of wealth from creditors to debtors. If you lend me $100, and over the term of the loan prices double, I pay you back with dollars worth only half of the purchasing power they had when I borrowed the money. Since inflation redistributes (steals) wealth from creditors to debtors, we can identify inflation's primary beneficiary by asking: Who is the nation's largest debtor? If you said, "It's the U.S. government," go to the head of the class.
Inflation is just one effect of massive increases in spending. Some might argue that future generations of Americans will pay for today's massive budget deficits. But is there really a federal budget deficit? The short answer is yes, but only in an accounting sense -- but not in any meaningful economic sense. Let's look at it. Our GDP this year will be about $14 trillion. If 2009 federal expenditures are $3.9 trillion and tax receipts are $2.1 trillion, that means there is an accounting deficit of $1.8 trillion. Is it the Tooth Fairy, Santa or the Easter Bunny who makes up the difference between expenditures and revenue? Is it a youngster who is born in 2020 or 2030 who makes up the difference? No. If government spends $3.9 trillion of our $14 trillion GDP this year, of necessity it has to force us to spend privately $3.9 trillion less this year. One method to force us to spend less privately is through taxation. Another way is to enter the bond market and drive up the interest rates, which put a squeeze on private investment in homes and businesses. Then there is inflation, which is a sneaky form of taxation.
Profligate spending burdens future generations by making them recipients of a smaller amount of capital and hence less wealth.
Walter E. Williams is a professor of economics at George Mason University. To find out more about Walter E. Williams and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
07 October 2009
No. 78 - Confidentially Speaking
My last dispatch created quite a response, I’m happy to say. There was one that stood out in a very big way because of how it was presented and how it was connected to No. 77 - Reminded. Below is an excerpt of some of what was sent; a conversation between a man and his therapist about a relationship that is on the line. The names have been changed to protect the privacy of all involved.
...
Mike: So you’re saying I have to sacrifice what’s important to me simply because my wife is unwilling to accept it?
Sheryl: No, not at all. What I’m saying is you have to understand that each person experiences the world differently from the next. Since that’s the case it’s in your interest to communicate your needs to her so she can understand how important they are.
Mike: I’ve tried that... a hundred times... she keeps coming back to she sees things her way, I see things mine, and that’s as far as she’s willing to take it.
Sheryl: Really?
Mike: Really... and when I press the issue she gets mad.
Sheryl: ...And how do you feel about that?
Mike: I feel angry. I feel helpless. I feel irritated that we don’t have the ability to address these concerns in a way that would help us to move forward.
Sheryl: What is your role in all this?
Mike: Excuse me?
Sheryl: Your role... your responsibility... what part do you play in all this?
Mike: Are you suggesting I caused this?
Sheryl: I’m just asking...
Mike: I suppose I could say I’ve let things get the best of me. I’ve allowed her position to push me away... put me into my own world. But I don’t know how true that really is.
Sheryl: Please elaborate...
Mike: As I see things, when we got started everything was great. We were both down for each other, enjoyed one anothers company, couldn’t wait to be with each other. Then it seems one day everything changed.
Sheryl: What day would that be?
Mike: Well, maybe not one day.. maybe it was a gradual thing... yes, that seems more like it.
Sheryl: So things gradually changed and now you have no interest in her sexually?
Mike: On the contrary, I’m raging inside to be intimate with her, I just have learned not to show it... seems like when I have, for the most part, it’s been the wrong time.
Sheryl: How do you feel about that?
Mike: Again, frustrated, irritated... I hate it, to be honest. What man feels good about not being able to be close sexually with his wife -- the woman he loves and cares about?
Sheryl: That’s a good question, let’s focus on you, your experience. Do you think this is what is causing you to want to have an affair?
Mike: No, not really.
Sheryl: Do elaborate.
Mike: It’s like this. That part of me that I value so much and need to share with my wife is continually minimized or ignored. Either she doesn’t feel like it, she’s angry, or she rather be on the phone with one of her girlfriends. Regardless, I’m not getting what I need from her.
Sheryl: Go on.
Mike: It puts me in a space where my desire to share that part of me gets “frustrated”...
Sheryl: I’m not sure I follow that... what do you mean by your last statement?
Mike: Trust me, it can be confusing and complicated for me too. What I mean is as a human being -- irrespective of my desire to have this experience with my wife -- my desire to be intimate seems to be screaming for attention, nurturing, acknowledgement and appreciation... it’s getting to the point where I’ll take it from almost anybody.
Sheryl: Oh, I see. Your need to express this desire, and have this need met, becomes greater when it goes unment, is that what you mean?
Mike: Yes, that’s it.
Sheryl: Where does that leave you?
Mike: Where I am today. I love her, I care about her, I want our relationship to survive. All these things are valuable to me. But even so, I will not allow my needs to go unmet because she doesn’t have time for me or because she doesn’t value them in a way that will help our relationship.
Sheryl: You sound angry.
Mike: I am angry.
Sheryl: Is there not some reason to think your view of this is anchored in or by your anger?
Mike: Once upon a time I thought so. The truth of the matter is -- at least as far as all the guys I know are concerned -- we are all tempted by other women from time-to-time. So even though it may not seem right or fair, my thinking is sooner or later someone's gonna come along when I’m at a low point and then the rest is gonna be history. It bothers me that I think this way but it is the truth.
Sheryl: And you’re comfortable with that?
Mike: No, but what other choice do I have? I can’t make her value what’s important to me. I can’t make her understand her behaviors are really setting things up to fail, can I?
Sheryl: Mike, I think you know the answer to those questions. We are all in charge of only ourselves and can only change ourselves.
Mike: So you agree with what I’m saying?
Sheryl: I’m not here to agree or disagree... I’m here to help you filter things so the solutions to your challenges can be clearer.
Mike: Understood.
Sheryl: What do you think causes her to react the way she does?
Mike: I wish I knew.
Sheryl: The question was: What do you “think”, now what do you know.
Mike: Right. I hear you. Well, I think she’s just taking us for granted. I think she’s allowed her own anger to come into our relationship and it’s destroying what we once had.
Sheryl: Okay. Now, back to a question I asked earlier... You mentioned your anger, now you’re talking about her anger. It seems to me anger is a common denominator in your relationship, and it’s wreaking havoc on what had once been a very rewarding relationship. How does that sound to you?
Mike: Safe. Honest.
Sheryl: But is any of it ringing true for you? Listen, anger is one of the most destructive emotions we allow into our lives. I can site study after study on the subject but the point is we allow anger to come into our lives in so many diverse, and even perverse, ways. We allow it to distort our sense of reality, compromise our sanity, and dissipate our happiness into nothingness. Then we go around pouting and pointing the finger.
Mike: That may be true but I didn’t start this.
Sheryl: I’m not suggesting that you did. In fact, it doesn’t matter who started things or even how things got started. What matters is that you both have to come to the understanding that you cannot survive when there is anger so prevalent in your relationship. At the very least, you need to understand this.
Mike: You think I like feeling the way I do? I really don’t.
Sheryl: Then do something about it.
Mike: What else can I do?
Sheryl: Well, you can start by eliminating the anger from your life... that’s what you can control. Hopefully by doing that, and continuing to converse with your wife about your needs things will heal and you will be able to enjoy those happy memories in a real way again.
Mike: So that’s it, that’s all you can offer?
Sheryl: It’s better than the alternative... you can either do your part to remove anger out of your life to give yourself a chance at having the Love, intimacy and fulfillment you want in you life, or you can stay angry and guarantee a life of heartache, misery, and discontent. Your choice.
...
“Mike” sent me this excerpt and commented that he is thinking more about his own anger and the impact it has on his relationship. He is focusing more on his role in the relationship to find positive ways to communicate his needs to his wife. No. 77 provided him with a goal to reach, and yes, with his wife.
There are no assurances that she will do the same, but I hope she decides to see things differently and allow their love to blossom. There are no magic charms that cause a person who chooses to dwell in anger to change their perspective and learn to release emotions that diminish the happiness in their lives.
It all comes down to what we each choose to value in our lives, and what we choose to do to demonstrate that value. We can hold fast onto ideals, perspectives, and/or emotions that damn us to unfulfilling and unhappy lives, or we can release our psychological barriers and emotional burdens with the full knowledge that this is the only way to truly embrace our happiness.
As the good Doctor said in so many words: Our choice.
...
Mike: So you’re saying I have to sacrifice what’s important to me simply because my wife is unwilling to accept it?
Sheryl: No, not at all. What I’m saying is you have to understand that each person experiences the world differently from the next. Since that’s the case it’s in your interest to communicate your needs to her so she can understand how important they are.
Mike: I’ve tried that... a hundred times... she keeps coming back to she sees things her way, I see things mine, and that’s as far as she’s willing to take it.
Sheryl: Really?
Mike: Really... and when I press the issue she gets mad.
Sheryl: ...And how do you feel about that?
Mike: I feel angry. I feel helpless. I feel irritated that we don’t have the ability to address these concerns in a way that would help us to move forward.
Sheryl: What is your role in all this?
Mike: Excuse me?
Sheryl: Your role... your responsibility... what part do you play in all this?
Mike: Are you suggesting I caused this?
Sheryl: I’m just asking...
Mike: I suppose I could say I’ve let things get the best of me. I’ve allowed her position to push me away... put me into my own world. But I don’t know how true that really is.
Sheryl: Please elaborate...
Mike: As I see things, when we got started everything was great. We were both down for each other, enjoyed one anothers company, couldn’t wait to be with each other. Then it seems one day everything changed.
Sheryl: What day would that be?
Mike: Well, maybe not one day.. maybe it was a gradual thing... yes, that seems more like it.
Sheryl: So things gradually changed and now you have no interest in her sexually?
Mike: On the contrary, I’m raging inside to be intimate with her, I just have learned not to show it... seems like when I have, for the most part, it’s been the wrong time.
Sheryl: How do you feel about that?
Mike: Again, frustrated, irritated... I hate it, to be honest. What man feels good about not being able to be close sexually with his wife -- the woman he loves and cares about?
Sheryl: That’s a good question, let’s focus on you, your experience. Do you think this is what is causing you to want to have an affair?
Mike: No, not really.
Sheryl: Do elaborate.
Mike: It’s like this. That part of me that I value so much and need to share with my wife is continually minimized or ignored. Either she doesn’t feel like it, she’s angry, or she rather be on the phone with one of her girlfriends. Regardless, I’m not getting what I need from her.
Sheryl: Go on.
Mike: It puts me in a space where my desire to share that part of me gets “frustrated”...
Sheryl: I’m not sure I follow that... what do you mean by your last statement?
Mike: Trust me, it can be confusing and complicated for me too. What I mean is as a human being -- irrespective of my desire to have this experience with my wife -- my desire to be intimate seems to be screaming for attention, nurturing, acknowledgement and appreciation... it’s getting to the point where I’ll take it from almost anybody.
Sheryl: Oh, I see. Your need to express this desire, and have this need met, becomes greater when it goes unment, is that what you mean?
Mike: Yes, that’s it.
Sheryl: Where does that leave you?
Mike: Where I am today. I love her, I care about her, I want our relationship to survive. All these things are valuable to me. But even so, I will not allow my needs to go unmet because she doesn’t have time for me or because she doesn’t value them in a way that will help our relationship.
Sheryl: You sound angry.
Mike: I am angry.
Sheryl: Is there not some reason to think your view of this is anchored in or by your anger?
Mike: Once upon a time I thought so. The truth of the matter is -- at least as far as all the guys I know are concerned -- we are all tempted by other women from time-to-time. So even though it may not seem right or fair, my thinking is sooner or later someone's gonna come along when I’m at a low point and then the rest is gonna be history. It bothers me that I think this way but it is the truth.
Sheryl: And you’re comfortable with that?
Mike: No, but what other choice do I have? I can’t make her value what’s important to me. I can’t make her understand her behaviors are really setting things up to fail, can I?
Sheryl: Mike, I think you know the answer to those questions. We are all in charge of only ourselves and can only change ourselves.
Mike: So you agree with what I’m saying?
Sheryl: I’m not here to agree or disagree... I’m here to help you filter things so the solutions to your challenges can be clearer.
Mike: Understood.
Sheryl: What do you think causes her to react the way she does?
Mike: I wish I knew.
Sheryl: The question was: What do you “think”, now what do you know.
Mike: Right. I hear you. Well, I think she’s just taking us for granted. I think she’s allowed her own anger to come into our relationship and it’s destroying what we once had.
Sheryl: Okay. Now, back to a question I asked earlier... You mentioned your anger, now you’re talking about her anger. It seems to me anger is a common denominator in your relationship, and it’s wreaking havoc on what had once been a very rewarding relationship. How does that sound to you?
Mike: Safe. Honest.
Sheryl: But is any of it ringing true for you? Listen, anger is one of the most destructive emotions we allow into our lives. I can site study after study on the subject but the point is we allow anger to come into our lives in so many diverse, and even perverse, ways. We allow it to distort our sense of reality, compromise our sanity, and dissipate our happiness into nothingness. Then we go around pouting and pointing the finger.
Mike: That may be true but I didn’t start this.
Sheryl: I’m not suggesting that you did. In fact, it doesn’t matter who started things or even how things got started. What matters is that you both have to come to the understanding that you cannot survive when there is anger so prevalent in your relationship. At the very least, you need to understand this.
Mike: You think I like feeling the way I do? I really don’t.
Sheryl: Then do something about it.
Mike: What else can I do?
Sheryl: Well, you can start by eliminating the anger from your life... that’s what you can control. Hopefully by doing that, and continuing to converse with your wife about your needs things will heal and you will be able to enjoy those happy memories in a real way again.
Mike: So that’s it, that’s all you can offer?
Sheryl: It’s better than the alternative... you can either do your part to remove anger out of your life to give yourself a chance at having the Love, intimacy and fulfillment you want in you life, or you can stay angry and guarantee a life of heartache, misery, and discontent. Your choice.
...
“Mike” sent me this excerpt and commented that he is thinking more about his own anger and the impact it has on his relationship. He is focusing more on his role in the relationship to find positive ways to communicate his needs to his wife. No. 77 provided him with a goal to reach, and yes, with his wife.
There are no assurances that she will do the same, but I hope she decides to see things differently and allow their love to blossom. There are no magic charms that cause a person who chooses to dwell in anger to change their perspective and learn to release emotions that diminish the happiness in their lives.
It all comes down to what we each choose to value in our lives, and what we choose to do to demonstrate that value. We can hold fast onto ideals, perspectives, and/or emotions that damn us to unfulfilling and unhappy lives, or we can release our psychological barriers and emotional burdens with the full knowledge that this is the only way to truly embrace our happiness.
As the good Doctor said in so many words: Our choice.
03 October 2009
No. 77 - Reminded
He comes into the room after a long day of labor to find her ready for bed, clothed in a succulent purple two-piece, her soft smile awaiting his glimpse. She asks how his day went and the two share small talk as he prepares for his shower. She tells him she has something to discuss with him upon his return; he wonders what it might be this time even as he knows they will handle things.
He returns somewhat refreshed and takes his place on the bed. Their custom is to close the door of their home sanctuary when having these important discussions because they both understand the value of undivided attention. She pulls a folded paper from some hidden pocket and opens it.
“These are the things we should discuss,” she says, and as he listens to her reciting the list, he realizes she had heard all the many things he had said to her for so many years. His moment of recognition brings a thrill of ecstatic energy that triggers some chromosomal connector, causing his mind to wonder...
She must have known this for she suddenly asks: “Do you think my calves are too thick?” He runs his eyes along the sensuous curves of her calf, taking in the full color and radiance that seem to call out to him. He finds his tongue thickening. “Ur, nothing wrong with your calves, Sweetheart.” He stutters, hoping not to sound too obvious.
The conversation soon ends and she asks if he would take an item to the kitchen. He does.
When he returns he finds the lights are out. He surveys the room and sees the moonlight dipping quietly across the silhouette of his beloved. The street noise that had just recently sounded so intrusive is now a thing of the past. A CD plays softly in the background and he notices the scent of a sweet lavender incense burning oh so quietly in some distant corner, delivering a soothing, relaxing scent.
He smiles to himself, knowing full well the goodness of his Queen, and the profound understanding she has of him. He strides to his side of the bed and sizzles up next to her, pulling her close, taking in her aroma, and knowing the dance has just hit its stride.
Together the two share in the greatest joy and Spiritual connectedness two individuals can share, conquering the barriers that stand ever at the ready to keep two hearts from sharing in true union. Together the two intertwine their passions, yield to giving and receiving the bountiful gifts of intimacy, and lose themselves in the arms, heart, mind, and love of this, their special someone.
Time has no meaning, the moment is endless, nothing else exists except the two, the time, and the truth. Truth that in maintaining fidelity and loyalty to one another they will always have the capacity to share in the kind of love they both desire. Truth that in taking time to know one another they will always have the benefit of familiar love and intimacy. Truth that their greatest strength is not in the uniqueness of their individuality, but in the Oneness of their union.
Soon the two lay beside one another, the external world slowly entering back into their sphere. Hearts racing, Spirits rejoicing, bodies recovering, and the silent knowledge that they can always find this place all combine to sustain their sacred connection. She lay beside him, all a-purr, recalling the experience over and over again. He lay there, looking up at the ceiling and thanking every God mankind has ever comprehended for this beautiful woman he has been blessed with.
“Would you like some water?” he asks. She replies yes and he’s off into the kitchen.
He returns and she’s now sitting up, the moonlight gracing her features, creating yet another view of the beautiful Queen that she is. He gives her the water, she drinks.
“We’ve been through a lot in our lives, haven’t we?” she asks. “Yes, and that’s why I love you so… WE have been through a lot together.” He responds. “I just have to tell you that was great…, mind-blowing”, he says.
She looks up at him, a knowing smile on her face. “You’re a good Man.” She remarks, still somewhat reflective. He touches her softly, draws her to him, they exchange a passionate kiss. He whispers in her ear: “I love you.”
They draw each other close once more, unready to let the moment pass yet understanding that it must. They are side-by-side again, in the quiet of night, still experiencing the residual glory of shared intimacy amidst the flowing aroma of lavender, their hands held tightly.
Their Spirits replenished, their fears and concerns put to rest, they are both reminded of how deeply rewarding and beneficial Love can be.
Are you?
He returns somewhat refreshed and takes his place on the bed. Their custom is to close the door of their home sanctuary when having these important discussions because they both understand the value of undivided attention. She pulls a folded paper from some hidden pocket and opens it.
“These are the things we should discuss,” she says, and as he listens to her reciting the list, he realizes she had heard all the many things he had said to her for so many years. His moment of recognition brings a thrill of ecstatic energy that triggers some chromosomal connector, causing his mind to wonder...
She must have known this for she suddenly asks: “Do you think my calves are too thick?” He runs his eyes along the sensuous curves of her calf, taking in the full color and radiance that seem to call out to him. He finds his tongue thickening. “Ur, nothing wrong with your calves, Sweetheart.” He stutters, hoping not to sound too obvious.
The conversation soon ends and she asks if he would take an item to the kitchen. He does.
When he returns he finds the lights are out. He surveys the room and sees the moonlight dipping quietly across the silhouette of his beloved. The street noise that had just recently sounded so intrusive is now a thing of the past. A CD plays softly in the background and he notices the scent of a sweet lavender incense burning oh so quietly in some distant corner, delivering a soothing, relaxing scent.
He smiles to himself, knowing full well the goodness of his Queen, and the profound understanding she has of him. He strides to his side of the bed and sizzles up next to her, pulling her close, taking in her aroma, and knowing the dance has just hit its stride.
Together the two share in the greatest joy and Spiritual connectedness two individuals can share, conquering the barriers that stand ever at the ready to keep two hearts from sharing in true union. Together the two intertwine their passions, yield to giving and receiving the bountiful gifts of intimacy, and lose themselves in the arms, heart, mind, and love of this, their special someone.
Time has no meaning, the moment is endless, nothing else exists except the two, the time, and the truth. Truth that in maintaining fidelity and loyalty to one another they will always have the capacity to share in the kind of love they both desire. Truth that in taking time to know one another they will always have the benefit of familiar love and intimacy. Truth that their greatest strength is not in the uniqueness of their individuality, but in the Oneness of their union.
Soon the two lay beside one another, the external world slowly entering back into their sphere. Hearts racing, Spirits rejoicing, bodies recovering, and the silent knowledge that they can always find this place all combine to sustain their sacred connection. She lay beside him, all a-purr, recalling the experience over and over again. He lay there, looking up at the ceiling and thanking every God mankind has ever comprehended for this beautiful woman he has been blessed with.
“Would you like some water?” he asks. She replies yes and he’s off into the kitchen.
He returns and she’s now sitting up, the moonlight gracing her features, creating yet another view of the beautiful Queen that she is. He gives her the water, she drinks.
“We’ve been through a lot in our lives, haven’t we?” she asks. “Yes, and that’s why I love you so… WE have been through a lot together.” He responds. “I just have to tell you that was great…, mind-blowing”, he says.
She looks up at him, a knowing smile on her face. “You’re a good Man.” She remarks, still somewhat reflective. He touches her softly, draws her to him, they exchange a passionate kiss. He whispers in her ear: “I love you.”
They draw each other close once more, unready to let the moment pass yet understanding that it must. They are side-by-side again, in the quiet of night, still experiencing the residual glory of shared intimacy amidst the flowing aroma of lavender, their hands held tightly.
Their Spirits replenished, their fears and concerns put to rest, they are both reminded of how deeply rewarding and beneficial Love can be.
Are you?
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