Echoes of Thoughts and Ruminations

Silence

2010-11-16T20:13:00.000-08:00

They are there
within me
looking outward for an
opportunity to be heard

They break against the
shores of my
heart
longingly silent
as they fade into mist

They bounce within
the confines of my logic
unfettered, unwavering,
...
unheard

They search for cracks in the
fabric of my challenge
for that sweet
knowledge
of
acknowledgement

They long to spill out
into the loving
arms of
...
her.

They are there
within me
...
They are.

Feel

2010-10-19T18:17:00.001-07:00

How do I feel:

With my hands, with my heart, with my thought

She doesn’t see me...

My feelings

Not all of me - only the parts that fortify her world

But not all of me...

My feelings...

Not really.

And why?

... Because I am different?

... Because I am truthful?

... Because ...

I Am.

Perhaps

And so it is

Together,

Our hands do not hold,

Our hearts do not beat,

Our mind do not soar,

And why?

Well,

How does she feel?

A Miracle

2010-08-06T09:10:00.000-07:00

I stood a the river bank giving honor to God. I am thankful for all the many blessings in my life, and for all the wonderful people I have come to know over the years. I feel the Spirit coalesce within as I am reminded of the God in me, and together we celebrate those blessings I have received... and those to come.

As I stand there I notice a small figure coming towards me. I notice this figure is stopping by each trash can and looking in. A can here, a bottle there, perhaps something to eat. In the back of my mind I recall seeing this image a number of times before...

I go back to my feelings of praise and appreciation, again thanking God for my victories and for the blessings to come.

Soon I hear a sound. That small figure is now only six feet away from me. I hear God’s soft whisper: “Look at him!”

I look...

Before me, reaching into the trash can, is a young brown boy no older than twelve. He is steadfast in his search, and quite efficient. I’ve seen it before... the sign that he’s been doing this for some time... he was seasoned.

I am immediately thinking about this young man; how it is that he is out here among folk at play or sitting in the park chatting - or meditating as I was. What brought him here today? Hunger, despair, hope, faith?

I found myself reaching for my pocket. I pull out my billfold. I see I have ten dollars cash. I hear that familiar whisper again: “That is not yours to keep.”

I stand there at the intersection of my will, and the will of the Most High -- it is my moment of truth. That part of me that thinks only of me reacted as always, questioning how giving what I had would impact me. In a flash I am caused to realize something that puts everything into perspective: I have food at home, I am not looking for sustenance in the bottom of a trash can.

As ever, You are right God. I have to give this to its rightful owner. The choice took less than a second.
I call him over. Reluctantly he comes, overriding his fear of strangers for his wanting something more. I give him his money.

There is a moment when he looks at it, then at me. He is stunned that a stranger would do this. He wonders what’s the catch. So he stands there, holding the bill, waiting. He looks up. I smile. He smiles.

“Thank you, Sir.”

And then off he goes to the next trash can. I notice his head is held a little higher.

I go back to meditation and prayer.

A short while later I hear an engine start. I look up and see the young man get into a car. In the car I see a mother, and a sibling. It appears he is the oldest child. There is a brief exchange with his mother, and then he points to me.

The car begins to drive away. As it does he looks out the window and gives me the biggest smile. His mother waves. I smile back, nodding my head.

I feel completely immersed in such a feeling of goodness.

The car is gone and I come to realize some things.

I realized that things continue to worsen for many in our society... there are many hurting people we rather not think about because “their situation is too tough and we can do only a little to help.” Besides (we think), we all have our own issues to tackle.

What is peculiar to me about this is when we are facing our own adversity or great challenge, many start praying to have their needs met. They choose to believe that a way out of no way will become their reality. They choose to believe that somehow everything will be all right. And, they understand it will take a miracle for this to become their truth.

God responds with a miracle.

For this family, I believe I was part of the delivery of their miracle. I believe the little cash I had been holding for them was an answer to the prayers of this young man and his family. I simply had to be willing to do my part.

So the next time you are out and about and you see a person looking for sustenance from the trash can I hope you can remember they are being brought into your path so that you can somehow be the answer to their prayers.

You can be part of a Miracle.

fear in U.S.

2010-07-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

i challenged my fear to understand
its power over me
and somehow through my processes
i began to see

my fear had put me in a box
if surrounded me with strife
it prevented me from many paths
to a better life

and when i chose to challenge it
i saw my world so clear
i saw some truths about us all,
i simply have to share

we all have fears that we all bear
and sometimes, we’re not aware
yet it is this commonality
that has brought us all to here

some folk thrive in yesterday
embracing their echoes of fear
maintaining uniformed disharmony
and perpetuating collective despair

but then there are those who understand
the measure of what is great
who understand this simple truth:
Our future is a shared fate

so we can take this side, or that
and our fears can be pushed out
but rest assured, when we can be honest
Our fear is Our prison, no doubt.

Blood and Oil

2010-06-03T19:27:00.000-07:00

The Poetry Series #11

The flow of the tide
Brings with it the cry of anguish
Brings with it the end of legacy
Brings with it the awareness of a people

Nature herself yearns
To cleanse her wounded heart
To cleanse the shadows of greed and callousness
To cleanse her integrated Spirit of this nightmare

Each passing day
We find plight and ruin loom closer
We find the truth of capitals corrupted influence
We find the people grow restless in despair

Yet, the questions abound
What stops u.s. from taking the initiative
What stops u.s. from turning our backs to propaganda
What stops u.s. from realizing our true strength

The Earth cries at her hurt
We drove a stake into her heart
We drove a spear into the depth of her sacredness
We drove an excuse for greed to our doom

And her blood flows
Her oily blood that lashes out to remind u.s.
Her oily blood that flows so steadily towards u.s.
Her oily blood that so many link to salacious prosperity

Blood and Oil
The tears of a crying Earth
The tears of a wounded Mother that requires our viewing
The tears of a giver of life urging us to stop, to think, to better ways

Blood and Oil

FRIENDSHIP

2010-02-27T08:37:00.000-08:00

(The Poetry Series #10)

Free to explore and share our most sacred inner thoughts without shame or fear

Ready to stand beside one another in the midst of any storm, every step of the way

Interested in nurturing the common bond which makes the relationship special

Excited to experience the individual and common growth of the union

Non-judgmental, ever appreciating the value of unconditional love

Deeply rooted in the knowledge that we are stronger together, then alone

Shares with a willingness that elevates the closeness and enhances our lives

Happy to give of self without the expectation of something in return

Intuitively in tuned to the rhythm and flow of the many moments spent together

Perfectly balanced in harmony, truth, commitment, sharing, loving, and accepting

FRIENDSHIP

If...

2010-02-23T08:25:00.000-08:00

(The Poetry Series #8)

If I allowed all the things you think of me to become my truth,
Putting aside the realizations and self knowledge I have honestly earned
If I allowed those things to be internalized, then to become my truth
Would I not be sacrificing my reality, my years of perspective and being?

If I chose to cut myself off from shared dialog because of my fears,
Rather valuing the easy comfort of my established sense of self
Frolicking in the quagmire of my mind, created from that which battles within
Would I not be the very tool that determines to undermine my happiness?

If I gave all of me to part of you hoping some day you will give all of you,
Choosing to hope in what could be rather then dwell on what is
Believing in the capacity for life and growth over settling for stagnation
Would I be compromising my self worth for the sake of something greater?

If you took away that part of you that once drew my heart in
Deciding to hide in fear and insecurity, allowing your past to haunt you
Making irrational excuses in justification for not giving that which I need
Would you be responsible for how I feel about and react to you?

If you forgot to love me with the same passion and endearing, always
Not making the act a job or task, but ever embracing the sacredness of love
Not finding reason to shorten or delay the experience
Would the temptations that cross my mind have greater value to me?

If your time with me is limited to only when you chose to be
Rather placing more value on all the other parts of your life
Rather expending your time, energy and efforts in them
Would it seem unfair of me to find comfort in the company of another?

But

If we would decide to give our hearts and minds and loves without fear
If we would decide to make us more important than all else
If we would decide to share in the journey of love and life as one
Then, We would have truly lived in love, and loved in life.

do you know?

2010-02-20T07:54:00.001-08:00

(The Poetry Series #8)

psst... Hey!
can you feel it?
do you perceive that
dark space somewhere
near your heart
that barrier placed
between you
and the one
you love?

do you know
what it is?

well, I’ll tell you
it is the result
of unresolved issues
of things you haven’t
discussed
of things you need
to discuss
to move forward
to come alive

will you?

despair disappear

2010-02-09T22:44:00.001-08:00

(The Poetry Series #7)

i
step a thousand times
in one direction
and then
a thousand times
in another

wondering
where will i get
thinking
the destination will
be met
on the next step

she
wonders what i feel
within the throes
of my unknown journey
ever wanting
to succeed

she
holds my hand softly
knowing how i feel
but not really
knowing what i feel
because she cannot

sometimes
i want to tell her everything
and others nothing
but mostly
i tell her
what i can

God
must be close to me
we are friends
the two of us
at least i would like
to believe we are

someone
told me God doesn’t
care anymore
they said he could not
because so many
now suffer

but
i look to the joy
i find in the loving of self
in the loving of others
in the knowledge that
this will soon end

i
reflect upon my journey
and see its origins
knowing this man
is a far better man
then the man that began

and
i begin to elevate
my mindset to a better place
where i can remember
to smile in my contentment
even as i sigh

because
this is just a moment
in my life
and not its entirety
and while it is an unknown place
it is mine

i
once believed i was on top of all
unable to fail
unable to fall
unable to bend
and now
I have been bent

it
is interesting
this life i have been living
fraught with triumph
and heartache
with anger
with love

yet
in all this
i keep coming to one
simple
undeniable truth
i am alive

so
each day i begin
by thanking God
for another beautiful
moment of life
regardless of challenge

and
each night
I praise the day
because at the
very least
i have survived it

after
all we are part of
a whole that cannot
be broken by us
it can only be
acknowledged

there
is so much beauty
yet alive
for us to enjoy
if we
but look

if
we but believe
if we but hope
and
if we but accept
it becomes ours

so
i take this moment
of frustration
and i understand
it is but a small part
in the big plan

i
determine to find
my joy my faith
and i know my time
is near at hand
just wait

in
Gods time
i shall BE that
which i am to be
though in this moment
i do not see
that i already am

my
life is but a spec
of glamor in a
sea of light
it is of value to me
as are my desires

despair
is at my door
chomping at the bit
to ruin my temperament
to cause my failure
to give me pause

yet
i pray
it will soon disappear
i pray
this too shall pass
i pray in quiet faith

when
i send my prayers
into the mist
i will do so knowing
they will be
answered

when
i send my prayers
into the mist
i will do so knowing
they will be
answered.

when
i send my prayers
into the mist
i will do so knowing
they WILL be
answered!

allow me

2010-02-06T15:02:00.001-08:00

(The Poetry Series #7)

allow me to accompany you into your bath
to remove your clothing
to help you into the water
to reach into the warmth and lather your back
to assist your path to relaxation
to gently massage you body
to enjoy the gift of loving you

allow me to help you into the room
to prepare the bed that awaits
to make sure you are dry
to make sure you are comfortable
to steal a peek at all your naked beauty
to come close to those places that give you joy
to sooth your worries with soft sounds

allow me to lay you down
to tell you that I love you
to find where it hurts or where you are weary
to kiss you there, gently, lovingly, longingly
to nurture your Spirit with tenderness
to enjoy the look of your horizontal profile
to know and feel my caring for your needs

allow me to find the path to your eroticism
to delight in the journey
to glory in the experience of anticipation
to think of all you offer, all you are
to give my all to you
to desire your pleasure, giving to you
to desire your pleasure, receiving from you

allow me to slowly explore your body
to savor its feel beneath my touch
to search out those areas that take you there
to discover even those that you resist
to relish your victory over those
to smile as I watch your release of the tensions of the day
to feel the waves of passion begin to envelop you

allow me to take away thought of your stressful day
to do what pleases you because it pleases me
to hear your intense delight
to experience your letting go
to thrill at the experiential essence of -- you
to know this gift is for you
to know its yours - whenever

allow me to know this is our sacred sharing
to feel your touch
to close the gap of space, time and connectedness in our embrace
to recognize our sweet union
to explore the harmonic reverberations of your released passion
to hold you close in surrender
to quietly know we are one

allow me to kiss you upon the neck, the cheek
to feel the warmth of your now relaxed body
to listen to your deepening breathing
to enjoy the aroma of our mingling
to thank the Gods for you
to whisper I love you
to peacefully surrender to slumber

allow me

One has to decide

2010-02-03T00:23:00.000-08:00

(The Poetry Series #5)

I have held strong for a long time, weathering every wave that broke against my shore, steadfast in my resolve to make this journey without fuss. I’ve suffered through loss, humiliation, degradation, and ruin, only to rise yet another day for more. I’ve found the strength to look into the darkest that surrounds me and find the glimmer of light that I know exists. I’ve tried to be the man I’ve always known existed within me, even though others have attempted to deny me this.

And I am tired.

Today I found the damn that shielded my tears had sprung a leak, and this leak could not be stopped. In the quiet corner of my last refuge I allowed those tears to fall. A sniffle here and there, the warmth of this wetness flowing down my cheek. The sweet saltiness reminding me that even in this moment my senses are alive and alert, ever aware of my existence.

I write about so many things to release the tension and hurt that is within me. My journey has taken me to the streets along side the homeless, foodless, hopeless, and into the corridors of the decision makers we call political leaders. I did not invite this life... I imagine I prayed for it. Yet I could have never known the hurt that would dog my every step. I could never have imagined the truths and experiences I would witness. And then the moment comes when I finally stop and am forced to ask myself:

Where do I find time to comfort my Soul? When do I get to breathe my sigh of relief?

A man is said to be without emotion, without feeling or need to be held. This lie is the very thing that perpetuates the hurt we all share. And so many choose to believe it... Easier to stand by the wayside and watch the man struggle then to be by his side to triumph over the challenge, together.

We have come to be a society with callus regard for that which once built us up, choosing to satisfy our misplaced sense of need over valuing love, affection, respect, growth. So many are lost to this thinking we now regard ourselves as the collective desensitized dysfunction of humanity.

And I cry.

I am not better then another man, no more then another woman. I am no braver then so many of my Brothers and Sisters out here -- out there -- who battle their storms each day. We all share the same concerns, the same worries, the same fears... we all traverse a road that seems to end each step, lifting our feet forward in faith and belief day in and day out. Prayerfully we ask the Gods to guide us to the mark, knowing these prayers will be answered, feeling the surge of empowerment, yet wrestling with the fear that the unknown will consume us.

Many share tales of bewilderment and loss, of subjugation to the wills of others, of betrayal and stunned disbelief at the words that so fluidly flow from the mouths of those who -- “love us”. Men wonder if women are bipolar, not understanding the impact of their hardened words, their erratic behaviors, their perpetual denial of the role they play in our disharmonized unions. Women clamor at the detached and feelingless men who have “made it” and then become as nothing, care for no one, rise only to the communal level of maturity even lower then a young boy.

And together we struggle in misery.

This world is filled with beauty, yet so much of it is hidden from the eye. For sure we can see many wonderful statures, buildings, scenery yet the beauty that is most direly needed is that which comes from within. Compassion, giving, caring, feeling, nurturing, dare I say: truly loving.

We spawn the world we live within, our words and actions mate. It is from that mating -- that union -- that we experience this world for the good, bad, positive, negative... but WE spawn our experiences.

So I’ll not be angry at the challenges I face, or allow my challenges to become the excuse I need to stop trying, believing, hoping, dreaming, doing. I’ll dry these tears and take comfort in knowing my continued trust in God and the prayers I’ve offered are enough to keep me going. I’ll continue to know my needs will be met and desires will be filled, and that no man upon this planet can prevent it. And I’ll weather the storms that blow, the waves that beat, the chill air that freezes, ever with a stiff back, a loud voice, and pleasant regard for all.

I believe I can say without question, in speaking for the many of us who fight the tiger each day:

We may shed a tear or two today
And maybe tomorrow too
We may fall upon the road of life
But WE get up, I assure you

We understand this thing called Faith
And belief and hopefulness too
We seem to always find the path
Regardless of what others do

So don’t think that WE have lost the fight
Because of tears we shed
Just recognize that from deep inside
Comes our victories, just like WE said.

The Devils Gift

2010-02-02T10:23:00.000-08:00

(The Poetry Series #4)

She sits on the bench, a mess of pain, her tears ever present
Uncaring of the eyes that watch her demise, unmoved by their presence
Her world has crumbled, no longer so pristine, prestige abounds no more
And she holds her hands to the heavens, cursing every God
For her pain and loss is deep.
“Why God do you not love me, why forsake your child?”
“Why am I here, a mass of nothing, with no one to love?”
“I’ve done my part, I’ve kept my word, I’ve been consistently yours.”
“But look at me, Lord look at me, is this to be my reward?”

The stranger walks by and hears her cry, his heart touched to action
She takes a seat beside this woman, gingerly, caringly, lovingly
Her mind races, attempts to fathom the depth of this Souls anguish
Yet only from afar does she comprehend the realness of the despair
Only from afar, indeed.
“Sister I don’t know you, never saw you before, but I’m here, I care, what is it?”
“What can I do to comfort you, what words or deeds are you in need of.”
“I heard your cry from across the way, and I’m responding to you now.”
“So please do tell where I can help, and I will if I can, my word.”

With tear stained cheeks her head uplifts at the sound of the voice near by
The loss of interest in life now battling against a sliver of hope
For her awareness registers the kindred soul that made the time to hear
The wailing of a Soul once whole, now lost in a world gone careless
For in truth, who really cares?
“I’ve tried my all to be the way my God wants me to be.”
“Yet now it seems there’s no reward, and my life has been for naught.”
“I’ve come to know a truth, I think, to know this truth as true.”
“That God has lost the fight for man, because man readily accepts the Devils Gifts.”

A shock of pain runs through her body, her mindset stunned by the words heard
She tries to understand this woman, then asks God why place her there
What to say, and what to do, these thoughts ring loudly inside her
Was there truth for sure in what she said... No, how could that be
For the Devil has no gifts.
“Sister don’t say things like that, God don’t like those words.”
“Things will be all right, just pray, and soon you’ll see a change.”
“I have to ask how you could say such terrible things aloud?”
“And how can you say we accept anything from the Devil?”

The crying lady looks at her, she wants to pull her hair out
Her empty stomach rumbles anew, reminding her of the many missed meals
She readies herself for the fight to come, at least she thinks it will
And lifts a hand to the heavens above, not caring, not wanting, not willing
Not willing to believe.
“The Devil has the gifts you see! For those who sin get rewarded!”
“I’ve seen this time and time again, and I’ve lost everything because of it.”
“Yes, try to do good and you get stepped on, do bad and prosper, but still lose.”
“Try to hold on to integrity, and the world will laugh at you forever.”

Perplexed and bothered by these words the visitor begins to wonder
Why God have you sent me here, this woman has lost her faith
What am I to do with this, what words can be said to help
What kind of God would place me here to hear these tragic words
Why God, place me here?
“Sister why do you talk like that, you know those words aren’t true.”
“You know God loves us one and all, why curse God in such a way?”
“It seems you’ve lost your faith somehow, and now you seem to suffer.”
“Let’s take a moment and say a prayer because God has a plan for you.”

The lady looks at her unabashed, knowing she speaks from lack of knowledge
A tear falls down her already stained cheek to be lost somewhere is space
For deep within she hears the cry, “You’ll be hungry today, again”
And she shakes her head at no one, her fist she presents to God
She’ll be hungry today, again.
“Why did you even come to me if all you do is pray?”
“What can your prayer do for my empty stomach, or the house I no longer have?”
“Go away from here, leave me alone, you’ve wasted yet more of my time.”
“Tell your God the battle is lost, and the Devils got the gifts.”

A closer look at the other one and some things begin to clear
Commonality in how she looks, her mannerism, and her features
This woman now begins to see there’s much more here then thought
She questions now what’s going on, how this anguish feels so familiar
Her sister and she -- one in the same
“How dare you question God at all, how dare you attack his name?”
“How dare you give so much away, when you know that God is near!”
“And how dare you say the Devil’s won, when the fight is yet underway.”
“I’ll prayer for you, that you can see, the blessing that you really do have.”

And then the other turns to her, and looks her in the eye
She looks through her and all her walls and then she starts to cry
For in that moment the truth is known and soon no words are said
They sit there side by side in silence, soon both are brought to tears
Soon they are brought to tears
“You see, my sister -- I think you do -- that what I say is true.”
“And we will fight until we decide what truth we choose to believe.”
“I am you and you are me, and our hearts know what is there.”
“Now think a moment at what you know, and tell me why we spar.”

Along comes grief with the given truth because the battle is within
This sister sees not someone else, but the part of her she hates
She unfolds her cloak of hidden pain, that’s separated her from inner peace
She now knows she cannot not return to the falsehoods she once held
The two are one, they are the same
“I now see I am you, indeed, this dialog occurs within me.”
“I battle my thoughts and break me down, and lose that which I value”
“I play the role of being alone yet ever wanting for so much more”
“And somehow thrive in dire straights trying hard to mask my pain”

Now the two see eye to eye in this, yet questions are still unanswered
They sit together unwilling to bend, and so remain in emotional squalor
The seasons come and go with time, the two frozen side by side
Long icicles of tears now lay before them, tears from indecision and pride
And together they wail a cacophony of hurt
Together they act to defeat their very happiness
Louder and louder, and more sinister each time
‘Til early one morning the two that are one
Is wakened from this misery...

...

“Honey, wake up.” He says... “Wake up, you’re having a bad dream”

She awakens and looks at him, the morning light falling gently on his face.

“The nightmare,” she says, “It was the Devils Gift.”

He looks at her not understanding, not comprehending, bewildered.

She falls into his arms, crying.

The Ten Commandments of 2010

2010-01-22T09:51:00.000-08:00

1. Thou shalt love thyself as thy love thy God, for his spirit dwells within thee

2. Thou shalt speak thy truth without fearful shame, for thy truth shall set thee free

3. Thou shalt embrace thine own goodness, giving to those thy love, those thy know, and those thy fear

4. Honor thy path which has been created for thee, that ye may receive all the blessings that dwell upon it

5. Find thy source of peace and bind it to thine own heart, that your days may be yours to own

6. Open thine own heart to the truths of those that love you, that thy goodness might be expanded, and thy life be more abundant

7. Love those that seek to hurt thee, keep them far from thy inner heart, and pray that they find their inner goodness

8. Give that which ye can, and know that is the fullness of thine offering

9. Make ye thine own time to seek thine inner self, that ye may truly know thine own heart

10. Blessed is he that stands upon his virtue, and yields not his integrity to those who seek to offend him, for his greatness will proceed before him

Fairytales

2010-01-21T17:27:00.001-08:00

(The Poetry Series #3)

Oh, they think they’re right and will fight to the end
Only to lose that which they are fighting for
Constantly casting blame, unwilling to accept their own
Thinking to prove their rightness
Thinking to show they refuse to change
Thinking to safeguard their sense of self

Oh, they hold onto anger, wielded as bravado and ire
Hoping to get their way, no longer acting in union
The words strike at the heart
Cutting away, letter by letter, at the foundation
Cutting away, word by word, at what once was
Cutting away, intonation by intonation, at what could be

Oh, they strut their pain, seeking to gain supportive company
Surrounding themselves with their fans
Pumping up their angst, giving them a sense of entitlement
Making the road to understanding longer
Making the healing of the heart more difficult
Making the closeness once had -- only a memory

Oh, they build their lives in a treehouse of straw
Claiming it is a castle of brick and mortar
Not knowing it is seen for what it is
But always lobbying for you to believe otherwise
But always finding reason for it’s sagging
But always trying to shift the focus -- to you

Oh, they can love you like no other
And not love you just as easily
Thinking this is justified
Because you did not do what they wanted you to
Because you are not what they want you to be
Because you -- are you

Oh, their thoughts are the very things that keep them limited
Giving just a little of themselves
Thinking this is the safest thing to do
And end up wondering what happened
And end up asking why me
And end up still alone -- blaming

Oh, the conditions for their love are numerous
In equal measure to their issues
But that’s okay with them
You were the one who happened to resemble their past
You were the one who happened to speak the truth
You were the one who -- you were the one

Fairytales...
These are the false truths they choose to believe in
And integrate their identities into them
These are the determined ideals that make one person
Think they are better than the next
These are the very mental constraints that impute ruin
And defeat the beauty of what could be
Their way is the way and no other way is right, or real
So they put down what you think
So they diminish what you value
So they are better than you -- so goes their Fairytale

What, This Man?

2010-01-19T21:03:00.000-08:00

(The Poetry Series #1)

I walked in the rain, feeling the cold life that fell upon me with every drop. Each drop, a world of life and memories that brought a smile to my steadied demeanor. And I recall the many days of old when I, and my friends -- my true friends -- would galavant around, frolicking in the downpours of the deep South getting soaking wet and loving every minute of it.

I am taken back to those days of youthful glee and newness. I am reminded of the ways in which I once viewed the world... so innocently, so splendidly, so excitedly. I am caused to smile at the ways in which we would find the simplest things to stimulate our unstoppable imagination. Oh, the wonderous joy that filled me then... and even now as I sit and recollect where my mind takes me.

What has happened to me along my journey of life? How can it be that so much of what was great, empowering, thrilling and inspiring to me has fallen from my psyche? Has it... really? Of has something more sinister and irresponsible within me been allowed to squelch my passion, my need, my desire, my calling -- beckoning me away from my predestined path?

What, This Man? What is he today as he goes about the business of life and the pursuit of dreams? What motivates him to keep walking, keep doing, keep believing? What within him refuses to stop challenging those internalized restraints that so often destroy dreams?

I have pondered on this for many hours, many days, many years, and I have come to believe I am the cause for everything that has happened in my journey - in my life. The choices were all mine to make and wether I made a choice or not, they still remain my property and cannot be shaken. The responsibility for the triumph and the adversity rest squarely on my shoulders -- and I gladly own it.

It is true there have been those who have harbored ill will towards me, who have sought to break my will, defeat my happiness, diminish my joy. There have been those who have tried -- in vein -- to ruin this notion I maintain that I am happy, and that I truly can always be happy... for I truly am... happy.

What, This Man? The one who would rather walk in hunger than to ask of those who think bad of me. What, This Man? The one who would rather believe in Love, and Happiness, and Joy, and Human Goodness, then to allow the hurts and pains of the past to distort my reality. What, This Man? The one who would rather hold his tongue then to say that which is hurtful to those unwilling to receive the truth.

There are many who have bough into the notions and machinations of the world at large... who think life is grind, and then you die... who think we all struggle because that is out lot in life... who think their vast material possession demonstrate their goodness or represents their greatness. There are many that walk the wide path to empty fulfillment and selfish gain. There are many, indeed.

As well, there are many who choose to stiffen our backs to these derogatory thoughts and these practices of reckless abandon. And while we appear to be a lone snowflake in the midst of a blazing hell, out common bond of kinship and connectedness insures we will prevail... and that the hardships we face create in us the greatest metal. It is in sensing this truth that our Spirits gives rise to the many smiles we share that are anchored in this deepest knowing: that what is ours to have will soon become ours to hold.

What, This Man? And yes, that Man too. And yes, that woMan also.

The rain has stopped and the clouds above share with me their calming spirit. The wind softly licks upon my cheek and I smell the cleansing of this Earth.

I flash back to the innocent beauty of my childhood where, deep in the humid woods of Savannah, Georgia, I and my younger bother would sneak out onto the dirt roads and bury our bare feet in the wet land. Where we would play for hours on roads we built there in the partial mud, and dream our dreams, play our games, and experience a brotherly connectedness that so many sadly forget.

I flashback to the young boy of the ripe age of thirteen who found a flat board, a water puddle, and then imagined he was surfing. I recall water-filled boots and soggy socks as I meandered home, afraid of the coming whipping, but loving every minute I dwelled in my dream world.

I come to understand the value of Dreams and how one must always have one to believe in. I come to appreciate the powerful inertia one develops when a dream is embraced and faithfully pursued. I come to respect the paths of the many thousands who have walked before me -- and who now walk along with me -- and who weathered storms of the greatest magnitude to realize their dreams.

There is a path for all, the journey we are obligated to travel, the adventure we must fearlessly pursue. It beckons one and all to remember their dreams... to discover the strength that is resident within... to question and overcome their fabricated barriers to realizing their greater selves. It dares to force you to look into your mirror of truth, at all that you are - strong and weak, and claim the God-given journey that only you were called to traverse. For in truth, it is only you who can walk your journey.

Delight, inspiration, humbling moments, personal evolution, inner peace, and the true knowing of self are the guaranteed rewards. If we but only take the first step.

What, This Man?

Indeed, This Man.

Words To Help Pt. 3

2010-01-02T20:01:00.000-08:00

I am reminded of the value of meditation and belief in oneself. The ideas written in the below chapters all have a common theme of taking time to meditate (pray), and belief in the power of ones Spiritual energy to draw those things that one seeks to self. The book provides many examples of how this way of thinking has proven successful to many people throughout time, and how we all possess similar power today.

I find myself reflecting upon the myriad thoughts and notions I’ve long held near and dear, and how the way in which I thought about some things was the very thing that kept me from attaining a particular goal.

In applying what I’ve read and internalized thus far in my life today, I can tell you it really does work...

Within the span of a few days of refocusing my thoughts and applying the approaches in this book to my life, there have been some miraculous changes in certain areas in my life. True story.

As I contemplate how I’ve viewed this world in which we live, and the many different ideals that impact our minds (or thinking), I begin to more clearly see how we have all been conditioned to think our way into the very kind of life we experience.

It has been my experience that when I focus on the less positive aspects of society, as accept those “perceptions/views” as the way it is, they indeed become my reality.

My wife has been the catalyst for this new journey I now undertake. It is through her quest, many years before, that she happened upon the book I now read. She had the foresight and courage to purchase it, and kept it in her personal library.

Funny, how we can look at a book for so long yet never see it. That was my experience. It has always been here, I’ve looked at the many book titles a hundred times over but it wasn’t until now that it was brought to my attention. Truth be told, I suppose it was an answered prayer and a wanting to evolved into a fuller being that lead my hands to these precious pages.

All too often we say we are about personal growth and that we have the capacity to look at ourselves truthfully... but can we ... and do we?

I am thankful I have been able to do so. I am thankful I have been able to see Dedoceo Habi for who and what he is. I am thankful I am able to identify where I need to grow if I truly am a Man of my word and genuinely want to succeed in those things I am called to do.

I share this part of my journey with others because I believe (and I’ve experienced this truth so often I have no doubt it is real) there are many others asking themselves the very same questions I have asked myself. The Universal connectedness of our Spiritual existence requires that we all find ourselves at similar points in our individual journeys, and that we share our experiences to help others, to learn from others, and to keep growing.

It is my hope that someone out there finds these words and is somehow helped to move closer to their dream. That they can acknowledge the truth of what I’m capturing from this book, and apply it to their lives. Most importantly, I am prayerfully confident they will understand the requirement that they share this truth with those they care about.

Excerpts from “The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind” - Dr. Joseph Murphy ~ Chapters 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, & 12 - ISBN: 0-13-685925-9 ~

As Your subconscious mind is in touch with infinite life and boundless wisdom, and its impulses and ideas are always lifeward. The great aspirations, inspirations, and visions for a grander and nobler life spring from the subconscious. Your profoundest convictions are those you cannot argue about rationally because they do not come from your conscious mind; they come from your subconscious mind.

To think correctly, scientifically, we must know the “Truth." To know the truth is to be in harmony with the infinite intelligence and power of your subconscious mind which is always moving lifeward. Every thought or action which is not harmonious, whether through ignorance or design, will result in discord and limitation of all kinds.

Many say there is an intelligence which will take care of your body if you let it alone. That is true, but the difficulty is that the conscious mind always interferes with its five-sense evidence based on outer appearances, leading to the sway of false beliefs, fears, and mere opinion. When fear, false beliefs, and negative patterns are made to register in your subconscious mind through psychological, emotional conditioning, there is no other course open to the subconscious mind except to act on the blueprint specifications offered it.

The principle reasons for failure are: Lack of confidence and too much effort. Many people block answers to their prayers by failing to fully comprehend the workings of their subconscious mind. When you know how your mind functions, you gain a measure of confidence. You must remember whenever your subconscious mind accepts an idea, it immediately begins to execute it. It uses all its mighty resources to that end and mobilizes all the mental and spiritual laws of your deeper mind. This law is true for good or bad ideas. Consequently, if you use It negatively, it brings trouble, failure, and confusion. When you use it constructively, it brings guidance, freedom, and peace of mind.

Trying to accumulate wealth by the sweat of your brow and hard labor is one way to become the richest man in the graveyard. You do not have to strive or slave hard.

Your conscious and subconscious mind must agree. Your subconscious accepts what you really feel to be true. The dominant idea is always accepted by your subconscious mind. The dominant idea should be wealth, not poverty.

What you consciously affirm, you must not mentally deny a few moments later. This will neutralize the good you have affirmed. The block to wealth is in your own mind. Destroy that block now by getting on good mental terms with everyone.

It is your right to be rich. You are here to lead the abundant life and be happy, radiant, and free. You should, therefore, have all the money you need to lead a full, happy, and prosperous life.

One reason many people simply make ends meet and never have enough money is that they condemn money. What you condemn takes wings and flies away.

Don't make money your sole aim. Claim wealth, happiness, peace, true expression, and love, and personally radiate love and good will to all. Then your subconscious mind will give you compound interest in all these fields of expression.

Never use the terms "filthy lucre" or "I despise money." You lose what you criticize. There is nothing good or bad, but thinking of it in either light makes it so.

Let us discuss three steps to success: The first step to success is to find out the thing you love to do, then do it. The second step to success is to specialize in some particular branch of work and know more about it than anyone else. The third step is the most important one. You must be sure that the thing you want to do does not contribute greatly to your success only. Your desire must not be selfish; it must benefit humanity.

Any mental picture, backed by faith and perseverance, will come to pass through the miracle-working power of your subconscious. Trust it, believe in its power, and wonders will happen as you pray.

Guidance comes as a feeling, an inner awareness, an overpowering hunch whereby you know that you know. It is an inner sense of touch. Follow it.

... Stay tuned for excerpts from the next chapters ...

Words To Help Pt. 2

2009-12-28T21:02:00.000-08:00

After reading the below chapters I’m reminded of the value of prayer, of having concrete knowledge that prayers do get answered, and of my own belief in my capacity to realize all the goals I have set for myself. I also find myself reminiscing on my past -- the little boy who believed without question all the goodness this world has to offer, the boy who sang royally in the youth choir, the young man who always found a way to laugh at every situation, and the young adult who fearlessly embraced a new life in the Marine Corps, knowing it was his path to take.

Here I am many years later and I’m finding my need for a full Spiritual existence continues to grow. The information contained in the book is both illuminating and vindicating. I am caused to feel I’ve been on the right path of belief and faith for a long time now... and now I can embrace an even greater amount of faith.

As I read these pages I am forced (gladly) to consider my deepest beliefs and the actions I have taken to represent them in my life. Furthermore, I found this book as an answer to a prayer I sent out for guidance. My reading it is helping me to assess where my faith really is, and whether I truly believe (at my deepest core) in all the things I’ve espoused for so many years. A tremendous book, indeed...

Excerpts from “The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind” - Dr. Joseph Murphy ~ Chapters 3, 4, 5 & 6 - ISBN: 0-13-685925-9 ~

Marvelous are thy works; and that my soul [subconscious mind] knoweth right well.

As previously outlined, your subconscious cannot argue. It acts only from what you write on it. It accepts your verdict or the conclusions of your conscious mind as final. This is why you are always writing on the book of life, because your thoughts become your experiences. The American essayist, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Man is what he thinks all day long."

The reason there is so much chaos and misery in the world is because people do not understand the interaction of their conscious and subconscious minds. When these two principles work in accord, in concord, in peace, and synchronously together, you will have health, happiness, peace and joy. There is no sickness or discord when the conscious and subconscious work together harmoniously and peacefully.

You will find throughout all nature the law of action and reaction, of rest and motion. These two must balance, then there will be harmony and equilibrium. You are here to let the life principle flow through you rhythmically and harmoniously. The intake and the outgo must be equal. The impression and the expression must be equal. All your frustration is due to unfulfilled desire.

We injure ourselves by the negative ideas which we entertain. How often have you wounded yourself by getting angry, fearful, jealous, or vengeful? These are the poisons that enter your subconscious mind. You were not born with these negative attitudes. Feed your subconscious mind life-giving thoughts, and you will wipe out all the negative patterns lodged therein. As you continue to do this, all the past will be wiped out and remembered no more.

Oftentimes your conscious mind interferes with the normal rhythm of the heart, lungs, and functioning of the stomach and intestines by worry, anxiety, fear, and depression. These patterns of thought interfere with the harmonious functioning of your subconscious mind. When mentally disturbed, the best procedure is to let go, relax, and still the wheels of your thought processes. Speak to your subconscious mind, telling it to take over in peace, harmony, and divine order. You will find that all the functions of your body will become normal again. Be sure to speak to your subconscious mind with authority and conviction, and it will conform to your command.

Begin now to take care of your conscious mind, knowing in your heart and soul that your subconscious mind is always expressing, reproducing, and manifesting according to your habitual thinking.

Claim that the healing presence in your subconscious is flowing through you as harmony, health, peace, joy, and abundance. Think of it as a living intelligence, a lovely companion on the way. Firmly believe it is continually flowing through you vivifying, inspiring, and prospering you.

Belief is a thought in the subconscious mind. It means to accept something as true.

All frustration is due to unfulfilled desires. If you dwell on obstacles, delays, and difficulties, your subconscious mind responds accordingly, and you are blocking your own good.

Keep your conscious mind busy with the expectation of the best, and your subconscious will faithfully reproduce your habitual thinking.
Your thought, idea, plan, or purpose is as real on its own plane as your hand or your heart.

Faith as mentioned in the Bible is a way of thinking, an attitude of mind, an inner certitude, knowing that the idea you fully accept in your conscious mind will be embodied in your subconscious mind and made manifest. Faith is, in a sense, accepting as true what your reason and senses deny, i.e., a shutting out of the little, rational, analytical, conscious mind and embracing an attitude of complete reliance on the inner power of your subconscious mind. This is the time-honored technique of healing, utilized alike by all healing groups throughout the world regardless of religious affiliation.

If a man says he is allergic to Onion grass, you can place a synthetic onion or an empty glass in front of his nose, when he is in a hypnotic state, and tell him it is onion, he will portray the usual allergic symptoms. This indicates that the cause of the disease is in the mind. The healing of the disease can also take place mentally.

Healing is due to a confident expectancy which acts as a powerful suggestion to the subconscious mind releasing its healing potency.

Belief is a thought in your mind which causes the power of your subconscious to be distributed into all phases of your life according to your thinking habits.

All your experiences, all your actions, and all the circumstances of your life are but the reflections and reactions to your own thought.

I strongly suggest that you cease talking about your ailments or giving them a name. The only sap from which they draw life is your attention and fear of them. Furthermore, by the law of your own mind, these imaginings tend to take shape, As the thing I greatly feared. Fill your mind with the great truths of life and walk forward in peaceful contentment.

Great and noble thoughts upon which you habitually dwell become great acts.

The most fundamental and the most far-reaching activity in life is that which you build into your mentality every waking hour. Your word is silent and invisible; nevertheless, it is real.

You must ask believing, if you are to receive. Your mind moves from the thought to the thing. Unless there is first an image in the mind, it cannot move, for there would be nothing for it to move toward. You must reach a point of acceptance in your mind, an unqualified and undisputed state of agreement.

The conscious mind is submerged to a great extent when in a sleepy state. The reason for this is that the highest degree of outcropping of the subconscious occurs prior to sleep and just after we awaken. In this state the negative thoughts, which tend to neutralize your desire and so prevent acceptance by your subconscious mind, are no longer present.

Power goes into our word according to the feeling and faith behind it. When we realize the power that moves the world is moving on our behalf and is backing up our word, our confidence and assurance grow.

Remember that the thankful heart is always close to the riches of the universe.

... Stay tuned for excerpts from the next two chapters ...

Words To Help

2009-12-27T11:15:00.000-08:00

2009 is almost over and we have much to look forward to in 2010. I am in the process on making a significant change within my own self. I’ve begun reading a dynamic and interesting book that is acting as the catalyst for my change and I am honored to share the highlights with you. This book was first published in 1963 and the truths, lessons and insights contained within it still apply today.

I hope, as you read the below bullets, that you find something to hold on to that can be applied to your life today, and make 2010 your year of victory and new life as well.

As a result of my reading so far, I’ve created a short prayerly meditation I will make three times a day (each day), knowing this is the way to realizing all of my goals.

Excerpts from “The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind” - Dr. Joseph Murphy
~ Chapters 1 & 2 - ISBN: 0-13-685925-9 ~

Be sure that you think on whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Your subconscious mind is the builder of your body and can heal you. Lull yourself to sleep every night with the idea of perfect health, and your subconscious, being your faithful servant, will obey you.

Never use the terms, "I can't afford it" or "I can't do this." Your subconscious mind takes you at your word and sees to it that you do not have the money or the ability to do what you want to do. Affirm, "I can do all things through the power of my subconscious mind.”

The law of life is the law of belief. A belief is a thought in your mind. Do not believe in things to harm or hurt you. Believe in the power of your subconscious to heal, inspire, strengthen, and prosper you. According to your belief is it done unto you.

Whatever you claim mentally and feel as true, your subconscious mind will accept and bring forth into your experience.

Your subconscious mind is like the soil which accepts any kind of seed, good or bad. Your thoughts are active and might be likened unto seeds. Negative, destructive thoughts continue to work negatively in your subconscious mind, and in due time will come forth into outer experience which corresponds with them.

Remember, your subconscious mind does not engage in proving whether your thoughts are good or bad, true or false, but it responds according to the nature of your thoughts or suggestions. For example, if you consciously assume something as true, even though it may be false, your subconscious mind will accept it as true and proceed to bring about results which must necessarily follow, because you consciously assumed it to be true.

All things that have happened to you are based on thoughts impressed on your subconscious mind through belief. If you have conveyed erroneous concepts to your subconscious mind, the sure method of overcoming them is by the repetition of constructive, harmonious thoughts frequently repeated which your subconscious mind accepts, thus forming new and healthy habits of thought and life, for your subconscious mind is the seat of habit.

If you have indulged in fear, worry, and other destructive forms of thinking, the remedy is to recognize the omnipotence of your subconscious mind and decree freedom, happiness, and perfect health. Your subconscious mind, being creative and one with your divine source, will proceed to create the freedom and happiness which you have earnestly decreed.

It is true that different people will react in different ways to the same suggestion because of their subconscious conditioning or belief. For example, if you go to a sailor on the ship and say to him sympathetically, "My dear fellow, you're looking very ill. Aren't you feeling sick? You look to me as if you were going to be seasick." According to his temperament he either laughs at your "joke," or expresses a mild irritation. Your suggestion fell on deaf ears in this instance because your suggestion of seasickness was associated in his mind with his own immunity from it. Therefore, it called up not fear or worry, but self-confidence.

CASE STUDY
Autosuggestion may be used to banish various fears and other negative conditions. A young singer was invited to give an audition. She had been looking forward to the interview, but on three previous occasions she had failed miserably due to fear of failure. This young lady had a very good voice, but she had been saying to herself, "When the time comes for me to sing, maybe they won't like me. I will try, but I'm full of fear and anxiety."

Her subconscious mind accepted these negative autosuggestions as a request and proceeded to manifest them and bring them into her experience. The cause was an involuntary autosuggestion, ie., silent fear thoughts emotionalized and subjectified.

She overcame it by the following technique: Three times a day she isolated herself in a room. She sat down comfortably in an armchair, relaxed her body, and closed her eyes. She stilled her mind and body as best she could. Physical inertia favors mental passivity and renders the mind more receptive to suggestion. She counteracted the fear suggestion by saying to herself, "I sing beautifully. I am poised, serene, confident, and calm." She repeated this statement slowly, quietly, and with feeling from five to ten times at each sitting. She had three such "sittings" every day and one immediately prior to sleep. At the end of a week she was completely poised and confident. When the invitation to audition came, she gave a remarkable, wonderful audition.

RELEVANCE
From infancy on the majority of us have been given many negative suggestions. Not knowing how to thwart them, we unconsciously accepted them. Here are some of the negative suggestions: "You can't." "You'll never amount to anything." "You mustn't.” "You'll fail." "You haven't got a chance." "You're all wrong.” "It’s no use." "It's not what you know, but who you know.” "The world is going to the dogs." "What's the use, nobody cares." "It’s no use trying so hard." "You're too old now." "Things are getting worse and worse." "Life is an endless grind." "Love is for the birds." "You just can't win." "Pretty soon you'll be bankrupt" "Watch out, you'll get the virus." "You can't trust a soul.", etc.

Unless, as an adult, you use constructive autosuggestion, which is a reconditioning therapy, the impressions made on you in the past can cause behavior patterns that cause failure in your personal and social life. Autosuggestion is a means releasing you
from the mass of negative verbal conditioning that might otherwise distort your life pattern, making the development of good habits difficult.

Check regularly on the negative suggestions that people make to you. You do not have to be influenced by destructive heterosuggestion (heterosuggestion defined as suggestions from another person). All of us have suffered from it in our childhood and in our teens. If you look back, you can easily recall how parents, friends, relatives, teachers, and associates contributed in a campaign of negative suggestions. Study the things said to you, and you will discover much of it was in the form of propaganda. The purpose of much of what was said was to control you or instill fear into you.

... Stay tuned for excerpts from the next two chapters ...

About Our Passion

2009-12-12T15:15:00.000-08:00

Today I came to a conclusion able what it means to be a Man and how there are so many different ways we all think about Male Sexuality. We each have our own way of thinking about where a Man’s sexuality originates. All too often opinions are formed based solely upon what is comfortable to us. More interestingly, we wonder how Men would like our intimate passion expressed in our relationships. Of particular interest to me is that we all embrace thoughts we are comfortable with and then go about unable to acknowledge the value of how others think.

I was considering this while at one of my “places of thought” and decided to step outside my box. I tuned in to the local R&B radio station and decided to find out what I like about much of the music we now listen to.

Keep in mind, I use the words us, we, and our because I regard this, and all other matters I write about, as all part of One Black Nation. Our various views and ideals represent all of the different “parts” of our community that make us who we are. This is a truth we cannot escape. What is in the Mind and Spirit of one of us, is in the Mind and Spirit of all of us.

Back to this matter of passion...

There are two songs I have linked below in this dispatch, please take some time and challenge yourself to listen to them, and allow yourself to imagine the Artists are representing the truth of their perceptions, and doing so with all the passion they can muster. It is the only way they know how to do so.

Once you check them out I’d like you to consider somethings:

What if there was a part of that in all men? What if one of the reasons Men do not share their deepest desires with their Woman is that so many have decided to devalue perspectives they may be uncomfortable with? And, what if we came to a place in how we think that would allow us to enjoy this kind of passionate intimate diversity?

My conclusion: There is a part of everything in all of us; We are all Men and We love our Women.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKOT6teSarY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obLqb_-sars

Help for Women of Color

2009-11-30T08:11:00.000-08:00

Click on the image below to see a larger view of the flyer, then follow the instructions written in the flyer.

In Oakland, CA...

No. 80 - Anger and the Wind

2009-10-27T05:26:00.000-07:00

Maya and I have been together for almost three years now and I’d have to say we’ve faced some challenges and shared some great times together. She is not one to play around too much, nor is she one to mess up things around the house -- getting into things she knows she should not -- because she’s a fairly neat Girl. In all the time we’ve been together I like to think she and I have a special relationship. We have a way of communicating that some might consider unreal or unusual yet, in my humble opinion, it’s real and relevant.

As in all things, we are given opportunities to learn at every corner... we simply have to be willing to look. This is such a story.

This morning at 3:15 a.m. I was awakened by what sounded like Maya attempting to come into our room -- did I mention Maya is my Cat? Maya knows this is not allowed... she and I have had a number of highly impassioned interactions around her ability to open doors that weren’t closed properly to gain access to some of her favorite spots -- particularly the door that leads into my bedroom. Needless to say, I’ve made it clear our room is off limits and she cannot sleep in there without pre-approval from both me and my Queen.

However, there are times when nature calls and Maya knows how to claw and meow her way into our early morning slumber, attempting to get me up so I can let her out to do her business. In her defense, this is not something that happens routinely so I have to acknowledge she is a good Cat. But those times when she has these unexpected needs can ruin a great night of sleep. They can even cause a Man to stay up long afterwards writing about some gem of an insight that was introduced to him because of some interaction or insight gained... hence, this dispatch.

Back to the story...

So at 3:15 a.m. I was awakened by what I thought was Maya at the door needing to go out to relieve herself. As I have historically done when awakened as such, I lay there in groggy consciousness waiting for the confirmatory sign that Maya was at it again. I felt a pang of anger stab at me because that sleep I had enjoyed was quite good and I so needed it. Yet here we are again, after training Maya to go do her business before she comes home from her nightly jaunt, I wake up to her request for my attention. And while I felt a pang of anger, I could only imagine how my Queen might have felt if she had heard the sounds and was awakened.

And there at last came the rattle of the door. There was the confirmatory experience that justified my pang of anger -- that was now a growing sense of agitation. In my mind I was arguing with Maya that she knew better than this... she had been doing so well, WHY! would she falter now? One can only imagine the pictures that popped into my mind of how Maya was gonna get it for waking me out of my much needed and thoroughly enjoyable slumber.

I got up and staggered to the door, unwilling to release the comforting call of the sleep that was still within my grasp. I stumbled over a pillow that lay discarded on the floor, unable to recall that I was responsible for putting it there. I paused before I opened the door, knowing full well that Maya would make a mad dash to some hidden place in response to her violation of our agreement. I imagined having to coax her out of this hiding place and taking her to the back door, all the while with her attempting to explain her position (yeah, even though it’s not scientific or even proven, I believe Maya and I do have a form of communication). In truth, this was not something I looked forward to... after all, Maya is more then a pet to me, she is part of my fond memories and my family so scolding her in the wee hours of the morning has a certain distaste to it.

I opened the door and expected to see her silhouette dashing off to some secret place, the moonlight glimmering off her fur. No Maya. I saw not even a fleeting glimpse of her secreting herself away. Had she gotten that fast?

So I decided I should take advantage of the moment and well, go relieve myself. My head still foggy from the sleep, I entered into the bathroom and lo and behold Maya was “chilaxing” by the tub. She gave me a short unexcited meow that I interpreted to mean:”Why you waking me from my sleep?” The nerve of that Cat...

It was then that I understood I was wrong in my initial assessment of the situation and that Maya had not broken protocol by waking me up in the dead of night. Maya had not reverted back to her days of adolescent ignorance where she would selfishly get in my face and lay a sharply clawed paw on my slumbering chin. She had not back slid to the times in her life -- our lives -- when she expected me to spend time keeping her company simply because she was afraid or wanted to explore some undiscovered place that seemed of interest to her.

I looked down at her and she was looking up at me. I got the impression she was saying: “Dude, hurry up, you messing with my beauty sleep!” Her second meow verified this... it had a bit of an impatient tone to it. I reached down to scratch her head as I fondly do so often and she was not having it...
My finger met a raised paw. I had the impression if she had a knife it would be in her hand -- er, paw. (Okay, so I have a seriously creative imagination)!

So I wobbled out of the bathroom and back into bed. No sooner had I rested my head on my pillow did I hear the sound again. Now I’m thinking “What the..?... Maya had better not be playing with me!” Again I felt that pang of anger... I needed my sleep... I wanted my sleep...

I got up, this time determined to catch the culprit. I would stand by the door for as long as it took to determine where the ruckus was coming from and put an end to it. It took no more than 20 seconds for the perpetrator to make itself known. The next time the door creaked I noticed the curtain had moved just prior to the sound. Yup, that was it... the wind was blowing through our open windows and because of the vacuum was causing the door to sound like Maya was attempting to get our attention. I had gotten mad at Maya thinking she was behind this when in fact she had absolutely nothing to do with the Wind or the door.

This realization was both comforting and revealing. It was very good to know Maya was doing well and sticking to her end of our bargain, and that was a great comfort to me. It was revealing because the experience caused me to see how my assumptions (thoughts) lead to emotions that I should not have allowed to determine how I thought about the situation. I have come to appreciate the fact we should not assume anything when other lives are concerned but should go forward in faith, seeking knowledge, and knowing they are innocent -- or there is a good reason for their behavior, at the very least.

It quickly became apparent to me that my anger was at the Wind, not my beloved Cat. And what is the value in, or what can ever be gained from, being angry something as natural and uncontrollable as the Wind? What about other things we get upset about? I wonder how many of the things we become angry with have their origins in the Wind, are controlled by the Wind, or should be regarded as the Wind...

Is our view of life frustrated because of attempts to mix Anger and the Wind?

So here I am over an hour later, compelled to create this dispatch and the irony of the moment -- the proof that I have learned -- is that Maya came into the kitchen and jumped into my lap where she is now fast asleep.

Once again she and I have created a memory that will not be soon forgotten, and once again I thank God for her existence in my life. Little did I know so many years back this dedicated Cat, my furry family member, would help me to see so much of (and so clearly, at that) how I view the world in which I live.

As Maya would put it: “Meow”.

No. 79 - Truth or Consequences

2009-10-27T05:25:00.000-07:00

What the demise of the dollar means for you.

October 13, 12:34 PMColumbia Conservative ExaminerAnthony G. Martin. http://www.examiner.com/x-3704-Colum...l-this-article

For several months you have read the warnings issued by economists and columnists, including this writer, concerning the devaluing of the dollar and its ultimate demise. But what, exactly, does this mean for you, the citizen?

It would be too easy for readers to dismiss such talk as the musings of those who get their jollies from engaging in economic lingo, while missing the enormous consequences that the demise of the dollar will have on our everyday lives.

We are speaking here of a cataclysmic, seismological blow to our way of life as Americans.

One of the primary reasons Americans enjoy an affluent way of life when compared to much of the rest of the world is the primacy of the dollar as a world currency. Oil, for example, is bought and sold using the dollar. Thus, dollars are being pumped into various economies around the world for one reason alone--it is in great demand. This helps the American consumer by keeping the value of our currency up, keeping inflation down, and keeping our goods and services affordable to the masses.
But what happens when the dollar is devalued? Or worse still, what happens when global entities, such as the oil barons, stop using the dollar as their currency?

Here is where you and I come into the picture.

We are going to see a major change in our way of life. What does this mean for you? Here it is in as simple of terms as I can possibly make it:

1. Inflation will skyrocket. If you are in the market for new clothing, expect the price for common, ordinary garments to quadruple overnight. Food, even the basic staples, will become so expensive that the largest percentage of what we spend out of our paychecks will be used just to stay alive. The poorest among us will have trouble merely surviving.

2. Paper money will be basically worthless. That means those dollars we use to purchase goods and services will have absolutely no real value any longer. The dollar, at that point, will have been so thoroughly devalued that it will be worth only the paper its printed on. Unless you have invested heavily in gold and other precious medals, you will be in big trouble.

3. Gold and precious medals, which have intrinsic value of their own, will become vastly important. At present, the price of gold has skyrocketed to over $1000 per ounce. This means that a gold coin that at one time carried a value of $20 will now be worth over $1000. Those who have bought these gold coins and bricks as a hedge against inflation will be in a good position to weather the coming storm. Those who have not will be at the mercy of the coming economic storm where goods and services will quadruple in costs and where their paper money will be basically worthless.

4. Starvation will become common. Homelessness will overwhelm American society. Businesses will go under. Joblessness will sweep over the nation, setting us on a course to either match or outmatch the unemployment numbers of the Great Depression.

Barack Obama has hastened the demise of the dollar with his economic policy. The course he has charted through the Federal Reserve and the U.S. Treasury has sent the value of the dollar plummeting faster than a millstone dropped into a pond. The oil barons overseas, sensing that the dollar is quickly becoming irrelevant, are talking seriously about dropping the dollar as the standard currency on the world market.

And what is Obama's response? Fine and dandy. His underlings at Treasury have been known to quietly support this shift away from the primacy of the dollar. What this means, my friends, is that Obama and company are supporting measures that will break you financially when the economic consequences of the demise of the dollar finally hit home.

But lest anyone think that I am so naive as to blame this entirely on Obama, let's remember that these policies were also followed by George W. Bush. The only difference is that Obama has accelerated the process, thus hastening the day when it all hits the fan.

The bottom line? There is no one in Washington minding the store and looking out for our interests. Instead what we have in Washington is an elected group of self-described 'ruling elites' who are looking out for interests other than that of the American people. George Soros, the world banks, the International Monetary Fund, and forces at the U.N. are to be appeased above that of the good of the citizens.

Unless concerned Americans unite--Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Libertarians, etc., to demand that the present government immediately cease and desist from its assault on American exceptionalism, then not only do we face the loss of this free Republic but the descent into economic chaos that will make the 1930s pale in comparison.

We absolutely MUST change the makeup of Congress in 2010, from top to bottom. But in the meantime, unless we take to the streets screaming bloody murder, the charlatans in Washington may well destroy the country before we get a chance to vote in November of 2010.

For an excellent explanation of these concepts, including background and history, consult economist Walter E. Williams' article entitled, Inflation and Deficits below.

NOTE TO MINORITY VIEW EDITORS: THE FOLLOWING COLUMN IS BEING FILED EARLY DUE TO THE LABOR DAY HOLIDAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION. -- CREATORS.COM

A MINORITY VIEW
BY WALTER WILLIAMS
RELEASE: WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2009

Inflation and Deficits

With the massive increases in federal spending, inflation is one of the risks that awaits us. To protect us from the political demagoguery that will accompany that inflation, let's now decide what is and what is not inflation. One price or several prices rising is not inflation. Increases in money supply are what constitute inflation, and a general rise in prices is the symptom. As the late Nobel Laureate Professor Milton Friedman said, "(I)nflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon, in the sense that it cannot occur without a more rapid increase in the quantity of money than in output."

Thinking of inflation as rising prices permits politicians to deceive us and escape culpability. They shift the blame saying that inflation is caused by greedy businessmen, rapacious unions or Arab sheiks. Instead, it is increases in the money supply that cause inflation, and who is in charge of the money supply? It's the government operating through the Federal Reserve Bank and the U.S. Treasury.

Our nation has avoided the devastating hyperinflations that have plagued other nations. The world's highest inflation rate was in Hungary after World War II, where prices doubled every 15 hours. The world's second highest inflation rate is today's Zimbabwe, where last year prices doubled every 25 hours, a rate of 89 sextillion percent. That's 89 followed by 23 zeros. Our highest rate of inflation occurred during the Revolutionary War, when the Continental Congress churned out paper Continentals to pay bills. The monthly inflation rate reached a peak of 47 percent in November 1779. This painful experience with inflation, and collapse of the Continental dollar, is what prompted the delegates to the Constitutional Convention to include the gold and silver clause into the United States Constitution so that the individual states could not issue bills of credit. The U.S. Constitution's Article I, Section 8 permits Congress: "To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures."

The founders of our nation feared paper currency because it gave government the means to steal from its citizens. When inflation is unanticipated, as it so often is, there's a redistribution of wealth from creditors to debtors. If you lend me $100, and over the term of the loan prices double, I pay you back with dollars worth only half of the purchasing power they had when I borrowed the money. Since inflation redistributes (steals) wealth from creditors to debtors, we can identify inflation's primary beneficiary by asking: Who is the nation's largest debtor? If you said, "It's the U.S. government," go to the head of the class.

Inflation is just one effect of massive increases in spending. Some might argue that future generations of Americans will pay for today's massive budget deficits. But is there really a federal budget deficit? The short answer is yes, but only in an accounting sense -- but not in any meaningful economic sense. Let's look at it. Our GDP this year will be about $14 trillion. If 2009 federal expenditures are $3.9 trillion and tax receipts are $2.1 trillion, that means there is an accounting deficit of $1.8 trillion. Is it the Tooth Fairy, Santa or the Easter Bunny who makes up the difference between expenditures and revenue? Is it a youngster who is born in 2020 or 2030 who makes up the difference? No. If government spends $3.9 trillion of our $14 trillion GDP this year, of necessity it has to force us to spend privately $3.9 trillion less this year. One method to force us to spend less privately is through taxation. Another way is to enter the bond market and drive up the interest rates, which put a squeeze on private investment in homes and businesses. Then there is inflation, which is a sneaky form of taxation.

Profligate spending burdens future generations by making them recipients of a smaller amount of capital and hence less wealth.

Walter E. Williams is a professor of economics at George Mason University. To find out more about Walter E. Williams and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM

No. 78 - Confidentially Speaking

2009-10-07T08:07:00.000-07:00

My last dispatch created quite a response, I’m happy to say. There was one that stood out in a very big way because of how it was presented and how it was connected to No. 77 - Reminded. Below is an excerpt of some of what was sent; a conversation between a man and his therapist about a relationship that is on the line. The names have been changed to protect the privacy of all involved.
...

Mike: So you’re saying I have to sacrifice what’s important to me simply because my wife is unwilling to accept it?
Sheryl: No, not at all. What I’m saying is you have to understand that each person experiences the world differently from the next. Since that’s the case it’s in your interest to communicate your needs to her so she can understand how important they are.

Mike: I’ve tried that... a hundred times... she keeps coming back to she sees things her way, I see things mine, and that’s as far as she’s willing to take it.
Sheryl: Really?
Mike: Really... and when I press the issue she gets mad.
Sheryl: ...And how do you feel about that?

Mike: I feel angry. I feel helpless. I feel irritated that we don’t have the ability to address these concerns in a way that would help us to move forward.
Sheryl: What is your role in all this?
Mike: Excuse me?
Sheryl: Your role... your responsibility... what part do you play in all this?
Mike: Are you suggesting I caused this?
Sheryl: I’m just asking...

Mike: I suppose I could say I’ve let things get the best of me. I’ve allowed her position to push me away... put me into my own world. But I don’t know how true that really is.
Sheryl: Please elaborate...
Mike: As I see things, when we got started everything was great. We were both down for each other, enjoyed one anothers company, couldn’t wait to be with each other. Then it seems one day everything changed.
Sheryl: What day would that be?
Mike: Well, maybe not one day.. maybe it was a gradual thing... yes, that seems more like it.

Sheryl: So things gradually changed and now you have no interest in her sexually?
Mike: On the contrary, I’m raging inside to be intimate with her, I just have learned not to show it... seems like when I have, for the most part, it’s been the wrong time.
Sheryl: How do you feel about that?
Mike: Again, frustrated, irritated... I hate it, to be honest. What man feels good about not being able to be close sexually with his wife -- the woman he loves and cares about?

Sheryl: That’s a good question, let’s focus on you, your experience. Do you think this is what is causing you to want to have an affair?
Mike: No, not really.
Sheryl: Do elaborate.
Mike: It’s like this. That part of me that I value so much and need to share with my wife is continually minimized or ignored. Either she doesn’t feel like it, she’s angry, or she rather be on the phone with one of her girlfriends. Regardless, I’m not getting what I need from her.
Sheryl: Go on.

Mike: It puts me in a space where my desire to share that part of me gets “frustrated”...
Sheryl: I’m not sure I follow that... what do you mean by your last statement?
Mike: Trust me, it can be confusing and complicated for me too. What I mean is as a human being -- irrespective of my desire to have this experience with my wife -- my desire to be intimate seems to be screaming for attention, nurturing, acknowledgement and appreciation... it’s getting to the point where I’ll take it from almost anybody.
Sheryl: Oh, I see. Your need to express this desire, and have this need met, becomes greater when it goes unment, is that what you mean?

Mike: Yes, that’s it.
Sheryl: Where does that leave you?
Mike: Where I am today. I love her, I care about her, I want our relationship to survive. All these things are valuable to me. But even so, I will not allow my needs to go unmet because she doesn’t have time for me or because she doesn’t value them in a way that will help our relationship.

Sheryl: You sound angry.
Mike: I am angry.
Sheryl: Is there not some reason to think your view of this is anchored in or by your anger?
Mike: Once upon a time I thought so. The truth of the matter is -- at least as far as all the guys I know are concerned -- we are all tempted by other women from time-to-time. So even though it may not seem right or fair, my thinking is sooner or later someone's gonna come along when I’m at a low point and then the rest is gonna be history. It bothers me that I think this way but it is the truth.
Sheryl: And you’re comfortable with that?

Mike: No, but what other choice do I have? I can’t make her value what’s important to me. I can’t make her understand her behaviors are really setting things up to fail, can I?
Sheryl: Mike, I think you know the answer to those questions. We are all in charge of only ourselves and can only change ourselves.
Mike: So you agree with what I’m saying?
Sheryl: I’m not here to agree or disagree... I’m here to help you filter things so the solutions to your challenges can be clearer.

Mike: Understood.
Sheryl: What do you think causes her to react the way she does?
Mike: I wish I knew.
Sheryl: The question was: What do you “think”, now what do you know.
Mike: Right. I hear you. Well, I think she’s just taking us for granted. I think she’s allowed her own anger to come into our relationship and it’s destroying what we once had.

Sheryl: Okay. Now, back to a question I asked earlier... You mentioned your anger, now you’re talking about her anger. It seems to me anger is a common denominator in your relationship, and it’s wreaking havoc on what had once been a very rewarding relationship. How does that sound to you?
Mike: Safe. Honest.
Sheryl: But is any of it ringing true for you? Listen, anger is one of the most destructive emotions we allow into our lives. I can site study after study on the subject but the point is we allow anger to come into our lives in so many diverse, and even perverse, ways. We allow it to distort our sense of reality, compromise our sanity, and dissipate our happiness into nothingness. Then we go around pouting and pointing the finger.
Mike: That may be true but I didn’t start this.

Sheryl: I’m not suggesting that you did. In fact, it doesn’t matter who started things or even how things got started. What matters is that you both have to come to the understanding that you cannot survive when there is anger so prevalent in your relationship. At the very least, you need to understand this.
Mike: You think I like feeling the way I do? I really don’t.

Sheryl: Then do something about it.
Mike: What else can I do?
Sheryl: Well, you can start by eliminating the anger from your life... that’s what you can control. Hopefully by doing that, and continuing to converse with your wife about your needs things will heal and you will be able to enjoy those happy memories in a real way again.

Mike: So that’s it, that’s all you can offer?
Sheryl: It’s better than the alternative... you can either do your part to remove anger out of your life to give yourself a chance at having the Love, intimacy and fulfillment you want in you life, or you can stay angry and guarantee a life of heartache, misery, and discontent. Your choice.
...

“Mike” sent me this excerpt and commented that he is thinking more about his own anger and the impact it has on his relationship. He is focusing more on his role in the relationship to find positive ways to communicate his needs to his wife. No. 77 provided him with a goal to reach, and yes, with his wife.

There are no assurances that she will do the same, but I hope she decides to see things differently and allow their love to blossom. There are no magic charms that cause a person who chooses to dwell in anger to change their perspective and learn to release emotions that diminish the happiness in their lives.

It all comes down to what we each choose to value in our lives, and what we choose to do to demonstrate that value. We can hold fast onto ideals, perspectives, and/or emotions that damn us to unfulfilling and unhappy lives, or we can release our psychological barriers and emotional burdens with the full knowledge that this is the only way to truly embrace our happiness.

As the good Doctor said in so many words: Our choice.

No. 77 - Reminded

2009-10-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

He comes into the room after a long day of labor to find her ready for bed, clothed in a succulent purple two-piece, her soft smile awaiting his glimpse. She asks how his day went and the two share small talk as he prepares for his shower. She tells him she has something to discuss with him upon his return; he wonders what it might be this time even as he knows they will handle things.

He returns somewhat refreshed and takes his place on the bed. Their custom is to close the door of their home sanctuary when having these important discussions because they both understand the value of undivided attention. She pulls a folded paper from some hidden pocket and opens it.

“These are the things we should discuss,” she says, and as he listens to her reciting the list, he realizes she had heard all the many things he had said to her for so many years. His moment of recognition brings a thrill of ecstatic energy that triggers some chromosomal connector, causing his mind to wonder...

She must have known this for she suddenly asks: “Do you think my calves are too thick?” He runs his eyes along the sensuous curves of her calf, taking in the full color and radiance that seem to call out to him. He finds his tongue thickening. “Ur, nothing wrong with your calves, Sweetheart.” He stutters, hoping not to sound too obvious.

The conversation soon ends and she asks if he would take an item to the kitchen. He does.

When he returns he finds the lights are out. He surveys the room and sees the moonlight dipping quietly across the silhouette of his beloved. The street noise that had just recently sounded so intrusive is now a thing of the past. A CD plays softly in the background and he notices the scent of a sweet lavender incense burning oh so quietly in some distant corner, delivering a soothing, relaxing scent.

He smiles to himself, knowing full well the goodness of his Queen, and the profound understanding she has of him. He strides to his side of the bed and sizzles up next to her, pulling her close, taking in her aroma, and knowing the dance has just hit its stride.
Together the two share in the greatest joy and Spiritual connectedness two individuals can share, conquering the barriers that stand ever at the ready to keep two hearts from sharing in true union. Together the two intertwine their passions, yield to giving and receiving the bountiful gifts of intimacy, and lose themselves in the arms, heart, mind, and love of this, their special someone.

Time has no meaning, the moment is endless, nothing else exists except the two, the time, and the truth. Truth that in maintaining fidelity and loyalty to one another they will always have the capacity to share in the kind of love they both desire. Truth that in taking time to know one another they will always have the benefit of familiar love and intimacy. Truth that their greatest strength is not in the uniqueness of their individuality, but in the Oneness of their union.

Soon the two lay beside one another, the external world slowly entering back into their sphere. Hearts racing, Spirits rejoicing, bodies recovering, and the silent knowledge that they can always find this place all combine to sustain their sacred connection. She lay beside him, all a-purr, recalling the experience over and over again. He lay there, looking up at the ceiling and thanking every God mankind has ever comprehended for this beautiful woman he has been blessed with.

“Would you like some water?” he asks. She replies yes and he’s off into the kitchen.

He returns and she’s now sitting up, the moonlight gracing her features, creating yet another view of the beautiful Queen that she is. He gives her the water, she drinks.

“We’ve been through a lot in our lives, haven’t we?” she asks. “Yes, and that’s why I love you so… WE have been through a lot together.” He responds. “I just have to tell you that was great…, mind-blowing”, he says.

She looks up at him, a knowing smile on her face. “You’re a good Man.” She remarks, still somewhat reflective. He touches her softly, draws her to him, they exchange a passionate kiss. He whispers in her ear: “I love you.”

They draw each other close once more, unready to let the moment pass yet understanding that it must. They are side-by-side again, in the quiet of night, still experiencing the residual glory of shared intimacy amidst the flowing aroma of lavender, their hands held tightly.

Their Spirits replenished, their fears and concerns put to rest, they are both reminded of how deeply rewarding and beneficial Love can be.

Are you?

No. 76 - Who is she?

2009-09-28T08:44:00.001-07:00

For the last couple nights I’ve been having this recurring dream that has me perplexed. I’ve awakened wondering at its meaning as I try to sort out the details. I find myself contemplating it throughout the day because, in my opinion, my subconscious mind it grappling with something that obviously needs to be sorted out.

The dream goes like this:
I’m looking at a woman who I’m deeply in love with. She has no name and she has no features other than a natural aura, form and charisma that sends me to Glory. My love for her is completely consuming and there is no question I am the one to love this woman. I know without question I have the love, commitment and passion she needs in her life, and I know mine is genuine and lasting.

But, she has a man. He takes her for granted, caring very little for her heart and even less for her mind. He has no awareness whatsoever of her Spirituality. Yet, she continues to give herself over to this person.

I see him as a grey man, featureless and ghostly with an aura of distrust and selfishness. I am aware of his presence yet he is not aware of mine. I watch as she toils through the frustration of giving herself to him even as he does not welcome her attempts. In frustration and sadness I wait in agitated silence for her to somehow see him for who he really is, and to then see me for who I am.

When she is in my company, she tempts me with her beauty and sensuality. She holds my attention even before she enters my mind. She teases my senses with her elegant charm and radiance. We talk, we laugh, we share time together doing a variety of things yet never do we “cross the line.” I see her smile and I sense her inner glow, all warming and inviting. She is such a draw to me.

I awaken from these dreams slowly, wanting the feelings I experience to linger, wanting the moments to survive. And I wonder why is it that this dream has decided to invade my peaceful slumber? Why have these thoughts and images decided to visit me in my most vulnerable state?

And, Who is she?
I’ve read a lot about our minds, dreams, and how we consider the world we live in. I’ve come to understand that when we sleep, and attain a state of rest, our conscious and subconscious minds go about the task of solving problems that we think about in our waking state. That said, I have to believe this dream represents my own attempt to resolve some issue that is obviously quite important to me.

Wanting to finally have this itch scratched, I looked online to one of the many dream interpretation web sites (www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/) and here is what I’ve gleaned from my investigation:

The Woman: Represents nurturance, passivity, caring nature, and love.
The Other Man (Adultery): Represents insecurity or fear of being abandoned (by this Woman).
Waiting (Patience): Represents going through a healing process.
Temptation: Represents a conflict between my Self and my desires and between instant gratification and long term goals.

Alas, I see the truth.

I am at the point in my life where I will be transitioning to do a different kind of work, less community focused, more self focused. As I interpret the areas I’ve listed above, it appears to me that I am dealing with an inner conflict because I have decided to shift my course in life.

I’m a little fearful of (The Other Man) losing my connection to my community (The Woman) because I have chosen a new pursuit (The Temptation). But, even as I carry this fear, I have already begun the healing process (The waiting) that will ultimately help me come to terms with my decision and lead to my becoming a better person.

Well, that’s refreshing to know. I’m only human and I am somewhat torn between that which I love and care about on the one hand, and that which I love and care about on the other hand. Ironic.

As I think about this I’m pleased to know there is a legitimate basis for the symbology in my dreams. One could easily choose to take a more “tangible” approach to understanding my dream, thinking my desires are less than honest. I believe this would lead to suspicions of my having a desire to become unfaithful, or thinking I might have a “feeling” that my wife is unfaithful to me. How far from the truth this would have been.

So, in asking and answering the question this dispatch poses one final time:

Who is she?

She is the community that I love and think so highly of. She is the young, the old, the good and the bad in all of us. She is the challenges and the victories we all experience daily. She is us.

No. 75 - Favorite Quotes

2009-09-15T19:52:00.000-07:00

Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.

It is better to be loved than feared.

However long the night, the dawn will break.

Being happy is better than being King - or Queen.

All truth is good, but not all truth is good to say.

Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.

Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.

A wise man changes his mind, a fool never does.

No. 74 - An absence of presence

2009-08-30T11:07:00.001-07:00

There are times in our lives when we are so caught up in our thinking or feelings about something that we create an impenetrable shield around us, allowing no words or other viewpoints to influence us. Our inner center is so intimately attached to one view or the other that nothing and no one can cause us to acknowledge and give value to a different perspective. We find justification for our position and seek confirmation simply because we think our view is right, or better, or smarter... you get the picture.

It is when we are so deeply immersed in such thinking and emotional avarice that we lose site of whatever master plan or noble goal we might have claimed as our own. This is especially true when it comes to the modern relationship, for all too often the parties wage war, and the potential for evolving into something great is ruined because one (or both) parties cannot break away from their right to “stand their ground” on a position they hold dear.

I call this an absence of presence.

As I consider this it becomes clearer to me this could well be at the core of many problems or disconnects we experience in life, and on many levels. It could be the reason relationships fail in the midst of finger pointing, arguments, and feelings of abandonment. It is, indeed, the very thing that causes separation, distrust and insecurity in relationships because it causes the bonds of the union to dissipate into nothingness.

What happens to a conversation when one or both parties refuse to allow the other perspective to enter into the dialog? What is the result of placing little or no value on the views of the other person? Who gains, who loses? And what is accomplished when two people are battling for what they say is a common goal, yet both have devalued the others perspective?

A lot to think about, for sure, but I think there is a much bigger question we should bring into the conversation as well: Why do people hold on to their positions so violently when there is no reason to do so?

Now that’s a juicy question...

As I consider things I have a sense that we have come to attach our identity to the views and opinions we hold dear. These views and opinions have been reflected upon, internalized, and embraced at a spiritual level for many and are therefore critical in the shaping of how we view the world and interact with others. They help in defining who we are as individuals and they set the boundaries that form our comfort zone. Yet even at this spiritual level, is the view helpful to the individual by creating harmony, peace, and a more enriching life experience? If it is then it is good, if it is not, then it should change.

When these boundaries are crossed we immediately grab hold of our internal reference materials and assess the situation. When we find a position is being challenged we call in the intellectual or emotional reinforcements and set about making ready for battle with the opponent (who in the case of a challenged relationship is the very person we say we love). Next thing you know, what began as an opportunity to learn and grow has been flipped and the relationship finds itself struggling for air.

But is this a matter of holding firm to what we believe in for some moral reason, or is it a matter of being unwilling to grow?

I think we have lost our sense of moral conviction and we have ignored the power this conviction once had in our lives. I think we are unwilling to grow. I think we fight the notion of continued growth daily because we have become “safe and secure” under the umbrella of opinions and ideals that define us. It is easy to say we want to grow, but how many people actually do grow?

Just to be clear, my thinking is that when two people are safe in their zones and have found mutual and lasting peace then that’s great and there is a nurturing harmony that is shared by all. At the same time, if a couple or person is challenged to reconsider a position that is contrary to an individual or common goal, then this presents a personal growth opportunity.

Instead of being afraid of thinking outside of the box we should feel good knowing we can embrace ideas, notion, perspectives, and concepts that are consistent with our views as well as those that are completely different.

Of course, each case is different and merits individual scrutiny. When we consider differing views there should be a standard we must compare each side to, and we should agree to accept the position that either reaches the standard, helps to realize a shared goal, or both. I think this is where a couple or group can exercise its greatest power to move towards a goal and I think this is the “muscle” that is least exercised in troubled relationships.

All too often we get stuck in the mud of selfish, argumentative, individual idealism when it is in our best interests to put the individual view aside and embrace a view that will benefit “all”.

I wonder what it takes to make that possible... I wonder how can we move forward with a different approach to interacting with one another. I wonder if my thoughts and opinions are too idealistic for the modern world, and if I should not challenge others to see things differently.

Alas, I am who I am and this is my calling.

One final word...

When we are lost and caught up in our absence of presence we never experience all that is there before us. We are lost within our own minds because we have allowed our thoughts to imprison our sense of external awareness. All we see and hear and know are the thoughts that reverberate within our minds that reinforce a position that might actually go against our best interests.

The N Word in Black America

2009-08-29T10:35:00.001-07:00

A War For Your Soul-Birmingham version from Erisai Films on Vimeo.

So what is the challenge in all this? While it is obvious what needs to be done... who will..? Are we big enough to change? Or are we too afraid and so soft we will find reason to perpetuate the very mindset that continues to ruin us? Where are the leaders...

No. 73 - Stones

2009-08-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

The young African couple walked pensively to the table and took a seat. As I watched them I noticed the man rarely held his head up. No matter how the young woman attempted to converse with him, his responses would be soft, unemotional, un-engaging. She seemed to be fully determined to get him to open up, yet her every attempt failed. But she remained steadfast.

I had come to the coffee shop with a Brother of mine to talk about our common challenges and to figure out next steps. We are both part of our extended male support group so this meeting, as with all of our meetings, was critical to helping to get through the tough times we all share.

The economy worsens all around and all too often we tend to think we are in this struggle alone. That said, it is always refreshing to hear others speak the same words of encouragement and hope we often think are ours alone.

I watched the two out the corner of my eye -- and sometimes without hiding -- and I have to say it was intriguing, at the least.

Try as she might he resisted being drawn into the conversation. I had the sense some part of him had given up. It soon became apparent there were many other things going on with this couple that caused his demeanor to be so closed to discourse, and somewhat disconnected from his mate.

“There is a stone in my heart...” she said... “and it’s weighing me down.”

He mumbled something I couldn’t make out. Whatever it was I could tell it presented a major challenge to her calm demeanor. She stood up.

“I’m going to get something to eat... you want something?” she asked.

He said, “No.”

She got up and went into the cafe. He remained behind, still looking down, still lost in thought, still holding his body in a way that demonstrated his feelings of insecurity, unworthiness, lack of safety.

My colleague and I talked some more. I wondered if he was picking up the same things I was. I wondered if he had listened in on the conversation as I had. And I wondered how much of this young couples conversation had been echoed in discussions we’ve all had in times gone by.

We both agreed all the answers to our challenges rest within us. We both understood there must be some way to develop the solutions to our challenges, even in the midst of the financial drought that is straining so many of us these days.

Our conversation went from securing contracts/work/jobs to the impact of modern reality on so many relationships, to what it means to be a husband and what men think it means to be a wife.

This friendship is very important to me. It is the kind that is anchored by truthful observations and personal insights. It is genuine and compelling, comforting and funny. It is all the things that lends to the ideal of friendship in its strongest form... it will survive.

She returned with the food and lovingly offered some to him. He dropped his cigarette and immediately went to eating.

“I feel like we are dying... like we are being pulled apart, and that you aren’t helping to make things easy.” she said.

“We’re not dying... it’s just a problem.”, he said.

“How can you say this when we don’t even act like we are married... you don’t even want my help.” was her response.

For the first time he looked up at her. I could see the love and caring, I could only imagine the torrent of emotions that raged inside him.

“I have a stone in my heart too.”, he said.

Then I understood what was happening. I understood they were both being weighed down by the challenges and struggles they were forced to endure. I understood his feeling of impending doom. And I could only guess at how deeply this must have affected him. For here he was, a stranger to this land -- no telling where or how he grew up, or in what form of community -- having to deal with things I may never comprehend. Here he was.

My colleague and I didn’t discuss this couple as we left. We focused on the task at hand and then we said our good-byes.

When I awakened this morning that couple was on my mind. I saw him sitting there, drawn tightly into himself, and her sitting there, determined to do her part. I sent out a prayer for them.

It is my belief this is a conversation many more couples, and families are having. The darkness that enshrouds the heart when we close ourselves to life can become all consuming. It can take us away from the happiness and comfort of those who are near and dear to us. It can weight us down, dropping us from the heights of love, caring, and compassion to the depths of despair, lonesomeness, and virtual insanity.

Sadly, it can be very contagious...

Those insidious stones.

A Letter to the President

2009-08-11T06:32:00.000-07:00

Please change the name below (along with anything else you may want to change) and then cut and paste it into the White House Contact Us page at: http://www.whitehouse.gov/contact/ if this is something you feel represents how people feel. This will give voice to our concerns in a very real way so the more people that responds to this by submitting it to the White House, the better. The process only takes 2 minutes and it would help get your concerns heard.

As ever, you are welcome and encouraged to forward this to everyone in your network.

Dear Sir,

You are my President and my brother. You are the most powerful man this planet knows of, wielding international influence where ever you go. You are the example of a loving Husband and dutiful Father that so many of our young boys have responded to, and so many have stood a bit taller just knowing what is possible.

President Obama, you are the example of true community leadership that our generations have longed to look upon, and you have made us proud.

I know there is no way you can know this but there is a young boy in Oakland, California who has gotten many of his last meals from a dumpster behind one of the many struggling restaurants in the area. His girlfriend has had to resort to prostitution in order to get money for a room to have some semblance of peace and some iota of hope in their lives. There is a grandfather who quietly whiles away his time hoping for someone to visit with him, to bring him food, so that he may eat today. And there is a grandmother who has been forced to go without her medicine because she refused to die of hunger. She rather risk losing a limb instead of her life in the short run. These are the stories that every community across this great country can tell you, but why should any American have to ever make that kinds of choices?

All these people live in all communities… and all of them need you to do what is right by them.

You see, Mr. President, we don’t care about the arguments being made by those who continue to have far more than we do. We don’t care to know who is being labeled what or how effective one message was over the other. We just know we are unnecessarily dying and creating a major fiscal burden to all of America because so many do not have health care, and that’s what we care about. We know we have been disproportionately underserved by a de facto system that rewards those at the top by ruining the lives and livelihood of those at the middle and on the bottom.

When you came to the political stage you became something far more then the image of a powerful Black Man. You became the mirror to look upon ourselves with pride and joy, and know that we too are part of your greatness… even as we are. We are coming to a better understand of what this means and how we are now tasked with realizing the leaders that lay dormant within us for so long. For that we thank you.

Sir, you can not afford to play the political samba with the serious health care issues that are currently ruining our Country. There is no time for compromise. You have to stand strong to do what is right and best and ethical for those who need health care most. You have to understand the gravity of the situation and the tragic impact the current health care system has had on so many lives.

What good is it to have an option offered that cannot be purchased because one has to eat, or live, or work? The sad irony of it all…

I am sending this letter on behalf of all the people who agree with what is written here and who stand with you against the dysfunctional social engine that seeks to derail your/our efforts to have health care for all Americans.

We want to make it loud and clear we will not believe one word of the lies and maneuverings coming from those agents who benefit from what now exists in so many financial ways, and who maliciously use their resources and influence to step on our backs. We will not hear their lies or fall for their deceit.

We are making it clear we WANT and need the option you are proposing as long as it will not be embroiled in the same corporate or other “establishment” gimmicks that water it down and/or render it ineffective. That would be a tremendous blow to all of us and our ancestors would roll in their graves seeing this great failure.

We are saying you must make it happen and we are here to help realize this much needed fundamental infrastructure component of true community building.

Humbly and Respectfully,

Dedoceo Habi

No. 72 - Seeking with Faith

2009-08-09T19:56:00.000-07:00

Today I spent some time on the beach watching the shoreline, the waves as they gently cascaded upon the land, the water foul, and the many different people enjoying the outside environs. There were couples, individuals and families, all enjoying the pleasant comfort of good times spent creating lasting memories in the Sun. While all this was most appealing to me there happened to be one pair the caught my eye and caused me to spend the majority of my time watching them.

A man and a dog were enjoying their time together playing a game of catch. The dog, a Black Lab, was most attentive and quite ready to fully enjoy the fun. Each time the man would pick his arm up to throw the ball the dog would take off at full sprint to retrieve it. What was intriguing to me was the fact that in every case the ball had not been thrown, yet the dog was off without pause. Each time the ball was thrown he would happily find it where ever it fell.

There are those who might argue the point that the dog was only responding to his training. While that is an appropriate perspective, I saw something else... something far more meaningful. What I saw led me to consider the Spiritual lesson that could be learned from this activity.

The dog, you see, went forward in faith. He gave his all to realize a goal -- that of getting the ball -- even when he had no idea where it would ultimately be found. That, to me, is the great lesson one can draw from this dispatch.

There are many who go forward in life with the full knowledge -- a great sense of knowing -- that the goals sought after will be had as long as they keep going forward in faith. As long as they give it our all and are consistently believe they will have it, they will. This assumes these people are seeking that which is beneficial not just to themselves, but to others as well.

Nowadays it’s hard to grasp this ideal because many are so anchored to the deeds and actions of the masses it is quite hard to allow themselves to believe anything other then following the herd as the appropriate path to realizing a given goal. I accept this line of thinking as true and relevant to those who embrace it while I also accept the notion that there is always another way to getting to the prize.

Many people espouse a great belief in the teachings of the Bible, the Tora, the Koran or some other great Spiritual work, yet some of the strongest truths written in these great Books go unheeded. They are minimized or twisted to conform to the thinking of those with little understanding of true Faith, and this limited insight soon becomes the ball-and-chains that keep these people from realizing a greater self.

The have Faith dwell within self can be perceived by some as fool-hardy or unrealistic. These are the folk who are mesmerized to the point of frozen fear when exposed to the Faith of others. They do not understand and find it difficult to grasp as a way of being.

There is much to be learned from the idea of going forward in Faith if we would but allow ourselves to be open to the lessons, and willing to internalize them. When we can do that we go through life with a greater sense of personal calm and confidence in our capabilities because we walk with the knowledge that we will succeed.

I believe this with all that I am. I believe our society is so lacking in positive energy and truly great leaders because so few understand the power of Faith. One may call if Religious, one may call is Spiritual, or one may call it nebulous... the choice goes to the individual. Whatever and however one defines it I believe we need more of it in todays world.

All around us individuals, couples, families and ultimately communities are floundering. The support infrastructure that once helped many can now help only a few. All indications are that even the few numbers that receive help will continue to be reduced.

I wonder what will happen to us when this inevitable reality in at our doorsteps. I wonder how will these many individuals cope with a world in transition all around them as everything they were once happily familiar with is no more. And what of the millions of children and youth who now are simply blowing in the wind because no one is there to guide them... how will they find comfort?

Faith and Hope have a cyclical relationship, always trading off o which will lead which. It is apparent to me that without Faith there will be no Hope. Without Hope so many more will be lost. How many is too many? What will become of those who think they have something today only to find out as this society continues to change, they have less... or nothing. Consider all the millions of families that once lived in luxury and are now part of the growing “lower class” society.

An interesting series of thoughts, indeed, and I hope you will share it with those you are close to. In fact, I am humbly asking that you do, and find reason to talk to them about this.

Seeking by Faith is rooted in the absolute belief that you will somehow realize your goal -- the way is made with each step forward, that is the extent of how far one must see (and believe). There is no measured path or outlined road one must follow... that road is already crowded with the clamor and ire of the many on that journey.

Whether the Faith that is needed applies to finally securing that home you’ve been after, or finding a way to get to college, the premise and act of Faith must be more broadly exercised.

As the world around us changes we most change with it. There are a million stories of defeat and loss one can specifically link to the inability to change when change is needed. As well, there are just as many stories of how belief translated into Faith has achieved what many thought were impossible, because Hope remained alive.

I’m reminded on a scripture: ...all things are possible to him that believeth...

What are you reminded of?

No. 71 - Him, exposed

2009-07-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

My last dispatch got a lot of attention and so I feel compelled to delve a little deeper into the idea of how a man thinks about the woman in his life. Now, let me preface this by saying I do not know and have not spoken with every man out there so what I share comes from conversations I’ve had with the men in my circle. Let me also say this: I believe each of these men have spoken the truth around how they view this issue because we have shared in honest dialog for many years and, through that process, have gained great respect for the common threads in our views.

At it’s deepest, most intimate level, the love, faith and trust from a good woman a man loves affects him at a biological level. It’s true.

I think about how I feel towards my Queen and I know it’s far more than just a passing feeling, or a temporary desire to be in her company. I have learned and accepted the fact that not only do my thoughts project towards our common goals, but my feeling are becoming intimately intermingled with hers. In essence, as we merge into one entity with a common goal we are brought more closely into the realm of a profound Spiritual connectedness, and this connectedness becomes an integral companion during our journey towards our goals.

What so many of my friends (and colleagues) have said they needed from their significant other boils down to her belief in him and her faith in his word. For sure there are other characteristics that are important to men but, in my opinion, these two are the greatest.

There seems to be something powerful about the belief a women has in her man. Something almost spiritual in how it drives a man forward when sometimes there appears to be no where else to go. When a women acts out in faith for her man, knowing full well the goal will be met, it adds a calming peace to the relationship - It defines their capacity for greatness.

Some, who think of the man and woman as two independent forces where each co-habitat their own space may think little of this or ask: Why is this important?

For me, it gets down to quality of life.

When we are in committed relationships we have to believe in the other person, and we have to have faith in them. Regardless of how long the journey, how many upsets, how many challenges, this has to be our mode of operation. Even when we are inclined to yield to the temptation to disbelieve and remove our faith we have to find a way to overcome that temptation.

Many men think of themselves (yes, even me) as warriors. We are in the throes of a great battle to achieve some goal. We are caught up in the ebb and flow of the myriad challenges of life, ever weary of what “might happen” or “what did happen”, and ever diligent in our efforts to find a way to enjoy a better life with those we love and care for. We seek to find the way out of the storm when many others have given up or have decided to accept the “nothingness” of the moment as their true fate in life.

In order for us to keep moving forward we take each step with the faith and belief that it is one step closer to realizing our goal. We embrace faith in self, in God, in our significant other, knowing full well it is their wish that we succeed. For us, without faith and belief in self, we have no reason to keep moving forward -- having no will to do any more than take our next breath as we vacantly watch life pass us by.

How does this all relate?

As I said earlier, when experiencing this kind of love, a Man develops a Spiritual connection to and with his Woman. For some strange reason his sense of destiny becomes intimately and dynamically linked to hers. While his faith and belief in self continues to exist, somehow the Universe has found a way to integrate her faith and belief into his. Where there was once two, now there is one.

So when there is little or no parity; when one person has no faith or belief in the other, a stated goal will never be reached where there will be two happy people, assured in their love, and solid in the knowledge “they did it together.” There will be no happy memories that prove their connectedness and confidence yo look back at and share in the glory of it all.

All too often we have heard of Men and Women who were with someone for some amount of time and then finally achieve some great goal, then the first thing they do is leave the one they were with. People all around them wonder why this has happened and some even point the finger at the notion that one person was using the other.

I tend to think that people are generally good. I tend to believe we genuinely do want what’s good for ourselves and those we care about. I believe it is more a matter of not having the nurturing and care one needs when staring down the challenges of the journey - when this happens we become hardened individuals, not caring partners.

For many men, the conversation is centered on her lack of faith and/or trust and/or belief in him. He talks about his need for her to understand him and to value him... his need for her to participate in his journey toward success as a partner with equal (and sometimes more) belief in success than he. He needs to know she has the understanding that their journey can lead to a greater appreciation for one another, or possible doom when there is no or little belief in one another.

Women have a Power. This Power men do not understand... we simply accept it and do our best to not get caught up in figuring it out. Call it Spiritual will or the ability to drive a man to great heights, or simply the power to collaboratively help their men to realizing a stated goal that will benefit all.

Whichever one prefers, it makes sense to understand this truth as being relevant in creating a happy and sustainable relationship. It makes sense that men should acknowledge this real and important fact about their lives, and it makes sense that women should wield their Power in ways that support a lasting relationship.

The words Men need to hear from their women are: “I believe in you”, “It will be alright”, “I know you can and will handle things”, and “We are in this together.” These words, along with the supportive actions that prove them, will overcome any problem, insure great memories and wonderful excitement, and will lead to a life of multiple successes.

I should acknowledge I am attempting to represent what a Man considers as a great relationship - from a more intimate and honest perspective. It is done from a positive point of view with the hopes it will stimulate dialog.

Him, exposed.

No. 70 - Her, defined

2009-07-22T23:29:00.001-07:00

After months of silence I finally heard from a dear cousin of mine... I’ll call him Marvin. Last I heard his Mother had died and the process of preparing for her burial had devastated him.

One of the first things he told me was he had lost his job only three days after the funeral... he hasn’t worked since, and is now forced to live with relatives.

Although he had experienced such sadness in these last months his demeanor was calm and assured. He confided in me he had been off all stimulants (drugs and alcohol) and was finally beginning to feel real emotions. We even laughed when I joked about how surprised he must have felt when he first understood the feeling that was so unusually delightful to him was that of feeling happy. Feeling happiness for the first time in many years without the numbing affects of drugs and alcohol... it was the first time I could remember seeing him genuinely happy in many years. I felt blessed to experience it.

As we walked and talked we happened to talk about women. Since his situation was so fragile and he had little to offer in the way of material things or income he was getting a lot of resistance and hesitance from his estranged wife. She had made it clear she was quite uncomfortable supporting him and leery of making any commitment that would bring them any closer. We talked on this more and I gained greater insight into how he viewed the world, how life circumstance and decisions had adversely impacted his life. I came to appreciate a view of women that -- I’m hearing more and more these days -- seems to be a challenge to the status quo.

It was a little uncomfortable digesting all he said because as we spoke, standing outside of the place of worship where he now attends routinely for weekly prayer, this woman came up to us, Bible in hand, ready to share in the praising of the Lord with him.

I thought about that deeply as I headed back home, wondering at the oddity of that situation. Now, there are many who believe a man is the provider of the home and, no matter what, it is his job to do, and he is remiss if he doesn’t meet that need. I’ve overheard many women talking of how they would drop their man in a hot second if he didn’t have any money. As a man I believe it is a mans nature to want to provide for his family and it gives him great pleasure knowing that he does.

But something wrong has happened in our society... something that is the culprit for many breakups and much hardship in relationships all across the land. This thing has ruined not only the lives of husbands and wives, but also innocent children. What am I referring to, you may ask... very good question.

I shall answer it like so:

...

Her, defined
She knows her Man, and longs to be
The holder of his care,
She seeks to give him all he needs, when no one
Else is there,
She lifts him up, not heeding those
Who laugh behind her back,
She understands with clarity, and gladly gives
That which he lacks,
She smartly knows that while they struggle
This time lasts but a spell,
She sees the future in the hope she breathes
With every truth she tells.

And sometimes in his darkest hour, when he needs
To feel her love,
Her gentle words of belief in him let’s him
Know there is a God above.

Her, defined.

...

You see, what my dear cousin was saying to me was that he hadn’t given up on life. No matter what he had faced or what he would ever face he would not stop trying. He wanted to do more, be more, have more, give more, love more -- even when he may not always know how to or have the answer to how to achieve his goal. He refused to allow himself to believe he was nothing even though everyone and everywhere around him there were messages and indicators that many men have allowed to break them.

He was telling the universe that he is a Man and that he does deserve better and that he will not give up on self or life until he realized his dreams.

And he was saying he needed a Good woman to share not just the fruits of his hard-fought labor, but also the journey to making it so.

Who can say, in the modern day, what challenges we will all face as so much around us falls into ruin? Who can predict what more bad news or suffering will have to be absorbed and shared by us all? And who can expect to accomplish anything worthwhile, meaningful, and necessary without the help and support of others... namely the very one who professes to love them?

I have said and continue to say things will worsen before they get better. There are many people who are doing everything possible to realize a better life, who will not yield to the temptation to give up. Even in the face of all these challenges it is my fervent belief the only success to be had will be had when two people find the strength of character and commitment to one another to put aside antiquated thinking about how things ought to be and understand they live in the here and now. When this happens we can rest assured that families will be strengthened after having victory over the trials of the modern day. When this happens we will have tangible proof of the true strength of the pillars of our community - husbands and wives.

And we will be able to look back at the excitement of the journey, reflecting upon every step, every lesson learned, and every courageous victory, knowing full well that we did it...

Together.

No. 69 - Give and Take Within

2009-07-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

What is it about the human condition that causes a person to hold steadfast to a viewpoint, belief or position even when it prevents him from that which he desires to possess? How closely aligned to the problems we perceive in our relationships are our words and actions? And, why do we hold so tenaciously to those parts of our psyche that seem to keep our happiness at bay?

These are some of the questions that rested on my mind this morning as I awakened. I lay there I wondered about the series of connected “dots” that compose our identity, and that set into motion the experiences we have in life.

As I consider these thoughts I begin to see a connection from one stage of the matter to the next. It occurs to me our identities have somehow become closely associated with our habits. These habits are nothing more than a series of repeated actions that we have become comfortable with. These actions are based upon the perspectives and realities we experience as we flow through the world as we evolve toward our individual (and collective) greatness. At various points in our evolution (in fact, the points of evolution) we decide what viewpoint we will embrace (and the accompanying attitude) or what viewpoint we will drop. Once these decisions are made our natural processes come into play and we soon find these new viewpoints tightly integrated into our view of the world.

In either case, we tend to adopt mannerisms, attitudes, and perspectives that are in line with how we regard the world, and the people in the world that we come across. It is these mannerisms that, when repeatedly exercised, become the recognizable traits of our character. Lo and behold, when we think of a person we have become acquainted with we hold a mental image of this person that is based on the actions of this person and the experiences we have had with this person, whether good or bad.

I tend to think about this with what I would consider an honest yet critical eye. I tend to use my thoughts to better understand the world around me, and apply these understandings to situations I find myself exposed to. I have found this approach to be helpful in my work with community and in helping to remove my own mental barriers.

Still, how is it that we have come to hold that part of us that opposes our true desire with such fervent passion?

I recently returned from a convention in Tampa and at one of the keynote events an older gentleman gave a presentation that really resonated regarding this subject. He sited an experiment done many years ago by Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman in which the term “Learned Helplessness” was coined.

The idea developed was based on a person who is exposed conditions that fostered adverse, fearful, or uncomfortable emotions. When this happens that person develops behaviors that remain present and impactful even when removed from the situation -- even applying them to similar situations later on in life. This is to say, we learn to behave in ways that perpetuate our thoughts of fear and helplessness even when removed from the circumstances that caused us adopt these viewpoints. Even when we have no clear reason to do so.

As I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. It explains why it is so hard for people to overcome past hurts or feelings of fear, rather choosing to continue protective and/or controlling behaviors. It explains why so many in our community have allowed their feelings of helplessness to dictate their views of and experiences in life, and it accounts for the many problems that grab us unexpectedly as we go about the business of maintaining lifelong relationships.

I see this every time I speak to a young man who proclaims he wants a job yet explains there are no jobs to be had. He, therefore, does not try to find work. He has learned to feel helpless -- it is his normal way now -- and so now he acts hopeless. In the end, the very thing he says he wants he has “learned” he cannot have and because of his thinking, he acts in ways that makes his belief his reality.

While some may call this a self fulfilling prophesy, I like to think this is nothing more than learned behavior. I take this position because I believe we can each control what we learn far more effectively then what we prophesy.

So we are now looking more carefully and honestly at how we have come to act in certain ways and under certain conditions. We are considering how it is that our emotional “training” has come to control our logical implementation of will. And we are seeing how our happiness or sadness, our success or failure -- all these things the constitute the human animal -- is based simply on our learned behavior. It is something we all have and something that is intimately held within us all.

I think this is a great thing. I think so because I believe we are all smart enough to see the value in taking a decidedly proactive approach to re-learning how we give and take within.

No. 68 - $4.00 worth of gas

2009-07-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

Funny how it seems, at times, that we so easily forget who we are, where we are, and what we claim we are about. And it’s peculiar how we are tested when we least expect it. For sure, there must be a book somewhere that records our every word and then quickly goes about setting things into play to let us prove our character.

Such was my experience today.

I had just completed work at a local place of worship. As I walked toward my car I heard a commotion. I looked over and across the street, through the fence, and watched as an older man, late 50’s I would say, hurriedly went from one person to the next. As I took in the scene it looked as if he was being shadowed by a woman.

I watched and vaguely heard his rushed words as one person after the next turned him down. He did not become upset... he would simply move on to the next person. Funny though, it seemed the street was abuzz with activity. Cars went by, mothers and children walked by, pairs of friends strolled along... yet no one seemed to be willing or able to help this gentleman.

I watched a moment longer... then I turned away to get into my car. After all, he had it covered. And then I heard him calling toward me.

I turned to look and there he was, boldly approaching me... saying something... words which became clearer to me as he finally stopped, standing less than five feet away.

“That’s my wife over there... she’s four months pregnant. I pray to God that you can help us. I had to come to my meeting today... just made it, then I ran out of gas. Can you help?” he said.

I looked at the woman again and sure enough I could see the tell-tale sign of a young life growing in the small rounded pouch that protruded before her.

It was hot... almost 90 degrees and there was no wind. I sweat just standing there. I looked at him a bit closer and could see his sweat as well.
“We just need a little gas to get to the house. I come here every week. If you leave your information I’ll pay you back. My back is out... I can’t walk in this heat,” he said.

I had put $4.00 in my pocket this morning. Not sure why... just did. I suppose, in retrospect, I had put it in my pocket for this moment.

“I will help,” I told him, and then he was heading towards his parked truck. I heard him say thank you more than once. I told him I’d pull over so we could go and get the gas.

When I pulled up to his truck his wife came over with a gas can. I was a little surprised but said nothing. He looked at me and said: “This truck has all we got in it... I’ll stay here and rest my back while you two go get the gas.”

I looked at the truck... it was filled with wood... pieces of board from some broken old building or some dilapidated old floor... to the point of overflowing. She wasted no time coming over and getting in.

I introduced myself, she introduced herself. I have to say it was awkward and I wasn’t sure about this at all. Did I miss something? Was I about to be hustled? Why would a man allow his wife to go with a stranger? What “rules of engagement” had been broken?

Then I remembered how my mother had helped others as we grew up. I remembered the good Samaritan story of old, and all the stories of good people helping those in need. I released my fear and doubt long enough to put myself in their shoes to try and understand... and long enough to consider these two strangers could be two angels.

Some may think my view is “pie-in-the-sky”. It may have been foolish of me to be trusting. Somehow I felt I was being tested. Here I was coming out of a church, there to help others, and just as I exit I’m faced with the choice of whether of not to help someone in real immediate need.

We got to the gas station and I gave her the $4.00. She graciously thanked me, went inside and paid for the gas. She came out and got $4.00 worth of gas, returning to the car with a sense of relief and joy.

“We really thank you,” she said. I said it was no problem and we headed back to her waiting husband.

When we arrived he was sitting with the door half open... I thought he was in a daze or about to pass out. He looked as though he was not feeling well. When asked, he said his back was killing him, having pulled it while getting the wood.

She got out of the car and thanked me again. They both did. I told them it was no problem... because it wasn’t. I then drove off.

As I drove towards my next stop I wondered about this unusual couple. I wondered how they had come to be together... how could they be together. It seemed so unlikely - him so old and her looking half his age... and pregnant to boot. I then recalled watching how she tenderly shared holding the gas can with her husband after I had dropped her off, their empty tank waiting for the needed gas.

I try to place some value on the $4.00 worth of gas as I allow the memory of the experience to settle in my mind. It occurs to me the value of that little bit of money was as such - at least to this couple:

Got them home after a long day of trials and tribulation in the hot Oakland Sun
Gave them an opportunity to keep trying to make a living for themselves
Created an opportunity for them to work together, to find a way to demonstrate their care and commitment even during this challenge

...And most importantly,

Showed them that prayers are answered.

No. 67 - Anger and the Prostitute

2009-04-21T08:53:00.001-07:00

So I’ve been thinking about anger, and the affects it has on our valued relationships, and wondered just what is it about anger that gives it so much power over relationships? Naturally, I had to first look within to gain a better understanding of whatever anger there might be that resides – or that once resided – there. I’ve taken the opinion that we must first consider ourselves, and then information we gain from others, and then share it with those we love and care about before internalizing that information as truth or fiction.

Here’s the situation and process I’ve witnessed in many occasions, and that, I noticed is presently considered commonplace for so many in our community (sadly):

The two are in a relationship, both proclaiming their love for one another. They have grown to feel they have finally found someone they can be themselves with; someone that values their individuality for what it is; someone that shares common views and interests on many fronts. Off they go, along the thrilling avenues of life, hand-in-had with confidence in their ability to live the lives they had both dreamed of, they bask in the glow of love.

There is no question the two are fully engaged in the relationship and benefiting from accepting one another in their fullness. Both are growing in ways and places they could never have imagined. Together the two possess the ability to overcome each and every obstacle they may face… and do so without skipping a beat. The Love they share is so complete there is nary a single thought given to the notion that this bliss could some day change.

But one day it does.

One day, something happens that begins the dulling process of this once radiant love. This event, while small at first, is the very thing that puts the couple on high alert, and soon becomes the threat to the very thing they both want and value so highly. I like to say it is the first stage in the Prostitution of their Happiness. I say so because it is during these events that the happiness the couple so highly values is relegated to the corruption brought on by the unworthy – and undignified – purposes of anger.

The Scenario:
The two are in conversation, as they have done so a thousand times prior to this moment in time. One of them says something that seems normal and appropriate based upon his/her perspective, and with a desire to further enjoy the discourse. The other person for some reason that might seem unclear, and that certainly comes from a place and awareness not relevant to the present situation, takes offense to what is said. He/she is struck by what he/she just heard and reacts in a way that demonstrates this. To the surprise and bewilderment of the other person, this behavior is off-putting, to say the least. Words are said that could compromise the stability of the once stable platform on which the relationship stands. Emotions spill forth that cast a dark light on one or both of them, neither wanting to take ownership of their role played in the scenario.

Two very critical things happen now: first, the one to which the anger was aimed decides he/she will no longer “talk about that”, second, the one who became angry initially decides he/she was justified in their position, even though the adverse emotional outburst has become the initiating catalyst that may someday defeat the very thing they both want – lasting happiness together.

This is the moment in time when the Prostitute is at the apex of destructive power. This is where the Prostitute engages in the spread of disease, discord, and dishonor into the relationship. This is where the seeds of defamation, contempt, and diminished support enter into the lives of these two. If the two aren’t careful and willing to raise their level of awareness and respect for the relationship, the path to happiness will be slowly, subtly derailed. They will some day find themselves quite unhappy.

So the couple somehow gets beyond the event and is finally getting back on track. Things are now flowing and the smiles and joy find their way back into the daily routines. They talk about dreams, plans, ideas, and events of the day.

But never any more talks about that thing that was their flash point.

And then one day it happens again. Once again they are in the pit of despair, having to grapple with that inner demon called Anger that seeks to Prostitute their happiness. Once again they struggle to believe in one another and find reason to hold steadfast to what they want for their lives.

And once again two very critical things happen. Yes, it happens once again. So now there are two things they will no longer talk about. Now there are two episodes where they went from two people enjoying the love they each share, to two warriors so determined to get their way they would gladly destroy the very prize they had so proudly proclaimed they were ready to enjoy.

And soon we see the pattern evolve. Soon we see with each episode the same thing happening. The two get caught up in their own positions and neither is willing to step up to remind the other of what they are about.

Sadly, after months, years, and sometime decades of this… After deciding there is so few “safe” things to talk about and there are so many episodic explosions, the two one day realize they do not even like the person sleeping soundly beside them.

That Prostitute… she is very good at what she does.

And then one day the two are no more… having a hundred reasons to part ways, and none to remain, repair, and rebuild.

It is a most unfortunate thing that anger has so much power over us. It is sad to see the terrible impact it has in so many lives and how so many so readily give their happiness away to anger. Many storm into a room with a defiant stride and an abundance of “powerful” anger thinking to make a point or get their way only to see, at the end of the road, that it was worthless.

Anger, you see, is the enabler that allows our happiness to be corrupted.

That damn Prostitute…

No. 66 - Flashback to the Present

2009-04-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

Wednesday Night:
I stood there beside my car, alone in the dark as cars passed by and city-sounds echoed off the many building that surrounded me. There I was, needing a minute to clear my mind, to breathe easy, to relax the energy that had developed within me as I prepared to meet with a colleague. The wind was chill and I made sure to zip my coat to the neck.

In the distant, I saw him walking toward me.

I wondered many things as I watched this lone man slowly saunter into my space. Was he under the influence? Was he up to no good? Was I ready to take on and deal with any untoward actions he might attempt against me? These were the thoughts that came and went in my mind as I watched this person come my way.

He approaches, just a few feet away now, and stops. I look at him. He looks at me.

And this is how the conversation went:

Him: Hey man, can you help me… I got just a dollar in my pocket.
Me: Sorry to hear that…
Him: I lost my place six days ago, been living in the streets since.
Me: Wow…
Him: I lost my car because I had some tickets… now I gotta do community service.
Me: Do you have family?
Him: No… no one here… I’m all alone.

I see tears begin to well up in the corners of his eyes. I see his stature dwindle with each word that comes from his mouth.

Him: Haven’t eaten all day… all I got is my health… I just want some milk… can you help me?

I reached into my pocket. I felt his sincerity. Here before me was a man grappling with his own pride and dignity, hoping to find some way to nourish his body, to sooth his mind, to comfort his soul.

Him: I’m strong, I have skills, I am somebody… why is all this happening to me?
Me: I don’t know. I have seven dollars here, you can have five.
Him: Oh, thank you… thank you… things will get better, I know they will.

I gave him the money, he cries openly now. The tears fall boldly from his eyes and I struggle with how to respond. Where is the line that should not be crossed? What “rules” apply to this situation, where one man pleads with another – a stranger, at that – for some reason to remain steadfast in his manhood and know there will be a better day.

Me: Look man, things will get better. Is there anywhere you can go?
Him: I have a friend. He said I can come over anytime. But he wants me to sleep with him.

I stood there perplexed… what is happening to us? How can there be so much dysfunctional thinking and regard for one another in our society. I was at a loss for words. Anger, frustration, embarrassment, sadness and fury all battled within me to become the dominant emotion. What was I to say?

Him: I’ve been up for two days. I’m tired… I guess I’ll have to keep walking.
Me: Hold your head up, Brother. Hold your head up and know that things will get better.
Him: They will, thanks.

He walks away, the five dollars tightly clenched in his hand, his hand secure in his pocket. I can hear his sniffles carry in the wind as his pace hastens. He is now twenty feet away. I pray that this Brother reconnects with his hope, with his sense of greatness, with his deeper inner strength. I see him turn around and come back towards me. He stops, looks at me, the tears no longer present, his back a bit straighter, a look of growing determination upon his face.

Him: Thank you, man… you see, sometimes I just want to talk. Sometimes I just have to get it out… sorry for having to come back.
Me: It’s cool, man…. You just take care. I know how it is, trust me. Just take care and know that things will work out.
Him: They will.

He walks away and this time I can sense he is reconnecting with that part of him that will allow him to keep going.

I watched his walk into the distant night. Cars pass by now and then. The wind carries a chill that is hard to shake but I am somehow distantly removed for it. Soon I can no longer see this Brother but the experience still repeats in my mind. Why had the Universe, the Gods, Our God, and fate brought this experience into my presence? What am I to learn from this meeting? Was it chance?

I realize it’s colder and I need to be on my way… after all, duty was calling. I looked in his direction once again, still pondering our interchange…

It’s been a couple days since that meeting and I continue to reflect upon it. In my work to help build a better community I have come across many different people and many different situations, each of which has helped in shaping how I view the world we live in today. I do not believe my focus in on the negative or “bad” side of society, as some have told me. I am a realist, a pragmatic witness to the realities of the world in which I live. My calling is to absorb the myriad experiences I’ve encountered and find a way to make sense of what is happening to our community. Then I am compelled to share my observations.

I’ve shared this experience with you because it is part of the world we all live in, and if we are truly about wanting a better life for ourselves and those we care about, or even for our community, then we have to find some way to make things better.

I wanted to bring this experience to you so that, in real time, you could flashback to the present – to YOUR present – and look for some small thing you can do, and will do, to make things better for someone else.

No. 65 - 20 to Life

2009-04-09T09:19:00.000-07:00

We sat across from one another, confident in our abilities to discuss and explore an issue that so many others find repulsive. We were both anxious to share our viewpoints while at the same time hoping to discover some insight that might help in understanding what goes on in the mind of those most folk would rather ignore. Our hope was that we could somehow gain a better understanding of the mindset and actions of that group in our society we classify as “criminal”.

I can never know if he had an ulterior motive, wanting to gain some upper hand or favor. In truth, the thought never entered my mind. As I look back at the dialog, I can see that I was genuinely intrigued by the opportunity to learn from this Brother. Indeed, for me, as is ever my way, I simply wanted to understand.

He is six months out of prison, having served twenty years for robbery. He had been caught up in his drug addiction and lost all connection to our “logical” world. His crimes were many, having committed one form of crime or another since a very young age. He did not waver in the telling of his story, having chosen a life of crime and recklessness early in life.

The conversation started with me asking questions around the youth of our day and their untoward acts and behaviors that have so routinely lead them to jail or the penitentiary. I had been wondering what it is within our once innocent children that causes them to break away from what they know is good or right to do that which hurts not just themselves, but also their community. I’m compelled to ask these questions because of the many stories I’ve been privy to, and the observations I’ve made about what I suspect are the root causes. And, I must say, I wanted to determine if my overall assessment of the situation was accurate.

As his story goes, he had made up his mind at a very early age to commit to a life of crime. One thing lead to another and then drugs came into his life… first one kind, and then the next, and so on. Soon he was an addict and did what many addicts do to support their habit…

Ultimately, he landed in prison. He boldly proclaimed that it was there, at that low point in his life, that he committed to fixing what was broken within him.

I wanted to know what had caused his behavior at such a young age, and when did he really begin to come to grips with it.

He reiterated, “It’s what I wanted to do.”

In my mind that was not the core issue. In my mind there had to be some other reason or event that had caused this intelligent man to make those choices at such a young age. I am forced to believe we are all intelligent even at a young age, and we all do know right from wrong.

Here he sat, in his late fifties, a testament to the power of a Man to choose differently even at the lowest point in his life. A Man whose life fully demonstrates that our inner strength will ever be far deeper, much stronger, and more entrenched within us than many would have us believe.

So I pressed the issue.

Being careful to maintain the conversation without focusing on him I said, “Surely, we all know the difference between right and wrong. You said you have siblings that are all considered successes by anyone’s measure… what was it about you that caused you to chose a different path?”

His phone rang and he excused himself. I sat there quietly, considering all he had shared while at the same time wanting to take the dialog further. I hoped he would return so the conversation could progress. I hoped I had not scared him off or offended him in any way.

Shortly, he re-entered the room, a broad smile upon his face. He came straightway to his seat and took it.

“That was a friend of mine. I’ve been talking to her for three months now about staying off drugs and coping with her inner demons. I told her she needs to love herself more than ever before because she is facing major challenges in her life right now”, he said.

“Yeah, I know what you mean… so many women are dealing with so many issues these days”, was my response.

“For sure” he said, “and no matter how bad it gets they have to find the strength. For me, it was God. I don’t preach it or anything like that, but that’s how I got over mine”.

There was a brief pause.

“Her Son is in Juvie Hall and he says he doesn’t want to be there. I told her to tell him he has no choice – because he doesn’t – and she needs to be his Mother now more than ever. Then she went on to tell me because of this and her ongoing mistrust, hurt and the pain still present from a past rape she is tempted to go back to the drugs again”, he said.

“Man, she’s got to find that strength… keep encouraging her...”, I started but then he said something that stopped me.

“When I was in prison I decided I couldn’t keep it in anymore. That’s when I started to heal. I stood up and spoke up about when I was raped. It happened when I was five, then six, then seven… all the way to when I was seventeen. My mother didn’t believe me. Said I was making it up. Do you know how that made me feel!?”

We were there… in the thick of it, and so the conversation flowed… “So you needed something to deal with your hurt?”, I asked.

He was quiet.

“When a child is violated and loses his/her sense of trust, and the very people who are supposed to protect and nurture them do not, they find ways to cope”, I said.

He looked at me a moment and then said, “That’s when I gave up. That’s when I found my way of keeping my pain and hurt in check – the drugs, the alcohol, the crime.”

This is a theme I’ve heard from many of the women whose presence and stories I’ve been honored to share in. It is a theme many in our community hold that, in my opinion, continues to wreak havoc even to this day. We have gotten so far away from a true nurturing community in many cases that our very foundation is shaking loose even as we go about our lives acting as if all is well.

I thought about that conversation the rest of the evening… it’s why I’m compelled to write this… and I’ve come to realize that his prison sentence was far longer than the 20 to life he was given by some judge.

His prison sentence began the day his trust was violated and the lack of support for that young innocent child drove him to seeking and embracing his false sense of security, his “forget-about-the-hurt” remedies.

The final thing he told me was his behavior had changed all those many years ago because he did, so early on in his life, what he thought was necessary to protect his sanity and get through the hurt.

Oh, the sad irony of it all. Oh, the unfortunate truth of that reality. Oh, the painful burden he had been forced to carry all those years.

The bad news is that this was his reality and similar realities exist throughout our community in the lives of so many others.

The good news is we can all learn from this brave Brother. He has been clean and sober for more than fifteen years now and has put his haunts to rest. He has found a way to experience self-love while at the same time forgive those whose actions corrupted his Spirit and became the catalyst that nearly ruined his life. He is a testament to our individual strength to rise above any “assigned” station in life where others think to dictate our destiny. His is a journey that spans decades and is filled with victories over the very things that only perpetuate hurt, but that so many find false solace in.

Would we but listen, would we but learn.

No. 64 - How She Cries

2009-04-03T17:11:00.000-07:00

I’m writing this after considering some things I had recently heard while working with a group of Women on a project centered around, well, Woman’s issues. I must say I was absolutely floored upon hearing some of the stories these beautiful Sisters shared. These stories will stay with me for a long time to come and I respect the daring, strength and determination of the many Women who felt comfortable enough to share their most personal stories with me in their midst.

In the end, I am saddened by all the hurt, deception, violation of trust, and abandonment that goes on in our community. I feel we have to find a way to overcome these issues in order to have a better experience in this life.

And I am encouraged because the process of healing and recovery has begun. It began the moment these great Women decided it was time to talk about what had happened to them so long ago… and what still happens in our community today. They are on the road to healing.

Try to find a way to take encouragement from this and know that we all have to start talking about the good and bad truths of our lives. This is so because, in order to take back the power and authority to create a stronger community we must first understand we are all either one of two things:

… Part of the problem, or part of the solution.

How She Cries

Upon a time, but not so long ago
I was afraid to see that which is ever before me
My thoughts and machinations were of petty things
Endeavoring to realize some distant goal
Endeavoring to attain some material delight
Yet, never a thought to what is most precious…

Her strength beguiles me, lulls me to a place of solace
And I fail to consider those hidden things that darken Her Soul
I am caused to think that all is well by her joy in the moment
Oblivious to the loud echoes of past hurts that consume Her
Oblivious to the haunting fears that burst into Her reality
Even to this day, only more profound, more pervasive, more contrived

In Her mirror She boldly faces down the monster that seeks Her ruin
She holds Her head high, finding reason to smile, reason to laugh
Reason to move beyond the betrayal that threatens to break Her
She will not allow Her Spirit to be broken
She will not yield to the doom that comes with temptation
Her daily challenge is to find reason to smile, to care, to be

Many look upon Her actions with disdain, contempt, without care
Others laugh at the “pitiful wreak” that fights to forget the pain
Not knowing the inner ordeal, not knowing the flashes of disgust
But She holds fast to Her humanity, even while hidden
But She finds the path to Her own strength, even in the dark
For how can an outsider see the trauma that besets Her

Long ago, in a place that was once safe, secure, called home
She was made to do that which disgusted Her
Over and over, Her trust was betrayed
By the one that was said to be trustworthy
By the one that was supposed to protect Her
Or by the two who had come together to create this beautiful Child

And Her heart ached then as She did Her best to cope
How could they even look at Her, how could She look at them
What was once precious was taken without thought
Taken to never be returned
Taken with no regard to the price She – and we – would ever pay
And the price has been dear to all: tears, hurt, shame, guilt, ignorance

From that moment forward She is changed
Forced to deal with something Her young mind has no preparation for
Made to act as if everything is all right
When in fact Her world has become a nightmare
When in fact She can no longer dream Her innocent dreams
Flashes of fear and hurt become a familiar fixture in Her world

So how does She cry
What has become of this radiant young child that has been so violated
Ten, twenty, thirty, even fifty year later – in this present day
She still sees those sights
She still feels that violation
Only, now the burden is part of Her perception and, it is as it is

We wonder where Her anger draws its power
We think She is crazy, not in touch with reality
Yet She truly is… even more in touch than we are
Because She has not yet found a way to forget
Because the very ones that violated her are still about
And She has held Her pain, Her truth away from all, save a few

She will question you when She cares
She will discard you when She fears
She will love you from Her Soul
She will do so not by being shy, but by being bold
The good in it, the bad in it, the fullness of it
And in the end, if you are enough for Her, She is enough for you

… How She Cries …
Loudly, softly, confidently, fearfully, deeply
Yes, so very deeply
She cries to be free of the haunts, the past hurtful memories
She cries to prevent the lose of Her Soul this tragic violation demands
She cries because She will find a way to breathe

What is the role I must play in all this
Am I the cause for continued duress
Or is mine the hand that will accompany Her in the journey
The choice is ours to make – Hers and mine
Yet, I’ve long known:
A challenging journey shared is always a better journey survived.

No. 63 - Heaven at Our Doors

2009-03-29T22:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when we are open to the gifts of light and life that await us, when we have stopped our daily toil long enough to breathe, when we allow ourselves to put our guard down long enough to feel the warm Sunlight… it is then that we are exposed to the Heaven at Our Doors.

For so long I’ve been sharing my vision of a better community, of Men and Women treating one another with love, respect, and kindness. So long I’ve found reason to maintain my faith in Our Human Spirit and need to experience a higher sense of community, not because it was always the reality of my life, but because somewhere in my past I had once eaten of that luscious fruit and my Soul would not rest until I ate of it again. Ultimately, I have believed this kind of lifestyle is possible regardless of the challenges and pains anyone of us might have faced – or might ever face.

On Saturday I was invited to a colleagues home to take it easy and spend time with friends. I didn’t know any of the people there, save the one individual that invited me. Naturally, I went. It wasn’t long before I was chatting with Men and Women about things both professional and personal. I wandered amidst this small crowd of friends and family (I was the foreigner) and at no time did I feel I was an outsider. Everyone approached me and we shared laughs, stories, and kindness.

And the story gets even better...

There was a time when I passed through the aromatic dining room where couples were sharing meals and chatting it up, as I went to sit in the living room. It wasn’t until after I had sat down to really take in the experience that I noticed all the smiling faces of the ten to fifteen beautiful little children that sat and ran about, or stopped to look at me. It was the most powerful experience I have had in many years. It was the manifestation of tangible evidence that Love abounds at every level. I did not see arguing, disdain, or contempt for or in anyone. The fact the children were playing freely together was precious. And the fact everyone made it his or her goal to at least shake my hand and say hello simply blew my mind.

It dawned on me this was the first time in a very long time that I was exposed to such support and giving without even the slightest hint of negative energy.

As I walked home I wondered why so many of us have stopped doing this. Why have we forsaken our time-honored tradition of coming together to reinforce our sense of community and familial bond? How is it that we have allowed our gains, pain, suffering, loss, or hardships to replace our necessary need for come together to appreciate one another in happiness? And how can we so willingly allow the simple Heavenly action of coming together in the spirit of sharing, giving, nurturing, and healing to fade from our family traditions?

We have work to do.

On Sunday, as I so often do, I visited another Church. I heard talks of love and compassion, of healing and of coming together. As I listened I smiled openly because it came to me that – here again – our Churches are doing their level best to help us remember that we are all in this together, that we can all share in a greater joy, sense of personal fulfillment, and community pride if (and when) we decide to come together.

What is important to note is that many Churches continue to fight for our livelihood and happiness even in the midst of all the storms our hard-hit communities endure. They are steadfast and dedicated to helping even ONE person live a healthier, happier life. There are many faith leaders that espouse the words and ideals that can create for us, a Heaven in our midst. And we all ought to commend them.

All too often we have bought into the divisive ideals or opinions that keep us out of Church or away from our community. All too often we rather find reason to minimize or even excuse the role Church plays in our lives for the sake of some convenient habit we have come to cherish.

But look at the where we are today. We are now killing one another more so than ever before – and for the simplest of irrational reasons. Our kids raise themselves and have no respect for themselves, their elders, their community… Each passing month more of us are losing interest in our dreams, and even greater numbers are giving up in fear of what they have thought themselves into believing. This is our justification for giving up?

Someone once asked me what Church do I belong to. My answer is simple. I belong to all Churches and I belong to all communities that seek to do good for themselves and create a more enriching, enlightened, or successful society.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that you start going to church…especially those who have completely written off the value our Churches have in our communities. I am suggesting that it is long past time for us to stop the perpetual rhetoric, the cyclical complaining, and the convenient finger pointing, and that we start looking for reasons to come together now in support of one another.

Potlucks, family support groups, getting all the kids together at the park, taking time to visit a loved one that has been quietly suffering in lonesomeness and/or illness – these are the things we CAN do that cost little in comparison to what we all will gain. We have a ton of good experiences right on the other side of the door…

So, Heaven is at Our Doors… we simple have to take action to open them.

No. 62 - The African Teacher

2009-03-29T21:11:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched a show on HG TV and was quite intrigued by the content they chose to show. There is this Tribe in Africa called the Himba and they have maintained their family bonds since the beginning of time. (And by the way, they are Black, like you -- and that’s a good thing). I watched intently and was drawn to the stunning difference between their world and mine. I soon came to the conclusion that their world IS mine, and my world IS theirs.

To put it another way, I think we no longer need to say “how great we were”… Africa has been crying out to us, telling us in real time how great we are.

So why have we gotten to the place and time in this, our American “history” that is so dark, hurtful, dysfunctional and broken? What reasons do we have that justify collectively turning our backs to the powerful lessons of community that our Ancestors still demonstrate today?

The memories of the young African man will all be examples of learning and wisdom… of thoughts of the African father taking his small child to the field and TEACHING him how to sustain his life, and that of the community he so desperately needs… teaching him the value of familial integrity, wisdom, respect, and honor. He teaches his young child how to avoid the peril and pitfalls of life’s odyssey so the young man, once released into the community, is ready to be a Man. The Africa Teacher will work along side his beloved Son in the heat of the day knowing full-well it is his duty and honor to teach his child to survive. No matter what challenge he and his family will face, they will face it together. It is the difference between life and death.

The memories of too many American Black Youth are not the same. They are dark, filled with thoughts of anger, hurt, shame, fear, and distrust. While there is always that faint glimmer of brightness and hope, it is slow in coming, and quick at visiting. Their music is telling them to have no regard for, or commitment to, their community. Their video games are teaching them to hurt one another… to steal away in the darkness and do some ruinous act to another person, simply for the rush of it. It is the difference between life and death.

They are handed-off from grade to grade with little reason to try because they have more bad memories than good, and We haven’t made it our mission to give them better.

…And they are not yet ready to live as Men because WE have not taught them. Our actions as men have been less about uniting and sustaining, and more about dividing, defeating, diminishing.

It all makes sense, now.

We Black Men in America need to step up to the plate and stop the non-sense, and then recommit to being better Men. If there is any truth or rationale to what I propose then you must do something about this. If you feel this is simply rhetoric, then thanks for reading… please do continue.

Now, I’m not saying we can flip a switch and start to make a difference… the better question is how can we flip the switch?

We are a brilliant people, designed to survive anything, and I think we simply need to re-align that brilliance. I think we need to make a decision to stop destroying our communities, our families, our selves. When one hurts we all hurt. So, to me, it doesn’t really matter what side a person may take, if it isn’t OUR side then EVERYONE will be hurting. If you would just stop and think about who is hurting it is clear everyone is.

I think as Men we need to learn how to teach our young Men to become old Men. We need to learn how to come together as a community of brothers ALL working towards a better life for our families. We need to find that wise old Grandfather – or Grandfather-Person – who has been married for thirty proud years, ask His advise, and start listening to what he says. And we need to start forgiving others and ourselves.

Here is a test: Take a penny and put it on a table. Wait one second. Then two. Now, try to pick the penny up. GREAT YOU DID IT! So here’s the question: Did you try to pick the penny up, or did you pick the penny up?

An observation: A person will choose to do something or they won’t. No in-betweens. Trying does not exist when it comes to our will power. We either will or we won’t.

Most importantly, WE have the will to DO what we want.

So, I guess I was saying we can flip the switch – but, alas, I had figured that out (I’m just enjoying the sharing of these thoughts)…

In any event, I know this is a touchy subject so I tried to take a lighter approach (believe it or not). I hope it in some way causes you to think about the (African and American) worlds you (Black Men) live in, and understand that we do have it within us to come together as a community of great people committed to the survival and betterment of ALL of us.

I hope it causes you to talk to someone you love and/or care about and ask them what they think. A passing stranger would work well also.

As I contrast the two approaches and consider which might be in the true best interest of our community’s survival, in all honesty and fairness, I would much rather the African Approach to building Men. I think the results are there for all to see.

All praises to The African Teacher.

No. 61 - Dream==World

2009-03-10T21:12:00.001-07:00

A few minutes ago I awakened abruptly from what I had hoped would be a pleasant night of sleep that, in truth, was a night of dream-filled torment. I recall my breath coming in sharply, a sense of urgency, feelings of sadness, despair, anger. I looked around to see where I was… had I just experienced something real? The images, sensations, conversations and perspectives I had while in deep slumber seemed to be so real to me… so real and so genuine that now, even as I sit here awake, part of my minds eye is still considering the messages and lesson to be learned that can be gleaned from that dream==world.

There was a place, a different world, inhabited by many different peoples, all who had found a way to live together peacefully. Each sect was different – looked different, had different cultures, and acted in ways that suited them. Theirs was a prosperous land, having no need for war, no need for anger, no need for jails, and no interest in exploiting their own language. They dealt with their issues with rules and laws that insured one group could not benefit from the other.

Then there was another group… the group that felt envy, fear, hatred, malice, and every other kind of fear based negative emotion one could have. This group was collectively guided by their unyielding need to offset their overwhelming sense of fear with their even great need for power. They had watched the peaceful people for some time and concluded that even while these people “appeared” to be calm, they were only acting this way as a way to fool their enemy. “Sure”, they thought, “a group as mighty as this would some day be a threat…”. “Surely”, they reasoned, “these people were up to no good.”

And so, the one group attacked the other.

When the attacks began the peaceful people came together to understand their options and decide what to do in their best interests. Surely, these actions against them had not been provoked… It was decided that they should leave their land to find another place where they could create a home, and so every one of these people gathered what was necessary and left.

The attacks continued. Everywhere they went they where attacked… their numbers began to shrink. Fathers would go into the field to find sustenance for the wandering family only to never be seen again… or worse…

After a time a stirring began within the peaceful group. Many of the people that had lost someone close decided they would run no more. They would take up arms and defend their people. Many of the elders resisted this notion because it was not the way of their culture and they feared this kind of change would not help -- but only introduce the very behaviors that had killed so many of the peaceful people -- into their very presence. The defender group would not hear these warnings.

And so a new fight began, now with the thinking that this is the only way to send a message to the evil group that their attacks would no longer be tolerated. Initially this response had the impact of stunning the other side… but only temporarily.

As the fighting wore on the landscape became barren and would not support the people. Food became scare and the peaceful people were forced to stay in their resting places longer because they had to cover more ground with each move. Their people were scared, tired, hurting, hungry.

As things continued to worsen, the elders came together and all agreed that this was the beginning of an end for their cultures. They had seen that now even members of their own community had become as heartless and brutal as the very group from which they were protecting their people. “Evil begets Evil”, became the mantra that resonated from lip to ear throughout group.

Finally, on the day of the end, the last battle was fought. It is here that this dream and my reality blended in the way that ultimately caused me to awaken in a panic. I saw many terrible acts of brutality happen to these people… to ALL of the people.

At times I was an observer, a fly on the wall, an element of wind that happened to breeze by the torrential flood of hurt, pain and devastation.

And at other times I found myself wielding some sinister form of weaponry in defense of someone I loved and/or cared about, ready to die (or bring death to the attacker) for what I believed was the right thing to do. My mind saw the ravages of war, and what one fearful man could do to another. My perspective was shockingly draw to the intimate detail of mothers and children wailing in agony as they saw the one they loved lost in battle.

This visage disturbed me to the point I needed to yell for it all to end. No more could I bear the with-ness of these images, the with-ness of the screams of agony, the with-ness of the mental hardship so many where forced to bear.

It took me half a second to wake up. It took me ten minutes to calm myself down and realize it was only a dream – a nightmare. It took me twenty minutes to decide I needed to write about this.

It’s taken me six years of work in the streets and witnessing the traumatic affects and impact of fighting, hurting, emotional dysfunction, and minimal (or non-existent) respect for others to come to more fully appreciate one key question I think we should all consider more carefully:

How closely do our dreams and our realities align?

No. 60 - On Feeling Good

2009-02-05T15:05:00.000-08:00

Over the years I’ve gone through a process of self and communal introspection. I have always wanted to make a better person of myself, and along the way became compelled into a similar interest in my Community. I was unsure what I was doing and where my path would lead yet I gratefully accepted the challenge and wonderment of the journey. All along the way I was faced with myriad emotions, from sad, to frustrated, frustrated to Joy, and Joy to a sense of contentment. The journey didn’t lead me to a place where I could enjoy consistently good feeling until I came to a truth that had eluded me. Once I say it, I had to change the way in which I had viewed things, and then the journey became even sweeter.

But let me go back to something… What is it about my journey that has caused me to stay the course, and to keep going even when there appeared to be nowhere to go at all?

And of your journey, what keeps you on course?

All around us we hear of the recession, the housing markets, blatant actions of greed or disrespect for the Community. So many have lost jobs, or will lose their jobs, the market has gone mad, and all of the “leaders” are asking what needs to be done?

I think we can safely say the rest of our Country is now facing the very realities that have shaped our experiences in this Country. I have heard from strangers and colleagues alike that change is indeed here, and they are ready to start rebuilding.
Perhaps I digressed… my apologies.

I’ve come to understand there is so much truth in the ideal of Organizing and Working to build our Community. President Obama is completely right. In fact, it is how he came to his current occupation (that’s something to think about). There is no question in my mind that we will succeed in rebuilding this Country, and it will be what we envision it will be. As I go about meeting with various Leaders of our community, I can see all the answers and programs are lined up to begin the process readily. In the words of a great Politician, “We are shovel ready!”
How is this all connected, one might ask. A grand question, indeed. And here’s the truth of the matter:

Nothing makes YOU feel better then when you find an answer to a question. When you have scratched your head, looked all over and still can’t find what you are looking for, you become stressed, bothered, agitated, even angry at times. But in the moment that you find what you had looked so tenaciously, your entire being breathes a shy of relief that opened you up to feeling so very good. True or false, I ask?

This reality applies to everything we do. No wonder our Community has been at such odds with the World. No wonder we are killing ourselves in desperation and fear. So many of us have never *even* had the opportunity to find what they seek. They have never – or rarely – been able to appreciate that wealth of good feelings that comes from finding what they seek.

But how can we “magically” create a situation that will give our Community the experiences that are required to wake their good feelings up? There is no magic involved and the experience can be provided quite easily.

If just one person can feel such goodness, imagine what would happen when we multiply it. Imagine what would happen if we could magnify it and apply it to every aspect of our lives. (For those who might be a bit less “idealistic”, thanks for reading, please continue). This is not an ideal but a practical experience (thereby a practical reality) that we can, should, and MUST provide in our Community rebuilding process.

The process is simple. Encourage all people to work for their community.

Regardless of where or how or what that work might be, it will cause us to come together and to find the answers to our problems. I can assure you there are many Leaders that want to help and that want input on how to move forward, and these Leaders are men and women of action.

I should be clear about something: Working for the Community is more than just doing a job from 9-5. It is more than just watching the day pass by while hoping for a better tomorrow.

It is the most gratifying and uplifting experience we should all enjoy. And we CAN all enjoy it. There is nothing like being respected and heard, and then actively engaging the process to make things happen. Once you get hooked, you won’t want to turn it loose.

Ultimately, we have all been after gaining the power to make things better… it is why we live and work.

The value of working for the Community is that it gives you the reason and the power to move your agenda forward and reap the many benefits that come with having tangible proof that you are doing good.

On Feeling Good: No matter how good you might feel when you are alone, you will always share in a greater goodness when it is done with, for, and on behalf of others.

No. 59 - Behavior * Habit

2009-02-01T13:27:00.000-08:00

Our behavior is so much a part of who we are that in many cases it precedes us. We are characterized by the way in which we conduct ourselves and this, to most people, represents who we are and what is important to us. We may demonstrate a profound patience in the midst of some major storm in life. We might demonstrate some deep anger as we act out against those we perceive are "out to get us". Or we might be known for our humble regard for humanity and our soft approach to engaging with others. These behaviors, and many others, all help to shape how others think of us, and they help to create expectations.

But what of our habits? Is there a difference between the two? We may wake up and jump out of the bed, filled with energy every day while others might want to roll over and sleep for another hour. We might want to say hello to people we pass in the streets while others would rather hold their head down, lost in their own world. These habits do the very thing our behavior does... they help others establish the way in which they regard us.

Behavior * habits. How is it that so much of what we do as inter-connected humans can come from such an integral part of individual life? Was the human being created with the full knowledge that our behavior * habits would be so central to our individual identity? And how does this relate to (or impact) the many challenges we face as a society on the verge of major strife and sacrifice?

I say this intimately integrated part of human existence has far more to do with the world around us than we would normally want to consider. Far more indeed, yet not in the way we might imagine. All too often we externalize the world, the problems we all face - after all, we are community - and the way in which these social challenges must be overcome. We rather point the finger and reason that this person, group, mentality, or cause is the source of the crippling challenges which plaque all communities. We take an off-hand approach to solutions because we spend so much time talking and considering, plotting and staging, reviewing and assessing that we rarely are able to respond to the needs of the community in a timely fashion.

Worse, we give away our power to impact our community for the good when we sit back and accept some unfortunate "produced reality" instead of wielding our individual and collective power to affect some needed change.

So what of the internal (individual) aspects of behavior * habits?

I think we all have the capacity to become the initiators of the change our community so needs. I think genius, persistence, integrity, vision, and heroes abound in our community and we have but to acknowledge these things for them to be raised to a greater level of respect and appreciation by all.

Yet, the question persists: What of behavior * habits?

Well, I think there is an obvious truth, and a real solution to how to move forward towards building the kind of community and family that we all want and need. I think, all too often, we cannot see the forest for the trees... we are so close to the destiny that we cannot see we are there.

What am I saying? I'm saying all of the things that must be done, that are crying to be done, to build strong community by overcoming the "systems and obstacles" that we have been so anchored to, will only be overcome when we make a conscious decision to roll our sleeves up and do what is needed to build up, safeguard, re-create, and sustain our communities. We have to make the choice to do so, we have to be willing to do the work of engaging our communities, and then we have to make a way to bring our people together around doing good for all.

Ultimately, we have a supreme responsibility. I have to behave my and you have to behave your habits.

No. 58 - A Christmas Gift To My Brothers

2008-12-24T15:53:00.000-08:00

So I’m sitting here thinking of the season while I actively enjoy the wonderful feelings that permeate my body… And I’m wondering what could I say or do to inspire my Brothers out there who are facing the immense challenges that are now part of our daily lives… And I’m reflecting upon all I‘ve said and done this year so I can verify my heart and my mind are still in sync… I’m wanting to know if I’ve lived this year in a way I can be proud of, and if I’ve done all I could do to demonstrate that we are our hope, and that as long as we Brothers endeavor to do good for others – our community – we have done the greatest service any one man can do.

I can honestly say I have.

So what is the next thing I can do to keep our growth and unification steadily moving towards its completion? What message could I share with my Brothers that would inspire them to reach for something much higher than ever imagined? What words of wisdom could I espouse that would help and challenge those who have committed to the cause of self and/or community improvement to keep up the good work… do not quit… do not allow fear and the unknown to break your hope…

We are needed now more than ever and we must answer the call… our Ancestors require it.

So… A Christmas Gift To My Brothers:

I have learned that it is the role and responsibility of a Black Man to be there to always reassure his family that no matter what they go through, they will get through.

I have learned that we do have the power to influence our community for the good even in the midst of so much effort to destroy our community with negative and/or derogatory messages about who we are.

I have learned regardless of how much we ever think we know what it means to feel joy, there is nothing that can touch the joy I feel when I am doing good for those I love and care about… especially my community.

I have learned that our young men only need you to be there, active in their lives – not the cash and material possessions – to know that you do care and that they welcome your influence.

I have learned a young man may not say he loves you because he has never heard an old man say so.

And, I have learned there is no greater power any one individual can wield than that of a supporting community behind you.

So these are the gifts I present to you. These are the thoughts, observations, and facts around this issue that have made a tremendous difference in my life. I challenge you to take your view of things to a higher plateau so that you can glean the truth of what I’m saying.

I know the rewards for doing so will far exceed your wildest dreams, will inspire a greater closeness in your family, and will contribute to the National movement in our ranks to be regarded for who we really are.

So if you have also come to believe this to be true, what will you do next? Will you tell someone and then forget about it? Will you take it to heart and do nothing… something? Will you take a stand and take a greater role of helping to realize a greater community?

Will you…

No. 57 - What color is God?

2008-12-13T16:53:00.000-08:00

This is the time of the year when we are supposedly filled with cheer and all our problems seem to fade away. A time when we are asked to stop and reflect upon the past, and find those memories that give us joy. It is a time when we are reminded of our need to care for one another, through media, family, and those we come into contact with. And all about us we are reminded of the sacrifice Christ made for Our salvation.

I thought about this after watching a program on TV One tonight where celebrities had come together in celebration of the season. I looked for what was common to all these different people – people of different ethnicities, cultures, and creeds.

And I saw the commonality.

It seems each of these people expressed a deep belief in God and how Jesus had sacrificed himself for us. Each one shared a common sense of what was pure, and just, and good. And each shared a deep connection to this deeply rooted and common belief.

As ever, I pondered this commonality and considered how each of these people may have come to this shared belief -- all from different perspectives. While they were all in this "faith-minded place” together, none of them came from the same neighborhood, cultural background, or even City -- in most cases.

…But they all believed in One Common God.

It is that shared belief that keeps them centered and reassured. It is a common desire to achieve a greater self, and a more fulfilling existence that brought them all to the same place. And it is that shared connectedness that insured they would successfully realize their goals… it gave them power.

In thinking about all the many other faiths and/or religious belief systems (however one might want to characterize it) I imagine the millions of others in this world who follow Islam, Catholicism, Buddha, etc. that share the same level of personal conviction and devotion. These many different belief systems are just as valid as Christianity and are just as important to those who follow them.

So why do we fight among ourselves? Why do we allow our fears and ignorance to dictate how we regard one another? Why do we maintain a mindset that one belief system, group, color, or shade of man is better than another? And why do we give these “beliefs” power to cloud the way we treat people that are different from us?

What a paradox…

Just how does this relate to God’s color, one might ask. What is the gem of knowledge that one can glean from this observation?

Well, the way I see it, if many different people can share a deep and profound belief that leads to inner peace, family, and connectedness, then what is the value of holding a belief or perspective that defeats our ability to become as one? How can it be that we rather choose divisive rhetoric, thinking and machinations over the need to achieve a greater sense of self and community?

So what color is God? Does God even have a color? I have to wonder if God even has skin, and if so, is He or She Black, White, Brown, Red, Yellow, Clear? And dare I ask how we have come to think of God in the form of Man?

It’s plain to see this is one of those issues that require a greater willingness to look within, more depth of thought, and that leads to more questions than most topics do… and well it should. After all, how much of ourselves, and how much of our time do we dedicate to what we believe in?

What would be the point of finding a simple answer to such an intimate and personal question? How much of a challenge would it be to our individual integrity to be truthful enough to get to an exact conclusion on this matter?

In some ways part of my thinking has to do with my desire to stimulate you to considering this notion in a deeper way. Being aware that this subject can be quite controversial for some, I must say it is not my intent to create duress or confusion, or to agitate some deeply felt emotion. I believe we can all benefit from greater understanding of one another and we can draw strength from the demonstrated proof of our connectedness. Also, what better way to chart a course to realizing common goals then to identify that which has been proven to sustain connectivity and community development…

Perhaps we should create a moment of peace some time within our daily rituals to seek the truth of our capacity to be united. If we are willing to acknowledge the truth found there, and if we are willing to do our individual part to work synergistically with others towards a given goal, then what would our community be like?

I envision a thriving, nurtured, and well connected group of diverse persons who share the tangible rewards of acting in harmony. I’m reminded of the many Biblical stories that clearly demonstrate what can be accomplished when we all come together. And I think if we are smart about things, we can use the commonality of our capacity to believe in something outside of ourselves to know we are indeed all connected.

What color is God?

It really doesn’t matter. And if God’s color doesn’t matter, shouldn’t we then reason that so many of the boundaries and opinions we have used to define “who we are” -- and thereby perpetuate our growing sense of division -- are not as important as we have allowed ourselves to believe…

What really matters is that we acknowledge the common belief we all share in such a Being, and that we use that commonality to build a better society.

No. 56 - Whose bullet would you take?

2008-12-11T13:03:00.000-08:00

So I was watching this program I rented last night and one of the scenes led me to some interesting thinking. As in many stories, the two main characters were deeply in love with one another. The challenge they faced was great in that the lady was captured and then taken into slavery and the man, refusing to give up on his woman, gave chase.

Across many miles, and overcoming many dangers, the two finally reconnected and the man, now surrounded with hundreds of other “warriors”, took the fight to the aggressors. The climax of the film came on the day of battle – good against evil – when at last the good guys were winning. Lo and behold, when the prize was just within reach, one of the aggressors – whose position was that he’d rather no one got the woman prize – sent an arrow through the air. It found its mark and soon our great warrior was cradling his dying mate as she took her last breath.

So I sat there and thought about this for a while. And as is my habit, one thought lead to another and soon I found myself wondering what is must have been like for so many people throughout the history of mankind, to give their lives for the person they love. What sacrifice. What daring and audacity… what truer demonstration of love and giving can be made!?

I imagine these men and women must have fully understood what it means to commit ones life to that which they believe in. They must have completely appreciated the fact that in giving they receive. And they must have somehow found a way to decide – even if in that single moment of self-sacrifice – that the life of their loved one was far more important then their own.

When does the individual make that kind of choice? Does it happen before or during the moment of truth? Under what circumstances can such a perspective be realized? Is this notion a thing of the past, or does it still exist today?

It is hard to say.

There I had it… there was the dilemma of the millennium… there was the thing – the act – that would clearly define the strength of commitment one human being has towards another. There was the true measure of our lives and how we could all know a greater sense of being.

I had heard for many years a saying so many use at random. A saying we automatically take for granted and use as if it really means something. I suppose is does have a meaning however I think we ought to expand on that meaning. And I’m sure you have heard it at some point in time in your relationship – either in the present or in some distant past.

“I would die for you.”

My question is: Really…, would you really do that?

I mean, think about it, nowadays we are so caught up in thinking about ourselves we rarely think of others the way we once did. In today’s world many are professional at using words to express an ideal that once had grit, meaning, and meant something relevant. Many know all the cliché words and phrases that are “supposed” to demonstrate our love and affection for that special someone in our lives.

But how many of us KNOW who we would take a bullet for? It almost seems funny just writing this because, I must confess, there are parts of me that are still influenced by the society in which I live. To even consider this subject is surely radical thinking. And I’m sure there are those who would question why I would even have a thought like that… and that’s a good question, I might add.

In truth, it’s my humble opinion that part of a communities power and greatness lie in that communities capacity to sacrifice the individual for the whole. I think back on the many water cannons and dog attacks endured during the Civil Rights era and I can see where this ideal was understood and embraced by the community. It must have taken great strength to willingly step outside of a comfort zone in belief of something for the greater good of all, to risk bodily injury and harm – even death. Ultimately, as we all now know, this behavior caused a greater positive reaction for the overall community.

Now, please don’t get me wrong… I am not condoning any sort of violence or sacrifice, per se. I’m simply exploring this ideal to better understand how true love and strength is proven… I want to be able to qualify what the tangible proofs of an individual’s love and commitment are that can be seen in how one person acts towards another. It is from this place that I pose the questions of this dispatch.

So I allowed my thoughts to wander and soon I was putting together a list of people I would willingly die for. It was quite the exercise, I must say, because it caused me to look deep within. It caused me to question and consider all of the relationships I hold dear. And it triggered some very interesting questions and thoughts around how true I am to my word, as well as traits of my character such as integrity, truth, fearlessness, and commitment.

I thought about all the people I’ve come into contact with over the years, and all the things I’ve said around community, history, self, and love. I considered ways to quantify how important one person is to me, as compared to another. It was enough to make me sit and think for hours. It was interesting to perceive how my mind began to make assessments, to try to valuate each person I considered.

All in all the process and the exercise was quite insightful.

It would be unfair for me to provide any more of the details of specifics surrounding my choices as I think that’s the kind of conversation one would have in person. Suffice it to say, I now have a greater appreciation for those within my circle.

I can tell you that some of the thoughts that came out of my process was these: We have become softened to ideas of sacrifice for the betterment of our community because we are now more selfish than ever before. We have gotten to the point where we rather talk about things than be about things because talking requires little or no work at all. And we’ve gotten quite good at passing the buck to others with regard to how we need to own our life situations and realities because we make excuses for not making time to do the work that must be done.

Perhaps the previous summation is a bit off target for some, but I challenge you to take the time to consider what you’ve read. I ask that you allow your thoughts to flow freely, overcoming your fear of thinking outside the box, and honestly explore the points you end considering in your journey. This exercise will draw your attention to things many take for granted and it will allow you an opportunity to get to know YOU a bit better.

It may be a stretch for some but I’m counting on your intelligence and daring to take you outside of you comfort zone – outside of your box – and down the road to discovery as you consider one simple question:

Whose bullet would you take?

No. 53 - 2010 – American Wasteland

2008-12-10T11:16:00.002-08:00

Barack Obama has won the election. Peoples across the United States have rallied, using their voice, their actions and their money to demonstrate to the “powers that be” our choice to move America in a different direction – in the right direction. Young and old, poor, middle class and rich have all come to the conclusion that we are doomed if we continue the course that has nearly brought America to ruin.

Less than six months after winning an election that was fraught with deception, falsehoods, miscounts, and every other abomination one could imagine, President Obama mysteriously falls ill and can no longer serve in his capacity of President. Vice President Biden is ensnarled in a fabricated plot around bribery and unethical actions. Citizens around the country – even around the world – sit stunned by these developments, unwilling to internalize the images and information the “media” espouses around this tremendous change. Once again Americans are beat into silence by the fear mongering and disingenuous deeds of those who wish to maintain power over the masses – by those who wish to perpetuate the cycles of cheap (dare I say slave) labor, perpetual struggle, and “crimes” that are spawned from an individuals need to eat, to sleep… to live.

And then a new leadership is placed in charge… a Republican “leadership” that is firmly rooted in continuing the work of mr. bush and those who share his vision of world dominance. mcCain, or even palin will “helm the ship”, oblivious to the plight and lives of the many millions of suffering Americans.

And many Americans just sit there… ravaged and immobilized by fear and their need to enjoy some semblance of a false “normal” life…

The world as we know it is no more. Big brother watches and dictates our every move. We are OWNED by the very system that was originally created to FREE us, however now the “WE” that is owned represents Blacks, Latinos, Whites, and every other ethnic group that is not part of the established ruling elite.

We go about our daily toil mechanically, trying not to think about the hardship that has befallen us… trying not to dwell on the fact our very livelihood is controlled by some pre-engineered software program that has already mapped out our futures… trying not to acknowledge the fact that the once mighty and vibrant voice of the American people has be quieted to nothing more then a “disgruntled” whisper as we go about our lives of cheap domestic servitude.

For sure there will be those who find a way to survive – even better their lives – but they are now the minority.

Slowly, ever so slowly our conscience is raised. From deep within there comes a KNOWING that something has gone terribly wrong… and our whispered frustrations begin to shift. No more will we allow the very foundation of our humanity to be bought and sold as chattel to the one who callously wields control over our destinies. Soon, so very soon, the whispers are echoes from hither and yon… soon and very soon our voices are heard as a chorus of empowerment to realize the collective desires of our masses.

And soon, very soon, we finally understand the true meaning of the words the founders of this great country wrote in OUR Declaration Of Independence:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security

And during this time of awareness, during this time of fear and wanting, we begin to understand that the thing that unites us, the thing that sparks our will and gives us the courage to overcome the dis-information that continually floods our senses, the commonality that we all share – regardless of ethnicity or status – is our heavy hearts.

Hearts made heavy by the fact our spirits will not tolerate any more societal dysfunction and human suffering. Hearts made heavy to move us to action to safeguard our society, and to make certain a better way is delivered. Hearts that have been made heavy by all the fear, shook, machinations, hypocrisy and corruption we KNOW exist – hearts made heavy enough to move us to act.

…

Yes, you might come to realize that MY heart is heavy. My fears are real and are shared by many different peoples across this great country that is America. And you might begin to see the truth of how this could become a reality for us…

But I have to ask you something… Isn’t this all the truth of this very day?

While Senator Obama has not fallen ill, and with Senator Biden is not caught up in some political set-up… EVERYTHING else I’ve said IS true.

Everything, that is, except the part that we are willing to stand up to this tragic system to maintain our collective freedoms. On that… I am sad to say, we have fallen short, for so many are caught in the cycles of control that give power to those who benefit from our efforts.

We talk, and talk, and talk. We think about it and then we come back to talk some more.

What has been gained?

If we are to think in terms of what is right and good and beneficial to ALL Americans – regardless of ethnicity – then we ought to also be reminded of the power we all have as individuals and as community to affect the changes we all so dearly need.

One final word… The opening sentence of this dispatch is absolutely true and it is absolutely true in this very moment…

Barack Obama has won the election.

No. 52 - Awakened

2008-12-10T11:15:00.000-08:00

No greater moment in the recent history of the Black American will be witnessed and shared by so many then that which we have looked upon and listened to this past evening. No truer witness to the strength, character and integrity of the Black family can be visualized for those who have been stalled by the doubt and fear many have tried to align with the name Obama. And no conscience human being who took the time to put aside their bias and really hear Mrs. Obama speak of her love and commitment to husband, family, and country can walk away from this evening unchanged.

Pride.
Joy.
Inspiration.

Hope.

These are all the things I feel – even now – as I consider the events of this day in our modern history of Black America.

All the great humanitarians and leaders that have stood steadfast against the tidal waves of bigotry and ethnic disharmony are vindicated. Every single person who was ever wronged – or worse – must now understand that the change, and the telling of a new history that has been sought after for so long is now a simple vote away.

It occurs to me that we stand at a juncture of change and cultural identity that is a stark contradiction to the stereotypical derogatory perspective so many have tried to force us to believe. And it occurs to me that if those of us who have questioned the need for Senator Obama to become our next President could release their programmed fear and reluctance they would see a representation of the very foundation of a strong Black community – the Husband and the Wife working synergistically for the greater good of the family. Imagine that.

So what is this thing that has come over me and that, I believe, I share with so many others?

It is that common thread. That undying belief in my culture and my community to come together and do something good for all. That “knowing” deep in my gut that no matter what anyone may say about this Obama family, they do – indeed – represent the best opportunity to give so many Black Americans what has been missing - and sorely needed - for so long. And that is a demonstrated sense of love, caring, and commitment that gives everyone who has ever believed we could be and do more tangible proof that we have been right all along. It is our example to present to the world audience.

Smile, Black People, Smile.

But we should not allow ourselves to be fooled into thinking when Senator Obama is elected that will be enough... oh, no... that is only the starting point. The work that needs to be done will require each one of us to do our part to make certain the work does get done... President Obama cannot – and should not – do it all. The places where we live are OUR communities and we have an obligation to do our part to improve upon them. We have to be smart, steadfast, and committed to realizing a better life for this generation and for generations to come.

In looking at the production of the DNC this evening I saw a mother so overjoyed with pride I'm sure her soul was already experiencing Heavenly glory. I saw a brother and a sister that understood how important it was that they make it clear that while they were quite different, they were even more so, quite the same. I saw people in the crowd shedding tears of happiness in response to the authenticity and conviction that exuded from the speakers. And most importantly, I saw our Blackness standing upright in the midst of a throng of diversity and not only holding its own, but actively leading the charge toward a better tomorrow for all of us.

Am I excited? Most definitely. Am I being a bit premature? Who the hell cares. What's important is that something profound is happening to all of us who have held on to hope for so long.

I feel it in the deepest parts of me – those parts that refuse to be told how I should perceive my culture and my community. My heart pounds with energy that longs to find an escape. My senses are peaked, and every word I hear resonates. My willingness to hang in there and keep the faith is no longer in constant battle with my fear of loss or political betrayal. Indeed, I have chosen to believe in this Senator. And I know in my heart he is the right President of these United States of America.

Truth of the matter is my community has only ever benefited when a democrat was in office.

But there's another dynamic going on here that cannot be denied. I've said it before and I delightfully repeat myself: People now look at Us differently.

When a Black person speaks of doing something worthwhile and good for the community I'm seeing where people who may not have taken us seriously in the past are perking their ears and are far more warm towards us.

I want to urge every Black person who can vote to vote for Senator Obama. He is the only clear choice for uniting the country. His message of respecting and encouraging diversity while optimizing the strengths of each individual is the key. Divided WE fall, divided WE fail, and divided WE are finished. The proof is in the pudding that president bush has perpetrated against us all over the past eight years and we can ill afford anymore of it.

This notion of the first Black President will become our reality when we galvanize our communities and all vote him into office come November. We can no longer believe the media hype about division, Clinton, or any of the other nonsense arguments (and by the way, the only way to have experience as President is to have been the President... I don't recall there ever being a President McClain).

We have to start believing in ourselves enough to know that together we can create the reality we so badly need in all our communities. We can begin to address the issues that have torn our homes, families, churches, communities... our relationships asunder. And we can begin to realize a greater, better reality for ourselves as individuals.

We are Awakened.

No. 51 - Benevolent Foolery

2008-12-10T11:14:00.001-08:00

Ah yes, the sweet beauty of doing good for others... the wonderful fulfillment one experiences when giving of self for the benefit of family, community, or culture. How great, indeed, the experience of putting self aside in our quest(s) to realize a better community for all. So many have committed so much to do the work that needs doing. So many have researched the issues, studied the communities, reflected upon myriad perspectives from the many scholars and community organizers that have documented their notions on how to create a better future for us all.

But, one must ask: Are things better for us, or worse?

Perhaps we should consider an interesting scenario that plays out in so many meetings, homes, and communities. Let's consider...

Here comes “Mr. Johnny Do-Right”. He has done tremendous research; conducted interview after interview; spoken to his “inner circle” to get their blessings, and read and wrote a number of papers speaking to the needs of the community. After all his effort he's come up with what he believes is the best approach to engaging the community and to overcoming the particular problem he has an expressed interest in. He goes about conducting the work needed to make the difference he envisions.

He works night and day, forsaking social life, family, and even his own personal needs. With every passing week his belief in his effort increases, knowing full well this is the answer to the problem. He preaches and teaches, instructs and takes a daring leadership role. After months, and sometimes even years, of work... after giving so much of himself to what he believes is in the best interest of the community... after putting so much emphasis on implementing the solution he has lived and sworn by, he stops long enough to look at where things are.

And he is forced to ask himself one significant question: Are things better for us, or worse?

And when he is able to be honest in answering this question, he is forced to reconsider his every intent, his every belief, and the very effort he has put into making things better.

At his emotional core, within his deepest place of personal Spiritual sacredness, the truth shouts loudly for his acknowledgment and dares him to seeing it for what it is. It is a stark contradiction to everything he has given his life to achieve, this noble and needed cause, and it causes a renewed sense of despair to blossom within him.

He is at odds with himself. He fights a battle of competing realities hoping that somehow faith, hope, and belief in his ideals will overcome the feelings of doom, sadness, and hurt that permeates his environs. His thoughts are interwoven within the emotional battle he fights and yet his conscience is disconnected as it regards his inner battle.

In the end he is forced to decide if his actions on behalf of what he knows to be right and relevant for the betterment of his community were “good enough” to make a difference. And the difference that was made... was it the difference he had intended? Or did it end up being too little, too late, and too out of touch with the needs of the community in the present day?

In reading this you might think Mr. Do-Right might throw in the towel and find something else to do if his work and efforts were in vein. Or you might think he was ill-suited to do the work needed to realize success. Still, there are those who might take his current situation as reason to point the finger at him (and/or US) and say: “See, I told you, nobody cares about anything except themselves... better to lookout for number one...”

But as it is, Mr. Do-Right chose to take this moment of inner turmoil as an opportunity for personal growth.

There he sat, alone in his place of sanctuary, seeing for the first time that he was not as successful as he had initially believed possible. His plan, while good, was not good enough. He began to understand his actions were made in a vacuum, a silo, if you will. And he began to question this notion of doing something good for all without the benefit of including others in the formation, development, and implementation of goodwill for the community throughout the process.

Let's call this, Benevolent Foolery.

And so, lesson learned, and now more prepared to do work for the good of our community, Mr. Do-Right begins the process of recreation. He no longer wants to keep his solutions to himself. He no longer thinks only he can do the job, but has come to understand the great and profound gift of community uplifting can only be achieved when the gift is given by community to community.

And some time in his not-too-distant future he, along with other like minded individuals, delivered on the goals and dreams of creating a better community for all.

What a wonderful thing to consider! What a great and glorious picture this paints in our minds...

But wait...

Truth be told we all already know this. In fact, if we would but take a moment and consider ALL the great things our community has ever accomplished, we would begin to see they were all done by like minded individuals who understood the gravity of the situations we face, and who came together in the name of our survival, our community, and our greatness. They were able to put aside their need to have their individual ideas take center stage because they came to understand our true power rests in including EVERY good idea in the solution. And they were able to rally behind the cause of reclaiming our community because the needs of the community will ever be greater than the needs of the individual. We all know the names so I'll not begin naming them...

So today's challenge is quite simple. The decision we must make is quite clear. And the future we will experience is directly related to what we do today. (Fact is, the future of the individual and the collective community will always be linked to decisions made in the present).

We can continue to embrace the theory of Benevolent Foolery, or we can decide its time to work collaboratively to rebuild, reclaim, reaffirm, and – most importantly – redeem our community.

No. 50 - Mr., Miss, and Mrs.

2008-12-10T11:13:00.001-08:00

Over the last five to six months I've been working with youth from the inner city areas of Oakland. The projects I've been working on are both centered on using film to engage the minds and impressions of our youth, and to discover a way to “kick-start” within them a greater sense of self and community awareness. I have to tell you these “journeys” have been fraught with challenges and insights that forced me to evaluate my desire to work with these youth.

In a word: “Damn! We got problems!” (Okay, so that's more than one word).

I've been exposed to dialog and behaviors that made me do repetitive double takes; I've attempted to speak to our youth about how to create a greater sense of self and community only to be told – by our youth – that all adults can do is talk; I've sat watching one group of youth tease another until one of the youth ended up crying – all for the sake on “entertainment”.

And while these are the tangible experiences of our daily lives, we continue to be forced to live with constant reminders of crime, struggle, communities failing, increased homelessness, and so many other challenges. It's enough to make a grown man cry.

Yet there is always hope. There is always something next to do to find our way through the dis-ease and malice we are surrounded by.

Yesterday I sat with a colleague and the two of us pondered how adults can engage our youth to instill a greater sense of character, and community virtue. We watched the youth acting as though no one had every told them how to act in public, or how to engage those they meet in public without creating a sense of fear (yes, it seems our youth have now mastered the art of leveraging their mass and acting out in ways that many are intimidated by). We called some of the youth over and spoke to them in our attempt to understand how they perceived their behaviors and what an adult could do to better shape their regard for others.

While we gained some information, I was astounded by how quickly our youth are willing to act like they simply do not know what you are talking about, how I must have seen the situation a bit differently because nothing happened or was going on, or how innocent they are – even when I see and hear someone saying or doing something inappropriate with my very eyes.

At the end of the day my mind was plagued with thoughts of the ongoing continued demise of our communities. A demise brought about because so few understand their value, roles and place in the community, or the truth of how we are all interdependent upon one another to realize and sustain our greatest potential. My thoughts and emotions rode a coaster of highs and lows that took me to many different places. I entertained thoughts of yielding my fight to making a positive difference in my community, of creating a “boot camp” style environment to force our youth to see things – even if a bit more clearly.

We had a family discussion last night that helped me to better understand how we can start making a difference now. (It's always interesting to me that when I am in the throes of deep thought and searching for answers or guidance, the Universe always presents an answer that clears my path, allowing me to keep the fight going).

What's interesting is that the conversation had very little to do with the youth I've been working with in a direct sense. What came out of the conversation was a number of viewpoints that ultimately lead to the most salient observation, and that helped in firming up my final approach to addressing this matter. Specifically, I might add, addressing this matter with the youth who have not demonstrated a level of respect for or awareness of themselves and their environment.

We talked about the use of the the terms Mr., Miss, and Mrs. by children when talking to adults. One way of looking at the subject was that children have no preference at all regarding how they address adults. Another way of looking at the subject was that by using the titles youth show respect for adults because by doing so a partition between adult and child is acknowledged. Another way of looking at the subject is that it was not required because children already knew they must respect adults and the use of these titles could sometimes be used as a way to belittle the child.

...Yeah, we had a great conversation around this and were able to cover many areas that we may not have had we not been open to the discussion...

During the dialog the notion of the role of teachers, and how youth interact with them was introduced. Thoughts went from teachers, to doctors, to clergy, to others we traditionally regard as leaders. Here is where all the dots came together for me. Here is where I found the immediate answer to my question.

What came out of that discussion was a realization that in most cases our youth – those that are troubled, on the verge of heading down the wrong path,(and even that are known to be good and more into doing good) – are conditioned to refer to teachers and others in a position to teach/instruct/guide/help (you get the picture) them by title. In considering this dynamic I was able to deduce that perhaps one thing we can all start doing to begin to reinforce the notion of respect and awareness in our youth is to start requiring that they refer to adults in a more proper fashion. While this approach may not need to be applied to all, I do think it is worth while to try it just to see what kind of reaction it induces within our youth.

I reflect back on my childhood and early adulthood and am reminded of the fact I knew without question how I should act when in the presence of adults. I knew without question I could not behave in inappropriate manners when adults were around. Hell, I knew I couldn't do many things even when they weren't around, come to think of it.

But in the end, one of the things I knew more than anything else is whenever I referred to an adult as Mr., Miss, or Mrs., that adult was treated with the respect due them - without there having to be any reminders.

No. 49 - Opposite Sides... Yet Still the Same

2008-12-10T11:11:00.000-08:00

Today I sat in silence at one of my regular “time-for-me” spots because I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. As is the cause oftentimes, when one is in hot pursuit of something worthwhile, one gets to the point where one simply needs to be quiet. My time today was such and I'm now at peace. I'll share with you how this came to be...

It was while in this mode that I received a call from a dear Cousin of mine who lives on the Northern East Coast of the US. He lives in a large city and throughout our lives – regardless of the space and distance that has separated us – his life experiences and mine have always paralleled one another. We spoke for a while and then he confided in me what he was feeling.

“I'm just angry,” he said. “For no apparent reason and I can't seem to shake it. I'm feeling very frustrated at how I've been struggling and, no matter what, I can't seem to break even.” This was profound in that I had heard these very words from others here on the West Coast – and I've even said them myself, at times. I listened, trying to help him discover where these feelings were coming from. Unbeknown to him this conversation was helping me as well.

“How are things with you and the Misses?” I asked.

“Things are going well.” He said. “We both are growing... I'm beginning to understand that I too need to change if I am to have the kind of relationship I've said I wanted. So I will.”

Well, that said, I knew that wasn't the thing behind his feelings of frustration. I considered his response a bit more. I considered how I was feeling and how at the very moment I was feeling the same as he was that he would call. (Funny how life always finds a way to demonstrate to us we are never alone in what we feel or what we experience in life).

“Man, this gas is killing me. I put in seventy-three dollars worth of gas every three days just to get back and forth to work and still end up having to find creative ways to keep things going.” He said.

“Yeah, it's crazy over here as well. I drive only when I have to and sometimes that can be a challenge... I'm doing the same thing...” I replied.

That got me to thinking and, as the conversation went forward, I came to more clearly understand what was bothering him... and me.

The news we hear and watch on television these days indicate things continue to be “not-so-well” for our communities, our economy, and our country. Our leaders continue to paint a pretty picture of things while more and more of us struggle to survive the week... and for some, the day. The war is draining our society of its youth and its funds, and it continues to challenge the very ideals of what America is about. Almost everyone knows someone who has suffered a loss in the housing meltdown. Families are pushed farther and farther away from realizing their American Dream on a daily basis.

Employers are expecting more from us while we receive less from them. Those that do continue to thrive do so with the blind belief that everyone can still make it. Jobs have evaporated while the cost for rentals and homes continue to escalate. Whoa, mama! What in the world is going on here?

And while we have decided to keep our nose to the grindstone and do our all to safeguard that which we do have, we also have lost our sense of community. Neighbors are no longer neighbors... but instead people we see as we go about our daily chores. Churches continue to lose their hold and value in our communities and fewer families attend.

So sorry to sound like my cup is half-empty but I am compelled to think that in order for us to overcome the challenges we all face in the modern world, the first thing we must be able to do is see the truth of what is really going on. I should add it is not my intent to dissuade anyone from reading this dispatch, but on the contrary, my intent is to use these words to remind us where we are and what, in my opinion, we must do to weather the storm that is yet to come.

There is a growing sense of enlightenment that continues to develop momentum in just about every community. Many people are now beginning to understand how important it is that we remember there is so much more to life then that which constitutes the accumulated efforts of a single individual.

In a world... COMMUNITY. Community is now being regarded as the only true safe haven with the capacity to withstand the broken ethical, economic, spiritual, and political infrastructure that has (sadly) defined who we are as an American culture.

But let me bring this back to my cousin. Let me bring this back to me... and let me bring this back to you. For what does all this talk of community mean to the individual who knows he/she must continue his/her course in the hope of realizing the dream? And how can these observations be made more personal – to the point where we are all compelled and move to act?

As I see things, now is the time for us to remember and to know that we must put aside any selfish pursuits and decide to place greater value on doing our part to better our community. It starts with your personal relationship with that someone special in your life. Value him/her and know that your commitment to surviving to the end is the very cornerstone of every surviving community. The individual relationship must be given the highest regard because we can no longer hope, wait for, or expect things to get better.

In reflecting upon the various challenges we now face I am both frightened and saddened by how things are getting. I am bothered by how troubled our communities have become and by how many of our youth are all but forgotten. It is a problem for me that we have wholesale opted not to provide tangible proof of a strong and lasting mother/father relationship to our children.

As I consider what we face it is as though we are now facing the highest challenge to the stability of all communities – so high that its peak is somewhere lost in the clouds. Yet the very challenge we face provides the most gratifying prospects as well...

I saw as I spoke to my cousin on the opposite side of the Country that no matter the concern; no matter the challenge; no matter the sacrifices; we are different individuals yet still the same people.

The most gratifying prospect of our current life situation is that in the end -- when we are seventy years old and looking back at all we've endured -- if we choose to commit to the one that we love come hell or high water, we would have experienced a life of fulfillment and both personal and communal victory that will make us all proud to be who we are.

No. 47 - Deeper Self

2008-12-10T11:10:00.000-08:00

We go about our day ever looking towards our tomorrows. We long to interact with that special someone in the spirit of sharing and caring. We consider the myriad topics we want to discuss… to gain perspective… to seek a better shared understanding… to somehow build a closer relationship with our special somebody.

And many times we never quite get to that point. We get home tired and stressed, unwilling or unable to recall the many great thoughts that helped us through the day… that gave us reason to look towards tomorrow. We get home and all we want to do is relax… maybe tomorrow there’ll be time… maybe tomorrow that conversation will be had.

And then the time comes when we actually get there. The moment of truth arrives and we are able to share with that special person in our lives. But something seems to be missing. For sure we can talk about the weather, our day, the calls and emails from family and loved ones. For sure we can talk about paying that bill or the success we had in running some errand.

But still, something is missing.

Then we rationalize that we’re both just tired or there wasn’t enough time to really get to the heart of the matter… so we take what we can from the moment and hang on to the feelings of longing that have been compelling our need to communicate. We carry these feelings into our tomorrow and tomorrows tomorrow, hoping that somehow we’ll finally get there… we’ll finally have that meaningful and intimate discourse that – to that moment, at least – has eluded us.

It is at this time that we face a crossroad. For some it’s quite obvious and a very tangible thing, for others it comes and goes without any realization. We stand on the brink of deciding what it is that we really want… whether we will engage in intimate and meaningful discourse with our loved one… whether we will make the time to do what our spirits are pushing us to do, or whether we will continue to pay lip service to our need. For others, the choice is whether they will let their need fade into oblivion… only to look at themselves sometime in the future and ask the question: “What has happened to me?”

Looking forward can sometimes help to clear ones perspective. Looking back can do the same. But alas, what about looking at the present moment…?

As I consider what it means to me to hold a meaningful, intimate conversation, I’m drawn to the fact a key component of such a dialog is tied to the individual. How well we know ourselves is predicated by how honest we can be with ourselves, and how willing we are to acknowledge these truths individually, and share in these truths with our partner. Trust, mutual respect for one another, a kind ear, and the elimination of judgment all factor in to creating a moment in time where two people can genuinely share of themselves.

We are all so busy pursuing our goals or struggling to stay in the game we now have less time to engage in real conversation. Our jobs occupy our minds every waking hour, in some cases. We put forth so much effort to provide for our families and conduct ourselves as responsible adults that it – in many cases, sadly – gets in the way of maintaining our most valued asset… our relationship with our significant other.

So these are some of the realities we face in the modern relationship. These are some of the challenges to our success that we should recognize and learn how to overcome. But which of these is critical to starting on the journey to reclaiming a level of verbal intimacy that will sustain our relationships?

A good question, indeed... One with a response that might be different from one person to the next… One that warrants thought and consideration, and requires that we each take time to reflect upon.

For me, the answer to this question is centered on the individual and his/her willingness to have a more intimate relationship. For me, the only way to begin the journey to reclaiming a greater level of sustainable intimacy in our relationships is to start with taking the time to gain a greater understanding of ones Deeper Self. Therein lies the richness and excitement of the individual. Within each of us, should we choose to explore our Deeper Selves, we would find the intrigue and dynamic characteristics that, when shared with our loved one, will lead to vibrant discourse and ultimately, greater intimacy.

We are each in and of ourselves unique. Our journeys in life are characterized by daring challenges, excellent adventures, specific moments of personal growth, perspectives and ideal that could spark a lifetime of conversation, and the innate ability to and capacity to reinvent our individual selves. It is my belief that each of us retains the ability to choose to become our best selves at any time… and that by making the choice to be a better person, we demonstrate our capacity to grow when we choose to.

Imagine the many gems of insight and understanding we would be blessed with if we would but only open ourselves to seeing, sharing, and shaping the relationship – and the self we bring into the relationship – we now have into the relationship we have each dreamed about.

Imagine how much better we would all know ourselves if we but take time to look within and touch our Deeper Selves.

And imagine how interesting our interactions will be when we have the confidence, daring, and desire to share this Deeper Self with our loved one…

Imagine…

No. 46 - Conditional love and failure

2008-12-10T11:06:00.002-08:00

“Black women are angry! We’re angry and afraid because we don’t know if we can trust men these days. All this messing around, the down low brothers, just no respect at all…, no honesty, no integrity. We’re guarded all the time, just waiting for our men to come up with some nonsense, just waiting to find out he’s been unfaithful. I know I don’t give my man my all… I don’t want to get hurt again, not like I got hurt the last time… I just don’t know if I could tolerate that”! My colleague said, a mix of frustration, sadness and bewilderment inflected in her every word. The conversation went on longer and we shared questions and observations in our quest to understanding this very important issue.

As I listened to my colleague express her views and feelings regarding the realities of the modern male/female relationship -- and how so many women are impacted by the dysfunctions of today’s male perspective -- I gained a clearer understanding of why so many women are hard to reach at a deep emotional level, and unwilling to believe (and KNOW) the man they have is indeed a good man. (Please understand: This is not an attack but an acknowledgment). My colleague and I happened upon this conversation while breaking on a film shoot this week. I was impressed by her willingness to discuss this matter and her many questions on why things are so bad for so many.

I acknowledge the fact so many in the community have reduced their senses of loyalty, commitment, integrity, and regard for a strong, loving relationship to nothing more than self-serving rhetoric with no real understanding of what and how to commit. I have discussed this subject with a variety of different people, both men and women, and have come to see we have simply lost our focus on what is really important to maintaining a sustainable and vibrant relationship. I think back on the many senior couples that have survived together for decade after decade, and how (without either one of the pair saying a word) any observer would know these two love, respect, and care greatly for one another. I wonder if they had to deal with the same challenges we have in today’s world… alas, I think not.

While times have changed, while challenges have changed, while cultures have changed, I think the core of the individual has not changed. I would even venture to say it can not change. I say this because we are beings who react to our surroundings and the way in which we regard them. We have an ingrained sense of self-preservation that kicks in each time we feel threatened. Our minds go into analytical overdrive when we are faced with a situation or circumstance we perceive as counter to our desired reality. We surround ourselves with an impenetrable emotional barrier each and every time we feel a challenge is made to how we have come to express our individuality. We rationalize there’s only one way to regard the situation – my way – and anyone who challenges me is wrong. They are then cut off and placed in the “do not touch” bucket.

If an individual is not emotionally/spiritually/intelligently free of their past hardships, if the individual carries the mantle of past misdeeds and experiences into present day, then they will continue to live in the past. This is a past that holds greater power over the present – even more so than the present moment itself. How many continue to allow past bad experiences to cloud their judgment, causing them to react in ways that are counterproductive to building a strong and lasting relationship?

For sure there is that group of men that women run into from time-to-time who are clueless and not worthy of the effort required to have a loving, thriving relationship. When a woman begins to get to know them she soon to discovers they are not quite ready to live without adult supervision, much less develop a relationship with. These are the men mature women steer away from.

But that’s only one side of the coin. What about all the men out there who long for a lasting and committed relationship, who come into a new relationship ready for something far more than what they have come from, but who end up having to deal with the ghosts of past events in their present relationship, that are not their doing? What is the impact on these men? And what can be done to prevent the – sometimes subtle but most times loud and surprising – impact these negative harmonics have in the relationship?

I’m reminded of something I read in the book: In the Meantime written by Iyanla Vanzant. The very preface of this book encapsulates part of this discussion. It talks about perceptions, expectations, self-love and conditional love. It helps the reader (male and female, I should stress) better understand how important it is to recognize real love when it appears. It challenges and guides the reader to acknowledge their role in giving and receive a truer, more fulfilling love. Unconditional love. The kind of love that gives fully for the purpose of giving, and accepts the individual for whom he/she is – without a detailed line item inventory of what they ought to have or should be like. It is the kind of love that says we are here and in this together and regardless of what we might ever face, we will face it together.

Men need to know their women believe in them. They need to know they are respected, appreciated, admired, and supported by their partner. They need to feel they are not alone in their efforts to build a life and future for themselves and their loved ones. They need to know they will not be “penalized” when things don’t go well or because they happen to say or do something that reminds their partner of something from the past. And they need to be acknowledged for who they are and what they have/will accomplish in life without having to defend themselves or their life situation to their partner. And it would be good if this acknowledgment would come before the prize is won, not after, because men need to know their women are right there with them from the beginning.

My colleague has shed light on some of the real concerns held by many of her sisters and I respect that. She did well in opening my mind to this dialog and I appreciate her for that. Our community continues to grapple with overcoming years of hurt, betrayal, fear, manipulation, etc., and we are all forced to deal with the consequences of these acts. Women and Men alike stand scratching their heads in an attempt to discover how we can develop and maintain a healthy, happy and harmonious relationship. Many come to the table with a smile on their face and a pocket full of past hurts just waiting to explode, and that are guaranteed to corrupt the delicate relationship that could be. Instead of putting aside our pre-thought-out, pre-judged, pre-happiness notions of what it means to have a lasting relationship many rather puff their chests out and brag on how the relationship didn’t work because that other party didn’t meet their needs/expectations.

And Love… what of that?

Well, it’s my belief that anytime our love for a person is directly linked to whether that person can meet our needs, or some present expectation, then we’re not serious about doing the work to get the very thing we want. We’re only giving the notion of happiness and love a little thought and a lot of rhetoric.

You see, the only way to GET the love you want is to GIVE that love to your partner. Life and love is not a game of bargains because we hurt ourselves when we fail to give what is required to get what we desire. There is no game-master to dole out happiness to all who say they want it. The Universe gives that which we ask for when we do our parts in securing it.

Conditional love and failure are joined at the hip.

No. 45 - A Son Cries Silently

2008-12-10T11:06:00.001-08:00

He goes about his day pumped with bravado and hormones. He is first to acknowledge his coming of age… to represent his coming into manhood. He is first to brush his fingers proudly across his newly appeared mustache… first to let you know he can’t wait ‘til he gets his first car because that’s gonna be it for him. And you look at him, standing there -- all of 14 years old, and you try to figure out how his views of self and the world has shifted so quickly.

You’ve put so much of your time into helping him to grow to this point yet for some reason unknown to you there’s a palpable wall of resistance between you. You tell him that you’re only doing what’s best for him and you want him to become the best person he can. He looks at you… “I got this, all that can wait, I know what I’m doing”, he says, “Just let me handle this”. And then he goes into a discussion around why he thinks it’s okay to play video games all day, or why there’s always a good reason to be late for class.

You look at him wondering whom in the world this young human male is. For sure, this isn’t the same child you gave birth to. Your mind races as you ponder when was it that he fell and bumped his head… and how many more bumps on his head will it take for him to come to his senses.

This scene plays out everywhere as Mothers and Sons are coming to terms with their changing relationship during the Sons journey through puberty. For him everyday is a day of newfound discovery. It is a time of competing inner needs – the need to be comforted and nurtured by the Mother that has always been there for him, and the need to break away from the nest to boldly stare into the face of manhood. The Mother, immersed in her historic approach to caring for this beloved child, surveys the situation with a profound perplexity that challenges her very memories of “the way things used to be”.

Who is this child? What is going on within him that causes such a hysterical shift in the stable interaction that once was?

It is a question well worth asking because is smacks at the very core of the issue. It requires a detailed examination of all the variables that make up the world and realities of our youth. Most importantly, if cause us to wonder what role a Father might have played in helping this boy child become a Man.

Sometimes, as I talk to youth to better understand how they view and experience the world they (we all) live in, I can see in their eyes a certain disconnect. I can pick up in their voices a certain longing – a certain neediness – for something they themselves cannot comprehend. And well they should not. After all, how can one expect a young child to understand what he is missing when he has had very little – or no – real expose to that which he is in need of.

It is interesting to me to hear so many of our male youth talk about their need for real leadership. Many have been brave enough to openly acknowledge they want to feel hope in their lives. Many have lived most of their lives without the benefit of a loving and caring Father and have come to perceive the role of the Father as being absent in the lives of his children. And so, years of thinking these divisive thought pass and, with each passing year, the divide increases. Sooner or later he can no longer see the other side of the chasm, the young boy only feels a faint itching of awareness that somewhere out there is a Father who should be, but isn’t in his life.

So he becomes, in his mind, the Man he has come to understand he needs to be. He takes on the mantle of manliness and steps up to the plate. He puts all of his boyish wishes aside. He buries his every hope and longing to have that Father – his Father – in his life. He cuts his hurt, anger, frustration, fear, and sadness around the matter away from his emotional core. And he stands there, now embracing this new self, a front of confidence, wisdom, and determination, as he battles the hurt that darkens his inner being.

In the loneliness of his room, in the darkness of night, during times of physical hurt, A Son Cries Silently.

We try to understand what happens in the minds of our young men as they struggle to cope with the losses in their lives for, yes, – ‘tis true – the absence of a Father in the lives of our young men is indeed a loss. We try to make sense of their understanding of the changes that occur as they reach yearningly towards adulthood – the pitfalls of life subtly, maliciously licking at their feet. We try to rationalize an understanding of their experience but are stymied by our forgotten memories of our own youth.

Mothers, a heart filled with care and nurturing, do their all to meet the needs of our young men. They struggle to cope with the burgeoning male figure that rages within our young men, wanting to find the path to manhood.

Fathers are needed.

Fathers are vital at this juncture in growth and development because they must lead our young men into manhood. They must help our youth understand the challenges, temptations, pitfalls, values and responsibilities that come with being a Man.

It would be so easy to allow our communities to continue along the path we have embarked upon… so easy to sit by in idle observation as our young men run hither and yon in their quest to find their way. And it would be so easy for Men to scratch our heads in wonderment or point the finger at the Mothers of our future men…

But one must look at the scales that measure what we now have and what we can have. One must take the time to look at our Sons in a new light... a light that inspires us to know that when A Son Cries Silently… he will not cry alone.

No. 44 - Where is the Little Girl Now?

2008-12-10T11:05:00.001-08:00

Forty years ago she was born to a loving mother and father. Her birth signaled a celebration of life. It represented the manifestation of love and togetherness when two consenting adults join together in intimacy, and agree to live and love forever… “until death do us part”, as it is said. The room was filled with relief, great joy, and a chorus of well-wishers from times long gone… the ancestors rejoiced.

As she developed she was inspired to believe in all that is good and gentle and kind and giving in the world. Her innocence was complete, and she stared in wonderment at the butterflies as they softly floated upon the warm air. With a cheerful giggle she would skip happily after each beautiful insect in hopes of capturing it… if only for a moment to peer at its magnificent beauty. Her heart was filled to bursting, always willing to see the goodness in those she encountered.

But then things changed. Somehow those who were given to guide her to adulthood strayed the course and lost sight of their agreement. They got caught up in their own desire and self-interests. They reasoned things would be fine, even if/when they parted, for their love for this little girl was unmatched. And so, as the story has gone countless times in our recent history, the two parted ways. And while their goal was to share equally in the upbringing and nurturing of their innocent Little Girl, life made this impossible.

Years went by and the Little Girl had grown into a young lady. Her views of the world had become colored with feelings of hurt, pain, sacrifice, hardship, and feelings of betrayal that she was not quite aware of. The giggles that had once floated upon the air and made even the birds sing in joyous response could be heard no more. The once inviting Little Girl was hardening to a life of realities she could never have imagined. And while her parents tried to consistently give her that which she needed they were unable to do so, life having caught them in its torrents.

Now she’s a young adult, anxious to be free of the constraints and hardships that have characterized her life for as long as she could remember. The memories of her innocence are lost to her as she is now hardened against the threats of the day. The connection that was once so dear to her is long gone, a distant echo in the halls of time, and - oh so - far out of reach.

She goes about creating a life for herself with the intellectual tools she’s developed, only to meet with frustration, betrayal, and more hardship. The men she allows into her sacred trust are but physical replicas of a grown man’s build, but possess the emotional development and caring of a nine year old. So few… the good men, so rare the caring, nurturing type. So difficult to find the key that will unlock her closed heart and help her to recall the abundant joy of the Little Girl she once was.

Later in life she gets married, hoping to build a sustainable life with the one man who has come “close enough” to what she thinks she needs. Things go well … for a time … and then they don’t. Questions arise regarding behaviors and tendencies that seem unusual or irrational. Words of confusion, disdain, anger, even contempt past between the two. Faith, trust, the spirit of working together (while meager and uninformed in the beginning) are now ghosts. There is nothing left to hold onto.

She stands in the door one evening, tears running down her face as she watches his back. The few belongings he could grab are hastily thrust into the car, and he is off. She stands there, not knowing what to do next, not knowing where to turn next, not knowing how to empower herself to move beyond this moment. Yet she does.

She is forty now. Her mind is set regarding men, life, relationships. She lives alone. Never had any children – she had decided long ago she never wanted any. She has lost all connection to her family and is content with that. The muscles that formed the smile that once shown brighter than the sunlight are weakened, tending only to frown.

Many a night she lies in bed struggling to keep the tears at bay.

She has occupied her mind with her job, the local news, the few friends she still maintains. Her place is well kept, neat and orderly. Her bills are paid and she lives with all the trappings of success. She looks from her balcony at the lives that past beneath her, oblivious to their stories, only wondering where they are going.

One night she has a dream. A dream so profound and impactful she jerks awake, tears running down her cheek. She sits there, knees clutched against her breasts, shaking herself for comfort, trying to sort things out. Minutes past by yet the tears do not stop. “What is going on?” she wonders… and the tears keep falling.

She gets up and goes to her balcony in these, the wee hours of the morning. The tears have finally ended even as her Spirit is now stirring into awareness.

And then the dream comes clear into her mind.

She saw an innocent Little Girl, a life filled with happiness and wonderment, standing in the midst of a beautiful butterfly field. Skipping and humming as they do, the Little Girl enjoyed a completeness so many have forgotten. But then the Little Girl stops and looks ahead, her eyes widening, as she can no longer move. Two hands grab her and shake her furiously, scattering the butterflies and flowers. She tries to scream but finds she cannot… no words escape her lips. And when the shaking stops she finds herself lost in a barren and unforgiving land, nothing as it once was. Every step she takes is fraught with danger and unknowing, and soon she wanders about in utter dismay, clothes tattered, head bent, a tremendous longing for the security and comforts of the past. The Little Girl stops and looks up.

And the lady who was dreaming sees her reflection mirrored back.

And she begins to cry again.

Post Script:
I am writing this one because I believe we are hurting our children in ways that can impact them for the rest of their lives, and we all need to think about that, talk about that, and then do something about that.

Also, the next time a man gets upset at a woman for acting in ways that seem strange to him, he should ask himself a question: Where is the Little Girl Now?

The answer will be: Right in front of you.

No. 43 - Willie Lynches Intimacy

2008-12-10T11:04:00.000-08:00

There is a story many have heard about a slave-breaker of old named Willie Lynch. According to the story (and his writings) around 1712 he was an expert at breaking the will and strength of Blacks that resisted the slave-mentality-orientation. His work and understanding of the process was so keen he prophesied that, using his tactics, there would be no need to worry about the strength of Blacks in future generations because they would fall victim to his techniques, and soon instigate the techniques on one another – keeping their very sense of strength, community, and individual growth at bay.

Almost three hundred years later, here in 2008, the question has to be asked: Was he right?

Each of us has had experiences within our community and with our fellow men (or women) that have been added to our catalog of thoughts and cultural memories. Each of us has been taught how to “be” within the context of relationships. And each of us has had experiences that have shaped the way we regard one another. I imagine these experiences/events/observations have added to our sense of perception around fellow Blacks, and have caused us to behave one way or another.

In considering the Willie Lynch writings I am compelled to believe he did indeed have a technique for effectively developing fear, mistrust, and even hatred within the Black slave community – not against the slave owner but, sadly, against the fellow slave. Even to the point where we are still – in the present day – attempting to grapple with some the residual adverse harmonics of a ruined sense of intimacy. Alas, the intimacy that made the African a great and thriving powerhouse was corrupted. The sanctity of the love and respect we held dear, and that was central to the success of our communities in years gone by, has eroded, and we are forced to struggle in our quest for a common and consistent level of intimacy between man and woman.

As I go about my business of engaging this world I live in I have taken a great interest in watching people as they go about their daily lives. I enjoy sitting at parks or elsewhere, a mere spectator, and taking in the interactions of others. While there is a lot of goodness and positive energy in our community, I fear we are facing an onslaught of greater sadness and negative energy. And I believe we must all start overcoming our individual biases, fears, and/or ideologies that have played into the goals to the Willie Lynch doctrine. Given the challenges and temperament of today’s world we have so much more to gain by addressing this then we do by staying the present course.

But what, specifically, am I talking about? It’s a very good question that deserves a clear and concise answer.

Intimacy is based upon an unwavering trust and faith in one’s partner. It requires a willingness to be understanding, to grow in ways we may not have ever imagined – or have previously determined we would not (in some cases), to be a friend without judgment or debasement, and to possess a genuine desire to open oneself to giving and receiving.

Wow..! That says a lot and, in truth, it requires a lot. All too often we go about the business of having a relationship without the benefit of true intimacy because we have allowed our circumstances to stifle the closeness that waits impatiently within us. Too many couples are grappling with their own desires to be right over an issue that only serves to divide the two, thereby weakening an otherwise stable foundation. And, in some cases, too many individuals would rather hold fast to their past experiences, applying those “lessons” in the present relationship, when there is no need to do so.

Many suffer from a kind of disassociated “shadow intimacy” without the real benefit of caring and sharing that comes from giving and receiving with openness. Some have forgotten how good it feels to give that part of self in a relationship. And still others have decided, out of a desire to “protect” themselves, to lock their ability to share in intimacy within the confines of their emotional fortress.

And what, can we imagine, is the outcome of such acts?

It would be easy to go into the various side-effects of these choices however I choose not to because I believe there is a greater perspective we should consider… one that overshadows the negative on every front, and one that leaves us with a greater willingness to move forward… and not remain stagnant.

We are a culture that requires interaction with those we allow in our lives. Our DNA is complete only when such is the case, and we have that special someone in our lives that we can share ourselves with. It is my belief that every good person deserves to share the abundant joys (and challenges) that await him or her while journeying upon the road of life, with their special someone.

The legacy of Willie Lynches Intimacy is a real thing in the Black community. We struggle to find common ground and shared joy on a daily bases at times, and we have a common longing for greater closeness in our relationships.

Yet we are not ever defeated. Within us remains the strength and wisdom to overcome the historic “programming” of how we should regard one another. And within us rests a power equal to all the great things we have overcome throughout history both individually and collectively. This power awaits our call to act on behalf of what is righteous and needed for our community…

Greater Intimacy.

No. 41 - We Think in Memories

2008-12-10T11:03:00.001-08:00

One has to admit there is a mystery we all must acknowledge when it comes to our thoughts and how they impact us. Scientists, psychologists, psychiatrist and myriad others have done so much work in an attempt to understand how the mind works, and how we are influenced our minds. Yet still many are confounded by how our thoughts control – even dictate - so much of who we are.

So I wanted to spend a bit of time thinking of thinking… yes, I said that right… thinking of thinking… just to “see” where my thoughts would lead me. It was a marvelous treat, indeed, to have this experience as I sat upon my balcony in contemplation.

Here’s something to consider: Take just a moment and go back to your fondest memory. Go back to that special memory that always brings a smile to your face and that has consistently delivered you from sadness, worry or despair… the one that might be shared by you alone or by you and someone near and dear to you. As you bring this memory to the forefront of your conscientiousness allow yourself to recall the emotions that are associated with the memory. Remember the laughter, the joy, the bliss, the erotic intimacy, the excitement, or whatever it is about this memory that makes it meaningful and relevant in your life.

In conducting this exercise you have just confirmed the very title of this dispatch. You have demonstrated in a very real way how thinking is based upon our memories and these memories are recollections of our past experiences that continue to resonate within us. And with these memories come the recollection of the great emotions that were experienced when these memories originated. One other thing has occurred in this exercise that we should pay more attention to because it is of the greatest value to us as individuals experiencing life: by recalling this great memory we are each able to influence our mood in a very direct and tangible way.

It is amazing to me to know how one can so easily bring about a strong emotional change simply by calling to mind a past memory. It is of monumental consequence that we have that level of control over our very experiences in life at any given time. It is so very comforting to know I have direct control over my emotional well-being.

Now let’s take this theme a bit further… into the future, if you please…

Imagine what would happen if we could each control the frequency of creation of our more happy and inviting memories. Imagine how we could shape a greater sense of self-harmony if we would but choose to find reason to smile at every challenge we face. And imagine how good we would feel at all times if we could harness the power of good memories and make it our daily goal to find reason to smile. We all can… we all just did.

It is my opinion that we are each responsible for creating meaningful and lasting positive memories from which to draw comfort and inspiration in our times of need. I have long felt it the duty and responsibility of parents to create lasting good memories for our children. And my experiences have taught me the only thing no one can ever take away from an individual is his/her memories. It is based upon these perspectives that I’ve been able to laugh when there was reason to cry… to stay my course when everyone has said to change paths… and to stay focused on my goals when so many distractions have been thrown in my path.

So as I continue to gain ground on achieving my most immediate goals I am compelled by the many great memories I hold dear to always find reason to smile and to always know there is reason to give thanks. It is a way of thinking that has proven to be a key contributor to how I go about approaching everyone I meet. And knowing that I have the capacity to create great memories every step of the way encourages me to investigate every challenge I face for the hidden jewels I know are hidden therein.

One other thing we can consider is the role our memories play in shaping how we regard and experience one another. From the perspective of the community we are collectively enjoying fewer opportunities to create and appreciate great memories. Therefore, we have fewer reasons to associate great memories with coming together to experience one another. We have come to accept our broken sense of connectedness and community as the norm. And as we tackle the challenges of life we have less time with each passing year to come together as we did many years ago.

But what would happen if we were to actively choose to come together in celebration of our families, communities, and cultures? What kind of impact would this have on our society?

Well, we would restore a greater sense of community Spirit and individual recognition. We would begin to connect on a deeper level to our Brothers and Sisters who are our neighbors. We would start the process of creating more enriching, meaningful, and valued memories with everyone we share ourselves with.

And when we are facing the many challenges that continue to plague our communities we would have a greater number of wonderfully delightful thoughts to keep us company because we will know there is always reason to smile.

No. 40 - Why he did what he did…

2008-12-10T11:02:00.001-08:00

I was sharing in conversation with my special lady, and as we talked the conversation took us down an intriguing path. We went from talking about jobs, to asking about co-workers, to the happenings at the office. It was there that the subject of this article was seeded in my mind. When we got to the point where we talked about the happenings at work, I learned that a group of lady friends had gotten together to chat, and they ended up talking about men - imagine that.

What’s more, I was told, during the conversation it was held as a prevailing feeling with many women that most (if not all) men cheat.

Oh, do we, I thought. That would include all the Men I know who understand what it means to commit and who have been faithful to their mates from day one. In truth, most guys would take offense to learning that - at least - some women regard men as such. But I like to think about things in a more comprehensive way… so I asked myself, why do the men I am aware of that cheat on their women do so?

So let’s examine that question… let’s pursue it and see what gems of possibility will be uncovered as we take the journey to greater insight.

It has been my observation that most men that cheat have a common theme of holding little, no, or a distorted regard for women. They have a certain “smugness” about how they demand to be treated and, when their demands go unmet, they find reason to go out and cheat.

How easy it would be if the answer to the question were so simple. Alas, I must admit… it is not the case – there’s something more, something deeper to consider.

The act of cheating can be broken down to an act of deliberate betrayal by one person on another, and it is a violation of a sacred trust and commitment to remain true to the person one has committed to. If we look at it from that angle then the question becomes what causes a Man – a Man in his fullness, I should stress – to betray the one he has avowed himself to? … And how is it that a Man can get to the point where he can so readily compromise his integrity and virtue, risking the loss of the very things he “loves” – his wife, family, home, peace?

I believe a Man in his fullness understands and values his commitments and knows how to overcome the temptations that so frequently tease at us. I believe a Man is the embodiment of every word that is expressed out of his mouth, and the action (or actions) he takes to represent or manifest his word. In other words, our reputation is established by how well we say what we mean, mean what we say, and do what we say we will do. It is that reputation - and our actions - that cause people in our lives to believe what we say and to form their opinion around men and fidelity.

If this interpretation of what it means to be a Man rings true for you, then the obvious conclusion we must draw is that men who cheat do not meet the criteria for what we understand it means to be a Man.

This is good news, in truth, because now we can approach the question in a way that can help in easily determining how to resolve it. You see, we are an ever-changing, ever-growing people, constantly in a state of flux. We are quite capable of accomplishing any and every goal we set. And we have the innate potential to grow towards something greater.

Keep in mind I us the word “we” because I am a Man and when considering this subject I must acknowledge I am part of the whole.

My thinking is that while there are so many adult males in our community, nowadays we are inundated with messages and stories that cause us to believe there are only a few good Men out there. Many are challenged to believe they (good Men) exist in greater numbers than what we might have been led to think.

And for the men who have fallen victim to temptation again and again, the challenge is to find a way to look within and value the prospect of personal development. Many have become complacent in their regard for the values that have sustained us throughout all of our social challenges. Many have allowed the many diverse distractions that challenge us all on a daily basis to undermine our sense of growth and development.

In considering how a woman might feel if she believes that all men cheat, I can imagine that living day-to-day with the haunting thought of the Man she loves cheating on her would wreak havoc on an otherwise peaceful experience. It could create an overwhelming sense of fear and distrust when engaging in relations, which could become a major challenge to maintaining her relationship. It could cause arguments and other frustrations in a relationship when there is only a perceived notion that there is infidelity in relationship. It is no wonder there is such distrust, mistrust, disharmony, and loneliness in the world.

I think the key to overcoming the notion held by some women that all men cheat is for men and women to engage in meaningful dialog around individual observations and perceptions to gain better understanding. I think Mothers and Fathers ought to become more cognizant of the mental perceptions held by their children and do their part in guiding these valued youth toward a healthier regard for one another. And I think it would be quite nice to see couples that might be grappling with such fears gain a better understanding of - and the ability to - work through the issues together.

I think the community as a whole would benefit from such a combined effort in gaining insight into why he did what he did…

No. 39 - On Making Miracles

2008-12-10T11:01:00.000-08:00

She sits there on the corner of Jackson and 14th in Oakland, offering to sell her wares to all who pass, and anyone who would glance her way. “Flea Market, flea market!” she calls out. “I got something you need.” You’ve heard the story before… some senior citizen who happens to live in your neighborhood and refuses to give up on the struggle to survive. Whether male or female, this valued neighbor exists as a reminder to all of how hard times can force even the most worthy of us to go out in faith, hoping their needs will be met – somehow, someway.

I call her Grandma – affectionately and respectfully. My natural Grandmother is no longer with me yet her Spirit exists nonetheless, its semblance made clear in the Grandmother to which I’m speaking. I am reminded to respect this kind Old Lady who walks the streets of my neighborhood.

We greet one another with a sense of familiarity and caring. I see her inventory of goods has increased since we last crossed paths. I approach her and respectfully slip her a bill. She looks at it and beams. “How’s business?” I ask. “Things been slow today… been real slow.” was her reply. “Well you take that and put it in a safe place…” I told her. She takes the bill from my hand and looks around cautiously, and then quickly stashes the money in a safe place.

“You have a nice day, Grandma… I’ll see you again soon.” I said as I walked away. “Okay… Grandma be right here.” she replied.

Heading down the street I reflect on the exchange and allow my thoughts to wander. What was it that drew me to this dear Old Lady who takes life head-on each day to make a living for herself? What stories could she share that could lead to a better life for others? And what of her family… where were they, where was she from, how come there seems to be no one close to care for her?

These thoughts lead me to thinking of how it must be to get up each day and face so many unknowns. They remind me of the daring, courage, will power, and faith it takes to have no one but the community one lives in to support oneself. I thought on this, as I frequently do, because I wanted to allow the thoughts to flow into some gem of revelation that might help me in my journey.

And so the gem of knowledge was made manifest…

Faith. The firm belief in something for which there is no proof… The intangible motivator for every great deed ever accomplished… The knowledge that a given need will be met when there is no logical reason to believe it will. Faith.

I imagine Grandma has a level of faith many can never imagine. There she goes, day-to-day, ever confident in her knowledge that her needs will be met and her goals will be attained. It is a testament to the value and lessons we can all learn from those who have gone before us, and who continue to demonstrate in very tangible ways the value and strength of ones beliefs.

Going back to the many lessons I’ve learned and the Biblical stories that still mesmerize so most of us, I’m reminded of the many miracles that so many experienced… and continue to experience to this day. I recall stories of the numerous prayers and how when one person - or another - was experiencing their greatest need some unexpected thing occurred and, lo and behold, their greatest need was met, or they were delivered to safety.

I can only imagine how Grandma prays fervently on a daily bases that her needs are met. I’m sure she prays for some act of kindness and relief from her daily challenges, and the strength to make it through another day.

For whatever reason I am drawn to this kind Old Lady. I have made it my point and goal to remember her in my prayers and to demonstrate my interest in her well being by putting my money where my mouth is. I have yielded to the Spirit as it moves within me and have answered its call to do what I can for this respected Senior Citizen.

I do not consider myself special or called to do anything more then that which I am called to do. I care about my community and the many wonderful people that live around me. I try to live my life according to the words I speak, and as a demonstration to all who observe.

So where does this lead and what conclusion may be drawn?

Quite simply I have come to understand that all too often we fail to see and appreciate the very answers to our prayers, or the miracles that come our way. All too often we are so concerned with what we don’t have or what we wish we had that we cannot recognize and appreciate that which we do have.

On Making Miracles, well, that’s the easy one…

You see, I believe that if we would but open our hearts a little, if we are willing to take time to respond to our calling - just enough to give something to someone with an obvious and genuine need - we open ourselves to be the deliverer of the Miracle that answers someone’s fervent prayer for help.

No. 38 - The Politician and the Preacher (Part 2)

2008-12-10T10:59:00.000-08:00

I took the time to watch Senator Obama as he addressed the Country today regarding matters of ethnic disparity in America. For the last couple weeks there has been a raging storm around statements made on all sides around ethnicity. These statements have driven home the reality that there is a line that is still present in our society that separates one ethnicity from the other. The speech lasted 30 minutes and I was most impressed with him statements. He gets it.

I stopped to consider his words in my attempt to gauge his awareness of the issues that impact the Black community. Not only did he make clear his profound understanding of how we in America have reached the tipping point around addressing ethnic inequality in the Black community, he also did a splendid job in pointing out the impact ethnic preference and inequality has had on all Americans. He has remained consistent in his desire, will, and goal of helping us all to realize a greater America by overcoming our individual and collective biases.

My senses are sizzling. My emotions are peaked. My Spirit is working feverishly to escape the confines of my body in celebration of his clarification of the facts.

I must take some time to further internalize his message as I compare it to that of my own.

He gave Rev. Wright the respect he – and his Church – deserved. He spoke of the many good things the Reverend and the Church has done for our community. He spoke of his strong kinship to the Reverend and of how he cannot – and will not – disassociate himself from the Good Reverend. And he spoke of how we, as Black Americans, have been dealing with the anger, pain, and hurt of ethnic disharmony and biases since the inception of America.

Go Obama, go!

I must say it is a most humbling experience to know that Senator Obama does, indeed, understand the depths of our struggles and the tragic role racism (and I’ll use that word this one last time) has had on the American psychology.

We are living in an age where everything is possible and we have the power, via our vote, to finally take the next step towards realizing a greater existence for all American. To be alive during this time in American history, to see more and more of us rise up against the barriers to equality that ethnic divisiveness has imposed, to feel the power of the truth resonating throughout the community – it is all magnificent.

This will be a short one - I think I’ll spend some time enjoying this ecstasy that has overcome me - but I would like to encourage you to take 30 minutes of your time to hear and see for yourself. It will be time well spent and it will remind you of a greater calling that we can embrace and take a leadership role in defining a greater America. The link to the YouTube broadcast is here: http://my.barackobama.com/hisownwords

We are now called to make this history OUR history. We now have every reason to believe there is hope and we do have a true voice in American politics. We are called to demonstrate to the world that we are a people who can – and DO – support our Country, our Churches, our Communities, and our Right leaders.

It is my fervent prayer and hope that we all get the word out and rally our Brothers and Sisters around Senator Obama. We must become the shield that protects him from those who have tried everything short of murder to ruin his image and keep us divided.

And we must believe that, indeed, Yes We Can.

No. 37 - The Politician and the Preacher

2008-12-10T10:58:00.000-08:00

You may have guessed by now that I am a staunch supporter of Senator Barack Obama for President of the United States. You may have sensed I’m committed to doing my part to help him get into the White House. While these perceptions are true I am compelled to say while I do support the Good Senator, I am not blind in my support. After all, my allegiance is to my community and I call it like I see it. I respect you and I respect myself far too much to operate in any other way.

Recently the Good Senator has gotten caught up in a political move that, in my humble opinion, he should rethink. I listened to some of the verbiage spoken from the pulpit of his home church, and by his Pastor – the Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr. - and I have to tell you the Reverend spoke the truth. I did not hear anything inflammatory – other than the truth – that would require Senator Obama to step away from his long-time Pastor. I did not perceive any attack on Hillary.

I share in the sentiment that the United States is indeed headed down the wrong path because of the bush politics of pompous ideology and division. I know first hand that ethnic discrimination is alive and well in America, and that many people who have been blessed with a more fortunate life do not – and can not – fully appreciate the life and times of the common Black Man.

So what if the Good Reverend spoke truth to power. So what if some folk who would otherwise feel good about all the “great things” they’ve done for Black Americans are made to feel uncomfortable. So what if statements were made to illuminate a part of American reality that STILL exists. The fact this Reverend was willing to speak on the differences between the white experience and the Black in an effort to make clear Senator Obama’s reality ought to be embraced and applauded.

Stepping away from the Good Reverend simply for speaking the truth does not bode well for Senator Obama. It demonstrates his unwillingness to fully embrace a reality that is common to many, yet genuinely cared for by only a few “politicians”. It is a sad testament to how quickly one can become immersed in then political engine. Of course there are many well meaning and committed politicians… but we must be able to address the realities of a situation before we can effectively overcome said situation.

The absolute good news is we now have an opportunity to make Barack see this reality – or lose our complete support. If the Good Senator chooses to sidestep our concerns for the sake of political gain he is NO better than any other politician and we ought to fear him. Our very livelihood is at stake and if he is unwilling to acknowledge the stark contrast between how we are regarded as compared to how others are regarded then we are wasting our time voting for him, or believing in him. Hope is always delivered in the company of Truth.

America is divided along many different lines. Ethnicity is one that has been prominent since its inception. It was here when we were stolen from our ancestral homes; it was here when our families were torn asunder and we were forced to share our plates with swine during slavery; it was here when they hosed down our youth and threw our leaders into jail during the civil rights movement; and it is still here today in the vast number of Blacks who live in poverty, who are put into prison at rates far exceeding every other ethnicity, and who are finding it harder every passing day to do something as simple as getting food to eat.

This action between the Politician and the Preacher must be used to galvanize the Black faith community across the Country to reach into the every community and bring us all together in a United front, causing Senator Obama to reconsider his action… or step to the side while we chose another candidate. I, for one, do not want anyone in office that does not recognize our truth or acknowledge the systematic oppression of our communities.

I will fully support a movement with faith communities across the country and around the world to give Senator Obama an opportunity to reassess and CORRECT his decision to distance himself from the Church. If this movement becomes real, and Senator Obama refuses to change his commitment to our reality, then we need to figure out if Clinton or McCain will serve our interests, and put our effort into making them President.

This is not the time for a long-winded political response from Senator Obama… it is time for Barack to step up to our table and decide HIS political future because WE are the reason he has gotten so far… no one else. We can no longer afford to be afraid to step to the plate because there is no more food on the table… we are starving for leadership. We can no longer afford to believe we must accept ANY candidate for any other reason than they are going to work for us to make our lives better, and to neutralize the injustices made against us.

We are facing a future fraught with peril and uncertainty. We are facing an economy that is falling to the way side and no one knows what is to happen next. We are made to create lemonade from lemons daily while others are making money hand over fist or rationing out our water. The government has not demonstrated a genuine interest in serving the needs of Blacks at a scale necessary to rebuild our lost communities.

And therein lies the heart of the matter. Therein we have the reason why we must respond to this attack on our faith community with all due speed. Therein we see the impetus to act, and the abundant value of one simple truth:

No one will step to the plate to represent our will to have our needs met if WE are unwilling to do so ourselves.

No. 35 - Let Them Hear You Speak

2008-12-10T10:57:00.000-08:00

I have believed in US (Black Men and Women), it seems forever. As someone committed to uplifting the community, life has required that I first look within myself to be able to see my barriers. Not just to see them, I should add, but to see them so I can overcome them. To say this past week has been phenomenal would not do it justice. Sometimes we are blessed with the knowledge that we are solidly on our paths and we then know, without question, we will be successful. For me, after all the terrain I’ve traversed this week, there were three distinct events that have given me this clarity.

I shall name them in chronological order.

I spent over three hours in a Men’s meeting where we invited youth to come and help us understand their world and how we can better serve their needs. In this meeting we heard from all sides – Black males from age 14 – 67 – because we want to know what is missing in their lives. All the older men were passionate and caring, wanting to know what to do. All the youth were adamant that they needed us to step up and walk their road with them – they needed our leadership. I sat and watched, taking in what was said and how things were received. As soon as all sides started talking about Fathers and Sons the room errupted into energetic life. So I saw more clearly the need for older men and younger men to start talking to each other more, and to do so right now! (Event number 1)

Then I was in a meeting to discuss a film project, and during that meeting we happened upon a discussion about Reality. Quite interesting, indeed. The person I was talking to said their understanding of reality was more about the content of the thing their eyes perceived. (In other words, you might see a flower and think you know what it is but it might not be the kind of flower you think, therefore you had a false reality – pretty deep, huh)? My position is the thing one sees and thinks make up ones own reality, even if it is different from some one else’s persception. I believe it is still a reality to that person because that person is responding to things based upon how he/she perceives them. But this left me thinking… (Event number 2)

Later on I spent some time with my Cousin who is someone who some people would “size up” in a moment and then discount him (alas, I must admit, my Cousin is deeply involved in Hip-Hop culture). We hung out and had a great time enjoying some TV. While talking before the Comedy show we watched we had a discussion around Reality. During this conversation I asked him if Perception is Reality. What a conversation we had! His thinking was that it all depends on how you look at things. Whoa! Now that’s perception! We talked about it more and soon everything lined up for me. (Event number 3)

These events have caused me to reaffirm my belief in the need to take immediate action and to involve all parties in finding solutions for our community.

The reason our communities are all so fragmented and weakened is because we have chosen to hold our perspectives (our realities) over all others, and to use that perspective as an emotional weapon to push people away. Think about it, how many times have we turned our backs on someone because of their lifestyle or ideas simply because they did not agree with our own? How many times have we allowed ourselves to stay away from others simply because they are – or might be – doing something we do not like?

If we call ourselves family then how can we turn away from our own blood, our own kin? This thought alone is enough to demonstrate the impact perception has on us.

So what was the epiphany? What was this great realization/confirmation I experienced?

It goes a like this: To overcome our prejudice and fear of one another, we have to all acknowledge the perceptions (realities) of others to be just as valid as our own. Therein lies the balance we so desperately seek… the common ground we all possess and can acknowledge to one another. In order to do that we have to get out of our houses in into the perceptions of those we want to embrace. In other words, we have the capacity to put ourselves into the reality of those we wish to reach.

In talking with my cousin I realized what family is. It is about looking our Brothers and Sisters in the face and telling them you love them regardless of what you or others might think about decisions they make. It is about being part of their lives so they can have someone who has already walked the gauntlet to help them in their quest. It is about opening our ears to hear what they have to say without bias or judgment – but making it clear we are listening to them. It is about being honest in who we are as individuals who have been positioned in life to perform some great service to our community, and now realizing that service starts at home.

Don’t get me wrong. There are many people in our community who are reaching out to others. I applaud them.

I just know we all need to be doing more. When we are saturated into our community, and doing our part to embrace others, we will be ready to reclaim our true strength as a united community.

And when you have reached out to embrace your young Brother or Sister; when you have overcome your reluctance to be who you are; when you have gotten into their reality by answering their call for connectedness and attention…

Let Them Hear You Speak

“I don’t care if your baby’s pants are hanging to his knees, I rather you be in his life to lead the way, than to have some prison destroy him. Do not throw your Children away!”

- Congresswoman Maxine Waters
- Speech at Black Methodist For Church Renewal Banquet, 2008

No. 34 - The Mind of a 10-year Old

2008-12-10T10:56:00.000-08:00

I must admit to you that it takes a lot to pursue a dream many consider non-traditional. My years-long journey to discovering innovative ways to use film for higher purposes has been an adventure I shall never forget. It has shaped my thinking in ways I could never have imagined at the outset of my travel down this magnificently challenging road. It has provided me an intimate understanding of challenge, fear, and the unknown. And it has given me the greatest personal triumphs I have ever experienced.

Highs and lows, peaks and valleys, obstacles and innovations. At every step I’ve shared an equal measure of joy balanced with upsets.

When pursuing a dream we get caught up with the chase… we focus on the end result, hoping that is enough to overcome the obstacles. We believe we can do so much - our purpose is so clear, our effort so needed to benefit others, our goals so vital to helping to build a better world – and that all we need do is put the effort and sacrifice into the task at hand then, when the time has come, we will succeed.

Then comes the reality of the world we live in. Then comes the challenges and the frustrations that come with having to choose between that special little gadget we might want to buy, and the needs of the project at hand. Then comes the realization that our fiscal runway may not be as long as we had anticipated. Or we may come to understand that the “obvious” benefit we see and know the effort has to the community will not be embraced, and the community will not rally in support of the effort.

We get so close to realizing the dream – to finally holding that great treasure in hand – and then are awakened to the reality that we still have a way to go. We take a moment to assess the situation and to reflect upon our motives. We take time to evaluate the value of what we are doing against the tangible proof of whether others share in that value. We stop and think, sometimes holding the frustration at bay, sometimes holding our fist to the Gods demanding to know why we must travel yet further, our prize still un-won. Our minds are wearied by thought and the emotional toll unmet needs have upon us.

It was at such a moment that my daughter noticed me “going into myself” to reflect. She saw my frustration and she felt my need. I dare not share with her the level of anxiety and frustration I felt. Alas, she is my daughter… she knew by simply looking.

I stood on my balcony, as I always do when I need to think things through and I heard her walk up behind me. She stopped, and stood there. I turned and invited her to stand with me.

“Dad”, she said, “How are you?”

“I’m fine, Sweety… just spending a little time thinking.” I replied.

“I know you, Dad, what’s bothering you?”

Well, she does know me. Children do watch their parents. In moments like these it’s obvious she knows me better than I had imagined. I believe that’s a great thing because it means we truly have a connection and we truly can talk. I take these opportunities to guide her as she develops into a young adult.

So I spoke the truth about my feelings to her.

I told her how I was wondering when I would finally be able to give her the life I had always envisioned. I told her how I was beginning to think – as we all do when faced with delays and/or obstacles while undertaking a long journey – perhaps I should seriously consider taking a different course. I told her how badly I wanted to create a better life for us so she can continue the process of giving back to society when her time comes.

She stood there and listened, taking in what I had said. She processed my words and looked at me. When I had finished speaking her quick reply came: “Don’t give up.”

“Don’t give up”, she said… “People are hearing you, you speak to them… keep at it.”

All I could do was look at her and know she is my child. I knew all the things I had exposed her to had taken hold in her mind and were now part of how she perceived life.

Now, how can I respond to that kind of faith and belief in me? What response could I offer my child who, when I was contemplating the relevance of my goals for the community, would not even attempt to entertain the idea of my stopping?

So I looked at her and came towards her. I hugged her and told her I loved her. I smiled at her and said thank you.

“I suppose that settles that”, I told her.

No. 33 - Art, Culture, Legacy, and Value

2008-12-10T10:55:00.000-08:00

We go to the gallery or see a fantastic display of Art that resonates. We share the experience with that special someone or with a group of like-minded colleagues and allow the intricately embedded message in the Artwork to give us something to reflect upon. We spend hours talking about the Art and the impact is has on us, appreciating the gift of thought and dialog we have been blessed with. We shake the Artists hand and compliment him/her of their obvious commitment to using Art to stimulate thought and remind us of some long-lost value - or perspective - that has made us great.

And then we go home.

We do not support the Arts with the very thing that gives it value and creates a lasting legacy for those who will come after us. We choose to spend our money on short-term material possessions or momentary thrills, forgetting about the experience we had just enjoyed. We rather browse through a magazine or the Internet, or go and buy a drastically reduced copy of the work we know has greater meaning to us.

So much for recognizing how important the experience we just had is to us… so much for using our financial power to dictate what is valuable to us. Instead, we have bought into the notion that someone in some distant place - who has no real connection to our community or what is important to us - determines what we need.

Let us take a moment and consider how history is recorded and information is passed down from one generation to another.

It is commonly known that much of the greatness of our past history has been learned from the many artifacts discovered in hidden burial grounds, great museums, and many of the slowly dwindling Black libraries and churches in our changing communities. Researchers from the beginning of history (as it is told these days) have used Art and Art artifacts to gain insights and understanding of life and cultures that have long since disappeared. Therein lies the real value of Art and what it means to a culture.

It is the only way to accurately insure the truth of our present day is recorded, represented, and passed down as a legacy to generations to come.

It is our tool to represent our perspective to all who seek to understand the world we live in, and it gives us the opportunity to reflect upon our present.

Art is a record of our present perspective that can be – and should be, I dare say – compared to the past.

“One can never have a better future if one can not reflect upon the truths of the past”, as the saying goes. Whenever I see pictures that remind me of the slavery and jim crow-ism I have an opportunity to consider my present. I can reflect upon the challenges and processes of the day and discern how much – or how little – progress we have made.

Value is based upon our perception of the messages we receive, and the acceptance of some monetary amount that is placed upon a thing. That’s capitalism at its best. All too often we rather debate the monetary value placed on Black Art yet will not even consider challenging a value placed on Art created by other cultures.

Why is that so? Why do we continually diminish our own value while at the same time prop up the “value” of others? What are we afraid of?

It seems to me we are supremely qualified to assign our own Value to our own Arts and we do not need the “blessings” of others. It seems to me we ought to place greater historical significance on modern-day Artists and the important work they do. We should remember the real Value Black Americans have in the United States, which is to say we have a combined buying power of over $900 Billion dollars – more than all of Canada.

Imagine what will happen when we recognize this Value and begin to make decisions that ensure our Arts are properly valued across the land. Imagine what would happen if, like hundreds of years ago all across the African continent, Black Americans came together in support of our Arts and Artists, giving them the same level of respect we give others.

As long as there are Black Artists we will have the opportunity to actively control the representation of our present reality, and use that representation to influence the trajectory of our future. As far as I can tell there will be no shortage of qualified Artists to do the work of chronicling our world – it is a calling every true Artist understands.
We have the capacity to make our voices heard and to ensure, hundreds of years from now, that our lives and the world we live in today is captured and told by Black Americans. We are all obligated to insure our reality is documented for the coming generations. And we should be tired of having others who have no real connection to our community, culture, or legacy telling us what is Art and what we Value.

For Black folk, there is only one true Art to Value – Our Art. No other ethnicity will value it properly if we do not value it properly. I encourage you, when next you are buying Black Art to say one simple word when the Artist of your liking gives you his/her price: “Okay”.

No. 32 - What is law?

2008-12-10T10:54:00.000-08:00

It is the law of the land that maintains order and helps to safeguard the rights and will of the citizenry. It is the carefully considered perspective of all sides involved in an issue that goes into the creation of law, and that insures the law will not fail humanity. It is with the regard for mankind and the deep desire to uplift society that laws are created and passed.

While that sounds great I have sadly come to regard “law” as something other than that. We all have countless stories of how the law was used to justify the misdeeds of the past. Even today there is evidence of abuse or misuse of the law. I’m reminded of something a colleague once told me. He and I were talking about law and legality and he said to me: “The problem with our system is that justice IS blind. Maybe if she were to remove her blinders there would be equality in the law”. An interesting point indeed.

I have to wonder what the law is really about. And I have to wonder how it has integrated into our society – for the good or for the bad. And I have to apply these thoughts to how the law applies to the creation of – or destruction of – democracy, as it is understood.

So let’s take a little journey…

Early on we are taught that laws are emplaced to safeguard and protect society. Our system, it is thought, is the best in the world to making sure all peoples of the land have a voice, and everyone is treated fairly. So when some legislator comes up with a novel idea that he/she feels will benefit society it is presented and then processed to somehow become a law, if it is seen to have merit and reflects the will of the people. Once it’s a law the people then adhere to it or suffer the consequences of fines, jail, or prison.

But what is at the core of the effort? Is it truly about finding ways to enlighten, safeguard, or unburden society? Or is there a more sinister motive at play?

When I look at how laws affect the poor, the environment, the disadvantaged, and those who are not in positions of financial or political power, I have to think there is an imbalance in the process that works to under serve these groups.

Fact is, many laws are developed and implemented for the rich and powerful. They protect their financial engines and modes of operation while slowly chipping away at some previously asserted (and established) right of the masses.

Let’s take, for example, the way Bush and his lawmaker pals have justified many of their actions. Let’s consider how they have, time and again, completely overlooked an established law, directive, or policy, to do what they wanted to do. (Think about waterboarding, for instance). Or let’s consider how banks can justify their greed and overly zealous desire to exploit everyone willing to agree to their “legal” policies for the simple purpose of “legally” taking as much of your money as they possible can.

The housing market serves as another example of how the powerful moneylenders use the word of “law” to remove their obligation to act responsibly and deal with their own losses – that were caused by their own predatory lending practices. Now, as it seems, these organizations have turned to the government and our already suffering society to fix the problems their greed cased and sure enough, the government lawmakers have responded. Needless to say, their response will only serve a small minority of those who have fallen victim to adjustable interest rates and the ballooning house market…

But alas I digress (a little, at least).

The ultimate question that should be considered is do laws that are passed reflect the will of the people? As a democracy - which implies our entire system is based upon respect and direct representation of the will of the people - do our lawmakers act accordingly? Or have their actions demonstrated they follow a different master? I believe we should each consider this and come to our own conclusions.

It has been my observation that we have all come to allow our leaders to hide behind the law. We have all forgotten that laws in American ought to reflect the will of the people, and not the will of the powerful – after all, the people have the real power because the people are the lifeblood and heartbeat of the community in the politic equation with the only active voice for truth. And the people possess the intellect and real experience to look at an issue honestly, and decide what needs to be done about it.

I would encourage everyone to keep this in mind when next you hear someone say the law requires him or her to do something in a way that hurts our society. I would ask that you think about it when you are made aware of someone who has clearly violated a social trust for the financial benefit of some corporation or his/her own wallet. And when these situations occur, instead of simply accepting those words as the gospel truth and remaining inactive in your response, we should immediately respond in very clear terms, “Then the law is no good for society and it must be changed!”

After all, what is law if it does a disservice to the masses? In my mind, when this is the case, the law then becomes nothing more than another mental constraint used against us to keep those who benefit from unfair and selfish practices in positions of power, and to keep the masses struggling to have a better existence. It becomes a dynamic link to all the verbal and mental brainwashing we have endured for hundreds of years. And it becomes the very thing we are taught it should not be – part of the problem, and not the solution.

No. 31 - Lessons from the Ghosts of Our African Past

2008-12-10T10:53:00.000-08:00

The ancient African Proverb reads: “He that does not learn the lessons of his past will surely suffer a greater peril in his future”.

Many years ago, in the heart of the African continent, a tribe of wanderers came upon a rich and beautiful land where the people were trustworthy, honest, and openly accepted all newcomers. Their way was characterized by their desire to work collaboratively and so they naturally assumed everyone was like that. The newcomers were welcomed into the homes and minds of the people of that land and soon they shared all the richness and wealth of the land. “Surely”, the people thought, “these people are our Brothers and our Sisters; we do not own the land for it belongs to no one yet it belongs to all”.

The newcomers had journeyed to discover this new land for many months, wanting to escape the hardships of their oppression. As they journeyed upon the unknown land they agreed that when they finally found a place to call home, they would never again allow themselves to be treated unjustly, or held down as subservient to another. This was their most treasured secret and, because it was vile and selfish, it began to eat away at the core of their virtue.

As time went on the newcomers integrated into the society and slowly began to plot against the peaceful people of the land. They learned the laws and customs of the people and found ways to exploit them, pitting one person against the other. Through trickery and deceit they worked their way up the ranks until one day they began to marry the daughters of the now troubled King. After some time all six of his daughters were wed to six of the newcomers, who were then so deeply immersed in the society the King had no idea that all the problems he was forced to deal with were caused by these very people.

The society because unsettled and before long petty arguments became fights that pit one family against the next. The Elders of the community were quite troubled and found it perplexing that the harder they tried to assert their will to maintain peace and harmony, it seemed things got worse. They finally began to see there was something afoul at play and, after carefully observing the dealings of those surrounding the King, they understood the problem.

One night, in the privacy of the Kings inner chamber, the Elders brought the subject up and to their surprise the King admitted it was true. “How can it be that you see these things yet do nothing to stop them?” they asked. The King stood and turned his back to them in shame. In a lowered voice he said, “I have come to know that I have failed my people. I have allowed a wicked corruption to enter into my home and the land, and ruin what once was. It is true, these things you have said, it is true. And yet I have no will to act against those who have brought this misery to us. Our customs require that I yield my will as King to the wills of the husbands of my Daughters, and it is they who have prepared me to meet the great creator.” And with that he fell to the ground and died.

The Elders, now knowing a great change would come into existence came together one last time and decided their time of service to their people had come to an end. They bid one another farewell and left the land, never again the return.

As word of the Kings death and the departure of the Elders came to the people fighting increased and the land was wreaked. The beautiful forests became sick. The crops were ravaged by pestilence and disease, the water soured and people became sick. After months of torment and fighting the people began to cry out for help. They were all so frightened they went to the six new rulers and pleaded for them to end the fighting. They promised to live according to the rule of law no matter what it meant because anything was better than what they were forced to now endure.

The new rulers smiled within, knowing they finally had achieved that which they so desperately wanted. They promised the people they would go into council and decide what to do next, and then let the people know. And that they did…

An old blind man was among the people. The land was his home; the place of all his greatest memories, and just as it was part of him, he was part of it. He had decided he loved the land so dearly he would do everything possible to understand why there was such turmoil in the land, and to fix what he could, if possible. He had nowhere else to go so when the people left the courtyard to wait being summoned, he chose to stay.

A day passed and no word from the new rulers. Two, three… finally, after a week the new rulers appeared and word went out to gather the people. In short order the courtyard filled and the rulers spoke. “You have asked that we bring an end to the warfare in the land. You have asked that we deliver to you a better way of living, that we do what we can to relieve your burdens. You have promised to abide by our ruling in exchange for this gift that we bring to you”, they said. The people eagerly agreed. “Then this is what you must do”, they said… “You must put aside your beliefs and embrace ours, you must pay tribune to us in the currency of our choosing, you must adopt a new language and become loyal to us. You have only this moment in time to choose. We control the fighters, we control the food, we control the commerce. Choose to be with us and you shall have peace. Choose against us and you will be banished.”

The people could not believe the price they would have to pay for peace. They had no inclination that their behaviors would cost them so much and because they had spent so much time fighting one another for so long they had no power to stand against the will of the new rulers.

The old man perked up a bit, leaning his head to the side. He stood erect and slowly walked up to the rulers as they stood in their splendor. “It is now clear to me why my Spirit has been so troubled. I must thank you for making the truth of this matter clear. For if I were to give up so much I would become no more than a slave to you. And if I choose to reject your offer then I would sacrifice my presence in this land. I see now, that we are all betrayed.” He then turned to the gathering of people and said to them in earnest. “I see now that we have also betrayed us”, he said.

The gathered crowd went silent, allowing the words that were spoken to penetrate their minds. Slowly, at first, then more quickly the people began to speak up against the offer until finally they were forced into silence.

“We see there are those of you who wish to demean our offer of salvation. Therefore you may go. But know this, should you ever be found in this land you will be killed”, said the rulers.

And that was it. Of all the many people of the land, most of the people were too afraid to leave for they had become too dependent upon the rulers of the land and they had lost their connection to one another. Only a few chose to leave and of those few no word has ever been heard. Some say they left the land and found a place of peace and harmony and there they remain, other say they wandered the land for many years plotting to one day return and overthrow the corrupt rulers, still others say they never made it out of the land because the rulers had the fighters attack and kill everyone, save the old man who got away and still searches for a place to call home.

All of the others who chose to stay lived a life that worsened with each passing year. More and more rules were thrust upon them; the ways of life from earlier years became a distant memory as they toiled each day simply to survive. The rulers became rich and famous off the land and off their labor while the people grew weaker, less organized, and less trusting. After a time the land became as barren and lifeless as the people, and unsustainable. It became sick because of how it was exploited and because of the pain of the people who labored upon it.

And then one day what was once a rich and thriving culture with the potential to survive forever, and a with a history that was both glorious and inspiring, became nothing more than a memory in the minds of the few surviving people who refused to yield their will to the corrupt manipulations of those who stole their way into power.

Moral of the story: Look for the similarities, remember the lessons, live the future you choose.