My last dispatch got a lot of attention and so I feel compelled to delve a little deeper into the idea of how a man thinks about the woman in his life. Now, let me preface this by saying I do not know and have not spoken with every man out there so what I share comes from conversations I’ve had with the men in my circle. Let me also say this: I believe each of these men have spoken the truth around how they view this issue because we have shared in honest dialog for many years and, through that process, have gained great respect for the common threads in our views.
At it’s deepest, most intimate level, the love, faith and trust from a good woman a man loves affects him at a biological level. It’s true.
I think about how I feel towards my Queen and I know it’s far more than just a passing feeling, or a temporary desire to be in her company. I have learned and accepted the fact that not only do my thoughts project towards our common goals, but my feeling are becoming intimately intermingled with hers. In essence, as we merge into one entity with a common goal we are brought more closely into the realm of a profound Spiritual connectedness, and this connectedness becomes an integral companion during our journey towards our goals.
What so many of my friends (and colleagues) have said they needed from their significant other boils down to her belief in him and her faith in his word. For sure there are other characteristics that are important to men but, in my opinion, these two are the greatest.
There seems to be something powerful about the belief a women has in her man. Something almost spiritual in how it drives a man forward when sometimes there appears to be no where else to go. When a women acts out in faith for her man, knowing full well the goal will be met, it adds a calming peace to the relationship - It defines their capacity for greatness.
Some, who think of the man and woman as two independent forces where each co-habitat their own space may think little of this or ask: Why is this important?
For me, it gets down to quality of life.
When we are in committed relationships we have to believe in the other person, and we have to have faith in them. Regardless of how long the journey, how many upsets, how many challenges, this has to be our mode of operation. Even when we are inclined to yield to the temptation to disbelieve and remove our faith we have to find a way to overcome that temptation.
Many men think of themselves (yes, even me) as warriors. We are in the throes of a great battle to achieve some goal. We are caught up in the ebb and flow of the myriad challenges of life, ever weary of what “might happen” or “what did happen”, and ever diligent in our efforts to find a way to enjoy a better life with those we love and care for. We seek to find the way out of the storm when many others have given up or have decided to accept the “nothingness” of the moment as their true fate in life.
In order for us to keep moving forward we take each step with the faith and belief that it is one step closer to realizing our goal. We embrace faith in self, in God, in our significant other, knowing full well it is their wish that we succeed. For us, without faith and belief in self, we have no reason to keep moving forward -- having no will to do any more than take our next breath as we vacantly watch life pass us by.
How does this all relate?
As I said earlier, when experiencing this kind of love, a Man develops a Spiritual connection to and with his Woman. For some strange reason his sense of destiny becomes intimately and dynamically linked to hers. While his faith and belief in self continues to exist, somehow the Universe has found a way to integrate her faith and belief into his. Where there was once two, now there is one.
So when there is little or no parity; when one person has no faith or belief in the other, a stated goal will never be reached where there will be two happy people, assured in their love, and solid in the knowledge “they did it together.” There will be no happy memories that prove their connectedness and confidence yo look back at and share in the glory of it all.
All too often we have heard of Men and Women who were with someone for some amount of time and then finally achieve some great goal, then the first thing they do is leave the one they were with. People all around them wonder why this has happened and some even point the finger at the notion that one person was using the other.
I tend to think that people are generally good. I tend to believe we genuinely do want what’s good for ourselves and those we care about. I believe it is more a matter of not having the nurturing and care one needs when staring down the challenges of the journey - when this happens we become hardened individuals, not caring partners.
For many men, the conversation is centered on her lack of faith and/or trust and/or belief in him. He talks about his need for her to understand him and to value him... his need for her to participate in his journey toward success as a partner with equal (and sometimes more) belief in success than he. He needs to know she has the understanding that their journey can lead to a greater appreciation for one another, or possible doom when there is no or little belief in one another.
Women have a Power. This Power men do not understand... we simply accept it and do our best to not get caught up in figuring it out. Call it Spiritual will or the ability to drive a man to great heights, or simply the power to collaboratively help their men to realizing a stated goal that will benefit all.
Whichever one prefers, it makes sense to understand this truth as being relevant in creating a happy and sustainable relationship. It makes sense that men should acknowledge this real and important fact about their lives, and it makes sense that women should wield their Power in ways that support a lasting relationship.
The words Men need to hear from their women are: “I believe in you”, “It will be alright”, “I know you can and will handle things”, and “We are in this together.” These words, along with the supportive actions that prove them, will overcome any problem, insure great memories and wonderful excitement, and will lead to a life of multiple successes.
I should acknowledge I am attempting to represent what a Man considers as a great relationship - from a more intimate and honest perspective. It is done from a positive point of view with the hopes it will stimulate dialog.
Him, exposed.
26 July 2009
22 July 2009
No. 70 - Her, defined
After months of silence I finally heard from a dear cousin of mine... I’ll call him Marvin. Last I heard his Mother had died and the process of preparing for her burial had devastated him.
One of the first things he told me was he had lost his job only three days after the funeral... he hasn’t worked since, and is now forced to live with relatives.
Although he had experienced such sadness in these last months his demeanor was calm and assured. He confided in me he had been off all stimulants (drugs and alcohol) and was finally beginning to feel real emotions. We even laughed when I joked about how surprised he must have felt when he first understood the feeling that was so unusually delightful to him was that of feeling happy. Feeling happiness for the first time in many years without the numbing affects of drugs and alcohol... it was the first time I could remember seeing him genuinely happy in many years. I felt blessed to experience it.
As we walked and talked we happened to talk about women. Since his situation was so fragile and he had little to offer in the way of material things or income he was getting a lot of resistance and hesitance from his estranged wife. She had made it clear she was quite uncomfortable supporting him and leery of making any commitment that would bring them any closer. We talked on this more and I gained greater insight into how he viewed the world, how life circumstance and decisions had adversely impacted his life. I came to appreciate a view of women that -- I’m hearing more and more these days -- seems to be a challenge to the status quo.
It was a little uncomfortable digesting all he said because as we spoke, standing outside of the place of worship where he now attends routinely for weekly prayer, this woman came up to us, Bible in hand, ready to share in the praising of the Lord with him.
I thought about that deeply as I headed back home, wondering at the oddity of that situation. Now, there are many who believe a man is the provider of the home and, no matter what, it is his job to do, and he is remiss if he doesn’t meet that need. I’ve overheard many women talking of how they would drop their man in a hot second if he didn’t have any money. As a man I believe it is a mans nature to want to provide for his family and it gives him great pleasure knowing that he does.
But something wrong has happened in our society... something that is the culprit for many breakups and much hardship in relationships all across the land. This thing has ruined not only the lives of husbands and wives, but also innocent children. What am I referring to, you may ask... very good question.
I shall answer it like so:
...
Her, defined
She knows her Man, and longs to be
The holder of his care,
She seeks to give him all he needs, when no one
Else is there,
She lifts him up, not heeding those
Who laugh behind her back,
She understands with clarity, and gladly gives
That which he lacks,
She smartly knows that while they struggle
This time lasts but a spell,
She sees the future in the hope she breathes
With every truth she tells.
And sometimes in his darkest hour, when he needs
To feel her love,
Her gentle words of belief in him let’s him
Know there is a God above.
Her, defined.
...
You see, what my dear cousin was saying to me was that he hadn’t given up on life. No matter what he had faced or what he would ever face he would not stop trying. He wanted to do more, be more, have more, give more, love more -- even when he may not always know how to or have the answer to how to achieve his goal. He refused to allow himself to believe he was nothing even though everyone and everywhere around him there were messages and indicators that many men have allowed to break them.
He was telling the universe that he is a Man and that he does deserve better and that he will not give up on self or life until he realized his dreams.
And he was saying he needed a Good woman to share not just the fruits of his hard-fought labor, but also the journey to making it so.
Who can say, in the modern day, what challenges we will all face as so much around us falls into ruin? Who can predict what more bad news or suffering will have to be absorbed and shared by us all? And who can expect to accomplish anything worthwhile, meaningful, and necessary without the help and support of others... namely the very one who professes to love them?
I have said and continue to say things will worsen before they get better. There are many people who are doing everything possible to realize a better life, who will not yield to the temptation to give up. Even in the face of all these challenges it is my fervent belief the only success to be had will be had when two people find the strength of character and commitment to one another to put aside antiquated thinking about how things ought to be and understand they live in the here and now. When this happens we can rest assured that families will be strengthened after having victory over the trials of the modern day. When this happens we will have tangible proof of the true strength of the pillars of our community - husbands and wives.
And we will be able to look back at the excitement of the journey, reflecting upon every step, every lesson learned, and every courageous victory, knowing full well that we did it...
Together.
One of the first things he told me was he had lost his job only three days after the funeral... he hasn’t worked since, and is now forced to live with relatives.
Although he had experienced such sadness in these last months his demeanor was calm and assured. He confided in me he had been off all stimulants (drugs and alcohol) and was finally beginning to feel real emotions. We even laughed when I joked about how surprised he must have felt when he first understood the feeling that was so unusually delightful to him was that of feeling happy. Feeling happiness for the first time in many years without the numbing affects of drugs and alcohol... it was the first time I could remember seeing him genuinely happy in many years. I felt blessed to experience it.
As we walked and talked we happened to talk about women. Since his situation was so fragile and he had little to offer in the way of material things or income he was getting a lot of resistance and hesitance from his estranged wife. She had made it clear she was quite uncomfortable supporting him and leery of making any commitment that would bring them any closer. We talked on this more and I gained greater insight into how he viewed the world, how life circumstance and decisions had adversely impacted his life. I came to appreciate a view of women that -- I’m hearing more and more these days -- seems to be a challenge to the status quo.
It was a little uncomfortable digesting all he said because as we spoke, standing outside of the place of worship where he now attends routinely for weekly prayer, this woman came up to us, Bible in hand, ready to share in the praising of the Lord with him.
I thought about that deeply as I headed back home, wondering at the oddity of that situation. Now, there are many who believe a man is the provider of the home and, no matter what, it is his job to do, and he is remiss if he doesn’t meet that need. I’ve overheard many women talking of how they would drop their man in a hot second if he didn’t have any money. As a man I believe it is a mans nature to want to provide for his family and it gives him great pleasure knowing that he does.
But something wrong has happened in our society... something that is the culprit for many breakups and much hardship in relationships all across the land. This thing has ruined not only the lives of husbands and wives, but also innocent children. What am I referring to, you may ask... very good question.
I shall answer it like so:
...
Her, defined
She knows her Man, and longs to be
The holder of his care,
She seeks to give him all he needs, when no one
Else is there,
She lifts him up, not heeding those
Who laugh behind her back,
She understands with clarity, and gladly gives
That which he lacks,
She smartly knows that while they struggle
This time lasts but a spell,
She sees the future in the hope she breathes
With every truth she tells.
And sometimes in his darkest hour, when he needs
To feel her love,
Her gentle words of belief in him let’s him
Know there is a God above.
Her, defined.
...
You see, what my dear cousin was saying to me was that he hadn’t given up on life. No matter what he had faced or what he would ever face he would not stop trying. He wanted to do more, be more, have more, give more, love more -- even when he may not always know how to or have the answer to how to achieve his goal. He refused to allow himself to believe he was nothing even though everyone and everywhere around him there were messages and indicators that many men have allowed to break them.
He was telling the universe that he is a Man and that he does deserve better and that he will not give up on self or life until he realized his dreams.
And he was saying he needed a Good woman to share not just the fruits of his hard-fought labor, but also the journey to making it so.
Who can say, in the modern day, what challenges we will all face as so much around us falls into ruin? Who can predict what more bad news or suffering will have to be absorbed and shared by us all? And who can expect to accomplish anything worthwhile, meaningful, and necessary without the help and support of others... namely the very one who professes to love them?
I have said and continue to say things will worsen before they get better. There are many people who are doing everything possible to realize a better life, who will not yield to the temptation to give up. Even in the face of all these challenges it is my fervent belief the only success to be had will be had when two people find the strength of character and commitment to one another to put aside antiquated thinking about how things ought to be and understand they live in the here and now. When this happens we can rest assured that families will be strengthened after having victory over the trials of the modern day. When this happens we will have tangible proof of the true strength of the pillars of our community - husbands and wives.
And we will be able to look back at the excitement of the journey, reflecting upon every step, every lesson learned, and every courageous victory, knowing full well that we did it...
Together.
18 July 2009
No. 69 - Give and Take Within
What is it about the human condition that causes a person to hold steadfast to a viewpoint, belief or position even when it prevents him from that which he desires to possess? How closely aligned to the problems we perceive in our relationships are our words and actions? And, why do we hold so tenaciously to those parts of our psyche that seem to keep our happiness at bay?
These are some of the questions that rested on my mind this morning as I awakened. I lay there I wondered about the series of connected “dots” that compose our identity, and that set into motion the experiences we have in life.
As I consider these thoughts I begin to see a connection from one stage of the matter to the next. It occurs to me our identities have somehow become closely associated with our habits. These habits are nothing more than a series of repeated actions that we have become comfortable with. These actions are based upon the perspectives and realities we experience as we flow through the world as we evolve toward our individual (and collective) greatness. At various points in our evolution (in fact, the points of evolution) we decide what viewpoint we will embrace (and the accompanying attitude) or what viewpoint we will drop. Once these decisions are made our natural processes come into play and we soon find these new viewpoints tightly integrated into our view of the world.
In either case, we tend to adopt mannerisms, attitudes, and perspectives that are in line with how we regard the world, and the people in the world that we come across. It is these mannerisms that, when repeatedly exercised, become the recognizable traits of our character. Lo and behold, when we think of a person we have become acquainted with we hold a mental image of this person that is based on the actions of this person and the experiences we have had with this person, whether good or bad.
I tend to think about this with what I would consider an honest yet critical eye. I tend to use my thoughts to better understand the world around me, and apply these understandings to situations I find myself exposed to. I have found this approach to be helpful in my work with community and in helping to remove my own mental barriers.
Still, how is it that we have come to hold that part of us that opposes our true desire with such fervent passion?
I recently returned from a convention in Tampa and at one of the keynote events an older gentleman gave a presentation that really resonated regarding this subject. He sited an experiment done many years ago by Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman in which the term “Learned Helplessness” was coined.
The idea developed was based on a person who is exposed conditions that fostered adverse, fearful, or uncomfortable emotions. When this happens that person develops behaviors that remain present and impactful even when removed from the situation -- even applying them to similar situations later on in life. This is to say, we learn to behave in ways that perpetuate our thoughts of fear and helplessness even when removed from the circumstances that caused us adopt these viewpoints. Even when we have no clear reason to do so.
As I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. It explains why it is so hard for people to overcome past hurts or feelings of fear, rather choosing to continue protective and/or controlling behaviors. It explains why so many in our community have allowed their feelings of helplessness to dictate their views of and experiences in life, and it accounts for the many problems that grab us unexpectedly as we go about the business of maintaining lifelong relationships.
I see this every time I speak to a young man who proclaims he wants a job yet explains there are no jobs to be had. He, therefore, does not try to find work. He has learned to feel helpless -- it is his normal way now -- and so now he acts hopeless. In the end, the very thing he says he wants he has “learned” he cannot have and because of his thinking, he acts in ways that makes his belief his reality.
While some may call this a self fulfilling prophesy, I like to think this is nothing more than learned behavior. I take this position because I believe we can each control what we learn far more effectively then what we prophesy.
So we are now looking more carefully and honestly at how we have come to act in certain ways and under certain conditions. We are considering how it is that our emotional “training” has come to control our logical implementation of will. And we are seeing how our happiness or sadness, our success or failure -- all these things the constitute the human animal -- is based simply on our learned behavior. It is something we all have and something that is intimately held within us all.
I think this is a great thing. I think so because I believe we are all smart enough to see the value in taking a decidedly proactive approach to re-learning how we give and take within.
These are some of the questions that rested on my mind this morning as I awakened. I lay there I wondered about the series of connected “dots” that compose our identity, and that set into motion the experiences we have in life.
As I consider these thoughts I begin to see a connection from one stage of the matter to the next. It occurs to me our identities have somehow become closely associated with our habits. These habits are nothing more than a series of repeated actions that we have become comfortable with. These actions are based upon the perspectives and realities we experience as we flow through the world as we evolve toward our individual (and collective) greatness. At various points in our evolution (in fact, the points of evolution) we decide what viewpoint we will embrace (and the accompanying attitude) or what viewpoint we will drop. Once these decisions are made our natural processes come into play and we soon find these new viewpoints tightly integrated into our view of the world.
In either case, we tend to adopt mannerisms, attitudes, and perspectives that are in line with how we regard the world, and the people in the world that we come across. It is these mannerisms that, when repeatedly exercised, become the recognizable traits of our character. Lo and behold, when we think of a person we have become acquainted with we hold a mental image of this person that is based on the actions of this person and the experiences we have had with this person, whether good or bad.
I tend to think about this with what I would consider an honest yet critical eye. I tend to use my thoughts to better understand the world around me, and apply these understandings to situations I find myself exposed to. I have found this approach to be helpful in my work with community and in helping to remove my own mental barriers.
Still, how is it that we have come to hold that part of us that opposes our true desire with such fervent passion?
I recently returned from a convention in Tampa and at one of the keynote events an older gentleman gave a presentation that really resonated regarding this subject. He sited an experiment done many years ago by Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman in which the term “Learned Helplessness” was coined.
The idea developed was based on a person who is exposed conditions that fostered adverse, fearful, or uncomfortable emotions. When this happens that person develops behaviors that remain present and impactful even when removed from the situation -- even applying them to similar situations later on in life. This is to say, we learn to behave in ways that perpetuate our thoughts of fear and helplessness even when removed from the circumstances that caused us adopt these viewpoints. Even when we have no clear reason to do so.
As I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. It explains why it is so hard for people to overcome past hurts or feelings of fear, rather choosing to continue protective and/or controlling behaviors. It explains why so many in our community have allowed their feelings of helplessness to dictate their views of and experiences in life, and it accounts for the many problems that grab us unexpectedly as we go about the business of maintaining lifelong relationships.
I see this every time I speak to a young man who proclaims he wants a job yet explains there are no jobs to be had. He, therefore, does not try to find work. He has learned to feel helpless -- it is his normal way now -- and so now he acts hopeless. In the end, the very thing he says he wants he has “learned” he cannot have and because of his thinking, he acts in ways that makes his belief his reality.
While some may call this a self fulfilling prophesy, I like to think this is nothing more than learned behavior. I take this position because I believe we can each control what we learn far more effectively then what we prophesy.
So we are now looking more carefully and honestly at how we have come to act in certain ways and under certain conditions. We are considering how it is that our emotional “training” has come to control our logical implementation of will. And we are seeing how our happiness or sadness, our success or failure -- all these things the constitute the human animal -- is based simply on our learned behavior. It is something we all have and something that is intimately held within us all.
I think this is a great thing. I think so because I believe we are all smart enough to see the value in taking a decidedly proactive approach to re-learning how we give and take within.
16 July 2009
No. 68 - $4.00 worth of gas
Funny how it seems, at times, that we so easily forget who we are, where we are, and what we claim we are about. And it’s peculiar how we are tested when we least expect it. For sure, there must be a book somewhere that records our every word and then quickly goes about setting things into play to let us prove our character.
Such was my experience today.
I had just completed work at a local place of worship. As I walked toward my car I heard a commotion. I looked over and across the street, through the fence, and watched as an older man, late 50’s I would say, hurriedly went from one person to the next. As I took in the scene it looked as if he was being shadowed by a woman.
I watched and vaguely heard his rushed words as one person after the next turned him down. He did not become upset... he would simply move on to the next person. Funny though, it seemed the street was abuzz with activity. Cars went by, mothers and children walked by, pairs of friends strolled along... yet no one seemed to be willing or able to help this gentleman.
I watched a moment longer... then I turned away to get into my car. After all, he had it covered. And then I heard him calling toward me.
I turned to look and there he was, boldly approaching me... saying something... words which became clearer to me as he finally stopped, standing less than five feet away.
“That’s my wife over there... she’s four months pregnant. I pray to God that you can help us. I had to come to my meeting today... just made it, then I ran out of gas. Can you help?” he said.
I looked at the woman again and sure enough I could see the tell-tale sign of a young life growing in the small rounded pouch that protruded before her.
It was hot... almost 90 degrees and there was no wind. I sweat just standing there. I looked at him a bit closer and could see his sweat as well.
“We just need a little gas to get to the house. I come here every week. If you leave your information I’ll pay you back. My back is out... I can’t walk in this heat,” he said.
I had put $4.00 in my pocket this morning. Not sure why... just did. I suppose, in retrospect, I had put it in my pocket for this moment.
“I will help,” I told him, and then he was heading towards his parked truck. I heard him say thank you more than once. I told him I’d pull over so we could go and get the gas.
When I pulled up to his truck his wife came over with a gas can. I was a little surprised but said nothing. He looked at me and said: “This truck has all we got in it... I’ll stay here and rest my back while you two go get the gas.”
I looked at the truck... it was filled with wood... pieces of board from some broken old building or some dilapidated old floor... to the point of overflowing. She wasted no time coming over and getting in.
I introduced myself, she introduced herself. I have to say it was awkward and I wasn’t sure about this at all. Did I miss something? Was I about to be hustled? Why would a man allow his wife to go with a stranger? What “rules of engagement” had been broken?
Then I remembered how my mother had helped others as we grew up. I remembered the good Samaritan story of old, and all the stories of good people helping those in need. I released my fear and doubt long enough to put myself in their shoes to try and understand... and long enough to consider these two strangers could be two angels.
Some may think my view is “pie-in-the-sky”. It may have been foolish of me to be trusting. Somehow I felt I was being tested. Here I was coming out of a church, there to help others, and just as I exit I’m faced with the choice of whether of not to help someone in real immediate need.
We got to the gas station and I gave her the $4.00. She graciously thanked me, went inside and paid for the gas. She came out and got $4.00 worth of gas, returning to the car with a sense of relief and joy.
“We really thank you,” she said. I said it was no problem and we headed back to her waiting husband.
When we arrived he was sitting with the door half open... I thought he was in a daze or about to pass out. He looked as though he was not feeling well. When asked, he said his back was killing him, having pulled it while getting the wood.
She got out of the car and thanked me again. They both did. I told them it was no problem... because it wasn’t. I then drove off.
As I drove towards my next stop I wondered about this unusual couple. I wondered how they had come to be together... how could they be together. It seemed so unlikely - him so old and her looking half his age... and pregnant to boot. I then recalled watching how she tenderly shared holding the gas can with her husband after I had dropped her off, their empty tank waiting for the needed gas.
I try to place some value on the $4.00 worth of gas as I allow the memory of the experience to settle in my mind. It occurs to me the value of that little bit of money was as such - at least to this couple:
Got them home after a long day of trials and tribulation in the hot Oakland Sun
Gave them an opportunity to keep trying to make a living for themselves
Created an opportunity for them to work together, to find a way to demonstrate their care and commitment even during this challenge
...And most importantly,
Showed them that prayers are answered.
Such was my experience today.
I had just completed work at a local place of worship. As I walked toward my car I heard a commotion. I looked over and across the street, through the fence, and watched as an older man, late 50’s I would say, hurriedly went from one person to the next. As I took in the scene it looked as if he was being shadowed by a woman.
I watched and vaguely heard his rushed words as one person after the next turned him down. He did not become upset... he would simply move on to the next person. Funny though, it seemed the street was abuzz with activity. Cars went by, mothers and children walked by, pairs of friends strolled along... yet no one seemed to be willing or able to help this gentleman.
I watched a moment longer... then I turned away to get into my car. After all, he had it covered. And then I heard him calling toward me.
I turned to look and there he was, boldly approaching me... saying something... words which became clearer to me as he finally stopped, standing less than five feet away.
“That’s my wife over there... she’s four months pregnant. I pray to God that you can help us. I had to come to my meeting today... just made it, then I ran out of gas. Can you help?” he said.
I looked at the woman again and sure enough I could see the tell-tale sign of a young life growing in the small rounded pouch that protruded before her.
It was hot... almost 90 degrees and there was no wind. I sweat just standing there. I looked at him a bit closer and could see his sweat as well.
“We just need a little gas to get to the house. I come here every week. If you leave your information I’ll pay you back. My back is out... I can’t walk in this heat,” he said.
I had put $4.00 in my pocket this morning. Not sure why... just did. I suppose, in retrospect, I had put it in my pocket for this moment.
“I will help,” I told him, and then he was heading towards his parked truck. I heard him say thank you more than once. I told him I’d pull over so we could go and get the gas.
When I pulled up to his truck his wife came over with a gas can. I was a little surprised but said nothing. He looked at me and said: “This truck has all we got in it... I’ll stay here and rest my back while you two go get the gas.”
I looked at the truck... it was filled with wood... pieces of board from some broken old building or some dilapidated old floor... to the point of overflowing. She wasted no time coming over and getting in.
I introduced myself, she introduced herself. I have to say it was awkward and I wasn’t sure about this at all. Did I miss something? Was I about to be hustled? Why would a man allow his wife to go with a stranger? What “rules of engagement” had been broken?
Then I remembered how my mother had helped others as we grew up. I remembered the good Samaritan story of old, and all the stories of good people helping those in need. I released my fear and doubt long enough to put myself in their shoes to try and understand... and long enough to consider these two strangers could be two angels.
Some may think my view is “pie-in-the-sky”. It may have been foolish of me to be trusting. Somehow I felt I was being tested. Here I was coming out of a church, there to help others, and just as I exit I’m faced with the choice of whether of not to help someone in real immediate need.
We got to the gas station and I gave her the $4.00. She graciously thanked me, went inside and paid for the gas. She came out and got $4.00 worth of gas, returning to the car with a sense of relief and joy.
“We really thank you,” she said. I said it was no problem and we headed back to her waiting husband.
When we arrived he was sitting with the door half open... I thought he was in a daze or about to pass out. He looked as though he was not feeling well. When asked, he said his back was killing him, having pulled it while getting the wood.
She got out of the car and thanked me again. They both did. I told them it was no problem... because it wasn’t. I then drove off.
As I drove towards my next stop I wondered about this unusual couple. I wondered how they had come to be together... how could they be together. It seemed so unlikely - him so old and her looking half his age... and pregnant to boot. I then recalled watching how she tenderly shared holding the gas can with her husband after I had dropped her off, their empty tank waiting for the needed gas.
I try to place some value on the $4.00 worth of gas as I allow the memory of the experience to settle in my mind. It occurs to me the value of that little bit of money was as such - at least to this couple:
Got them home after a long day of trials and tribulation in the hot Oakland Sun
Gave them an opportunity to keep trying to make a living for themselves
Created an opportunity for them to work together, to find a way to demonstrate their care and commitment even during this challenge
...And most importantly,
Showed them that prayers are answered.
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